I Went to the Casting Call for THE BACHELOR!

Yesterday I braved heavy bumper to bumper traffic into Seattle to get to The Bachelor Casting Call Auditions at Pacific Place. It took 90 minutes to make the 20 minute drive but thanks to Cortana, we made it, valet parked, and were greeted by a KOMO 4 representative at the door to welcome us to THE BACHELOR CASTING CALL.
She was giving out long-stemmed thornless roses to girls who were there for the chance to get on the Reality TV show.
My friend and I took the escalator up to the next level where the atrium was open to the next four levels and filled with pretty girls. At first glance the competition looked fierce. Curled, long blonde hair was everywhere, as were pretty smiles, figure-hugging outfits and lipsticked mouths.

KOMO, the NBC affiliate in Seattle was in charge of the event and greeters with KOMO name tags were everywhere. We were told to get in line to register if we were there for the casting call. The line was fifty deep populated by coiffed young women wearing whatever they thought would make them look like reality show material. The line snaked around the atrium's center café and bar that was doing a great business in the alcoholic department from what I could see. The bar was filled with girls filling out the application, talking, flicking their hair and checking out the competition. Ringing this group were representatives from the hairstyling place upstairs helping girls with their Bachelor-ready hairdo's and makeup.
The line moved slowly and when asked by people what everyone was in line for I said The Bachelor Casting call the first four times. Honestly I did. Then I began to tell people it was for a free iPhone. I needed a laugh amongst all the desperate worry and nervous energy in the mall.
I have to say, there were some lovely looking girls there. The casting directors were looking for pretty girls and if you think otherwise, you haven't watched the show. They pretty much only take the beautiful people crowd. And for a good reason. Would you be so excited for Magic Mike XXL to debut if the guys were old, pot-bellied men? Beautiful sells tickets. It's called escapism.
While sizing up the line that never seemed to get shorter as more women arrived, I picked out maybe five women who I thought were possible contenders. And I had to put on my extremely superficial glasses and look with the eyes of a Bachelor producer. Certain looks just have that thing that translates well to camera. When most of the women got to the head of the line where the photographer had them hold up their name card for a photo, most looked scared, or too normal to translate to a reality show about beauty. Star 101.5 radio station was in charge of this portion of the process and I took it upon my 58 year old self to point out to the desk of college-aged interns that they had these girls facing the atrium and the four floors above showing their names and phone numbers to the world. I kept turning around to see if single men lined the railings across from the girls and hoped that no one was taking phone numbers. Safety first and all that. I guess that's the mother in me. The interns said thank you for pointing that out and they'd take that into consideration next time, probably whispering "crazy old lady" under their breath.

Once your photo was taken, like in prison (holding up your number and name,) you could sit down and wait for the Star 101.5 rep to call your name over the microphone. The wait seemed to be about 20 to 30 minutes. At one point he called Sassy Farty and I laughed out loud. While waiting, the girls had a glass of wine, lots banded together to talk, some had a quick touchup on their makeup. I eavesdropped on the next table to hear this gal with red hair (and I don't mean naturally red hair) telling someone she just met that she's an extremely sexual person, like Kaitlyn. At one point she told the gal that she's a "little, short, sexual person!" And she did not have a drink in front of her, either.
I talked with a gal named Cindy who was adorable in a little navy blue outfit who reminded me of a 1930's film star with her red lipstick and bobbed hair. I kept telling her she should try tap dancing. Her friend Anna, who doesn't even own a TV, came to support her effort to be on the show and we sat in the café talking about life in general.
There was one woman in line who was my age, and she was very stylishly coiffed with spiky highlit hair and wearing a black leather jacket. Very pretty. And very brave. Or very cuckoo. Her friend watched from the café, wringing her hands. Most gals were under thirty.
When they called your name, you went into a circular lobby, like at a Grecian spa and waited again for your name to be called. Black out curtains ringed this room to prevent Snoopy McSnooperson (me) seeing in unless you snuck around to the side and found that one of the wall panels moved and a 58 year old woman could sneak in behind a panel and listen. And take a picture! This is the photo above. The counter in front held Aveda gift bags for all the girls, filled with two tiny products and a coupon for a haircut. My friend was horrified I was behind the wall panel so I popped out and just peaked through the clear glass area. When a candidate's name was called they went into one of three rooms labeled A, B and D (to the right) to meet with two casting directors.
According to girls I asked, they were filmed and asked questions from their applications about hobbies and relationships etc. If you made the cut, and I'd have to think that only twenty out of 400 did, from what I saw, you advanced to another curtained off area (on the left) to get a package labeled LFQ filled with legal papers to fill out and FED EX by Monday to Bachelor Headquarters. One gal I met who had the cherished manila envelope called them "Lady Fuckin' Questions." Get the bleeper ready for her! Once they had the packet, the chosen candidates went on to room D get more photos taken.
I got a chance to see the papers inside the folder and they asked for information about police records, driving records, asked if there were any nude photos anywhere, if the candidate modeled, acted, worked in any way in the entertainment industry, had any type of a record that might surface later. They also asked the candidate to be available early August to fly down to LA on ABC's dime and not tell anyone about this. They asked for more photos and had examples like when you get your passport photo taken--This ...  Not This ... style.
As the guy with the microphone began to pack up his sound system and the last few girls were processed, things wound down at Pacific Place. It was 9 pm and the call was officially 4-8. One of the casting directors emerged from the curtained area and stood surveying the room in her grey cardigan sweater and her weary eyes. She looked like any shopkeeper in the mall closing up for the night, ready to go home. It was impossible to see what she looked for in the thinning crowd or if her trip to Seattle was worth the effort but with more Bachelor married couples than any other city in America, I'd have to say that Seattle turns out some good prospects.
Best of luck to the girls. One never knows what they are looking for in this crazy dating show.

Kim Hornsby writes a romance novella series called The Husband Hunt, based on The Bachelor. The first book is free and available for download on Amazon.

Kaitlyn Throws One Man Under a Very Heavy Bus!

Last night we watched Kaitlyn and the men throw another man under the bus to stay on a reality TV show.

The Bachelorette kicked off last night's show with the drama of Nick Viall's arrival. Pulling a tiny carry-on to the men's suite, Nick then seated himself across from the eleven men while they shot daggers at him with their eyes.
Silence. Tra la la. More silence.
AWKWARD!

Tanner has taken it upon himself to be the group's spokesperson in this matter. He seemed to know that Nick had dinner with Andy last month and I was impressed with his wealth of knowledge. Especially because cell phones and such are taken at the beginning of this process and the ability to look anything up on the internet or watch TV isn't possible. Tanner knows a little too much to be normal.

For the rose ceremony they took off to Citi Field, the home of the Mets baseball team where JJ carried Kaitlyn around the bases to get back on track with female dating (even though he was wearing pink socks and told one of the guys he was the most handsome one there.) Shawn B was clearly upset that Nick Viall was still there and told Kaitlyn that her actions weren't matching up. She wants honesty above everything, she said.
The Rose Ceremony was on the baseball diamond where it appeared to be absolutely freezing according to the men's blue lips. (Kaitlyn wore a wool coat and gloves.) No surprises on who went home and I can't even tell you their names but I'll try--Cory, Jonathon and scarf guy with cool glasses. Nick stayed, like we knew he would.

Next, they were off to San Antonio Texas to the St. Anthony Hotel where Ben H got the first one on one date. I like Ben. He's someone who hasn't said a heckuvalot but when he does, it makes sense. They took off in a vintage FORD truck to a dance hall where they entered a Two Step contest after a lesson. THIS DATE TOTALLY ROCKED!
Now this is what I'm talking about when I say that the wrestling dates are stupid. This is the perfect type of date. They danced, laughed, met a bunch of middle-aged people who thought they were cute, drank beer, and listened to Del Washington and his Big White Hair sing a song called Quick Quick Slow Slow. Kissing followed and Ben H secured himself a frontrunner spot.

Back at the house, Nick was blabbing on and on and trying to fit in (?) but I yelled "Shut Up Nick" to the TV. There was a day I liked Nick but I think it was the nasty phone call that he made from the plane that was filmed and circulated after he left Andi's season, that ruined it for me. Calling Kaitlyn a "cool chick" didn't earn him any popularity points when he walked in either.

On the group date the remaining guys (except Shawn B) dressed in Mariachi Costumes (tight pants, big hats) and wrote Kaitlyn songs to the tune of the Frito Bandito song. Nick took her up to a balcony to serenade her, (the guys thought it was a good move) and Ian totally choked again to sing in public, like a little scared puppy. I can tease him because just wait until how this man digs himself into an early grave later.

After, Kaitlyn gave Joshua a bad haircut that seemed like an especially terrible idea when she accidentally shaved one side of his head, he took her aside to divulge his hatred for Nick. The worst part of this revelation was that she turned his words around to make it sound like he told her everyone else was lying to her (about Nick's popularity) when in fact, he was simply telling her that no one likes Nick. Pretty much true! Joshua then slipped back in to the log house cocktail party and made his second mistake by lying to the guys by saying he was doing an interview. They knew he'd taken Kaitlyn aside and when she marched in to throw Joshua under the bus about hating Nick, the men stepped aside and let him fly. Even Tanner, who is very vocal about not trusting Nick was silent as Joshua got run over by sixteen heavy bus wheels.

The 1 on 1 went to Shawn B. Kaitlyn said she even loves Shawn's smell. That is a good sign that she is falling for the Ryan Gosling look alike. They kayaked down a picturesque river, had a romantic dinner and Shawn got the rose. No drama so it didn't get much time on camera.
The next night, Ian the Princeton graduate who has a lot of sex, if he wants it, was bragging and clearly feeling upset that he has no connection with Kaitlyn. Buddy: She's not the right girl for you so walk away gracefully, don't shove down our throats that you should go on to be the next Bachelor. After saying how great you are and that you get lots of sex, you are doomed, Man. You may not even be invited to any after parties when she boots your butt next week for telling her she is a surface level person. Can you say "Sour Grapes"????

Jared got to cross the hall to Kaitlyn's rose- petaled bed where they kissed and he secretly collected petals to form a rose in hopes that she will forget if she already gave him one or not. As much as he looks like he'll turn into a wolf during a full moon, he's actually quite a cutie.

Next week we see who goes home. I predict Ian will leave to get some sex from ladies who realize what a catch he is, maybe Justin because I can't even remember who this is, and Joshua for shooting off his mouth and letting her buzz the left side of his head. What do you think?

Spoilers Ahead:


Scroll down to hear what I've heard through Bachelor Nation....









According to Social Media buzz a photo was posted of Kaitlyn in bed with her boyfriend last week and it was none other than Shawn B. the Ryan Gosling guy. It went up on Snapchat for a few minutes and was taken down, making us wonder if they end up together or if The Bachelor producers staged something.
Also, Nick Viall was spotted getting cozy with Whitney Bischoff, the ex-fiancee of Chris Soules. Uggh. The thought makes me kind of want to hurl in sympathy for Whitney.

I'm Superficial and Girls Bicker on The Bachelor

Last night on The Women Tell All, the eliminated Bachelor contestants on Prince Farming's season got a chance to do damage control on their public images and get some questions answered by the Bachelor himself. Or not.

This week's recap is going to be brief because let's face it, not much happened. Girls interrupted each other while arguing high school style and Chris Harrision got to plug his new book. More on that later.
First up, Chris and Chris crashed some Bachelor viewing parties around the Los Angeles area and got to drink shots and kiss middle aged mothers high on corn tequila on the mouth.

I understand it's fun to walk into a party of girls and be celebrities but I think I'm done being amused by this. Why not go to a hospital to say hello? Counteract all the silliness.

The first topic on the Tell All set that got a lot of yelling and interrupting was Britt's sincerity and Carly shooting off her mouth about that. Carly loved talking to the camera on this season. She is an entertainer by trade and loves to entertain. And Britt is a crier.

She's as sweet as she is indecisive, as she is emotional. Imagine her makeup to be an indication of her raw emotions. She still loves Chris and is adamant that she could've built a life with him in Iowa. I for one judged her readiness for farm life by the amount of makeup she wears and the fact that she sleeps in it. Showering or not, as is this case, might have worked in her favor on the farm. I voted against her but who knows. She really liked Chris.
Then Kelsey, the widow who told the cameras that she loved her story (widowhood) was in the hot seat to stick her feet farther in her mouth. Let's just say that people who need psychological help rarely know they do, or are willing to admit on national TV that they have issues. Bad guys do not lump themselves in with the bad guys of this world. Kelsey doesn't see what the girls are saying. She's totally stumped why everyone ganged up on her unless it was jealousy over her big words.She is a great apologizer, even though she clearly doesn't know why she's apologizing and qualifies each apology with a "If I...then I'm sorry."
 Had I been one of those girls on the panel last night, I would've simply said "If you did fake that panic attack to get Chris's attention, even if you can't admit it to us, can't admit it to anyone, and won't even say it out loud to yourself, but you know deep down that you did, then I urge you to seek counseling. Maybe it was a game strategy gone wrong but we don't see anyone else doing this and your behavior on the show indicates a troubled mind. Get help.
 The metaphor for Kelsey's personality was asking for a tissue (which they DO NOT allow on The Bachelor,) then asking for Chris's silk handkerchief and blowing her nose in it, chuckling flirtatiously that she wasn't going to give it back. That's Kelsey in a nutshell-- selfish and narcissistic. She made great TV! She finished her moments in the hot seat by bragging about how she challenged herself and is proud of her progress in her grieving process after she became a widow and had to undergo such horrible injustices. Juelia, whose husband committed suicide, said very little about this, to her credit.

Last night I anticipated a big reveal from Ashley S. or at least a hint at what her game was by mumbling silliness and wandering around the show like she was on Quaaludes. I was disappointed. She made about as much sense in the hot seat as she did on the show, still stringing us along, not breaking a smile, saying ridiculous things.
CH asked her outright to do Bachelor in Paradise to which she said, "It's so weird. We're all on television." That sounded like a no to me but the Bachelor producers will think of something to get that girl on the show. The dichotomy of her perfectly groomed Grace Kelly beauty against her gibberish is fascinating. She won't do Bachelor in Paradise. She's not interested in romance or being on TV enough. I think she wasn't interested in Chris and decided to have some fun to make the experience of being on the show worthwhile. This girl is a long distance runner, has a good job, is not a hair stylist at all. She's the assistant controller at Lynx Chemical Group. Anna Kendrick has asked Ashley Salter on Twitter to coach her for interviews. #nokidding #ComedicControl
Then Jade got to talk to Chris Soules about him blogging on how awkward it was to see her nude photos. He tried to explain that he felt he hadn't seen the real Jade and for that reason did not choose her. Soules is not a wordsmith.
He has a hard time expressing himself, especially in situations where he's backed into a corner. This confrontation was about as awkward for him as the photos, I'd say. Note: If Jade is so innocent and sweet, why did she wear a sexy, clingy, red, cleavage-revealing dress like a smoking hot centerfold? Cough, Wild Mustang, Cough.
Kaitlyn got to talk next and didn't ask to sit next to Chris on the stage like the others. She kept her distance, asking him how they could be so close in the fantasy suite and then get canned the next day. Chris stumbled along like a deer caught in the headlights with no clear explanation why he picked Becca instead of Kaitlyn. Personally, I think Kaitlyn needs to find herself a man who can keep up to her comedically, like Jimmy Kimel. She needs someone with Wayyyyy more personality. Did anyone else think Kaitlyn had new collagen in her lips? She looked different.

And that's where I stopped taking notes because nothing new was being said. Until the very end when Chris Harrison announced that he's written a romance novel and it will be out in May. Okay, this is a whole other blog because I'm going to be the Carly on this one and just say that it's damned difficult to write a romance novel and taking advantage of his platform as the host of a romance show doesn't mean he can write. Secretly I'm jealous that he probably has more sales than my four books and four novellas put together and his hasn't even published yet. Pass me another sour grape.

Things that made me go hmmmmm: Jordan didn't speak, Ashley I's bare to there dress turned sideways when she leaned, thereby making her boobs go off center, Kaitlyn's lips, MacKenzie's silence about aliens, Sammy getting her 2 cents in, Britt not defending Kelsey, why Sanderson Po's family hasn't sued Kelsey for overusing and defaming his name and Chris H. thinking he's the next Nicolas Sparks. Oh and my superficiality on this blog.

Over and out until next week.


Kim Hornsby is an award winning author and the Bestselling author of Romantic Suspense novels available on Amazon and writes a novella series called The Husband Hunt, that is modeled after The Bachelor. She lives in Seattle with two very bad dogs, two very lovely children, and one very funny husband.

Kelsey Goes to Paris, Immeasurably Blessed, on The Bachelor!

The Bachelor began with last week's panic attack on the floor outside the ladies' room in Red Sage, Santa Fe, New Mexico (not to be confused with the actual country of Mexico). Kelsey eventually got an oxygen mask secured to her face, only to...wait for it... ask to speak with Chris, the Bachelor! Of course she did. The whole faked episode was for his benefit. As Jade stepped over Kelsey's skinny bod on the floor, Chris was sent for. Kelsey made a recovery in record time, with his help, laughed off the episode with embarrassment, and the rose ceremony began. There. She got more time with Chris. Mission accomplished.

Samantha (Who?) and MacKenzie (Single mom, afraid of aliens) went home, which was a blessing to let them go before those two actually kissed Chris and got hooked on Prince Farming. As Kelsey said before she knew she'd get the shame-filled last rose, "they wasted their time here." Nice attitude, Girl.

The group flew to Deadwood, South Dakota, which is particularly interesting to me because I'm a big fan of the Nearly Departed in Deadwood novel series by Ann Charles and have read A LOT about the town in the last year!!
Deadwood is apparently home of the Wild West in the Black Hills. A town where stripping down to get in a washtub is something you pay for.

Looks like a ton of fun and the girls checked in to a Holiday Inn that looked like an old tin mine in the side of the hill, and started drinking. Giddy Up.
The one on one date card came for Becca who is sweet, but after the theatrics of almost everyone else, she seems a tad bit boring.

But then Chris is a laid back kind of guy from a town of 200, so my hubby and I thought they might be well suited as they horse back rode their way through the brush and giggled a lot about nothing. Their campfire shish kebobs went uncooked while Chris taught Becca the art of kissing on the 4th date.
Back at the house, Whitney and Carly couldn't keep quiet about Kelsey's fake ways any more and kinda sorta told Kelsey that she's pretty much not being herself around them. Or she's not being herself around Chris. They approached the subject very carefully because, well, you know...it's Kelsey and who knows what she'll do?
Kelsey, who is a wonderful thespian, turned on the waterworks and told the girls she'll be mindful from now on. Kaitlyn squirmed on the couch like all the stink she talks on camera about Kelsey might only be fueled by alcohol and she hadn't had enough tequila to enter the conversation with her usual amount of swear words.

Kelsey's on camera interview, as always, was extremely entertaining in that she thinks very highly of herself and says she's "blessed with eloquence" and uses a lot of "big words." She believes the girls are beneath her. Besides, she came here to WIN! Ah, now we get it. She's just competitive, not crazy. Her wicked witch of the west laugh echoed off the Black Hills walls and into the night.

The group date for the next day arrived for Whitney, Jade, Britt, Kaitlyn, Carly, and Megan who had had too much to drink to hold up her head.

Chris took them to the downtown area of Deadwood to slip in to a fun western style restaurant and write songs with Big and Rich, a popular country music duo. Rich, or is it Big? who looks like a cross between Woody Harrelson and Ted Dansen with curly hair and a bowler hat, took Jade jogging down the main drag to summon her song-writing powers. Yup, that's how I write this blog--go running down the middle of the road yelling "I can do it!"
When Chris and the girls got on the tiny stage to sing their songs, each song was cute and highly passable except Whitney's who's struggling with a chipmunk voice anyhow.

Carly's song could go straight to itunes, no surprise, and when they ended up in the bar and everyone got one on one time, Chris hijacked Britt and they ran off to a Big and Rich concert to dance, and get up on stage to sing to Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy, a country hoe down anthem. Britt returns with the rose, hours later, looking super guilty with her new boyfriend, and the girls are pissed and humiliated, not because of the rose but for being kept waiting and wondering where the kissing twosome went. Chris high tailed it out of there, leaving Britt in the middle of the snarling pack.
The next day is the two on one date, a death sentence for one girl, customarily. It's Kardashley and Kelsey facing off. It's a game of eyelashes against cardigans, spoiled girl against sneaky girl, and we can't wait to see who survives the day. The producers have a queen-sized bed set up in the stark desert of the Badlands. Tension was high as the helicopter swooped in from Mount Rushmore and landed by the bed, the only place to sit within miles.

Chris asked first to speak to Ashley and off they went to try to find some privacy in the desert. Once she sat down, Kardashley could not wait to throw shade at Kelsey on behalf of all the girls and then skipped back to the bed. Chris then talked to Kelsey and tattletold on Ashley. Threw her way under the bus. Way way under. Does this man know nothing with 3 sisters? After hearing that the girls don't like her, I actually thought Kelsey looked surprisingly normal with Chris, but he saw through her nonsense and sent both ladies home after a lot of Kardashley tears and a dry face from Kelsey.
Note: Both these girls have Masters Degrees which is kind of making me question sending my children to college now. Anyone else doubting the advantage of education?
Chris left the Badlands bed, got in the helicopter and flew away, which is kind of how he left things in Deadwood the night before. I'm outta here. Bye bye girls. Apparently it took the girls 3 hours in two separate vans to return to Deadwood. I bet they had to help break down the bed with the Bachelor Interns too.
Meanwhile, back at the condo, the remaining girls watched the suitcases leave and poured magnums of champagne, chanting "We are immeasurably blessed," to see Kelsey's suitcase head out the door.
Next week, the rose ceremony is in Deadwood and then they jet off to another fancy location--Chris's hometown where the girls check out the mascara supplier in town and discover they might not survive in Arlington Iowa. Turns out Ashely got out just in time! Note: I think they are staying in the U.S. for this season because the culture shock from Paris to Arlington would insure that everyone goes running for the hills. Just a thought.
And now we hear that Kelsey is moving to Paris to be a writer and embrace her immeasurably blessed gift of eloquence. Oh, oh. I better move over to make room for Kelsey.

While you're waiting for next Monday, check out my book The Husband Hunt, on Amazon books, a 2-3 hour read that resembles a Bachelor season. Hey, it's free and you just might laugh out loud.

Kim Hornsby is an award-winning author who lives in the Seattle area and writes in the rainy months to stay sane for her family. If you enjoy reading her blog, feel free to click join this site on the sidebar and get notified when she posts again. No meetings, no donations, no obligation. Just words.

The Bachelor Headed For Disaster!

I can't help it! I want to know what's going on over there on the set of The Bachelor and I have my ways of getting the scoop, pre-January 5 when we start watching Chris Soules' journey to love.
Or will it be a journey to disaster?

Don't read on if you don't want to know the possible bad joke that the Bachelor Producers have directed towards the farmer from Iowa. If you think that the producers really care about their contestants finding love, you can ask yourself why they'd allow a girl on the show with so many prior arrests. Or one who posed for Playboy and has a web site that links to full nudity.
Friday of this week, November 14th, the show films in Los Angeles and then heads to a certain tropical South Pacific island with four letters and a fabulous reputation, for overnight dates. Chris has four girls remaining after hometowns and one of those girls has a questionable past.

In photos, they look cute enough together but this week, her name was leaked and dirt was dug and Chris is now dating a former Playboy model with priors for DUI, shoplifting, speeding and some other choice offences. Does he know about her past? We have no idea but wouldn't it be just like The Bachelor to know this going in, anticipate the big poop storm that will hit the fan in February/March and be salivating at the thought of Chris actually choosing this woman as his wife. And while the rest of us out here who believe in love, watch the show hoping the next Bachelor finds his perfect mate, the producers are having meetings about how to handle the fabulous publicity when a bad girl makes it to the final four. Which is okay if Chris knows about her past, her photos, video, modeling aspirations, her police record. If he doesn't, then shame on The Bachelor producers for not screening, or for screening and letting a contestant slip by who clearly might not fit in to family life in Iowa as a farmer's wife
In August Chris interviewed on Good Morning America. This is what he said.

"I believe in the process. I believe in what I went through on the previous show. That's why I'm doing it. I wouldn't do it if I didn't feel like there was potential."

Oh, oh, I hope I eat my words about this disaster in March.

Want a happily ever after story? KIM HORNSBY is the author of Christmas in Whistler, a romantic novella on Amazon Books available for sale November 14th for only $.99 throughout the Christmas season!

Bachelor in Paradise-Surprise Exit and Name Calling!

We pick up where the last episode left off...The Rose Ceremony. Graham has just walked off the set, wiping his brow and leaving AshLee with a rose in her hand. Michelle followed because she's the person who cares most about Graham and quite frankly, Michelle Money is almost part of the production crew with the amount of time she spends on camera. She's as comfortable as Chris Harrison with this process--more on that later. I have a diabolical plan.

Graham calms down and goes back out to accept Ashlee's rose, shocking several in the crowd but not moi. Who else is going to give him a rose? He's having a great time at BIP and AshLee is his "woman", regardless of how she acts off-camera. Okay.
Then Lacy runs off to the women's room to vomit and they take her off in an ambulance with Marcus by her side. Montezuma's Revenge 1 BIP 0. I heard the food was terrible, almost as bad as the bugs. Everyone is asked to get back in "Places, please" and the rose ceremony continues even though they are dropping like flies.
Jackie is the wild card. Who will she pick? She chooses Jesse over Marquel and over Kalon (Duh!) and both men are sent packing.
Next day, Clare declares it's a brand new week as she overlooks the gorgeous beach from a balcony. But wait, it's time for women to start arriving and who's this coming down the beach in short shorts and cowboy boots? It's Christy, apparently from Juan Pablo's season. Before everyone has a snit fit, Sarah takes her off to talk about who's in a couple already. Christy asks Zack on a date anyhow, but he turns her down. Then she asks Jesse who is hot to trot times ten and accepts. The two walk the streets of Valladolid eating chocolate, drinking tequila and conversing vacuously. Jesse is a douche bag and Christy, who desperately needs sunblock, doesn't see he's already telling her he's just like her last boyfriend who slept with other women.
Sarah gets a date card and takes her new boyfriend, Robert, out to dinner where they bump heads at dinner (cute) and finally kiss in the hot tub. Whew!
Back at the dorm room, Cody is bench pressing Michelle, standing on his head, and doing everything he can to win this girl. Lacy is back from the hospital and watches with Marcus pressed into her side. Jesse and Christy join the group and she exclaims she wants to get wasted.

Outside, Clare and Zack have a discussion about them and Clare interprets it to mean, I'm not that into you. She goes off crying, packs her bags and announces she's leaving. The fact that Zack doesn't go after her speaks volumes and we are actually sad to see Clare go. The music from Psycho plays in the background and I have to ask why? Again, the director tries to make her look like a nut job. They edit this segment as though the raccoon is her confident in the jungle and she leaves with a snotty nose and puffy eyes from crying. At least Zack walks her to the van before he goes back to zero in on Jackie.

The next day, Lucy, the nudist, arrives with a date card and asks Jesse to go to the ruins with her. Lucy has been to these ruins before and does a running commentary, giggly hippy style. They go for drinks where Lucy speaks perfect Spanish. She's not only flaky and a very bad friend to Christy by making out with Jesse in the limo, but Lucy is well educated. I'm thinking trust fund rebel.

Michelle and Cody have a date that day too and it's a photo shoot on the beach in wedding clothes. Cody must've requested this because he's ready to say his "I do's" to Michelle, knowing a good thing when he sees it but Michelle needs him to slow down to at least 300 MPH.

Speaking of racing, Graham and AshLee go car racing and he jokes that she's ready for her mini van because she's not a speed demon. AshLee wears her nice face all date long.
When Lucy and Jesse arrive home, Christy sets out to drinking enough to fortify her bravery and takes Jesse off for a talk. As much as Jesse can talk. Jesse Kovac's character is somewhere between Kalon and Chris B. Actually he makes Chris B look like a nice guy. After their meaningful conversation they get horizontal where they might not realize the camera is watching them grope and kiss. Conniving Lucy arrives to make it a threesome and who knows what happens next because all we hear is Jesse sounding like he's the luckiest guy on earth.

Rose Ceremony: Zack has a talk with Jackie about wanting to get to know her and they actually look like they look ready. Did these two have something going at a Bachelor function before? He came to BIP hoping she'd be there. I imagine Clare watching this from home with the raccoon. Jesse acts like a "man whore," Lacy's words, Michelle looks like Cruella de Ville and Lucy schemes to overthrow her bestie, Christy but it's a bad sign when Jesse can't even remember Lucy's name. He chooses the blonde and Lucy gets into the van of shame, trash-talking Christy and making us doubt the sincerity of all this girl's love and hugs and free-spirited joy.

Final note: I would love to see a whole spinoff reality show with Michelle Money as the focus. She is funny and compelling and way too savvy for this show. If she can stop crying so much, I'd watch the Michelle Money show. How about you? Here's two shots of her with and without makeup which is fascinating in itself.

 

Next week things start wrapping up for the season, people get desperate and someone still has to get handcuffed, right? See you right here next week.

Bachelor in Paradise- Racoon Steals the Show!

Bachelor in Paradise premiered last night with the arrival of fourteen contestants to a beachy remote resort in Tulum, Mexico. As the women stepped gingerly down the uneven rock stairs in platform sandals, Chris Harrison greeted (but did not help) each one and sent them down the beach to a huge open air cabana/mansion. In true man form, the guys greeted Chris, hot-footed it to the cabana and then checked out each girl walking along the beach.
Six men and eight women made up the first wave of BIP, with more arriving each week to surprise and disappoint others hoping for a rose. There is no game here, no money, and little structure. Just hang out, get to know each other and hook up.

The contestants live sequestered at the house, date cards show up for one on one dates, and everyone tries their darnedest to find someone to kiss in the surf. Or hang out in Bromance groups to drink and laugh.

Lacey Faddoul, an early reject from Juan Pablo's season, arrived determined to stay on the show longer than one night and secured herself two men in the first twenty four hours by taking each one into the surf to wrap her legs around and kiss. Her push-up, padded swim suit bra should have been counted as the ninth girl because it did most of the work to get Marcus Grodd and Robert interested.

AshLee Frazier, who we liked on Sean's season, set her crosshairs on Graham Bunn, telling him she was there for him which strangely did not scare the Bachelor alumni away. Neither did her severely false eyelashes. He kind of liked her declaration of love but when Clare Crawley (who is on BIP to clear her villain name) asked Graham on a date, AshLee freaked out, stalker-style, calling Clare names, crying, pretending to pack her messy suitcase. Clare took the high road and asked another guy in an effort to not cause trouble and still AshLee wouldn't talk to Graham. "Let's talk tomorrow." she said. What a _itch (it rhymes with ditch).
And speaking of dumb, Lacey said she likes her two swimming partners 80-40, which last time I checked does not add up to 100.

Robert went to the ruins with Clare who didn't know what a vista was, they had a fun time, Clare tried her hardest to be happy, fun, sexy, needy but Robert returned to the beach and went straight for Lacey to see if she was mad at him. When the sun set Clare had to talk to someone about this and the only pair of available ears were on a raccoon peeking through the beachside foliage. In all fairness to Clare, she was talking to a Bachelor producer and the camera but they edited the segment to look like she'd gone outside her species to find someone to listen to her. Very funny.
Sarah Herron got a date card and asked Marcus to go swimming at an underground cave-like pool. It was a super cool date but Sarah wore a one-piece swim suit and acted sweet and that does not get you a rose on this show.

At my house we shouted at her to find Marquel. Marcus kissed her tenderly and then when the date finished, he went looking for Lacey, who looked totally different in a high neck dress and less makeup. Didn't matter, she'd already mesmerized two men.
Michelle Money walked in as a surprise guest, with a date card, apologizing for crashing the party which was nice of her especially because she was the villain on her season, telling her Bachelor (Brad, I think) to send the other girls home, in a dominatrix sort of way. She chose Marquel to go horseback riding. He'd never even touched a horse before and handled the whole thing like a champion in his highly accessorized way. They smashed a coconut on the beach after and drank the milk but I did not see any chemistry between them even though they walked arm in arm on the beach for the cameras.
Back at the cabana, Elise was canoodling with Dylan which physically looked like a perfect match, AshLee was doing damage control with Graham, especially seeing he and Michelle Money were a thing last year, and both Michelle Kujawa and Ben Scott were doing nothing to find true love. Or were they? You might remember Michelle from 4 years ago when she awkwardly obsessed over Jake, cried about wanting to leave the show and begged him to kiss her even though her face was covered in snot.
Yea, that's her. More on what was keeping Michelle busy next week but first let's remember Ben. He brought his son on the show when he arrived to greet Desiree. Turned out he was kind of smarmy so he's probably on the show to do damage control on his image too.
Like musical chairs, people were pairing up but no one was desperate enough to pretend to like Ben. Chris Harrison had informed the group that the men would give out roses and anyone without a rose would go home. With the arrival of Michelle M. that meant two girls were catching the next flight back to the border.

The rose ceremony was tense with Sarah pretty sure Marcus would pick her seeing Robert was going to ask Lacey and she appeared to be favoring him. The wildcard was Ben's rose. But first, Michelle K had an announcement. She hadn't found anyone to hook up with and was leaving the show. In a ridiculous moment Chris Harrison said "but it's only the first week," like she had plenty more time to find a partner. No. She was done and probably realized her acerbic ways and pale skin just did not fit in. Off she went.

Roses were handed out, some randomly and Daniella was the one to leave this week which was just as well. Unless they stood side by side I kept getting her mixed up with Elise.
Next week is high drama as Chris Harrison goes to Michelle K's hotel room and someone hairy ends up with broken feet. Can't wait!

Kim Hornsby is the author of THE DREAM JUMPER'S PROMISE, a bestselling suspense novel on Amazon, as well as the tongue-in-cheek Bachelor takeoff THE HUSBAND HUNT. She lives in Seattle with her hubby, kids and dogs where she avoids housework by pretending she's a serious blogger.

Chris Harrison Throws Juan Pablo under the Bus

It’s taken me a week to figure out what I want to say about The Bachelor Finale with Juan Pablo last week and now I can sum it up with one title. The Bachelor TV show threw their bachelor under the bus.

I understand from what I’ve read that the producers ended up not liking Juan Pablo, speaking out against him, saying he was their least favorite Bachelor. They might have had good reason, but from what we saw on the finale, Chris Harrison mercilessly badgered Juan Pablo. It was squirm-worthy.

While watching from my home, we were simultaneously disgusted and bored by how Chris wouldn’t stop trying to get Juan Pablo to say that he actually loves Nikki Ferrell. But nope, J.P. would not say it on national TV, instead explaining that it’s a personal moment and not something he takes lightly or wants to share with BachelorNation. Nikki seemed perfectly fine with Juan’s decision.
So my question was this: Why not let it go? They looked happy. They were still together. Just because The Bachelor loves to have happy couples, needs to have happy couples to justify their show and keep viewers, the smartest move would’ve been to stop trying to take him down on national TV and focus on the fact that they are still together. By badgering, you looked stupid.

As Juan Pablo said, they lived this unreal fairytale of fantasy dates and traveling for four months and now they were going to start their real relationship. That was the gist of what he kept trying to tell Chris Harrison during the uncomfortable interview. Basically, we like each other a lot and are going to see if it carries over into the real world.

And good for him, for them. Just because Sean and Catherine Lowe have chosen to let cameras in their bedroom and sex life, doesn’t mean every couple wants that. And, as I recall Sean Lowe took his shirt off every time they asked him and cooperated with the Bachelor producers 100%, including letting his wedding be televised as a Bachelor special. Who knows what they offer these contestants. I read somewhere that Mike Fleiss (the show's creator) offered a nice sum of money for Juan to propose. Who knows if it's true.

But Juan Pablo wasn’t having it. You could see that this guy just wanted to be done with The Bachelor and everything it's done or hasn't done for him. What was the big announcement that Chris thought would be revealed that night? Apparently Juan Pablo was set to appear on Dancing with the Stars, and he and Nikki were planning to move to Los Angeles for those weeks that Juan Pablo was on the show. But they dropped him when bad publicity made J.P.'s stock plummet. The perverted remark didn't help (see earlier blogs for my explanation of the word perverted) and when Juan Pablo became one of the most controversial figures in the history of The Bachelor, I'm sure DWTS bowed out of its offer.
The weekend after the finale, March 15/16, the lovebirds attended a wedding in the Dominican Republic and were reported as looking very happy and in love. Have you seen the youtube movie he had made for her that says "I love you" in Spanish? It's cute.
Nikki posted this picture of them at a wedding on Instagram yesterday (Sunday March 16).
And the picture below was taken by the press in the DR:

Sure, the guy might have some problems with more than language but my beef is with the producers of the show and how they not only deserted Juan Pablo at the end but turned their non-successful ending into a witch hunt. Trying to make something marketable out of Juan Pablo's boring ending, they turned on him like a pack of hungry dogs. I admit it would be hard to continue a farce if you don’t like him and if he’s not cooperating, not following the contract’s stipulations but the final episode made Chris and his cronies look downright bully-ish--Chris asking Sean to add his two cents, Chris interrupting Juan Pablo and then walking off the set between commercials, all made it look like our beloved Bachelor host was taking it personally and that’s never good for an interviewer, or an executive producer. IF you read Chris Harrison's interviews from the morning after the show, he makes it sound very personal, especially when he says the couple on stage just kept digging themselves in deeper and deeper. In my opinion, Chris was the one with the shovel. 

I was extremely disappointed in the finale because of how they handled whatever was going down for them. Chris Harrison should've moved on, cut to commercial and put Des and Chris or Sean and Catherine in the hot seats to ask how things were going, or gone into the audience.

I was then equally disappointed that the new Bachelorette is Andi Dorfman. She may be a perfectly wonderful person but her cross-examination of Juan Pablo and name-calling wasn’t classy and left a bad taste in my mouth.

I'm not sure if I’ll tune in for Andi’s season. Anyone who teases someone because of his accent is not someone I want to support.

What about you? Will you watch this summer?

Kim Hornsby is the bestselling author of The Dream Jumper's Promise, a bookclub suspense novel that hit bestseller status with Amazon Books. Priced at only $1.99 for an ebook, the story about a Maui scuba shop owner whose husband goes missing, has 184 reviews on Amazon, most of them 4 and 5 Star.
www.http://amzn.com/B00AA4FAJC