Sunday, December 25, 2016

New Kindle or Reading Device? Load it!

Hi Readers! Did you get a Kindle or reasonable facsimile this holiday season?
I love my 2 Kindles and use them for various things as well as reading. Perfect for travelling and checking email quickly if you don't like squinting at a tiny phone screen.
Jamey Dunn

I have Free and Cheap Suspense-themed books this season so if you like a mystery, a romance, a little supernatural, take a stroll over to my Amazon page to see what I have on sale this month.

Both free novels below feature the same couple Jamey Dunn and Tina Greene who first appeared in Girl of his Dream when they met on Maui.

Although this is a series, it's possible to enjoy the books out of order!
Tina Greene
For purists, here's the order:

Girl of his Dream -  99 cents on Amazon
The Dream Jumper's Promise - 99 cents on Amazon
The Dream Jumper's Secret - 99 cents on Amazon
The Dream Jumper's Pursuit - $2.99 on Amazon
Dream Come True - 99 cents on Amazon

Dream Come True 
Free Dec 26th - 29th

Christmas in snowy Carnation, Washington seems like the idyllic get away until Jamey Dunn has a prophetic dream of his father's house burning to the ground on Christmas Eve with Pops inside. Jamey leaves leaves Maui for Washington State and struggles to make sense of who's terrorizing Pops with threatening letters and phone calls. And why. Unfortunately, Jamey's telepathic abilities are at an all-time low but when his wife, Tina arrives with her newly acquired abilities they make headway. The strange new neighbors who bought the Victorian mansion across the snowy field aren't who they say they are and even though Pops is enamored with the wife, Jamey and Tina aren't buying their friendly couple act. Slowly piecing together evidence of the crimes that are getting more sinister as Christmas Eve draws closer, will the telepathic couple be able to stop the prophetic fire in time?

The Dream Jumper's Secret
Free Dec 28 - 31

If you couldn't wake from a dream, would anyone come to your rescue?
Maui Scuba Instructor Tina Greene has a strange ability she doesn't want. Entering people's dreams. When her lost love, Jamey Dunn, re-enters her life, she takes on the freakish psychic gift he's lost. And more. But the new rules of dream jumping are sketchy and Tina's ability is beyond anything Jamey has known. When Jamey leaves Maui for Seattle to visit his daughters, Tina worries that he'll return to the war in Afghanistan if he starts jumping on his own again. Circumstances soon lead her home to Seattle, to help with a family emergency and an uncovered secret has Tina doubting Jamey's love. When the military comes for Jamey, his relationship with Tina takes a dangerous turn. Dream jumping becomes life threatening and a series of events have the two trying to save each other's lives in dire circumstances. Tina finds herself in Afghanistan in the face of Taliban extremists with Jamey unable to help. And just when happiness looms, Jamey has a final secret that must be told to save Tina from Jamey's worst nightmare.

Happy Reading!

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Suncadia Writers' Retreat - March 24-27 - Seattle

I organize a getaway for authors that I call The Suncadia Writers Retreat in the Seattle area.

March 24th, 2017 will be the 4th year a group of about 15 authors congregate in a stately lodge-style mansion east of Seattle to talk writing.

If you are interested in joining us this year, we write, eat, drink coffee, then wine (after 5), talk about writing, promotion, share ideas, help each other with Indie Authorship and sit by the fireplace with our laptops writing love scenes and suspense scenes. We research, talk about publishing strategies, go for walks in the woods, stare at elk on the golf course, talk about showing vs telling, go wine tasting on the last day at Swiftwater Cellars, swap promo ideas, learn to set up newsletters, ISBN's, brainstorm on titles, plots, and jump in the hot tub. Last year we had our Taro cards read by one of the attendees!

Some writers find a quiet corner of the huge lodge to write for most of the weekend, some talk writing mostly, and some write at the dining room table while listening to the rest of us exchange ideas about social media and how to manage our author careers. A wonderfully supportive group of fellow authors always forms to cast one's net wider in this pool of Pacific Northwest Authors.

If this sounds interesting, please ask for more info. The cost is $220 for three nights and loads of food.
Check out the house!
Grand Fir Lodge

We have both unpublished authors and multi-published award-winning, bestselling authors in the group.

 I am at kimhornsby @ yahoo. com  (no spaces, of course)

Kim Hornsby is the Author of Award-Winning The Dream Jumper's Promise available on Amazon Books. She is a Bestselling Supernatural Suspense Author who lives in the Seattle area where she writes during the rainy months.

Thursday, December 8, 2016

The Couple Next Door - Alternate Ending Offered

Recently, I read what I believed to be one of the best mysteries I'd read in years. Until the last few pages.
I was disappointed in the ending only because the rest of the book was so good, a twist of ginormous proportions was needed. The writing, the setup, the twists before the end, demanded a different end, one that didn't leave me saying "What? No!"
This is only my personal opinion. I gave the book 5 stars on Amazon because it was that good but I needed to rewrite the ending for my own satisfaction.

Reading a mystery is like playing a game. The reader plays along, guessing, working every angle to determine what the writer might end up with in the final pages to bring the whole puzzle together. It's a difficult process and I'm constantly working on how to make my writing better so that one day I'll be able to write a novel as good as The Couple Next Door.

Because I was thinking the book would end differently and I came to think my ending was pretty damn good, I decided to presumptuously pen out what I thought would happen. Lapena's ending to the story was very good, but not satisfying to me, as a reader. Hundreds (possibly thousands) of people loved the book, including many NY Times Bestselling authors. This is just my lowly opinion.

Given that the novel's title draws attention to the people who live next door, I was expecting a bigger/different tie in to the neighbors. My next words will only make sense to someone who's read The Couple Next Door, a New York Times Bestseller

Here is the outline of what I thought would happen in the last few pages:

The father takes the duffel bag of 2 million dollars to the ravine in the middle of the night and Ann follows and sees that the bag is given to a stranger. Marco has been watching the house and ends up sneaking along behind Ann and gets the car's license number. He tracks the license to Graham's secretary.

It's revealed that Cynthia was having an affair with the father, with Graham's knowledge, all as part of the plan. Cynthia and Graham were plotting this crime all along with the idea of taking the money and leaving the Father high and dry. With all 7 million dollars in their secret bank account, Cynthia leaves Ann's father with nothing. Ann's mother divorces him, and leaves him penniless but they don't turn him in for the murder of the original kidnapper in the cabin.

The baby has been thriving with Graham's secretary who retires and moves away with her own cache of money and the couple next door gets away with the rest of the money. 

OR the money is counterfeit and Cynthia, Graham and the secretary are left with nothing.

Marco and Ann decide to try to piece their marriage back together, agreeing to take it one day at a time with their precious baby.

That is the ending I envisioned, rather than the sad one that left me hanging and hopeless after developing a sympathetic relationship with Marco and Ann. Just one girl's opinion.
Phew! That made me feel better.

Kim Hornsby is the Author of Award-Winning The Dream Jumper's Promise available on Amazon Books. She is a Bestselling Supernatural Suspense Author who lives in the Seattle area where she writes during the rainy months.

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Favorite Books in the Last Year

I'm posting an early list of favorite books for 2016 because things get busy over here as the year comes to a close and my memory gets holier than the Pope!

I read a lot. If I'm not writing, I'm reading or I'm thinking about reading. As I say in an old bio, I live inside my head a good deal of my waking hours. Especially in the rainy months in Seattle, which is about 9 months out of the year. In the last year I finished almost 70 books. I started about as many and couldn't continue for various reasons.
If you are a writer about to ask me to read and review, I don't do horror, graphic torture, blood, animal cruelty, YA, Inspirational, Non-Fiction, or most Contemporary Romance. My interest is in Suspense, Thriller, Mysteries, Historicals, and Supernatural.
I don't agree to read most of what is sent to me, FYI because so much is sent.

Here's what I read this year and loved/liked/enjoyed:

I am Having so much Fun Here Without You - Courtney Maum
The Couple Next Door - Sheri Lapena
The Woman Next Door - Cass Green
We're All Damaged - Matthew Norman
Halfway Home - Hugh Howey
Guns - Steven King
Follow You Home - Mark Edwards
Write Your Way out of Depression - Rayne Hall
The Good Neighbor - A.J. Banner
Timber Rose - Janet Oakley
The Girl Who Lied - Sue Fortin
The Game You Played - Anni Taylor
All Fired Up - Carmine Valentine
Ghost Camera - Darcy Coates
Devil's Promenade - Alicia Dean
The Girl in the Ice - Robert Bryndza
Invasion - Johnny B. Truant
Twenty-Nine and a Half Reasons - Denise Grover Swank
The Girl on the Train - Paula Hawkins
The Illegal Gardener - Sara Alexi
Inheritance - Thomas Wymark
Dead Lake - Darcy Coates
The Grownup - Gillian Flynn
The Jossing Affair - Janet Oakley
The Crowbox - Nikki Rae
Lie Catchers - Rolynn Anderson
Silent Witness - Rebecca Forster                                             GRACE - Samantha Kaye
By Royal Command - Laura Navarre
Ever Faithful to his Lead - Kathleen Pooler
Keep Quiet - Lisa Scottoline
Double Duplicity - Patty Jager
The Valley of Amazement - Amy Tan
The Day I Washed my Face in the Toilet - Brenda Kearns
Synergy - Jodi Ashland
There's Something About Marty - Wendy Delaney
Silent Witness - Rebecca Forster
The Good Girl- Mary Kubica
The Girl With No Past - Kathryn Croft
The Forgotten Girls - Alexa Steele
Tea and Travels - Kate R Mathieson
Torn Roots - Scott Bury
The Benson - Karina Halle
Pretty Baby - Mary Kubica
Virtually Love - Lawrence Ambrose
My Favorite Life - Lawrence Ambrose
Viking Warrior Rising - Asa Maria Bradley
Rushed - Brian Harmon
Blackwater Lake - Maggie James
dOG Backwards - Guy A Johnson
Seventh Heaven - Alice Hoffman
Hostile Witness - Rebecca Forster
Courage - Samantha Kaye
Memory House - Betty Lee Crosby
Coconut Island - J.L. Oakley
Hoaka Moonshine - Laurie Hanan
Ash - Jason Brandt
Madness - Jason Brandt
The Visitant - Megan Chance
Jackrabbit Junction Jitters - Ann Charles
The Russian Obsession - Nikki Navarre
Chasing Justice - H. Terrel Griffin
A Wild Fright in Deadwood - Ann Charles
All of us Were Sophie - Resa Nelson
The Yoga of Max's Discontent - Karan Bajaj
My Journey Through War and Peace - Melissa Burch
Summer Blowout - Claire Cook
The Perfect Match - Pat White
Bone Hook - Toby Neal
Marriage Under Fire - Jacki Delecki
Somewhere in St. Thomas - Toby Neal
The Girl Who Wrote in Silk - Kelli Estes
Station Eleven - Emily St. John Mandel
Luckiest Girl Alive - Jessica Knoll
The Day of the Wave- Becky Wicks
The Third Angel - Alice Hoffman
The Ghosts of Tsavo - Vered Ehsani

Find my reviews for these on Amazon over here!

Kim Hornsby is the Author of Award-Winning The Dream Jumper's Promise available on Amazon Books. She is a Bestselling Supernatural Suspense Author who lives in the Seattle area where she writes during the rainy months.

Sunday, October 16, 2016

Secrets and Lies on Maui...

Do you dream? Do you remember your dreams when you wake?

I write novels that always have three themes -- Dreams, Suspense and Romance. I also have rescue dogs, beer drinking and travel but let's talk about the bigger themes, shall we?

Because I am a prolific and avid dreamer, I use the dreams of my book's characters to define them, deepen their relationship with the reader. Dreams are strange.
The Dream Jumper Series is about a man who has the uncanny ability to enter other people's dreams. This man, Jamey Dunn, also has what he soft-peddles as "Hyper-Intuition." He's a psychic. But it's an unpredictable ability, coming and going, never fully predictable.

With three books in the series, I believed I was done with Tina and Jamey, but one day while driving my teenager to school, I had an epiphany. I would write a prequel to the series, highlighting the love story that originally brought a Seattle cop and a much younger Maui scuba instructor together. A story to explain why their love affair had a ten year hiatus.

Girl of his Dream is a half book, or novella, as they are called in the publishing industry. The book is a four-hour read, starting with a situation where James (as he's called in the early years) uses his ability to detect a drowning child in the Maui Hyatt pool. At the same time her pulls the little girl from death, Kristina Greene discovers a horrific scene at the house of her boyfriend.
The story is the evolution of their relationship, each person with a secret that must be kept from each other. James' motivation to remain tight-lipped is selfish, Tina's is to protect someone. Both see that they'll have to tell their secrets eventually to each other, but mistakenly believe they have time on their side.

Girl of his Dream is a love story. It's sexy, Be warned. Jamey and Tina are in their prime of life, attracted to each other with wild abandon.
If you like Romance, Suspense, Maui, Supernatural, or any combination of these in a book, you'll enjoy Girl of his Dream.

It ends in a cliffhanger. Be warned. You'll want to read the next book in the series, The Dream Jumper's Promise, which just so happens to be an award-winner and cheaply priced.

Happy Reading!

Kim Hornsby is the Author of Award-Winning The Dream Jumper's Promise available on Amazon Books. She is a Bestselling Supernatural Suspense Author who lives in the Seattle area where she writes during the rainy months.

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

InD'Scribe Fulfills their First Page Promise!

I am an Indie Author who appreciates a little help getting my books read.
Actually, I'm a hybrid author, which means other publishers own some of my books but I identify as Indie.
Writing conferences are great for networking, learning, spreading the love, and making you vow to eat less, write more, banish those weak verbs and revamp your web site.

I just rolled in the door from Los Angeles where I attended InD'Scribe Conference put on by the nicest group of people ever to take on the almost insurmountable task of organizing a writers' con. Those people over at InD'Tale Magazine are the bomb! The whole thing is headed up by a dynamo with manners and heart and cheerleader-like enthusiasm named TJ Mackay.
She's as efficient as she is pretty and that's saying a lot. Look to the right...TJ has it all, including a great husband, Dwayne, and in-laws who charmed their way through hundreds of authors this last weekend.
The conference was super low cost, the hotel was perfect, the workshop topics were diverse, and I came home alternating between exhaustion and a burning need to write a bestseller.

Here's what I learned in a nutshell from the conference and the workshops I had time to attend (I had three slots where I was co-teaching, or on panels so I missed many that I REALLY wanted to attend.)

- Register early, take the Master Class - Although I was co-teaching I learned so much from The Editor Devil from her side of the class on how to promote and get the most out of a conference.

- Put yourself out there or the plane ticket is a waste - Say your full name when introducing yourself and don't be shy to trade biz cards - imagine you're in rock star mode to channel a confident you.

- The bar is a great place to mingle even if you don't drink.

- Wear T-shirts to advertise your brand (Andy Peloquin, Bitch 1 and Bitch 2) It's self-promotey but what are you there for if it isn't to promote, learn, and network. It's a great way to be remembered. Wear your brand.

- Smashwords is a fantastic forum for Indies and Jim is super-helpful!!

- Get a good night's sleep night 1 or you'll meet Anne Perry in the elevator on the way to breakfast and be too tired to say anything clever.

- Anne Perry - Your characters must have heart, stakes must mount, relationship changes must be believable, must have save the cat moments, plotting a mystery is key, no saggy middle, say it once strongly but don't repeat, trickle in backstory, begin with inciting incident, Keep Act II moving at a clip like a train too fast to jump from.

- The Editor Devil/Christine Fairchild on Writing a Bestseller - Most bestsellers have this in common: Watch openings and endings of scenes, end on a hook, enter scenes late, leave early, page 1 tension! if you can't deliver tension deliver contrast, main heroes are often mavericks who don't fit in their community, with secrets, no unnecessary dialogue, trim it. setting is a character, have a moment of Eden for main characters then tear it down so they spend the rest of the story trying to get back to Eden, use loaded verbs, sex scenes (use sparingly) must have purpose, Characters must have heart- what is the one thing they'd sacrifice everything for?

- Rebecca Forster - The Blurb - Absolutely Crucial!!! You have 7 seconds to grab a reader's interest. A blurb is 1-4 paragraphs to show critical characters, time/place, call to action, Write it over and over to find perfection, Start with the incident to stir the reader to keep reading and only choose strong words, use reduction writing. Tighten everything. Show conflict, be clear, make characters sound fascinating, sympathetic, worth reading.

A lot goes into those photos you buy at The Killion Group and Period Images to making that photo perfect to sell your book-- even finger placement. Kim showed how she takes photos with a cover in mind, leaving room for the title and author.
 Loved the Killion workshop with the mock shoot with Julian, who does pushups between shots to keep those muscles defined and glistening... sigh...

Sprinkling in Backstory with Catherine Bybee and Marina Adair - Write your detailed backstory for each main character before you start writing the first pages to get it out of your system. Write a scene to show what's absolutely necessary to know inside the action. Backstory through secondary connection. Show backstory through dialogue, use subtext to suggest backstory, use setting to show backstory, give only absolutely crucial info in the first few pages, In a series, take 1st book blurb to pepper in only what's important in the second book. Be ruthless with the editing pen.

Kindle Worlds Panel with Kathryn Le Veque - Kindle Worlds writing is not just for super fan/readers anymore, bestselling authors are using fellow bestseller authors' worlds to cross promote, Anyone can use writing in the World to gain readership. Choose your world carefully - some World Owners are not involved in their World writers' books and don't promote for them. Some do, like Kathryn. You don't need permission from the KW Owner. There are 40 Worlds including TV shows to choose from. Amazon KW must approve book and cover. KW Owners like Kathryn have individual contracts. Some only allow certain characters to be used. Amazon OWNS your characters in a World book. Not you. Read the fine print.

- Book Signing Events - Rolynn Andersen - Have a theme for your table that ties to books, genre. Be creative! Don't make it about selling books so have a hook to get people to stop and talk, Have a giveaway for newsletter names, candy helps, swag. Don't sit behind table. Greet everyone who walks by. Don't poach people from other writers, - Set up near the biggest traffic, draw people in to talk, don't force a book on them. Give out cards, Offer to send ebook for free, You are looking for a long-term reader not a one book buyer.

- Get your books reviewed by InD'Tale Magazine and get in the Rone Awards!

- Ann Richardson. Audio Books are on the upswing and finding a great narrator is key, Audition voices. Use Ann!

- Although I didn't hear Suzan Tisdale speak, she is one nice lady!

- Bring more comfortable shoes next year! Drink less, sleep more, give out biz cards with less inhibition, and get pics with the hunks even if you think your arms are fat.

Thank you, TJ, Tonya and all the InD'Scribe staff and volunteers!

Did you go to other workshops I didn't attend? Feel free to add anything in the comments...

Kim Hornsby is an Amazon Bestselling Author of Supernatural Romantic Suspense. She writes kick ass heroines with strange baggage and high stakes. Find her on Amazon

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Jo Jo Closes Up Like a Clam at Low Tide!

Last night's Bachelorette began with the airport hangar rose ceremony, the jet supposedly idling while Jo Jo picked which three men would accompany her to the next destination.
Luke, Robby, Chase and Jordan stood nervously waiting. Then Luke asked to speak to Jo Jo, declaring his feelings (which we were pretty sure he already did!!!) but his words didn't sway the lovely brunette/blonde. Luke walked off in a fog of confusion and heartbreak.

Thailand was the next stop on their itinerary and the first date was with Robby who appeared to be a front runner. It's my opinion that declaring your undying devotion very early  to Jo Jo carried a lot of weight with her. The twosome wandered a market in the seaside town of Hua Hin, then got caught in a thunder storm where they ducked inside for foot massages. What's Robby do for work? Anyways, Jo Jo is smitten with the hunky swimmer so I steeled myself for an imminent engagement to the poof-ball haired contender. At dinner, they were given a date card and key to the fantasy suite and were off to privacy without the cameras in your face 24/7.
That's the real excitement for these couples, not the prospect of getting naked.
Jordan's date was next and Jo Jo switched gears well. I was hoping there was at least one day between leaving Robby in a mass of tangled sheets and kissing Jordan on a Thai beach. Jor Jo sweated their way uphill to a viewpoint where Jordan hoped that he and Jo were writing their love story and Jo Jo wondered if this guy was too good to be true. After washing off all the sweat of the day (it's 105 degrees in Thailand with 100% humidity) dinner in a candlelit outdoor setting had Jo Jo grilling Jordan on what the next year would look like for them.
The quarterback was dodgy but said that whatever happened, they'd do it together. Is he still playing football? Off JorJo went to the fantasy suite where Jo Jo lay across a bed and Jordan closed the door on the cameras.
Chase drove up on a scooter and Jo Jo took him on a ponga ride until they landed on a private beach. More sweat fell until they got in the water and made out. Chase is big and strong. He can lift Jo Jo easily. At times Chase looks like he could model for Romance novel book covers. Between the beach portion of the date and dinner, while Jo Jo was back at her hotel room, Robby visited Jo Jo there while Chase played with sand outside Jo Jo's window. Or was this another day? The timeline didn't add up because at dinner with Chase, Jo Jo had hair down and wore a different dress.???
Chase was playful and forthcoming and Jo Jo began to close like a clam that senses low tide. When they got to the fantasy suite and Chase declared his depth of feeling, Jo Jo's face fell and she cut the young hunk loose. I was glad to see him react honestly when he said that as soon as he declared his love she said "Get the F___ out." Chase lashed out. Why did Jo Jo let things get so far? Don't take the guy to the fantasy suite, Girlfriend!
Chase was raw and real in the vehicle as he drove away from the fantasy suite (which looked more like a condo on the Jersey shore.)
At the sweatfest of a rose ceremony, Chris Harrison, who asked Jo Jo "how you doin'" twice!!!! greeted the two men and Jo Jo. By the time Jo Jo got in front of the men to explain that she had to let Chase go, Jordan's shirt was dripping sweat and Robby's armpits were drenched. In a surprising move to shock Bachelor Nation, Chase showed up to apologize for his anger and as he walked away, a (probably female) monkey who appreciates the strong silent type followed him.
Jo Jo toasted the two men remaining, suggesting she's in love with both, making Jordan look understandably uncomfortable. She suggests a group hug, didn't get it and a monkey scratched his ear with his foot on a rooftop behind them.

Tonight is The Men Tell All, with Bad Chad looking like he's going to beat up everyone after the show and next week is the finale with Jo Jo introducing both men to her family, crying a lot and not knowing who to choose. I'm not looking forward to all the crying. Just saying.

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling Author of Suspense and Romance who lives in the Seattle area near a former Bachelor and personally knows a Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise alumni. Her opinions are her own and not those of the dogs lying at her feet begging for treats.
Find her books on AMAZON, including The Husband Hunt, a novella strangely similar to a season of The Bachelor.

Friday, July 22, 2016

Hometowns Reveal One Favorite on The Bachelor

Monday's episode of The Bachelor began in Colorado where deer run free and snow is plentiful. This week was hometown dates and Jo Jo was in town to see Chase and meet his family.
After a talk on a rock, they went to his house, that he owns (I'm assuming) and talked about Chase's divorced parents and once estranged father. Ding dong. It's Dad at the door!
Hard feelings seem to have been buried and Chase admitted to his father, "I'm diving in to this one, Dad," which made me fear for the reserved hunk. At the mom's house, everyone gathered, including a baby with a mustache pacifier and Chase's mom, who is hip and cool!
When the familial evening is over and we officially like Chase immensely, she and Chase kiss at the black SUV and she's off into the darkness to meet the other four families.
Next is Chico, CA, Playboy Magazine's pick for best Party college, years ago, and we're off to Jordan's home. In matching outfits he and Jo Jo go to the high school to meet the football coaches who have a pinup board of both Rogers boys all over their walls. Turns out, Aaron Rogers is a big quarterback in football and doesn't speak to Jordan, maybe even the whole family, and won't show for the family visit. I"m not a huge NFL fan but recognize the bro from the Green Bay Packers. Good riddance if he doesn't talk to anyone. The Rogers live in a gorgeous Victorian home and both parents seem lovely. Luke, the other brother, brings his G/F who seems nice. The visit is wonderful even though they pan in on the two empty seats at one end of the table like Aaron should have been there. Sappy.
Next is Florida. Robby. He and Jo Jo walk around, talking. When they get to the family home, the dad is a coach of some sort, and the mom, who's birthed five kids, is a rock. She talks about Holly, the ex-GF whose roommate (are you following me here?) has granted an interview to say that Robby broke up with Holly to go on the Bachelor. There's talk in the town about Robby's intentions but not his hair. Interesting.
In Texas, Luke the cool cowboy takes Jo Jo to a community barbecue at the family ranch. Luke has 50 friends whooping it up on the Texan ranch, while he takes Jo Jo riding to a field where he's set up a heart-shaped group of roses to pledge his feelings for her. What is more romantic than that, as Rascal Flatts sings in the background?   Nada.
At the rose ceremony, in a cobalt mermaid dress, Jo Jo indicates Luke is going home. Inside a jet hangar, Luke asks to speak privately to Jo Jo, tells her his feelings and she breaks down on the runway, no knowing what to do. Let Robby go!!!!!!!!! Luke is the front runner. Right????
To Be Continued...

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Pity Roses Turn to No Roses on The Bachelorette!

The pressure was on this week on The Bachelorette knowing two men would be eliminated and only four would take Jo Jo home to meet family--a big frickin' deal for the family whether they want to be on TV or not because ABC gets to film inside your house! They'd have to rent a clean house if either of my kids did this.
Alex gets the first one on one in Buenos Aires and off they go in an SUV as bored with each other as any people who've been married fifty years and never had anything in common in the first place. It was painful to watch! Painful to see how little chemistry they had and how big Jo Jo's yawn was.
Meanwhile the guys get on a funky bus, drink beer and compose an awesome rap wishing they were alone with Jo Jo. James, Chase, Jordan, Luke and Robby stop for mystery meat (that even the local dogs won't eat) at a roadside stand then continue on their Magic Bus journey.

Alex and Jo Jo pull in to a gorgeous country ranch/horse training center to learn to be estancias - Argentinian cowboys. The horse whisperer estancia got his horse to lie on the ground while Jo Jo and her date nestled in around the horse's head to talk and kiss. (Alex is dressed like a pancake hat-wearing goofball and Jo Jo gets to wear tight suede pants and heels!)
After cleaning off the horsey smell, Jo Jo and Alex meet for dinner and continue to have absolutely no chemistry although she tells him that it was a GREAT DAY, thereby leading him to think he was part of the great factor. Nope. She cut him loose and off he goes.
The men have checked in to a Polo Club rental house with high ceilings for all their hair and Jordan gets the next one on one. The men shoot daggers at him with their eyes.
Fresh from rejecting Alex, Jo Jo meets Jordan at an airstrip where they catch a private jet to Mendoza for wine tasting. Lots of kissing and flirting on the plane ensues and when they get to the gorgeous vineyard with the Andes Mountains in the background, they crush grapes with their feet then drink the juice, toe jam and all. A hot tub has mysteriously appeared in the middle of nowhere and Jor Jo get in to kiss, drink and talk.
We find out at dinner later that the famous quarterback, Aaron Rogers doesn't speak to Jordan or the other sibling. Aaron has no idea Jordan is on this show and probably won't until it airs. Wow! What a twist! This made everyone in the room fall in love with Jordan. Familial strife! Even though Jordan has posey lip biting expressions, he seems like a nice guy. What the heck is his real job though? And someone trim that hair or get him a hairband.

The group date is rained out so they play games in Jo Jo's hotel suite, like truth or dare, who can stuff the most fries in their mouth at once and then form a massage train. James does a bit of teasing/trash talking, especially on Robby, which is weird but Robby's extremely buffed body distracts us and probably Jo Jo because he gets the rose.

Luke has the next one on one and he gets to show Jo Jo just how sexy he is on a horse. There is a HUGE connection between these two. His hometown visit will be interesting. The cowboy is the front runner. What does he do for work??? I love what he says about his relationship with horses. Very eloquent. The date finishes without dinner and Luke returns to the Polo Club to tell everyone to get their suits and ties; it's time for the Rose Ceremony.
At a building that resembles The Alamo, the men line up inside and roses are given to everyone but James. No surprise there. Off goes the cuddly singer from Texas.
Next week it's hometowns, where we think Robby's old GF might still be waiting in the wings. Or hiding under his pompadour! What's that you say? His ex was last seen this weekend on Instagram kissing Bad Chad?? Now that's revenge!

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling Author of Suspense and Romance who lives in the Seattle area near a former Bachelor and personally knows a Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise alumni. Her opinions are her own and not those of the dogs lying at her feet begging for treats.
Find her books on Amazon, including The Husband Hunt, a novella strangely similar to a season of The Bachelor.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Jo Jo Shocks Wells, Derek, Alex and James!

And it's off to Buenos Aires for The Bachelorette Gang where the remaining men settle in to a gorgeous suite in a historic hotel with architecture to die for --The Plaza Hotel. Buenos Aires looks absolutely gorgeous and absolutely enormous!

Wells got the one on one date with Jo Jo which was pretty funny because it alluded to kissing and Wells was the only bachelor who hadn't kissed the lovely Jo Jo yet. The men made fun of Wells' opportunity and way too much pressure was put on the boy/man to get that kiss! He looked like it was his turn to save the world.
While Wells was dodging and avoiding the kiss like someone with a lip sore, the men received their group date card back at the hotel. Everyone was on the group date like Robby, Luke, Jordan and James but not Derek and Chase, two of the front runners for Jo Jo (in my mind.) That meant that those last two would be pitted against each other in the two on one, something I thought was a production mistake when I read the date card. Why have two front runners compete against each other knowing you have to get rid of one? It didn't make sense to this Bachelor Nation member.

Back at the Wells and Jo Jo date, the twosome ended up at a performance art show where they were rolling around in four inches of water on a clear surface hovered over an audience (or was it just us with the camera?) that tipped, thereby jostling the half naked performers from one side of the see-through platform to the other. What this meant was there was loads of rubbing up against each other and wet bodies and kissing opportunities but did Wells take his cue? No. Not really. It wasn't until the jostling finished that Wells caved and kissed her after Jo Jo had thrust her lips and more his way for probably hours of filming. When they kissed, she cheered like it was the Superbowl win. After drying off and dressing in fancy clothes, they went on to have dinner in a terribly hot room with 1,000 candles, which made Wells continue to dodge, sweat and stutter. During their conversation, the nervous Ned said he didn't believe in true love, never realizing he was digging his own Bachelor grave. YOU"RE OUTTA HERE! We kinda screamed from my viewing party. Wells was not Jo Jo material and she knew it. Funny, sweet guy but not ready for prime time, if you know what I mean.

On the group date, the players, I mean contestants, I mean daters went to a street fair and ended up playing soccer. James, the man who lost lots of pounds of Margherita pizza to be on the show was measuring himself to the other buffed jocks and came up short but the Buenos Aires soccer GK let James' ball through the goal in what looked like a setup and he got a Jo Jo kiss. Imagine me coughing here saying "fixed" into the cough. James is too insecure for Jo Jo and at the after party James proves that in throwing his best buddy in the house, Jordan, under the bus for Jo Jo. He trash talks Jordan and Jo Jo doesn't know what to believe. She takes cool Luke aside and he goes in for the kill by kissing her passionately and grabbing her "hip." He later gets the rose, mostly for being the least afraid to kiss her. Which doesn't mean he's the best husband material but those two sure can swap spit!

The two on one with Derek and Chase is a stupid class in Tango dancing. Not that a tango class would be stupid but the producers and director REALLY missed the mark with this one, having both men pulling on Jo Jo in a fight to win her heart. The dance sequence was cringe worthy and dumb and below the intelligence level of the people who like to watch this show, like me. People who draw the line at extremely stupid but watch the show anyhow.
At dinner, Jo Jo cut Derek, the guy who looks like Jim on The Office and I was incredulous! Why keep Chase, Dudette? She must have her reasons but we have no idea. At my viewer party we all agreed that Chase must have something we couldn't all see besides his stone-faced expression that rarely smiles and big muscles.

At the rose ceremony, in a Game of Thrones type hall (where Cersei blew up Marjorie and the gang,) Jo Jo gives everyone roses but Alex and James who I think she should just put in a limo and forget about. After a tense moment asking Chris Harrison something about the rules of The Bachelor, she went back in the room and gave both men roses. This seemed like a slap in the face for Derek fans. She gave James and Alex roses?????
What was she thinking? I left the party mad at Jo Jo, vowing to not watch the following week which turned out fine because it was a rerun.
Two weeks have passed and now I've forgiven Jo Jo and am ready for the next episode even though Derek won't be appearing. I've learned that Derek has gone on to use his media fame to draw attention to a cause close to his heart--raising money for victims of domestic abuse. Now that is a classy thing to do.

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling Author of Suspense and Romance who lives in the Seattle area near a former Bachelor and personally knows a Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise alumni. Her opinions are her own and not those of the dogs lying at her feet begging for treats.
Find her books on Amazon, including The Husband Hunt, a novella strangely similar to a season of The Bachelor.