Pity Roses Turn to No Roses on The Bachelorette!

The pressure was on this week on The Bachelorette knowing two men would be eliminated and only four would take Jo Jo home to meet family--a big frickin' deal for the family whether they want to be on TV or not because ABC gets to film inside your house! They'd have to rent a clean house if either of my kids did this.
Alex gets the first one on one in Buenos Aires and off they go in an SUV as bored with each other as any people who've been married fifty years and never had anything in common in the first place. It was painful to watch! Painful to see how little chemistry they had and how big Jo Jo's yawn was.
Meanwhile the guys get on a funky bus, drink beer and compose an awesome rap wishing they were alone with Jo Jo. James, Chase, Jordan, Luke and Robby stop for mystery meat (that even the local dogs won't eat) at a roadside stand then continue on their Magic Bus journey.

Alex and Jo Jo pull in to a gorgeous country ranch/horse training center to learn to be estancias - Argentinian cowboys. The horse whisperer estancia got his horse to lie on the ground while Jo Jo and her date nestled in around the horse's head to talk and kiss. (Alex is dressed like a pancake hat-wearing goofball and Jo Jo gets to wear tight suede pants and heels!)
After cleaning off the horsey smell, Jo Jo and Alex meet for dinner and continue to have absolutely no chemistry although she tells him that it was a GREAT DAY, thereby leading him to think he was part of the great factor. Nope. She cut him loose and off he goes.
The men have checked in to a Polo Club rental house with high ceilings for all their hair and Jordan gets the next one on one. The men shoot daggers at him with their eyes.
Fresh from rejecting Alex, Jo Jo meets Jordan at an airstrip where they catch a private jet to Mendoza for wine tasting. Lots of kissing and flirting on the plane ensues and when they get to the gorgeous vineyard with the Andes Mountains in the background, they crush grapes with their feet then drink the juice, toe jam and all. A hot tub has mysteriously appeared in the middle of nowhere and Jor Jo get in to kiss, drink and talk.
We find out at dinner later that the famous quarterback, Aaron Rogers doesn't speak to Jordan or the other sibling. Aaron has no idea Jordan is on this show and probably won't until it airs. Wow! What a twist! This made everyone in the room fall in love with Jordan. Familial strife! Even though Jordan has posey lip biting expressions, he seems like a nice guy. What the heck is his real job though? And someone trim that hair or get him a hairband.

The group date is rained out so they play games in Jo Jo's hotel suite, like truth or dare, who can stuff the most fries in their mouth at once and then form a massage train. James does a bit of teasing/trash talking, especially on Robby, which is weird but Robby's extremely buffed body distracts us and probably Jo Jo because he gets the rose.

Luke has the next one on one and he gets to show Jo Jo just how sexy he is on a horse. There is a HUGE connection between these two. His hometown visit will be interesting. The cowboy is the front runner. What does he do for work??? I love what he says about his relationship with horses. Very eloquent. The date finishes without dinner and Luke returns to the Polo Club to tell everyone to get their suits and ties; it's time for the Rose Ceremony.
What?
At a building that resembles The Alamo, the men line up inside and roses are given to everyone but James. No surprise there. Off goes the cuddly singer from Texas.
Next week it's hometowns, where we think Robby's old GF might still be waiting in the wings. Or hiding under his pompadour! What's that you say? His ex was last seen this weekend on Instagram kissing Bad Chad?? Now that's revenge!

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling Author of Suspense and Romance who lives in the Seattle area near a former Bachelor and personally knows a Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise alumni. Her opinions are her own and not those of the dogs lying at her feet begging for treats.
Find her books on Amazon, including The Husband Hunt, a novella strangely similar to a season of The Bachelor.

Jo Jo Shocks Wells, Derek, Alex and James!

And it's off to Buenos Aires for The Bachelorette Gang where the remaining men settle in to a gorgeous suite in a historic hotel with architecture to die for --The Plaza Hotel. Buenos Aires looks absolutely gorgeous and absolutely enormous!

Wells got the one on one date with Jo Jo which was pretty funny because it alluded to kissing and Wells was the only bachelor who hadn't kissed the lovely Jo Jo yet. The men made fun of Wells' opportunity and way too much pressure was put on the boy/man to get that kiss! He looked like it was his turn to save the world.

While Wells was dodging and avoiding the kiss like someone with a lip sore, the men received their group date card back at the hotel. Everyone was on the group date like Robby, Luke, Jordan and James but not Derek and Chase, two of the front runners for Jo Jo (in my mind.) That meant that those last two would be pitted against each other in the two on one, something I thought was a production mistake when I read the date card. Why have two front runners compete against each other knowing you have to get rid of one? It didn't make sense to this Bachelor Nation member.

Wells

Back at the Wells and Jo Jo date, the twosome ended up at a performance art show where they were rolling around in four inches of water on a clear surface hovered over an audience (or was it just us with the camera?) that tipped, thereby jostling the half naked performers from one side of the see-through platform to the other. What this meant was there was loads of rubbing up against each other and wet bodies and kissing opportunities but did Wells take his cue? No. Not really. It wasn't until the jostling finished that Wells caved and kissed her after Jo Jo had thrust her lips and more his way for probably hours of filming. When they kissed, she cheered like it was the Superbowl win. After drying off and dressing in fancy clothes, they went on to have dinner in a terribly hot room with 1,000 candles, which made Wells continue to dodge, sweat and stutter. During their conversation, the nervous Ned said he didn't believe in true love, never realizing he was digging his own Bachelor grave. YOU"RE OUTTA HERE! We kinda screamed from my viewing party. Wells was not Jo Jo material and she knew it. Funny, sweet guy but not ready for prime time, if you know what I mean.

James

On the group date, the players, I mean contestants, I mean daters went to a street fair and ended up playing soccer. James, the man who lost lots of pounds of Margherita pizza to be on the show was measuring himself to the other buffed jocks and came up short but the Buenos Aires soccer GK let James' ball through the goal in what looked like a setup and he got a Jo Jo kiss. Imagine me coughing here saying "fixed" into the cough. James is too insecure for Jo Jo and at the after party James proves that in throwing his best buddy in the house, Jordan, under the bus for Jo Jo. He trash talks Jordan and Jo Jo doesn't know what to believe. She takes cool Luke aside and he goes in for the kill by kissing her passionately and grabbing her "hip." He later gets the rose, mostly for being the least afraid to kiss her. Which doesn't mean he's the best husband material but those two sure can swap spit!

Chase

The two on one with Derek and Chase is a stupid class in Tango dancing. Not that a tango class would be stupid but the producers and director REALLY missed the mark with this one, having both men pulling on Jo Jo in a fight to win her heart. The dance sequence was cringe worthy and dumb and below the intelligence level of the people who like to watch this show, like me. People who draw the line at extremely stupid but watch the show anyhow.
At dinner, Jo Jo cut Derek, the guy who looks like Jim on The Office and I was incredulous! Why keep Chase, Dudette? She must have her reasons but we have no idea. At my viewer party we all agreed that Chase must have something we couldn't all see besides his stone-faced expression that rarely smiles and big muscles.

Alex

At the rose ceremony, in a Game of Thrones type hall (where Cersei blew up Marjorie and the gang,) Jo Jo gives everyone roses but Alex and James who I think she should just put in a limo and forget about. After a tense moment asking Chris Harrison something about the rules of The Bachelor, she went back in the room and gave both men roses. This seemed like a slap in the face for Derek fans. She gave James and Alex roses?????
What was she thinking? I left the party mad at Jo Jo, vowing to not watch the following week which turned out fine because it was a rerun.

Derek

Two weeks have passed and now I've forgiven Jo Jo and am ready for the next episode even though Derek won't be appearing. I've learned that Derek has gone on to use his media fame to draw attention to a cause close to his heart--raising money for victims of domestic abuse. Now that is a classy thing to do.




Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling Author of Suspense and Romance who lives in the Seattle area near a former Bachelor and personally knows a Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise alumni. Her opinions are her own and not those of the dogs lying at her feet begging for treats.
Find her books on Amazon, including The Husband Hunt, a novella strangely similar to a season of The Bachelor.

Jo Jo Tosses Bad Chad!

I'm feeling guilty and inadequate about not reporting in on The Bachelorette yet when I have so many readers asking me where's my blog. So here goes:











I loke Jo Jo (between love and like) She is a great Bach so far. Wears cute clothes, admits that guys are sexy hot, treats the guys well without making it seem like a harem, and has kept the hair twirling to a minimum, thank God! She also had the good sense to cut Bad Chad loose even though he made GREAT TV and was the man we loved to hate.

BAD CHAD

On Monday we got to see Bad Chad hike up to the house in the woods, scrape his nails down the glass door and wait to be let in so he could start yet another confrontation with the boys, I mean men. Chad needs to join a friendship club to learn some social skills. That or have one ball removed. He's too much! Why are the jerkiest guys so very handsome??? Why? If Chad had what I think is Derek's personality...

So Chad says that Alex (the stocky Marine) lied about him. "Now I have to go find Alex," he said. Chad, if you're reading this, please remember that if Alex turns up dead, you are the #1 suspect. Like Elsa sang in FROZEN, Let it go, let it go!

Marine Alex

Alex returns a hero and gets a cake in his face for his efforts to expel Chad. He also gets a swollen head and his nice guy demeanor is seen flying off in the PA breeze.
At the rose ceremony, Robby is metrosexually groomed, James F reads a sweet poem, Jordan has her up against the wall with kissing, and Derek still reminds me of Jim on The Office.
The Canadian heads home before he can embarrass us Canucks any more with his posturing and eh'ing all over the place. Also, James from Nashville who wrote the poem, is cut loose. WTF?? I liked him. He must've said or done something we didn't know about. Poor James!

They head to the airport and board a tiny cartoon plane to Uruguay, land of ocean and goats, it seems. I don't know about you but Uruguay was not shown in a light that made me ever want to go there. Rain, modern ugly hotel, goats (again). Someone said they had a 360 degree of the ocean from the men's suite and I'm thinking that guy needs to go back to sixth grade math. Unless the suite was on an island, they did not have that many degrees.
Jordan gets the one on one. He's a contender and definitely has Jo Jo's interest. He might be too much too fast though and that's usually the kiss of death in the game. While they swim with seals in heavy wetsuits and kiss some more, Vinny opens his own barbershop at the men's suite and even has the latest tabloid that tells of Jo Jo being involved with her old boyfriend before the show started. The guys don't understand how tabloids work (and pay!) and some believe their collective girlfriend isn't there for the right reasons. Many are upset. Remember, these guys have NOTHING to do all day but talk to each other so I'm cutting them a bit of slack. They have Stockholm Syndrome for Jo Jo.
The group date involves sand surfing until it starts to rain, then they all clean up and go for cocktails. Evan has avoided a bloody nose so far. Derek admits he's smitten, is having a tough time with no attention from Jo Jo and gets the rose, something the men find hateful. An imaginary target is drawn on Derek's back by some.
Robby gets the second one on one date and they jump off a cliff into the ocean, swim, kiss, and go to town, literally. He's a contender for Jo Jo's hand. Man, some of these guys have a lot of hair! I can't imagine the hair products in their bathrooms. Robby's date moves to a picturesque farm where it's either raining or going to rain. I believe there are goats involved.
At this point, my notes stop, either because I lost my pen or I got up to get a glass of wine and lost interest in taking notes.

Derek

What I can tell you is that Derek is a new target and the guys don't like him particularly. He's quiet, but not mean or nasty so I don't know what the big deal is. Derek takes the guys outside at the next rose ceremony to talk to them but it turns kinda sideways proving that young men can be just as catty as young women when there is a mating dance involved.

At the ceremony, Jo Jo sends home Evan, the nosebleeder, Vinny the barber and Grant. Remind me who Grant is again? Oh yes, the hunky fireman. Why him? Oh well. It's not the rest of MY life she's choosing for. Evan had the absolute best exit speech EVER! Check out my twitter to see it. www.twitter.com/kimhornsby


That's it for now. Apologies for the typos. These blogs usually take about 2-3 hours and this took 20 minutes. More next week!

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling Author of Suspense and Romance who lives in the Seattle area and personally knows a Bachelor alumni. Her opinions are her own and not those of the dogs lying at her feet begging for treats.
Find her books on Amazon, including The Husband Hunt, a novella strangely similar to a season of The Bachelor.