Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Jo Jo Closes Up Like a Clam at Low Tide!

Last night's Bachelorette began with the airport hangar rose ceremony, the jet supposedly idling while Jo Jo picked which three men would accompany her to the next destination.
Luke, Robby, Chase and Jordan stood nervously waiting. Then Luke asked to speak to Jo Jo, declaring his feelings (which we were pretty sure he already did!!!) but his words didn't sway the lovely brunette/blonde. Luke walked off in a fog of confusion and heartbreak.

Thailand was the next stop on their itinerary and the first date was with Robby who appeared to be a front runner. It's my opinion that declaring your undying devotion very early  to Jo Jo carried a lot of weight with her. The twosome wandered a market in the seaside town of Hua Hin, then got caught in a thunder storm where they ducked inside for foot massages. What's Robby do for work? Anyways, Jo Jo is smitten with the hunky swimmer so I steeled myself for an imminent engagement to the poof-ball haired contender. At dinner, they were given a date card and key to the fantasy suite and were off to privacy without the cameras in your face 24/7.
That's the real excitement for these couples, not the prospect of getting naked.
Jordan's date was next and Jo Jo switched gears well. I was hoping there was at least one day between leaving Robby in a mass of tangled sheets and kissing Jordan on a Thai beach. Jor Jo sweated their way uphill to a viewpoint where Jordan hoped that he and Jo were writing their love story and Jo Jo wondered if this guy was too good to be true. After washing off all the sweat of the day (it's 105 degrees in Thailand with 100% humidity) dinner in a candlelit outdoor setting had Jo Jo grilling Jordan on what the next year would look like for them.
The quarterback was dodgy but said that whatever happened, they'd do it together. Is he still playing football? Off JorJo went to the fantasy suite where Jo Jo lay across a bed and Jordan closed the door on the cameras.
Chase drove up on a scooter and Jo Jo took him on a ponga ride until they landed on a private beach. More sweat fell until they got in the water and made out. Chase is big and strong. He can lift Jo Jo easily. At times Chase looks like he could model for Romance novel book covers. Between the beach portion of the date and dinner, while Jo Jo was back at her hotel room, Robby visited Jo Jo there while Chase played with sand outside Jo Jo's window. Or was this another day? The timeline didn't add up because at dinner with Chase, Jo Jo had hair down and wore a different dress.???
Chase was playful and forthcoming and Jo Jo began to close like a clam that senses low tide. When they got to the fantasy suite and Chase declared his depth of feeling, Jo Jo's face fell and she cut the young hunk loose. I was glad to see him react honestly when he said that as soon as he declared his love she said "Get the F___ out." Chase lashed out. Why did Jo Jo let things get so far? Don't take the guy to the fantasy suite, Girlfriend!
Chase was raw and real in the vehicle as he drove away from the fantasy suite (which looked more like a condo on the Jersey shore.)
At the sweatfest of a rose ceremony, Chris Harrison, who asked Jo Jo "how you doin'" twice!!!! greeted the two men and Jo Jo. By the time Jo Jo got in front of the men to explain that she had to let Chase go, Jordan's shirt was dripping sweat and Robby's armpits were drenched. In a surprising move to shock Bachelor Nation, Chase showed up to apologize for his anger and as he walked away, a (probably female) monkey who appreciates the strong silent type followed him.
Jo Jo toasted the two men remaining, suggesting she's in love with both, making Jordan look understandably uncomfortable. She suggests a group hug, didn't get it and a monkey scratched his ear with his foot on a rooftop behind them.

Tonight is The Men Tell All, with Bad Chad looking like he's going to beat up everyone after the show and next week is the finale with Jo Jo introducing both men to her family, crying a lot and not knowing who to choose. I'm not looking forward to all the crying. Just saying.

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling Author of Suspense and Romance who lives in the Seattle area near a former Bachelor and personally knows a Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise alumni. Her opinions are her own and not those of the dogs lying at her feet begging for treats.
Find her books on AMAZON, including The Husband Hunt, a novella strangely similar to a season of The Bachelor.

Friday, July 22, 2016

Hometowns Reveal One Favorite on The Bachelor

Monday's episode of The Bachelor began in Colorado where deer run free and snow is plentiful. This week was hometown dates and Jo Jo was in town to see Chase and meet his family.
After a talk on a rock, they went to his house, that he owns (I'm assuming) and talked about Chase's divorced parents and once estranged father. Ding dong. It's Dad at the door!
Hard feelings seem to have been buried and Chase admitted to his father, "I'm diving in to this one, Dad," which made me fear for the reserved hunk. At the mom's house, everyone gathered, including a baby with a mustache pacifier and Chase's mom, who is hip and cool!
When the familial evening is over and we officially like Chase immensely, she and Chase kiss at the black SUV and she's off into the darkness to meet the other four families.
Next is Chico, CA, Playboy Magazine's pick for best Party college, years ago, and we're off to Jordan's home. In matching outfits he and Jo Jo go to the high school to meet the football coaches who have a pinup board of both Rogers boys all over their walls. Turns out, Aaron Rogers is a big quarterback in football and doesn't speak to Jordan, maybe even the whole family, and won't show for the family visit. I"m not a huge NFL fan but recognize the bro from the Green Bay Packers. Good riddance if he doesn't talk to anyone. The Rogers live in a gorgeous Victorian home and both parents seem lovely. Luke, the other brother, brings his G/F who seems nice. The visit is wonderful even though they pan in on the two empty seats at one end of the table like Aaron should have been there. Sappy.
Next is Florida. Robby. He and Jo Jo walk around, talking. When they get to the family home, the dad is a coach of some sort, and the mom, who's birthed five kids, is a rock. She talks about Holly, the ex-GF whose roommate (are you following me here?) has granted an interview to say that Robby broke up with Holly to go on the Bachelor. There's talk in the town about Robby's intentions but not his hair. Interesting.
In Texas, Luke the cool cowboy takes Jo Jo to a community barbecue at the family ranch. Luke has 50 friends whooping it up on the Texan ranch, while he takes Jo Jo riding to a field where he's set up a heart-shaped group of roses to pledge his feelings for her. What is more romantic than that, as Rascal Flatts sings in the background?   Nada.
At the rose ceremony, in a cobalt mermaid dress, Jo Jo indicates Luke is going home. Inside a jet hangar, Luke asks to speak privately to Jo Jo, tells her his feelings and she breaks down on the runway, no knowing what to do. Let Robby go!!!!!!!!! Luke is the front runner. Right????
To Be Continued...

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Pity Roses Turn to No Roses on The Bachelorette!

The pressure was on this week on The Bachelorette knowing two men would be eliminated and only four would take Jo Jo home to meet family--a big frickin' deal for the family whether they want to be on TV or not because ABC gets to film inside your house! They'd have to rent a clean house if either of my kids did this.
Alex gets the first one on one in Buenos Aires and off they go in an SUV as bored with each other as any people who've been married fifty years and never had anything in common in the first place. It was painful to watch! Painful to see how little chemistry they had and how big Jo Jo's yawn was.
Meanwhile the guys get on a funky bus, drink beer and compose an awesome rap wishing they were alone with Jo Jo. James, Chase, Jordan, Luke and Robby stop for mystery meat (that even the local dogs won't eat) at a roadside stand then continue on their Magic Bus journey.

Alex and Jo Jo pull in to a gorgeous country ranch/horse training center to learn to be estancias - Argentinian cowboys. The horse whisperer estancia got his horse to lie on the ground while Jo Jo and her date nestled in around the horse's head to talk and kiss. (Alex is dressed like a pancake hat-wearing goofball and Jo Jo gets to wear tight suede pants and heels!)
After cleaning off the horsey smell, Jo Jo and Alex meet for dinner and continue to have absolutely no chemistry although she tells him that it was a GREAT DAY, thereby leading him to think he was part of the great factor. Nope. She cut him loose and off he goes.
The men have checked in to a Polo Club rental house with high ceilings for all their hair and Jordan gets the next one on one. The men shoot daggers at him with their eyes.
Fresh from rejecting Alex, Jo Jo meets Jordan at an airstrip where they catch a private jet to Mendoza for wine tasting. Lots of kissing and flirting on the plane ensues and when they get to the gorgeous vineyard with the Andes Mountains in the background, they crush grapes with their feet then drink the juice, toe jam and all. A hot tub has mysteriously appeared in the middle of nowhere and Jor Jo get in to kiss, drink and talk.
We find out at dinner later that the famous quarterback, Aaron Rogers doesn't speak to Jordan or the other sibling. Aaron has no idea Jordan is on this show and probably won't until it airs. Wow! What a twist! This made everyone in the room fall in love with Jordan. Familial strife! Even though Jordan has posey lip biting expressions, he seems like a nice guy. What the heck is his real job though? And someone trim that hair or get him a hairband.

The group date is rained out so they play games in Jo Jo's hotel suite, like truth or dare, who can stuff the most fries in their mouth at once and then form a massage train. James does a bit of teasing/trash talking, especially on Robby, which is weird but Robby's extremely buffed body distracts us and probably Jo Jo because he gets the rose.

Luke has the next one on one and he gets to show Jo Jo just how sexy he is on a horse. There is a HUGE connection between these two. His hometown visit will be interesting. The cowboy is the front runner. What does he do for work??? I love what he says about his relationship with horses. Very eloquent. The date finishes without dinner and Luke returns to the Polo Club to tell everyone to get their suits and ties; it's time for the Rose Ceremony.
At a building that resembles The Alamo, the men line up inside and roses are given to everyone but James. No surprise there. Off goes the cuddly singer from Texas.
Next week it's hometowns, where we think Robby's old GF might still be waiting in the wings. Or hiding under his pompadour! What's that you say? His ex was last seen this weekend on Instagram kissing Bad Chad?? Now that's revenge!

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling Author of Suspense and Romance who lives in the Seattle area near a former Bachelor and personally knows a Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise alumni. Her opinions are her own and not those of the dogs lying at her feet begging for treats.
Find her books on Amazon, including The Husband Hunt, a novella strangely similar to a season of The Bachelor.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Jo Jo Shocks Wells, Derek, Alex and James!

And it's off to Buenos Aires for The Bachelorette Gang where the remaining men settle in to a gorgeous suite in a historic hotel with architecture to die for --The Plaza Hotel. Buenos Aires looks absolutely gorgeous and absolutely enormous!

Wells got the one on one date with Jo Jo which was pretty funny because it alluded to kissing and Wells was the only bachelor who hadn't kissed the lovely Jo Jo yet. The men made fun of Wells' opportunity and way too much pressure was put on the boy/man to get that kiss! He looked like it was his turn to save the world.
While Wells was dodging and avoiding the kiss like someone with a lip sore, the men received their group date card back at the hotel. Everyone was on the group date like Robby, Luke, Jordan and James but not Derek and Chase, two of the front runners for Jo Jo (in my mind.) That meant that those last two would be pitted against each other in the two on one, something I thought was a production mistake when I read the date card. Why have two front runners compete against each other knowing you have to get rid of one? It didn't make sense to this Bachelor Nation member.

Back at the Wells and Jo Jo date, the twosome ended up at a performance art show where they were rolling around in four inches of water on a clear surface hovered over an audience (or was it just us with the camera?) that tipped, thereby jostling the half naked performers from one side of the see-through platform to the other. What this meant was there was loads of rubbing up against each other and wet bodies and kissing opportunities but did Wells take his cue? No. Not really. It wasn't until the jostling finished that Wells caved and kissed her after Jo Jo had thrust her lips and more his way for probably hours of filming. When they kissed, she cheered like it was the Superbowl win. After drying off and dressing in fancy clothes, they went on to have dinner in a terribly hot room with 1,000 candles, which made Wells continue to dodge, sweat and stutter. During their conversation, the nervous Ned said he didn't believe in true love, never realizing he was digging his own Bachelor grave. YOU"RE OUTTA HERE! We kinda screamed from my viewing party. Wells was not Jo Jo material and she knew it. Funny, sweet guy but not ready for prime time, if you know what I mean.

On the group date, the players, I mean contestants, I mean daters went to a street fair and ended up playing soccer. James, the man who lost lots of pounds of Margherita pizza to be on the show was measuring himself to the other buffed jocks and came up short but the Buenos Aires soccer GK let James' ball through the goal in what looked like a setup and he got a Jo Jo kiss. Imagine me coughing here saying "fixed" into the cough. James is too insecure for Jo Jo and at the after party James proves that in throwing his best buddy in the house, Jordan, under the bus for Jo Jo. He trash talks Jordan and Jo Jo doesn't know what to believe. She takes cool Luke aside and he goes in for the kill by kissing her passionately and grabbing her "hip." He later gets the rose, mostly for being the least afraid to kiss her. Which doesn't mean he's the best husband material but those two sure can swap spit!

The two on one with Derek and Chase is a stupid class in Tango dancing. Not that a tango class would be stupid but the producers and director REALLY missed the mark with this one, having both men pulling on Jo Jo in a fight to win her heart. The dance sequence was cringe worthy and dumb and below the intelligence level of the people who like to watch this show, like me. People who draw the line at extremely stupid but watch the show anyhow.
At dinner, Jo Jo cut Derek, the guy who looks like Jim on The Office and I was incredulous! Why keep Chase, Dudette? She must have her reasons but we have no idea. At my viewer party we all agreed that Chase must have something we couldn't all see besides his stone-faced expression that rarely smiles and big muscles.

At the rose ceremony, in a Game of Thrones type hall (where Cersei blew up Marjorie and the gang,) Jo Jo gives everyone roses but Alex and James who I think she should just put in a limo and forget about. After a tense moment asking Chris Harrison something about the rules of The Bachelor, she went back in the room and gave both men roses. This seemed like a slap in the face for Derek fans. She gave James and Alex roses?????
What was she thinking? I left the party mad at Jo Jo, vowing to not watch the following week which turned out fine because it was a rerun.
Two weeks have passed and now I've forgiven Jo Jo and am ready for the next episode even though Derek won't be appearing. I've learned that Derek has gone on to use his media fame to draw attention to a cause close to his heart--raising money for victims of domestic abuse. Now that is a classy thing to do.

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling Author of Suspense and Romance who lives in the Seattle area near a former Bachelor and personally knows a Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise alumni. Her opinions are her own and not those of the dogs lying at her feet begging for treats.
Find her books on Amazon, including The Husband Hunt, a novella strangely similar to a season of The Bachelor.