Jo Jo Closes Up Like a Clam at Low Tide!

Last night's Bachelorette began with the airport hangar rose ceremony, the jet supposedly idling while Jo Jo picked which three men would accompany her to the next destination.

Luke, Robby, Chase and Jordan stood nervously waiting. Then Luke asked to speak to Jo Jo, declaring his feelings (which we were pretty sure he already did!!!) but his words didn't sway the lovely brunette/blonde. Luke walked off in a fog of confusion and heartbreak.


Thailand was the next stop on their itinerary and the first date was with Robby who appeared to be a front runner. It's my opinion that declaring your undying devotion very early  to Jo Jo carried a lot of weight with her. The twosome wandered a market in the seaside town of Hua Hin, then got caught in a thunder storm where they ducked inside for foot massages. What's Robby do for work? Anyways, Jo Jo is smitten with the hunky swimmer so I steeled myself for an imminent engagement to the poof-ball haired contender. At dinner, they were given a date card and key to the fantasy suite and were off to privacy without the cameras in your face 24/7.
That's the real excitement for these couples, not the prospect of getting naked.
Jordan's date was next and Jo Jo switched gears well. I was hoping there was at least one day between leaving Robby in a mass of tangled sheets and kissing Jordan on a Thai beach. Jor Jo sweated their way uphill to a viewpoint where Jordan hoped that he and Jo were writing their love story and Jo Jo wondered if this guy was too good to be true. After washing off all the sweat of the day (it's 105 degrees in Thailand with 100% humidity) dinner in a candlelit outdoor setting had Jo Jo grilling Jordan on what the next year would look like for them.
The quarterback was dodgy but said that whatever happened, they'd do it together. Is he still playing football? Off JorJo went to the fantasy suite where Jo Jo lay across a bed and Jordan closed the door on the cameras.
Chase drove up on a scooter and Jo Jo took him on a ponga ride until they landed on a private beach. More sweat fell until they got in the water and made out. Chase is big and strong. He can lift Jo Jo easily. At times Chase looks like he could model for Romance novel book covers. Between the beach portion of the date and dinner, while Jo Jo was back at her hotel room, Robby visited Jo Jo there while Chase played with sand outside Jo Jo's window. Or was this another day? The timeline didn't add up because at dinner with Chase, Jo Jo had hair down and wore a different dress.???
Chase was playful and forthcoming and Jo Jo began to close like a clam that senses low tide. When they got to the fantasy suite and Chase declared his depth of feeling, Jo Jo's face fell and she cut the young hunk loose. I was glad to see him react honestly when he said that as soon as he declared his love she said "Get the F___ out." Chase lashed out. Why did Jo Jo let things get so far? Don't take the guy to the fantasy suite, Girlfriend!
Chase was raw and real in the vehicle as he drove away from the fantasy suite (which looked more like a condo on the Jersey shore.)
At the sweatfest of a rose ceremony, Chris Harrison, who asked Jo Jo "how you doin'" twice!!!! greeted the two men and Jo Jo. By the time Jo Jo got in front of the men to explain that she had to let Chase go, Jordan's shirt was dripping sweat and Robby's armpits were drenched. In a surprising move to shock Bachelor Nation, Chase showed up to apologize for his anger and as he walked away, a (probably female) monkey who appreciates the strong silent type followed him.
Jo Jo toasted the two men remaining, suggesting she's in love with both, making Jordan look understandably uncomfortable. She suggests a group hug, didn't get it and a monkey scratched his ear with his foot on a rooftop behind them.

Tonight is The Men Tell All, with Bad Chad looking like he's going to beat up everyone after the show and next week is the finale with Jo Jo introducing both men to her family, crying a lot and not knowing who to choose. I'm not looking forward to all the crying. Just saying.

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling Author of Suspense and Romance who lives in the Seattle area near a former Bachelor and personally knows a Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise alumni. Her opinions are her own and not those of the dogs lying at her feet begging for treats.
Find her books on AMAZON, including The Husband Hunt, a novella strangely similar to a season of The Bachelor.

Bachelor Producers Keep Lace

Week 2 of The Bachelor with Dreamy Dreamboat Ben Higgins had us scratching our heads wondering where the Chicken Enthusiast went and why Ben didn't keep her. He kept so many questionable, (can I say boring?) girls!
Well, they are probably all extremely wonderful off camera but keeping Lace over Tiara after Lace's obsessive neediness and bitchiness makes me pretty damned sure that the producers have a say in who goes and who stays.
Sources tell me that the Chicken Enthusiast herself had no idea what happened. She and Ben hit it off and he told her she had the "kindest heart" but choosing Lace over Tiara Soleim, the poultry Queen, tells us one of two things--there's something fishy in Bachelorville or Ben isn't interested in chickens. Or kind hearts.

The evening opened with the money shot of Ben in his boxers at the Four Season's Hotel getting ready for his day. The first date was with Jackie, L.B., Lauren H, Amber, Becca, Mandy, Jo Jo, Jubilee, Jennifer and Lace. Oh, and Amanda.


Usually at this point in the season, I give the girls my own nicknames. Here goes nothing:

Lace - Bitch Psycho Drinker ( too much?)
Amanda - Mom of Two
Jo Jo - Cute, short girl
Amber- Bach regular
Becca - Famous Virgin
Jackie - Gerontologist
Mandy - Flower Head
LB - Fuchsia Dress first night
Jubilee - Soldier
Jennifer - Brunette long hair
Lauren H. - Kindergarten teacher
Olivia - Anchor Woman
Caila - Small Brunette with big smile
Jami - Token Canadian
Emily/Haley - Twins
Leah - Blonde/Denver
Lauren B - Flight Attendant
Shushana -Russian
Rachel - Unemployed
Samantha - Husky-voiced blonde

A bunch of the gals went on the first group date to Bachelor High, an actual high school where future contestants learn to shed their dignity to compete for time with Ben by mixing ingredients to make Ben's volcanoes erupt. Or bobbing for apples. Was this the best they could do for the first date? I mean really. It was silly shtick and kind of embarrassing. Mandy ended up winning the hurdles in her bare feet and got the genuine thrill of riding around a track 27 times with Ben in a convertible while the losers watched from their lineup in the blazing sunshine. Date rating 2/5

That night the dress code was heels and legs and everyone arrived in minis and stilettos. Summary of the rooftop patio cocktail party - Olivia has a large mouth and opens it wide a lot to express surprise. needy Lace thinks if she locks eyes with Ben for 5 seconds it's called eye sex, and Jo Jo got the rose from Ben after hugs and kisses on the roof of the very tall building. Lace showed her claws and her cra cra a little too much again.

The next date was the one on one, but was more like a one on three with Kevin Hart and Ice Cube doing a Ride Along to pimp their movie that releases soon. Soon The Bachelor will have the contestants pimping Coca Cola and hotels. Oh wait, they do the last one. The two actors from Ride Along were moderately funny on the cheapo date with Caila and Ben that included riding around in a very old Buick convertible, visiting a liquor store to buy condoms, and stopping at a dingy spa store for a hot tub soak in the store's floor model. Kevin Hart joined them in the water, sans swim suit, and the black box was resurrected from Chris Soules' season to cover his family jewels and Parker House rolls when he left the tub.

That night, after showering off the germs from the display model hot tub, Ben and Caila had a sweet conversation over an untouched, plastic- looking dinner at a pub/restaurant and once the rose was in her hand, they meandered down the street to a private concert by none other than Amos Lee!!! (My Hubby and I were both googling Amos Lee to see who the heck he is.)Caila and Ben did a lot of smooching and a bit of dancing and seemed to get along just great while Amos promoted his album in the background.

The next day's group date was with another bunch of girls at the Love Lab Technologies Headquarters and if you've never heard of this process, you are in for a big treat. Huge! This is the place where they can measure your smell and check your brain to see if you're compatible with another person. All the man has to do is wear headgear and sniff near the woman's butt to see if she's his type. Okay, I found this EXTREMELY uncomfortable (not to mention stupid!) and felt horrible for Samantha when a blindfolded Ben said she smelled "sour".
She scored the lowest of all the gals, and Olivia the anchorwoman scored highest, mostly because when they did their brain test, she flirted with him, talking about how difficult it was to not kiss him when their lips were so close. With pheromones flying between them, the attraction needle spiked. Well done, Olivia.
She got to have time with Ben in his hotel suite later while the other girls waited on the Four Season's rooftop patio. Amanda was not impressed with Liv's braggy behavior when she got back. Oh no. But she took the opportunity to tell Ben about her daughters and he was so very sweet when he learned Amanda is a mom. So genuinely sweet that I warmed to the guy who was earlier smelling girls hips. "Kids don't scare me," he said.
And we believed him. He even wanted to know their names. (Maybe the chicken enthusiast should have pretended she had human kids. I can't let this go!)
Olivia got the date rose and Amanda was a bit weepy over that. After all, her time is super precious.









At the ROSE CEREMONY, the next night, Lace shows a Dobby-like side, talking to herself (it appears) in the bathroom about master seeing her bad side. She did not want this to happen. Did not. She must be more careful.
Thing is, Lace thinks her worst feature is being insecure which is kind of amusing and sad because the poor girl doesn't realize that it's so much more than that. She's highly competitive, tends to verbalize when she should hold in her bad words, and probably grew up being treated like a princess and still expects the spotlight, or was raised with older brothers who taught her to be scrappy and insecure. And she's a terrible interrupter!
She fluctuates between acting like Dobby and Cruella for the camera. It must be horrible living inside her head. At least on The Bachelor.

Next, Ben made hair barrettes with Amanda for her girls which was a lovely gesture but not if he boots the Mama home. It will be a cruel reminder to have those barrettes holding little curls back in her daughters' hair if Ben rejects her after she falls for him. I spent this segment imagining an intern going to Ben Franklin Store to get a glue gun and barrette crafty things earlier in the day.

Ben gives the flight attendant, Lauren, a photo of the two of them, thereby reassuring her that he has feelings for the long-legged blonde, and when the rose doling starts LB chooses to go home instead of accepting Ben's rose. She must've found some dignity under one of those rose bushes at the mansion and decided to use it. Oh well.
Ben barely walks her out, then hands the roses to almost everyone left and we say goodbye to Jacki, Mandy and Samantha. Lace gets to stay on, thereby confirming that Bachelor producers get at least one vote when Ben hands out thornless roses. Thanks for that obvious confirmation because I doubt Ben is interested in this kind of DRAMA.
With Mandy gone, no pollenating will be taking place at the mansion, and with Jacki hitting the high road, no gerontology lessons either and the gal who scored lowest at the Love Lab, Sam, will head home to do damage control about hearing she smells sour. Poor thing!

The Bachelor ended and the live after show came on immediately after with Chris H's good friend Kris Jenner Kardashian.

Let the record show that I did not tune in to the after show with Chris, Chris and Kris because I have one of those filters on my devices that blocks out anything Kardashian. That and the fact that I lose all respect for myself if I waste an hour on this predictably mundane live hour. It's painful to watch.

I'm not totally into this season without Tiara on anymore, but I'm hopeful it will grow on me even though I know who he picks at the end. Or at least, I have a good idea and it's not the chicken enthusiast, Tiara Soleim. Waaaaaaaaa...

And now we wait to see what happens next week... Oh snap. I'm gone for the next two weeks at a wedding extravaganza adventure in Central America. Doubters that I'll get THE BACHELOR on TV while I'm scouring the jungle for howler monkeys and toasting the grooms in Granada, Nicaragua, but I promise I'll try to catch up ASAP. If you want to get these important accounts in your inbox, follow this blog! 

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling, Award-Winning Suspense Author who can be found on Amazon here. She uses this blog to exercise her funny muscle and because she loves to hear herself talk.

Spoiler Alert! The Bachelor has begun filming.

According to what I know, and what I can say, The Bachelor began filming in California this week and Ben has chosen his first group of ladies.
The girls were housed at the Agoura Hills Sheraton for four days and spent Thursday with hair and makeup people getting ready to begin the first rose ceremony that night. Filming begins at 9:30 ish, after they hose down the driveway, plant all the flowers in the garden and get the press there to watch on closed circuit TV's behind the scenes.
You may think that it's just a crew and the people we see on camera that first night but I believe they have a big press gathering behind the scenes to get the media in their inner circle of love and secrecy. Ben comes back to the production area and meets these people, eats from craft services and schmoozes.
His presence at the 7 hour cocktail party is sketchy. The girls don't have free access to him, apparently. You almost have to take a number. He's carefully managed by producers.
If you enjoy finding out tidbits of info, go to RealitySteve.com. He seems to get all kinds of tips on what's going on. Like today they are filming at a high school in the Los Angeles area. And the producers and production assistants control the girls and the happenings to the nth degree. Very little is spontaneous.
I understand it's a TV show but I was hoping it was a bit more like what you see on TV. The Bachelor and the girls all sit around and talk for hours and no one influences the man's choice on who to pick at the rose ceremonies. Now I doubt that. I have a theory that the producers tell him to choose about 7 girls he really likes and then fill up the roster with girls who'd be good on TV. It could happen.
What do you think?

Head Punching and Comedy on The Bachelorette

This week's The Bachelorette continues where last week left off. It's dawn and everyone moves into their respective houses after last week's revelation that Kaitlyn is the Bachelorette.

C.H. visits Kaitlyn to talk with her about the upcoming weeks and then we see Britt crying on the phone to her Mom to tell her she isn't the chosen one. Who didn't feel badly for her? I did. She was blindsided. Never did she entertain the idea she might not make it. Then there is a knock on the door and Cody walks in to give her a hug. You might remember he left the show to go find Britt. Talk about timing. Well done, Cody, well done.

The first date this week is a group date with Daniel the fashion designer, Justin the blonde, Jarred the bearded one, Tanner the handsome guy, Kupah the DJ, Ben the muscle man, and Corey the other blonde guy. Off they go to a warehouse set up with boxing equipment and Laila Ali, women's boxing champ and Dancing with the Stars alumni. They learn the art of boxing while I cringe at home, knowing soon they will be pounding the sh*t out of each other in the ring. And my prediction comes true. I have to look away. Watching people fight is painful for me, especially when they are hitting each other in the head, where the brain is located, you might remember from health class. Brains are super important.

 Jarred is taken to the hospital to be checked out after a big punch to the side of his head and I am disgusted they always seem to do this on The Bachelorette. Note to future Bachelorettes: When they pitch this really fun idea, see it for what it is--a fight to the death for the girl, not a good-sported activity where everyone will laugh and bond. Ben Z. wins because he has 30 extra pounds of muscle on the guys. The cocktail party that night is without Jarred although on his way back from the hospital they allow him to send a note upstairs to get Kaitlyn to come down to say hi. Apparently the bearded restaurant manager is a good kisser. Jarred kind of looks like he could turn into a werewolf, doesn't he?
Back on the rooftop, Kaitlyn gives a rose to Ben, who admits that he likes to cook and his mom died when he was 14. He's not just a bunch of muscles after all.
The next date is a one on one and the artist who drew C.H. on a triceratops, Clint, gets the date. He and Kaitlyn drive to a poolside photo shoot, but wait, it's not poolside. It's an underwater photo shoot. This happens to be one of my favorite forms of photography. I happen to collect weird photos of women underwater. But enough about me. Kaitlyn and Clint have fun but the date seems kind of boring. Not her style. No sparks flying. However, at the rooftop dinner later, Kaitlyn declares he is a really good kisser too. Give that boy a rose for his kissing abilities. She does.
Back at the house, Gentle Tony, the plant talker guy is talking about love and coexisting after they get the final date card for a group of guys that includes him. He asks Justin advice on how to treat Kaitlyn.

With the help of funny lady Amy Schumer, Kaitlyn has the group date guys work on their standup routines at The Improv, one of L.A.'s famous comedy clubs. Ok, standup comedy is extremely difficult even if some of the country's best female funny ladies are helping the guys. Guess who is the least funny with absolutely no sense of humor at all. Tony. Yep. He has about as much funny as a rock and is two seconds from being boo'ed off the stage even though he tells the audience he's not a drinker and is now tipsy. JJ is obnoxious in his confidence and Amy says so to the camera, the dentist is funny, Ian is still pretty cute and after they pretty much fail as comics, they have a party where Kaitlyn wears another sparkly dress (?) and Kentucky boy gets some serious kissing in. JJ pulls the I have a preschool age daughter card to get the rose.

He's not a house favorite.
Meanwhile, Britt and Brady are on a date with ice cream cones and hand holding and he asks her to be his girl. Of course she says yes. Now she has saved face AND has a boyfriend she barely knows.

At the Rose Ceremony, the guys agree to let the men who didn't go on a date this week go first in talking to Kaitlyn alone. That is so incredibly nice of them! Wow! But wait. JJ ruins that by grabbing Kaitlyn after she slips into the room. The men do not like this at all. Tony the love guru even gets nasty about it, which is always fun to watch when someone who preaches love and calmness goes all ballistic. Ian the Princeton runner tells Kaitlyn his backstory, earning him some sympathy and then Kupah makes the worst mistake in Bachelor history. He pulls her aside to tell her that he thinks she doesn't even notice him. He won't leave it alone, can't stop talking, digs himself in deeper, until finally Kaitlyn calls a truce and they part. Kupah immediately heads off to a bunch of guys to loudly recount every word spoken and Kaitlyn hears all this from just around the corner. She pulls him aside and asks him to go home.

Then it gets interesting. He doesn't want to go and argues. "I don't want to go home. I think you're hot," he says like that is a good thing to say to a woman!
She sticks to her decision and he finally gets the message and heads to the driveway to film his contractually obliging exit interview. BUT, he doesn't want to talk to the camera and through the window, Kaitlyn sees him getting almost pushy with Elan Gale the hairy producer who sometimes sneaks on camera by accident. Kupah is pissed off!
To Be Continued flashes on the screen and we aren't even surprised because now these cliffhangers are a bonafide thing at The Bachelor.


Tune in next week to see if Kupah flattens Elan or if they have to call the big bruiser security guy who helped count roses last week.

While waiting, check out this fantastic set of 10 Romantic Suspense books for only .99 on Amazon. Is it a dream? No. They are only 99 cents. All ten. We are practically giving them away for the next few weeks.

Kissing & Crying on The Bachelorette!

Night two of the most controversial Bachelorette in history began with where we left off the night before.
The votes were in, a big bruiser/bouncer guy you wouldn't want to meet down a dark alley helped count the thornless roses in each box and the winner was...

Chris looked traumatized. He likes Britt. I personally think he was #TeamBritt and when he told her that she didn't win the chance to continue on with the show, she took it like a trooper, very few tears, was shocked and left without a fight. Chris walked her to the car, probably chanting "stupid idea to begin with" under his breath and off she went to the very understated condo complex where the ladies stayed for a week or two before only one of them would move in to the mansion.
Side note: The contestants/cast buy all their own clothes, do their own makeup and hair but the Bachelorette has a budget for clothes and goes shopping with the show stylist. During the show her hair and makeup are done by professionals. C.H. too but not Elan Gale, the producer with masses of hair that gets on camera if it tips over.

Then Kaitlyn was told the fabulous news by a straight-faced C.H. and after her exclamation of shocking joy she asked how Britt was doing. She cared about Britt. So Canadian. She called her Mom.
Back in the room, Kaitlyn hoped to convince anyone who didn't vote for her that she was worthy. Shawn the blonde cutie who she really liked in the driveway looked about as pleased as Kaitlyn that she was the Bachelorette.
My notes for the show were eaten by my dog (true story) and somehow we didn't tape the show so here's my recollection of what happened next.

Britt supporters were scared, sad, and wondered why they voiced who they'd vote for to the other guys. Namaste Guy who talks to plants went off alone to meditate on what the universe thought he should do now because he originally liked Kaitlyn, but voted for Britt because of the energy coming off her box. (Voting box)

I wrote on my cryptic notes that the dentist has moves. Anyone know what I meant? Did he dance or kiss her or what? Oh yes, he kissed her first. At least we can assume his breath is probably fresh, even at 4 a. m. after a night of drinking. He's pictured at the right.

But then she took Blonde Shawn aside and he REALLY kissed her. This girl loves to kiss (most Canadians do!) and he got the first impression rose from the girl with the orange spray tan and sparkly dress.

Then it was time for the rose ceremony and Brady asked to speak to Kaitlyn alone. This was the most shocking event in Bachelor history, I thought. The singer/songwriter, who was there for Britt (and probably to further his non-existent career) took himself out of the running in a brilliant move of strategy. Not having any emotional connection with Kaitlyn and probably seeing the writing on the wall that said "YOU'RE GOING HOME, DUDE" Brady made a last ditch effort to be a celebrity and left the show to go look for Britt. Nice move!
Of course he'd have a good chance to date her because she was at an all time low, no self-esteem, and would probably be touched that someone left the show for her. On Monday we get to see what happens there too.

Kaitlyn gave out roses, eliminating the stripper in a shocking move and they all toasted each other with their 7 a. m. glasses of wine. Filming had gone all night.
The previews looked like Nick (the slimeball who was filmed phoning on the plane home from Andi's season) Vial comes back and Kaitlyn sleeps with someone and cries about it profusely. Why??? Why Nick and why cry?
The early sex partner isn't the rose-strewn bed guy to the right because that's the fantasy suite bed so don't go blowing up this photo and analyzing his hair.
Then it looks like Kaitlyn confesses to the other men and they are pissed! My first impression was Do you think the Bachelors ever thought to cry about having sex too early on the show? cough Ben Flajnik, Bob Guiney. I don't think so.
This will be interesting to watch in the coming weeks. Isn't it always?



Kim Hornsby is a blogger and Bestselling author of Suspense as well as Romantic Short Stories on Amazon. One novella series takes after The Bachelor and is called The Husband Hunt.

Drunk Guy Dated Bach Alumni! What?

Tonight began with Chris Harrison telling us this is the most controversial Bachelorette show in history. Oh my! Two ladies. Only one will realize her dream of being an American Reality Show 6- month celebrity. The other will be humiliated and sent home. America knows that this is smarmy. And Bachelor Nation has been very vocal about having to take sides. Thus the controversy.

I'm going to make this as short as I can and still use words like creepy drunk guy and popularity contest.
First up on the first night of a two part season opener, we see a few clips of contestants, which the Bachelor people call cast mates like Disney does. We watched a guy welding a rose, a Princeton grad Division 1 runner who had to teach himself to walk again, a guy with a very overweight dog, a singer/songwriter, a divorced dad (let's not mix up single dad this year, shall we? A single dad is an only parent, raising a child all alone, isn't it?) We got to take a look at a fitness instructor, a hippy who talks to plants like babies and a law student who strips for law school money.
Twenty-five guys, two women, and one host who looked like he'd rather be somewhere else. Did anyone else think Chris Harrison looked bored? Or mad? Or maybe his tie was too tight.
In the oiled-down driveway the men arrived in limos as Kaitlyn and Britt stood fifteen feet apart, waiting, like two cows going to slaughter. Kaitlyn voiced how scared she was, Britt voiced how confident she was (of her first impression capabilities, we think), and Chris Harrison went off camera for a nap or a game of HALO.
Can I just say the fact that Kaitlyn was a bit worried was real and Britt's calm happiness was a bit strange. Both of them wanted this opportunity, had a hotel room full of gowns, makeup, shoes, and the hope of being The Bachelorette. Why was Britt so devoid of nerves? I have a theory about confidence.
What was cringe-worthy at this point was that the men had two women to greet and were able to show favoritism in front of the other girl. Britt got all the attention at first and Kaitlyn stood there like an ugly potato, near tears. Britt greeted them with warm smiles and then finally Kaitlyn got the hang of playing the game and even took a quick break to run in the house to tell the men they were almost finished. Britt's claws showed when she told the camera that was unfair. See Bachelor producers? You wanted to pit them against each other and get some dirt going and there you go. These women held out as long as they could but sweet Britt started realizing she might not end up the Bachelorette and her true colors came out.
Meanwhile, there was a guy getting absolutely blotto in the mansion. Actually, he got out of the limo drunk. At first he was funny to watch, telling everyone he was "horned up" and waving at the ladies from the windows. What we now know about Ryan is that he used to be Nikki's boyfriend, the woman who ended up with Juan Pablo at the end of their season. Wow, she sure knows how to pick 'em! Her mother must be wondering about what she did wrong.
Watching Drunk Guy, I couldn't imagine him every redeeming himself after he called both girls Ho's. Tony the Plant Talker Guy giggled and mentioned he shouldn't say that. In the movie version Drunk Guy will be played by Seth Rogen and Kaitlyn will play herself.
Finally, Chris Harrison stepped in after several self-professed knights in armor tried to confront Drunk Guy and a fight looked imminent. The sloshed cast member was asked to go. C.H. actually looked scared as Drunk Guy heard the news, leaned in as though he might get violent, but then walked to the limo disappointedly. On twitter, Jordan, Drunk Girl from last season, was crying from happiness and tweeting that she wasn't nearly this drunk on her season.

We watched cast members arrive in motorized cupcakes, a hot tub convertible car, swallowing helium, dancing and hugging both girls well into the night until all twenty-five were inside the mansion and both girls competitively speed dated all twenty-five men.
Kaitlyn was overwhelmed, Britt smiled and agreed with everything the men said, establishing a common bond immediately. Kaitlyn said "frickin" a lot, Britt oozed sweetness and both campaigned like politicians on election night.
The men were told to vote when they were ready and before a sour-faced Chris Harrison could finish his sentence, Namaste Plant talker had voted for Britt. It was anyone's guess how it would go. The dude from Ontario Canada, the sex advisor, was just plain STUPID. Let's pretend he was from another country, can we?



And then we heard we had to wait for the following night to find out who would be The Bachelorette. I was actually happy to take a little break from the sliminess of the situation--making two seemingly lovely young women compete against each other in this silly popularity contest under the pretense of finding a husband.


  Tune in tomorrow for the second night assessment of the most controversial bachelorette ever in the history of the world, no, the universe.