Pigs and Rats on The Bachelor!

Last night on The Bachelor things got off to a great start with Ben stupidly asking Olivia if she is the villain in the house. Of course she said no and tears followed. Apparently she likes to talk about "smart things" and she likes "thinking" and the other girls just do not. Oh an don't forget, Olivia, to add "the other girls aren't extremely competitive backstabbers."

Ben did not snatch Olivia's rose away, much to the chagrin of the other ladies, and when the camera cut to a shot of Olivia saying "Come at me, Bro," I almost did one of those surprise wine spits across the room.
Jennifer, someone we didn't get to hear from much, did not get a rose, went home, and also missed a great opportunity to warn Ben of Olivia.
The happy group toasted to going next to the Bahamas like it was an all-expense paid vacation to a tropical island (which it was!) and off they went. We cut to a commercial of Ben selling Disneyland and a special honoring 60 years of fun over there. At least is wasn't Mickey D's again. Talk about the Hawking Higgins!
At the Grand Isle Villas (product placement again) the gals cracked open the champs and settled in to the couch to hear Chris H wish them a wonderful week and hand out a date card for Caila, a girl who has already had a one on one with Ben if you don't count plugging Ice Cube and his sidekick's movie a few weeks ago. This made Leah, a seldom heard from girl in the harem, mad/disappointed. She's hardly ever even talked to the Bachelor so why is he keeping her around? It's called filler,

Leah and just be glad you got to hang around. The Chicken Enthusiast had to go home after 3 days in Los Angeles!!!!
Ben and Caila take off on a big boat to go deep sea fishing, every woman's dream date. Ahem. While Caila was reeling in a tuna, Leah was crying her eyes out back at the villa about how she hasn't had time with Ben. Then the happy couple took a leap off the tuna tower! Weeeee.

 It was funny editing, comparing the fun fish-killing date to drama back in the girls' villa. Once they washed the fishy smell off, Ben and Caila try to talk heart-to-heart but Caila is one confusing gal! She loves Ben but worries she'll break his heart, but she has real feelings for him but she doesn't. And why is it when we cut to Lauren B, her eyes are always red? Is she allergic to salt air?
The next day was a date that every woman has dreamed about all her life--sharing your boyfriend with 6 other women to go swim with ravenous pigs off a rocky island. Yes, you read that right. The women were given a plastic pail filled with hot dogs and apparently the resident pigs don't care who they trample to get the tasty confection.

Forget sharks. Did we know pigs swam that well? I didn't. Or had such bad manners? Well, I did know that because I often tell my children at the dinner table to stop eating like pigs.
Lauren H holds a piglet that looks like it would've latched on if given the chance. Ben thought it was all great fun but not only were the women upset about how much time he devoted to Lauren B. but the pigs have ruined the fun by showing their dangerous side. Leah had a perfect chance to grab Ben to talk but instead, complained about never getting time to talk with him while a pig squeals in the background.

Luckily, when they cleaned up for cocktails, they'd left Pig Island and were back at the Villa. Leah tried another tactic and threw Lauren B under the Ben bus by saying Lauren B is two-faced (excuse me, do you mean Olivia?) and then denied it with the girls. Lauren cried and was really upset when Ben told her, understandably so, but Amanda gets the rose.
Later, Leah saw an opportunity and put on her shortest shorts, teased her hair and went to Ben's bachelor pad to essentially rat out Lauren some more. He sent her packing and out she goes, on the next flight home. Geez, Leah. Rule #47 - Don't use your precious time to talk trash about the other girls to the Bachelor.
The next date was a two on one, the worst type of date in the history of The Bachelor, not just because 50% of the girls on the date go home at the end but it's just plain stupid. Does anyone else think that the Bachelor is asked "Okay, who do you want to cut loose and we'll put them on a two on one with someone you want to stay?"

The thing with this date with Emily and Olivia is that the producers made a big deal about Emily hating Olivia, then got The Mouth to trash talk Emily on camera and off they went on a terrible date in a hurricane-force wind. The speed boat deposited them on a sandy island (no pigs?) and wine was poured while Emily's hair hid her whole face in the raging wind and Olivia had the sense to scrunchie hers. Ben took Olivia on a walk with the rose and she thought she had this in the bag but when he broke the news that he couldn't reciprocate her feelings, it was the sweetest revenge!!! I'm sorry but if you talk stink about everyone else on national TV, you have to accept the fact that they are going to let you stand on a tiny island by yourself crying
while your boyfriend takes off for home with your enemy and then have the helicopter circle your lonely body on the beach for effect. My sources tell me that Olivia is really upset at how the show is portraying her but come on! No one put those words in her mouth when she said that Emily was immature and the date would be more like she and Ben were taking a child along.
Bye Bye, Olivia.
A commercial came on for Stella Artois (a fine beer!) that apparently gives money to a clean water project with every sale. Well done, beer company. #BuyaLadyaDrink
At the rose ceremony, we have JoJo, Becca, Emily, the Laurens, Amanda and Caila. They didn't leave us hanging and we said goodbye to Lauren H, the kindergarten teacher who modeled last week in Mexico.
Next week, it looks like everyone has buckets of tears, including Ben, so if you like watching people who are miserable, you'll love the show! Oh and The Bachelor has a big party on Sunday night celebrating 20 years of manipulating a dating situation to sell products on TV. Can't wait.

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling, Award-Winning Suspense Author who can be found on Amazon here. She uses this blog to exercise her funny muscle and because she loves to hear herself talk.

Bachelor Producers Give Olivia her Own Show!

This week on the Bachelor the star of the show was Olivia, the News Anchor from Austin Texas who likes to hold her mouth open for long periods of time to show surprise. We saw Olivia in blue, Olivia in red, also plaid, Olivia with curled hair, straight hair, no makeup, fully made up, etc. You get the idea. It was like The Olivia Show. Sixteen times, we cut to a private interview to hear what Olivia thought. SIXTEEN TIMES!

The episode began with the flight to Mexico City! "Viva La Mexico" Ben yells for the camera. It's interesting to note that the Bachelor person always flies separately from the girls. I believe this is purposefully done to keep these women chomping at the bit to see their "boyfriend"... reminds me of the Stockholm Syndrome.
The ladies check in to the opulent Four Seasons Hotel in Mexico City and we begin the Olivia Show with a cut to her head and neck telling us that she and Ben have a special love, unlike all the others. She feels it. She's special.

Amanda, the petite mom with the small voice gets the one on one date and then we cut to Olivia to hear her comments on this. Not happy.

At 4 a.m. the next morning, Ben is let into their suite and with a flashlight, wakes them up, calling their names, looking for Amanda who amazingly sleeps in full makeup, hair done, and wearing a cute outfit.

Don't tell me she didn't know this was happening. The others had their weaves on the nightstand, were wearing retainers, had teddy bears in their arms and had "dragon breath" - Olivia
The date takes Ben and Amanda to board a hot air balloon where they cruise over the pyramids and cuddle and talk and kiss. I thought Amanda looked frightened, either of Ben or the balloon experience but that could just be me. At the picnic spot, they looked perfectly in sync and talked about Amanda's ex husband who is now probably trying to do damage control for being outed as a bad dad on national TV. That night, after suiting up in fancy duds, they sat at a table for two, sipping drinks, talking about how it's hard for Amanda to switch from Mom mode to sexy siren mode. Fair enough.

The group date included everyone but Lauren H who almost spilled red wine on a white couch when she heard her name not being called. It meant that she'd get the last one on one. Again we cut to Olivia for her opinion on this and she made some faces and did some minor trash talk.
The date began with a Spanish Lesson by a teacher who held one of those old fashioned pointers. Ben learns how to say "I love you, will you marry me and will you accept this rose." How about "back off Olivia"? (that's what I was kind of hoping for) Olivia gets more camera time, Emily drops in for her comments on Olivia and we see that the producers are creating a cat fight moment in the works. Jubilee is not happy with Ben having 10 other girlfriends. Not at all.
They walked to a restaurant & market where a scary-looing woman in tight braids and her brother divided them into teams of two and gave them each a shopping list. Olivia and Jubilee grabbed Ben and wouldn't let go. Finally Olivia "claimed him" and they all went downstairs to shop for ingredients. It's a cooking competition and no one in the group but Ben likes to cook, apparently. Olivia got more air time, hung off Ben, fed him food and they drank tequila as they shopped.
Strangely, we cut to a commercial that features Sean and Catherine, Desiree and Chris and Ben, touting McDonald's food. What???? How much did they get paid to do this? I have to think Catherine is thinking "this will buy all the baby nursery furniture" as she pretends to eat Mickey D food.

Back at the restaurant, the girls pretty much failed at cooking. Olivia put dried crickets on her and Ben's food and didn't get the laugh she hoped for. Lauren B and Jubilee won the competition with an edible fish dish but they got absolutely nothing for their effort.
That night at the cocktail party, Olivia grabbed Ben mid-sentence and claimed him once more, making her the most hated girl in the house. Maybe not most hated girl ever because she hasn't faked a panic attack yet. Oh, wait. She did that last week.

Emily got more riled and talked about telling Ben that Olivia is a bully. "I'm not afraid to say that," she says. Jubilee is not good in a group date setting and her insecurities made her bitch material when Ben tried to take her aside for a talk. She's pissed to be sharing Ben and the writing on the wall had Ben asking her to leave the show. She exited tearfully and we are sad to see her go. We liked her but she just couldn't separate her relationship from the other girls' relationships. Crash and burn.

JoJo takes Ben aside for a talk and is real and sweet and truthful and of course, Olivia doesn't like that someone else in talking to her man. I'm kind of sick of hearing from Olivia at this point. I wouldn't mind hearing from Leah or Jennifer please. But Olivia got the rose, flaunted it and we dislike her.

The next one on one date is Lauren H, the blonde kindergarten teacher with the funny faces. It happened to be Fashion Week in Mexico City and they ended up modeling for a designer in his fashion show. Both Ben and Lauren did a stand up job with their soft elbows on the runway. They looked bored as hell (as models do!) while they walked the walk and did a fine job. "Holy Shoot!" Lauren says (in case parents of students are watching) Ben does the sexiest little wink at her as they pass on the runway and it's worth finding that moment on your TV to see. Here's the last 1/4 second of the wink below...

Their twosome dinner/drinks went well and Lauren H got the rose. Because they both sleep with a retainer, they found common ground that bonds them beyond a physical attraction, you see.

At the rose ceremony on a rooftop patio, Olivia is still getting oodles of camera time and when she said hearing Amanda's story of her kids reminds her of an episode of Teen Mom, Olivia buries herself, socially. Ben isn't there to hear but the girls decided that is the final straw. Emily went off to tell Ben about Olivia who is still acting all haughty after her inappropriate comment. Mid-cry Emily saw Olivia coming down the stairs to crash Ben and Emily's moment and Emily runs off like the place is on fire instead of confronting her. This is totally expected from a girl who sleeps with a teddy bear.
Amanda also tells Ben that Olivia is a bully (when he specifically asks her) and he's shocked. Well done, Amanda. That gets the Bachelor thinking maybe Olivia isn't all she pretends to be. He should just ask her outright because of course she will tell him the truth.
Okay, this is the moment on every show where the girls hate one girl, the Bachelor can't see it and he keeps her on in spite of what he's been told. RED FLAG! I have to think the producers insist that the hated girl has to stay for another week and give some excuse that satisfies the Bachelor because this happens every time!!!!
When Ben asks to speak to Olivia privately, we see To Be Continued on the screen but we know. She'll fake ignorance, he'll feel badly for her and she'll stay. After all, she has that rose in her clutches. Next week we'll see this all go down but I don't need to wait on pins and needles. I know.
They didn't give Olivia 16 cut to camera shots this week to let her walk away. And I counted how many times we had to hear from the mouth from the south about her overly competitive attitude.

Note to Olivia: This is what good sportsmanship looks like...

I do not watch the after party live show anymore as it makes me lose all respect for myself by wasting a perfectly good hour.

This is Ben's Charity and probably one of the reasons he did THE BACHELOR -- to raise awareness.
Humanity and Hope


Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling, Award-Winning Suspense Author who can be found on Amazon here. She uses this blog to exercise her funny muscle and because she loves to hear herself talk.

The Bachelor Begins Filming This Week!

Twenty-five young ladies are packing their two (only!) suitcases this weekend with enough dresses to last them through a bunch of rose ceremonies, beachwear, snow wear, boots, skinny jeans, cute tops, bikinis and enough hair products and makeup to potentially sink Malibu into the ocean.
Filming begins later this week for The Bachelor! But don't get too excited because we won't actually see the episodes until January 4th and until then we need to try to get to like Dancing With the Stars.

The new Bachelor, Ben Higgins, must be in the midst of his own prep to meet all these women-- like obsessively exercising for those shower scenes, having his back waxed (work with me here) and pressing his tuxedos. I'd like to think that Ben won't fall into those traps that make us think we're too old to watch this stupid behavior on the show. You know, those scenes they shoot like two men scrubbing each other's backs in the shower to promote a Brokeback Bachelor publicity stunt, or a woman obsessively kissing a parrot. You have to know some young, hungry producer who just got hired is behind those ridiculous moments. And if you're like me, it's those moments that make me think I might not watch The Bachelor. Boxing dates where someone goes to the ER, Roller Skating when you only have one arm. Those unfunny, humiliating things the producers make the contestants do in reality TV.
WE DON'T LIKE THEM!!! If you follow twitter, not only do people think these scenes are stupid, they lose interest. Men are not your audience and women don't like to see other women humiliated.

Note to Bachelor producers: You are losing the middle age woman as an audience. Just take a look at who sits out there behind Chris Harrison on After the Final Rose. Is it the fans of PUNK'D? Nope. It's middle-aged women. If you're going after the MTV crowd, keep staging stupid schticks like walking topless through L.A. and professing to be a Disney princess but if you want to keep us watching, cut out the stupid shctick.

That said, I'm excited for Ben and all the lovely ladies who will first stay in separate hotel rooms to attend the first rose ceremony then will get to move to the mansion if they make the cut the first night. Out of 25, it's usually about 15 who stay, right?
You have to know that producers are brainstorming right now about how to make girls show up with a heart in a cooler, drive a giant cupcake car, and come in on a horse to make what they believe is better TV. I, for one, think it ruins the show.
What do you think?

OVERNIGHTS BEFORE HOMETOWNS?? on The Bachelorette

I took a day to write this blog in an effort to get the bad taste out of my mouth from watching The Bachelorette last night.
I'm not sure why this season hasn't grabbed me like previous ones but something is very off. Things are being run differently, or Kaitlyn is crying too much, or Shawn B (is there another Shawn?) didn't read the show's description when it said "You might end up dating the same girl as 7 other men." It could still be that Nick Viall has not left the building yet. He continues to bug the bejesus out of me, (as my mother would've said.)

Let's recap last night, shall we?

The show is in picturesque Dublin or as I like to say Dooblin, to sound Irish. Shawn and Kaitlyn are having a heart to heart on her love seat and she is dying inside to think that he might know she banged Nick the night before in the next room. He doesn't know, or all you'd see of him would be the dust. And maybe smell his aftershave because I'm pretty sure Shawn is the kind of guy who has wonderful aftershave!

Tanner walks with Nick outside trash talking Shawn and leaving me to wonder why Tanner turned Team Nick all of a sudden, even revealing to Nick that Shawn cried when he didn't get the one on one. Hey, Shawn has it BAD for Kaitlyn. Haven't any of you out there had a relationship that might have made you drive for two days in diapers to go and kill your rival?

The two on one date is next with Joe from Kentucky (remember he had his left one hanging out of the sumo diaper?) and JJ, the confused father who popped his bestie's back pimple weeks before at the Bachelor mansion? Hmmm, let's see, which one is better husband material? That is such a tough one seeing Joe is funny, intelligent and is said to kiss like a dream. And JJ wears pink socks and looks like a deer caught in the headlights. And he's stupid enough to tell Kaitlyn that she needs to know he cheated on his wife. He does this just before she has to eliminate one man. It's you JJ! To rub salt in the wound, Kaitlyn leaves with Joe on the boat and JJ is left standing on the edge of the cliff, wondering if he should just jump now after he admitted on National TV that he cheated on his wife.

After this date, Shawn tromps that familiar path to his girlfriend's room while she's doing an on camera interview in her bedroom, and they sit down for their nightly heart to heart. Someone needs to take Shawn aside and feed him a chill pill. He's got weeks left to go, not to mention she's falling for about 5 other guys, even though she mistakenly told him off camera in San Antonio that he's the one. "Oops, did I say that?" Kaitlyn wonders. "I meant to say 'you're so much fun!'" Once you tell someone they are the one, you can't keep dating other guys. Not in Shawn B's book. He might have been the one two weeks earlier. Now he's the fifth or sixth. On twitter, people think he sounds drunk but I think he has a dreamy Hollywood voice. And he has an old fat dog back home so that gets him points with me.

It's the rose ceremony! We don't have to wait until next week! Ben Z is hunky and sweet, Ben H is tall and getting more interesting every week, Cupcake Chris has nice teeth, Nick is hanging around like a weed, Tanner is nothing, Jared is cute and sexy in a werewolf way, Shawn is high maintenance, and Joe has a rose already. Oh, Nick has a rose for great sex too.

I think at this point it's a nice gesture to take the losers out kindly, but no. Kaitlyn lines them up and when all the roses are gone, Ben Z and Tanner are left standing. Awww. Poor Ben Z.

 

The next day the Paddy Wagon Bus comes to take everyone to Kilarney, home of the Blarney Stone, but WAIT! Kaitlyn drives up in a mini, chooses Jared to road trip with her, driving on the left side and the rest of the men take the bus. SMACK. In your face men! Jared is actually pretty cute and has the best philosophy of living in the moment.
Once they kiss the Blarney Stone, Jared helps Kaitlyn check in to her castle while the men find their one size fits all suite at the Randles Hotel in town. Chris Harrison has flown in by private helicopter and recommends that Kaitlyn be fair and give all the other men (besides Nick and Shawn) some off camera/alone time with her. Nick and Shawn had their time already. New Twist: This season the overnight dates will take place BEFORE hometowns so that if you sleep with Kaitlyn on the O/N date and you do really well, you can take her to meet your nice folks.
Chris the cupcake has the first one on one and they take a helicopter ride to the Cliffs of Moher for a picnic in what looks like a Black Hawk, not a tour helicopter.

This is the golden moment for Chris to sell himself, take Kaitlyn in his arms like a man and wow her. She gives him several chances by asking leading questions about what their life would be like in Nashville and Cupcake just smiles and answers like he's on a half hour game show. Kaitlyn realizes she doesn't want to be off camera with this guy who is sweet but has no connection with her. The helicopter can't get there fast enough for Kaitlyn and her tears and the Dentist is left crying on the cliff, wondering whether he should jump or not. I'm imagining what the producers said to him to make him cry like that. Maybe your performance in Aladdin lacked a little something. Next week, we continue with one on one overnights.

 

Now here is an Irish joke for you: Say these words very fast several times--Whale Oil Beef Hooked and now you are swearing like a true Irishman!

I Went to the Casting Call for THE BACHELOR!

Yesterday I braved heavy bumper to bumper traffic into Seattle to get to The Bachelor Casting Call Auditions at Pacific Place. It took 90 minutes to make the 20 minute drive but thanks to Cortana, we made it, valet parked, and were greeted by a KOMO 4 representative at the door to welcome us to THE BACHELOR CASTING CALL.
She was giving out long-stemmed thornless roses to girls who were there for the chance to get on the Reality TV show.
My friend and I took the escalator up to the next level where the atrium was open to the next four levels and filled with pretty girls. At first glance the competition looked fierce. Curled, long blonde hair was everywhere, as were pretty smiles, figure-hugging outfits and lipsticked mouths.

KOMO, the NBC affiliate in Seattle was in charge of the event and greeters with KOMO name tags were everywhere. We were told to get in line to register if we were there for the casting call. The line was fifty deep populated by coiffed young women wearing whatever they thought would make them look like reality show material. The line snaked around the atrium's center café and bar that was doing a great business in the alcoholic department from what I could see. The bar was filled with girls filling out the application, talking, flicking their hair and checking out the competition. Ringing this group were representatives from the hairstyling place upstairs helping girls with their Bachelor-ready hairdo's and makeup.
The line moved slowly and when asked by people what everyone was in line for I said The Bachelor Casting call the first four times. Honestly I did. Then I began to tell people it was for a free iPhone. I needed a laugh amongst all the desperate worry and nervous energy in the mall.
I have to say, there were some lovely looking girls there. The casting directors were looking for pretty girls and if you think otherwise, you haven't watched the show. They pretty much only take the beautiful people crowd. And for a good reason. Would you be so excited for Magic Mike XXL to debut if the guys were old, pot-bellied men? Beautiful sells tickets. It's called escapism.
While sizing up the line that never seemed to get shorter as more women arrived, I picked out maybe five women who I thought were possible contenders. And I had to put on my extremely superficial glasses and look with the eyes of a Bachelor producer. Certain looks just have that thing that translates well to camera. When most of the women got to the head of the line where the photographer had them hold up their name card for a photo, most looked scared, or too normal to translate to a reality show about beauty. Star 101.5 radio station was in charge of this portion of the process and I took it upon my 58 year old self to point out to the desk of college-aged interns that they had these girls facing the atrium and the four floors above showing their names and phone numbers to the world. I kept turning around to see if single men lined the railings across from the girls and hoped that no one was taking phone numbers. Safety first and all that. I guess that's the mother in me. The interns said thank you for pointing that out and they'd take that into consideration next time, probably whispering "crazy old lady" under their breath.

Once your photo was taken, like in prison (holding up your number and name,) you could sit down and wait for the Star 101.5 rep to call your name over the microphone. The wait seemed to be about 20 to 30 minutes. At one point he called Sassy Farty and I laughed out loud. While waiting, the girls had a glass of wine, lots banded together to talk, some had a quick touchup on their makeup. I eavesdropped on the next table to hear this gal with red hair (and I don't mean naturally red hair) telling someone she just met that she's an extremely sexual person, like Kaitlyn. At one point she told the gal that she's a "little, short, sexual person!" And she did not have a drink in front of her, either.
I talked with a gal named Cindy who was adorable in a little navy blue outfit who reminded me of a 1930's film star with her red lipstick and bobbed hair. I kept telling her she should try tap dancing. Her friend Anna, who doesn't even own a TV, came to support her effort to be on the show and we sat in the café talking about life in general.
There was one woman in line who was my age, and she was very stylishly coiffed with spiky highlit hair and wearing a black leather jacket. Very pretty. And very brave. Or very cuckoo. Her friend watched from the café, wringing her hands. Most gals were under thirty.
When they called your name, you went into a circular lobby, like at a Grecian spa and waited again for your name to be called. Black out curtains ringed this room to prevent Snoopy McSnooperson (me) seeing in unless you snuck around to the side and found that one of the wall panels moved and a 58 year old woman could sneak in behind a panel and listen. And take a picture! This is the photo above. The counter in front held Aveda gift bags for all the girls, filled with two tiny products and a coupon for a haircut. My friend was horrified I was behind the wall panel so I popped out and just peaked through the clear glass area. When a candidate's name was called they went into one of three rooms labeled A, B and D (to the right) to meet with two casting directors.
According to girls I asked, they were filmed and asked questions from their applications about hobbies and relationships etc. If you made the cut, and I'd have to think that only twenty out of 400 did, from what I saw, you advanced to another curtained off area (on the left) to get a package labeled LFQ filled with legal papers to fill out and FED EX by Monday to Bachelor Headquarters. One gal I met who had the cherished manila envelope called them "Lady Fuckin' Questions." Get the bleeper ready for her! Once they had the packet, the chosen candidates went on to room D get more photos taken.
I got a chance to see the papers inside the folder and they asked for information about police records, driving records, asked if there were any nude photos anywhere, if the candidate modeled, acted, worked in any way in the entertainment industry, had any type of a record that might surface later. They also asked the candidate to be available early August to fly down to LA on ABC's dime and not tell anyone about this. They asked for more photos and had examples like when you get your passport photo taken--This ...  Not This ... style.
As the guy with the microphone began to pack up his sound system and the last few girls were processed, things wound down at Pacific Place. It was 9 pm and the call was officially 4-8. One of the casting directors emerged from the curtained area and stood surveying the room in her grey cardigan sweater and her weary eyes. She looked like any shopkeeper in the mall closing up for the night, ready to go home. It was impossible to see what she looked for in the thinning crowd or if her trip to Seattle was worth the effort but with more Bachelor married couples than any other city in America, I'd have to say that Seattle turns out some good prospects.
Best of luck to the girls. One never knows what they are looking for in this crazy dating show.

Kim Hornsby writes a romance novella series called The Husband Hunt, based on The Bachelor. The first book is free and available for download on Amazon.

The Bachelorette Kicks One Out and Lets One In!

This evening's installment of The Bachelorette opened with Clint's vocal and menacing departure from the show. He plays the villain almost too well, almost like he is Heath Ledger playing a bad guy!

In the first scene Kaitlyn listened to him try to dig himself out of the hole he was standing in but she was too smart to fall for his mind-wrangling. She did, however, let him walk through the group of gathered bachelors (mistake!) and when he stopped to give them the evil eye and choice words, JJ threw him under the bus by telling him to apologize for taking valuable time from them. Not sure what the strategy was there from Clint's BFF. My hubster was convinced this was part of the diabolical plan to take over the world but to what end, I asked?
There was a lot of bleeping and posturing and snake eyes from Clint as he said his final words to JJ. I think he might have even threatened him. JJ had some tears, regrets, face slaps (by himself!) and Tanner said it was like Brokeback Volcano erupting.

Kaitlyn decided against having a rose ceremony and they all took off to New York City! (Imagine that cowboy from the salsa commercial saying that last part!) JJ vowed to turn over a new leaf, one that includes romancing women.
Holed up at the Knickerbocker Hotel, the men received a date card that mentioned the word 'fresh' and Shawn, JJ, Ryan B, Jonathan, Corey and Ben Z went on the first New York date.

Rapping Wars: Apparently Kaitlyn loves to rap (but can't really do it?) and with the help of Doug E. Fresh, the men wrote and performed raps insulting each other all in the name of good fun. Another stupid date.
Why fight, insult, pit these men against each other in this season? Tony the plant talker is looking better every date. And to make this show even worse, Nick Viall was in the audience waiting to ask Kaitlyn if he could join the show. If you remember Nick from Andy's season, he behaved like a teenager and was secretly filmed on his exit flight insulting Josh, the winner. Andi ended up saying he was bad news. He looks like a young, handsome John Lithgow.
Apparently Nick's been very vocal on social media and Tanner told the men all about this Bach alumni's history. Tanner's vast inside knowledge made me wonder if he is actually Reality Steven secretly infiltrating the show.
When Kaitlyn got all flustered that Nick showed up, she mentioned to the men he may join the ranks. They were overjoyed to have another competitor. NOT! The Bachelorette said she'd decide Nick's fate in the morning.
Note: If Kaitlyn likes this Nick guy, I officially am done rooting for her. Not only does she have much better prospects in her group of existing men, but it is downright disrespectful and immature to consider Nick's inclusion all because of some flirtatious messages on twitter, for crying out loud. Kaitlyn talks about husband material but is this player husband material? I don't believe so.
I was upset in my comfortable chair at home and had to go get another glass of wine!
Ending up in the "hairdresser" chair at Ashley S.'s beauty salon, Kaitlyn asked for advice and actually got a good tip. She's just in lust.
Two things about Ashley S. the onion peeling wacko contestant from Chris Soules' season. She is not a hairdresser, she's a business woman, and I believe she's going to be on Bachelor in Paradise. That'll be great!
Kaitlyn ignored the good advice and told Nick to move in.

The evening's date was a black tie affair at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in the after hours. Must've been midnightish because the street was deserted as Jared, the hawk-eyed man from Maine entered the Met to see Kaitlyn descending a grand staircase. This was the type of Bachelor date we actually enjoy, but her thoughts were with Nick. Uggh! Oh, then they kissed a bit, talked, and she was back on track. You know when the romantic Bachelor guitar music comes on, this is a special moment to get us thinking that Jared might be the ONE. Little did Jared know until watching last night's show that Kaitlyn's mind was somewhere else. Wonder how he feels this morning. They left the Met and had a romantic helicopter tour of the night lights of NYC. So why Nick?



The next date had the limo taking Joe, Ian, Chris, Joshua, and Ben H to Broadway to rehearse a dance number in Aladdin, the Disney musical.
The man who passed the dancing and singing audition got a tiny walk on part in the show's performance that night with Kaitlyn. Most of the guys couldn't sing except Ian the runner, who is way too accomplished and mature for Kaitlyn. The dentist got the job due to his broad gesturing and theater-like posturing. Apparently he sings the song "A Whole New World" in the car. Red Flag!!! First he arrives in a cupcake, then knows Disney songs. We must watch this man.
Kaitlyn and the dentist dressed in elaborate Aladdin costumes walked on for twenty seconds and off again. Once out of makeup and costumes for their big Broadway debut, they walked around the theater district and visited the New Year's Eve ball that drops in Time Square, stored in a building. Cupcake looked a lot more manly in his jeans than the harem pants, bolero, rope hat and makeup so they kissed.
Back at the hotel room where the budget apparently didn't allow for a couch big enough to fit ten men, they awaited Nick's arrival like a pack of jackals ready to pounce on an unsuspecting gazelle. And this is where we left it.
To be continued. The previews show that Nick sees conflict from the men, Ian finds his dignity and the mood is tense. I'll probably watch next week even though this season is kind of stupid, but I know people who've dropped off this season due to the immature tone of the show this time around. Just sayin'.

Oh, and former Bachelor Bob Guiney has moved into my neighborhood and I'm wondering why this Playboy channel DJ/ Country singing celeb is living in suburban Seattle amongst Microsoft executives. Life is strange sometimes. I'll try to get an exclusive interview if I see him walking his dog!





Kim Hornsby is the author of The Husband Hunt, a series of short books based on The Bachelor.

Kissing & Crying on The Bachelorette!

Night two of the most controversial Bachelorette in history began with where we left off the night before.
The votes were in, a big bruiser/bouncer guy you wouldn't want to meet down a dark alley helped count the thornless roses in each box and the winner was...

Chris looked traumatized. He likes Britt. I personally think he was #TeamBritt and when he told her that she didn't win the chance to continue on with the show, she took it like a trooper, very few tears, was shocked and left without a fight. Chris walked her to the car, probably chanting "stupid idea to begin with" under his breath and off she went to the very understated condo complex where the ladies stayed for a week or two before only one of them would move in to the mansion.
Side note: The contestants/cast buy all their own clothes, do their own makeup and hair but the Bachelorette has a budget for clothes and goes shopping with the show stylist. During the show her hair and makeup are done by professionals. C.H. too but not Elan Gale, the producer with masses of hair that gets on camera if it tips over.

Then Kaitlyn was told the fabulous news by a straight-faced C.H. and after her exclamation of shocking joy she asked how Britt was doing. She cared about Britt. So Canadian. She called her Mom.
Back in the room, Kaitlyn hoped to convince anyone who didn't vote for her that she was worthy. Shawn the blonde cutie who she really liked in the driveway looked about as pleased as Kaitlyn that she was the Bachelorette.
My notes for the show were eaten by my dog (true story) and somehow we didn't tape the show so here's my recollection of what happened next.

Britt supporters were scared, sad, and wondered why they voiced who they'd vote for to the other guys. Namaste Guy who talks to plants went off alone to meditate on what the universe thought he should do now because he originally liked Kaitlyn, but voted for Britt because of the energy coming off her box. (Voting box)

I wrote on my cryptic notes that the dentist has moves. Anyone know what I meant? Did he dance or kiss her or what? Oh yes, he kissed her first. At least we can assume his breath is probably fresh, even at 4 a. m. after a night of drinking. He's pictured at the right.

But then she took Blonde Shawn aside and he REALLY kissed her. This girl loves to kiss (most Canadians do!) and he got the first impression rose from the girl with the orange spray tan and sparkly dress.

Then it was time for the rose ceremony and Brady asked to speak to Kaitlyn alone. This was the most shocking event in Bachelor history, I thought. The singer/songwriter, who was there for Britt (and probably to further his non-existent career) took himself out of the running in a brilliant move of strategy. Not having any emotional connection with Kaitlyn and probably seeing the writing on the wall that said "YOU'RE GOING HOME, DUDE" Brady made a last ditch effort to be a celebrity and left the show to go look for Britt. Nice move!
Of course he'd have a good chance to date her because she was at an all time low, no self-esteem, and would probably be touched that someone left the show for her. On Monday we get to see what happens there too.

Kaitlyn gave out roses, eliminating the stripper in a shocking move and they all toasted each other with their 7 a. m. glasses of wine. Filming had gone all night.
The previews looked like Nick (the slimeball who was filmed phoning on the plane home from Andi's season) Vial comes back and Kaitlyn sleeps with someone and cries about it profusely. Why??? Why Nick and why cry?
The early sex partner isn't the rose-strewn bed guy to the right because that's the fantasy suite bed so don't go blowing up this photo and analyzing his hair.
Then it looks like Kaitlyn confesses to the other men and they are pissed! My first impression was Do you think the Bachelors ever thought to cry about having sex too early on the show? cough Ben Flajnik, Bob Guiney. I don't think so.
This will be interesting to watch in the coming weeks. Isn't it always?



Kim Hornsby is a blogger and Bestselling author of Suspense as well as Romantic Short Stories on Amazon. One novella series takes after The Bachelor and is called The Husband Hunt.

The Bachelorettes Airs Today!

Although I'm cringing inside to think that these two gorgeous, worthy women are pitted against each other on The Bachelorette tonight, Chris Harrison and both Kaitlyn Bristowe and Britt Nilsson tell us not to worry. It isn't anything like that. The two contestants like each other, think this is a great idea and the whole thing is loads of fun.

Okay, so they drank the Bachelorette Koolaid the producers offered and were convinced that this new twist to an already demeaning to women show was just good ole fashioned fun, not a smarmy attempt to get better ratings. Britt and Kaitlyn don't know how this looks to the American public because they are not part of the American public anymore. The moment the Bachelor producers pitched the idea of putting two girls on the show for the first night and having the men actually vote for the one they like the best, the contestants lost their ability to see the situation clearly.
"This is an amazing opportunity to form a platform and do good in the world," "After this promo, you'll be able to write your own ticket of what you want to do in entertainment," "Not many people get an opportunity like this to gain fame so quickly and then use it to further your career." These are all possible pitches that producers use to lure unsuspecting contestants into the web known as The Bachelor franchise.
I'm not saying I won't watch tonight, because you know I'll be parked in front of my huge TV, with a glass of wine in hand, hanging on every word. But I have a pre-conceived idea of how nasty it was to use two girls for this, discard one and pretend it was all in good fun. If my mind is changed after watching, I'll apologize publicly tomorrow on my blog but for now, let the record show that the Bachelor producers have hit a new low by appealing to people's need to achieve fame on a reality show.
See you here tomorrow for my take on the evening's event.


Kim Hornsby is a Best Selling Author and devout Bachelor fan who is ashamed at how much enjoyment she gets from this show.


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