The Bachelor - Arie

Ari wasn't my favorite. I didn't even learn to correctly spell his name.
He said "Yeah" a lot.
He said "I love you," a lot.
When you accept the post to be The Bachelor, you must also accept the public's scrutiny of you. I just read he's worried about the finale tonight. I predict he picks no one. Did anyone notice Chris H did not ask him if he was in love last night? Well, he didn't. The first ever in Bachelor history.

Here's what Ari did right, in my opinion:

Nice hair, not dyed so the grey doesn't show
Gave Crystal her just desserts on Women Tell All by cutting her off
Didn't eat steroids or work at his buffed body (which it was not)
Looked great in a suit
Did not focus on the women's bikini bodies

Here's where Ari can improve for his next turn at The Bachelor because you know he's coming back:

Learn how to eliminate the words "Like" "Yeah" and "I Love That," from his verbiage
Don't wear black ankle socks after a Fantasy suite date
Take a course in how to express yourself eloquently -- ask pro football players how they do it
Don't tell everyone you love them, it makes them think they are the winner of the contest
If an ex flies to Peru to take away your girlfriend, don't invite him in

Can't wait to see what happens in the FINALE tonight.

Who's Off the Wedding List on The Bachelor Finale?

Ben is Engaged! To Lauren B. but it was touch and go there for an hour as Ben Higgins declared his love for two women! Yes two!!! Jo Jo and Lauren were both equally in love and guardedly sure that they might end up as Ben's fiancee because for the first time in Bachelor history, The Bachelor told women that he loved them. And that he was in love with them!

If you watched this finale you might have agreed with me at this point that saying those words is not a great idea if you are going to utter it to both remaining women. It's just plain unfair to that one lady who will be going home in tears after planning what to name the first baby.
Note to future Bachelors: Do not say the love word before the proposal. Do not. Bad idea. Even if you do love everyone. It's going to be taken the wrong way as a major hint that that girl is the ONE.

Last night's show revealed two nervous ladies, Ben in a state of turmoil over who to choose, and Neil Lane with a big confused smile. It seemed like our Bachelor was still wondering who to spend the rest of his life with until C.H. gave him a helpful hint. "Who can't you live without?"

Both ladies met Ben's parents, made great impressions, and went back to their Jamaican hotel rooms hoping to call Amy Higgins Mom, and Dave Higgins Dad in another few months.
I have to mention here that I knew without a doubt who Ben picked and having that secret info ruined the whole season for me. It's not fun to know the "winner." At all. There is no tension, game, interest in the other girls when you have the final answer.
That said, we watched both ladies dress in their finest for proposal day and then get helicoptered over to Ben and the proposal station set up by those amazing set decorators on another part of the island. At this point in the show I was shouting at Ben that he shouldn't have let Jo Jo get all dressed up. He should have done one of those hotel room let down things, especially considering all he and Jo Jo had been through and the fact that they were self-professed best friends and all. Sheesh!
But no, he let her get into her proposal outfit and nervously shake her way down a slippery stream path to find out that she wasn't the love of his life. Harsh!
Moving on...Lauren looked darling and was overjoyed to hear that she is the love of his life. Lauren B. is his person and he is hers. I wouldn't say it was the sweetest proposal in Bach history but it was nice. They looked very happy and that made me happy, even though I did not have any wine last night to help my happiness along.
After the Final Rose came next with Ben wearing a checkered suit, print tie and checked shirt. Is this the new style because he looked like a traveling roadshow barker to me? He spoke eloquently but was flustered when Jo Jo came out to say hello and tell him she's moved on. Which is good because Ben has too. With his fiancee.

It probably helped Jo Jo move on this week when The Bachelor producers switched gears and dropped Caila as the new Bachelorette in favor of Jo Jo. According to spies, they'd even shot some test footage of Caila only to decide the public wasn't thrilled with her. So, Jo Jo and her hair fiddling will be back in another four months to find herself a true love on TV. I like Jo Jo but really, really hope that hair fixing thing she does constantly gets toned down ALOT! It's annoying.
And to that critic who wrote that Caila is as interesting as a drawer full of sand, remember that The Bachelor director and editor only show us what they want us to see and she might be a real bitch or have a wild personality. Regardless, Caila was gracious on social media this morning wishing the happy couple congratulations and wishing Jo Jo a great run at the Bachelorette. Come to think of it, she might not have made great TV if she's polite and sweet. And gracious.
C.H. tried half-heartedly, to get Ben and Lauren to get hitched on camera last night, having flown in Ben's friend and pastor but no, they want friends at their wedding, Ben said. Anyone else feel like we aren't his idea of wedding guest material? I was a little insulted as a faithful standing member of Bachelor Nation who hadn't even had any wine. Looks like we are off the wedding list People.

The closing credits rolled while the Higgins family and the Bushnell family hugged it out and blended and smiled while the happy couple mingled amongst them.
I give this Bach couple a 98% chance of making it to the alter and only hold back 2% for crazy uncalled for happenings like flood or famine.
A happy ending is always great on The Bachelor, don't you agree?

The Chicken Tells All on The Bachelor!

Sheila, the little chicken from Redmond, Washington, sat quietly during The Women Tell All on The Bachelor last night, until she couldn't take it any longer. Chickens can sense liars and when she flew off owner and Bachelor contestant, Tiara Soleim's lap, it kind of said it all.
Sheila's "I'm outta here" flying escape during Olivia saying "I'm a strong, independent woman," one more time, was actually what I wanted to do at that point.
I'm pretty sure if Sheila could talk, she'd have told Olivia, "Be sure to add aggressive, competitive and insensitive, because most of these women who have left good jobs and the safety of the real world to be on this scary and possibly life-changing reality show, have the same strength and independence as you."
The best behaved chicken in Hollywood took to the ABC studio skies to hop to Lace's lap, then continued to the floor on her way to the door, the airport and ultimately the plane that brought her to Los Angeles. (Side note: Tiara flew to L.A. with Sheila who could not go under the seat in front of her and actually had to ride in cargo in the dark! What a trooper!)
Tiara then convinced her little pet to come back to her lap and listen some more to the girls' venting about what went down in the house.

Here's the thing (and Sheila knows this, I'm sure). Women love to talk, we need to vent, we have big emotions that make us say crazy things sometimes and then we make up. Sometimes we say stuff we don't REALLY mean. Not really. Especially three months later.

Like Jubilee. I love Jubilee. Love. She might have said she was the only full-black woman in the house and that might be an offensive comment to people who are half black, I don't know, but give the girl a break. She's done 4 frickin' tours of duty in the military. If she bragged about being all black and minimized your blackness, can you not just let it go? If someone said to Jaime that they were half Canadian and she said she was full Canadian, would we be talking about this?

Maybe Jubilee was hard to get along with if you lived in the house but let's move on, Ladies. You are not going to get sympathy when you speak against a woman whose family all died in Haiti, who serves in the military and cries on camera. Complicated is fine. Many people are.
And Amy Schumer went on a rant today (#InternationalWomensDay) to lambaste Chris Harrison who tried to help Jubilee be less complicated, saying that Jubilee doesn't need a romance to be an amazing woman. Amy said complicated is not a bad thing. I wonder if she was too hasty to jump on that cause.
I don't think Chris tried to say complicated won't get you a man, necessarily, but Jubilee indicated that she'd like to love openly and maybe wasn't the best personality type for this type of show where everyone competes to date the same person. Chris Harrison was trying to handle her tears in his usual bumbling, love counselor style. It wasn't a terrible thing, Amy, and I should know. I love to call out C.H.
Last night the twins were a little too verbal, Amanda had a throat problem and couldn't really speak, Lauren H said nothing, Caila looked like she'd been crying before the show, Lace redeemed herself with a gorgeous apology and Olivia still looked aggressive and bossy. (She needs one of those Hollywood coaches who tell you how to dig yourself out of bad PR.)

I actually loved this Women Tell All so much more than most but maybe that is because I know Tiara and have held that little chicken in my hands and both 'ladies' are as sweet and lovely as you'd ever want to know. I'm just hoping that Tiara and Sheila get to go to Bachelor In Paradise in a few months and we can see Sheila in her poultry bikini!
What do you think.

#SheilaforBachelorInParadise
#ChickenTellsAll

The Bachelor Breaks the Cardinal Rule!!!!

Jamaica Mon, on The Bachelor!

Ben has three women left at this point and all three women are in love with the hunky software salesman from Indiana. Or they think they are. It's my opinion that at this point they have a form of Stockholm Syndrome and are in love with the only man they've seen for months, a man who is made out to be the next James Bond and their feelings in this captivity have led them to believe they love Ben. It's clever how the producers limit their time with the Bachelor and control the women's experiances. That's why the Fantasy Suite dates are essential. They actually get to spend uninterrupted hours to find out who this guy really is. Forget the bed. The women don't have cameras in their faces, directors telling them where to stand, producers prompting them for dirt on another girl.

The first date last night was Caila and Ben's float on a raft down a river to the Jerky Center where they ate barbeque and drank from coconuts. Caila was worried and quiet and not herself and Ben sensed it. Conversation was stilted.
Later, at the dinner table, she confessed her worry about the other relationships. He basically told her to trust him so she did, and bravely revealed that she loved him. Fireworks went crazy in the background as they stood in thigh deep (probably cold) water to pose and kiss. They woke up the next morning and blissfully kissed, drank coffee, and smiled a lot, like lovers do.

Lauren's date with Ben involved releasing newborn sea turtles to the ocean, an activity I missed doing by one day recently in Nicaragua. (There were no new hatches the day I was at the turtle beach.) Lauren and Ben had loads of one day old Hawksbills to watch as they hobbled to the sea instinctively. Who wasn't moved to almost tears to see these babies head to what will probably be their early demise in the ocean. Not many make it. Not like in Finding Nemo.
That night, Lauren and Ben found a reggae band on the street and sat at the Bachelor dinner vignette to read the Fantasy Suite card. Lauren told Ben that he's the man of her dreams and also revealed that she loved him. For the first time in Bachelor history the Bachelor said it back and I almost fell off my chair and spilled my two buck Chuck. Are they allowed to say that? He did! These two seemed very much in love and I pretty much had this contest all sewn up at this point but wait...

The next day with Jo Jo went swimmingly. She wears skimpy, sexy clothes, have you noticed? Her bikini at YS Falls was strange and highlighted her assets. She and Ben swam and talked and kissed and when she revealed she loved him, Ben said he loved her too. Jo Jo's mouth feel open. WHAT? She took this to mean that she is the ONE, I was pretty sure, and fell the rest of the way in love with Ben. Isn't this the Bachelor Cardinal Rule #1? Do not say those love words until your propose to that one girl at the very end??? Whether the show's psychologist warned Ben or not, we'll never know.

The Fantasy Suite card presented itself at dinner and off they went to the Romeo and Juliet room for privacy. In the morning, they fed each other fruit, declared their love for each other and off Ben went to ponder what to do after telling two women that he loves them. He forgot to tell Caila that he loves her! But wait. He doesn't exactly.
When Caila decided to surprise him with a visit to his guest house on the other side of the island, he sat her down on the cold hard stairs outside his suite and delivered the cold, hard truth. She had to leave. She started to, then got out of the car to ask him when he knew he wasn't in love with her. Good move, Caila! She got a satisfactory answer and cried all the way to the airport.
At the rose ceremony sisterwives Lauren and Jo Jo wondered where Caila got to until Ben arrived to say he'd sent her home. They toasted awkwardly, group hugged awkwardly, and tried to smile even though all three of them knew that one of them would be crying their eyes out in the next few days. Well, maybe two of them. Ben is a soft-hearted guy.

The Women Tell All was filmed Saturday night in Los Angeles and the Chicken Enthusiast was invited to attend--and Sheila, the little chicken who she loves. Sheila had to fly cargo, unlike a tiny dog who can go under the seat in front but the little chicken handled her trip to Hollywood like a trooper. Tiara, the chicken enthusiast had never been more proud of a chicken in her life. Sheila was held by Chris Harrison and Elan Gale for selfies, got on-camera time and even squawked at an appropriate moment during the taping. We aren't sure if Tiara will get edited out but the fact that they invited someone who was let go the first night, was an exciting honor for our girl from Washington State.
Tune in Monday to see if Sheila the chicken gets air time, if they cut away to Tiara's mid-riff showing outfit or if they call out Leah for lying about throwing Lauren B under the bus!

Pigs and Rats on The Bachelor!

Last night on The Bachelor things got off to a great start with Ben stupidly asking Olivia if she is the villain in the house. Of course she said no and tears followed. Apparently she likes to talk about "smart things" and she likes "thinking" and the other girls just do not. Oh an don't forget, Olivia, to add "the other girls aren't extremely competitive backstabbers."

Ben did not snatch Olivia's rose away, much to the chagrin of the other ladies, and when the camera cut to a shot of Olivia saying "Come at me, Bro," I almost did one of those surprise wine spits across the room.
Jennifer, someone we didn't get to hear from much, did not get a rose, went home, and also missed a great opportunity to warn Ben of Olivia.
The happy group toasted to going next to the Bahamas like it was an all-expense paid vacation to a tropical island (which it was!) and off they went. We cut to a commercial of Ben selling Disneyland and a special honoring 60 years of fun over there. At least is wasn't Mickey D's again. Talk about the Hawking Higgins!
At the Grand Isle Villas (product placement again) the gals cracked open the champs and settled in to the couch to hear Chris H wish them a wonderful week and hand out a date card for Caila, a girl who has already had a one on one with Ben if you don't count plugging Ice Cube and his sidekick's movie a few weeks ago. This made Leah, a seldom heard from girl in the harem, mad/disappointed. She's hardly ever even talked to the Bachelor so why is he keeping her around? It's called filler,

Leah and just be glad you got to hang around. The Chicken Enthusiast had to go home after 3 days in Los Angeles!!!!
Ben and Caila take off on a big boat to go deep sea fishing, every woman's dream date. Ahem. While Caila was reeling in a tuna, Leah was crying her eyes out back at the villa about how she hasn't had time with Ben. Then the happy couple took a leap off the tuna tower! Weeeee.

 It was funny editing, comparing the fun fish-killing date to drama back in the girls' villa. Once they washed the fishy smell off, Ben and Caila try to talk heart-to-heart but Caila is one confusing gal! She loves Ben but worries she'll break his heart, but she has real feelings for him but she doesn't. And why is it when we cut to Lauren B, her eyes are always red? Is she allergic to salt air?
The next day was a date that every woman has dreamed about all her life--sharing your boyfriend with 6 other women to go swim with ravenous pigs off a rocky island. Yes, you read that right. The women were given a plastic pail filled with hot dogs and apparently the resident pigs don't care who they trample to get the tasty confection.

Forget sharks. Did we know pigs swam that well? I didn't. Or had such bad manners? Well, I did know that because I often tell my children at the dinner table to stop eating like pigs.
Lauren H holds a piglet that looks like it would've latched on if given the chance. Ben thought it was all great fun but not only were the women upset about how much time he devoted to Lauren B. but the pigs have ruined the fun by showing their dangerous side. Leah had a perfect chance to grab Ben to talk but instead, complained about never getting time to talk with him while a pig squeals in the background.

Luckily, when they cleaned up for cocktails, they'd left Pig Island and were back at the Villa. Leah tried another tactic and threw Lauren B under the Ben bus by saying Lauren B is two-faced (excuse me, do you mean Olivia?) and then denied it with the girls. Lauren cried and was really upset when Ben told her, understandably so, but Amanda gets the rose.
Later, Leah saw an opportunity and put on her shortest shorts, teased her hair and went to Ben's bachelor pad to essentially rat out Lauren some more. He sent her packing and out she goes, on the next flight home. Geez, Leah. Rule #47 - Don't use your precious time to talk trash about the other girls to the Bachelor.
The next date was a two on one, the worst type of date in the history of The Bachelor, not just because 50% of the girls on the date go home at the end but it's just plain stupid. Does anyone else think that the Bachelor is asked "Okay, who do you want to cut loose and we'll put them on a two on one with someone you want to stay?"

The thing with this date with Emily and Olivia is that the producers made a big deal about Emily hating Olivia, then got The Mouth to trash talk Emily on camera and off they went on a terrible date in a hurricane-force wind. The speed boat deposited them on a sandy island (no pigs?) and wine was poured while Emily's hair hid her whole face in the raging wind and Olivia had the sense to scrunchie hers. Ben took Olivia on a walk with the rose and she thought she had this in the bag but when he broke the news that he couldn't reciprocate her feelings, it was the sweetest revenge!!! I'm sorry but if you talk stink about everyone else on national TV, you have to accept the fact that they are going to let you stand on a tiny island by yourself crying
while your boyfriend takes off for home with your enemy and then have the helicopter circle your lonely body on the beach for effect. My sources tell me that Olivia is really upset at how the show is portraying her but come on! No one put those words in her mouth when she said that Emily was immature and the date would be more like she and Ben were taking a child along.
Bye Bye, Olivia.
A commercial came on for Stella Artois (a fine beer!) that apparently gives money to a clean water project with every sale. Well done, beer company. #BuyaLadyaDrink
At the rose ceremony, we have JoJo, Becca, Emily, the Laurens, Amanda and Caila. They didn't leave us hanging and we said goodbye to Lauren H, the kindergarten teacher who modeled last week in Mexico.
Next week, it looks like everyone has buckets of tears, including Ben, so if you like watching people who are miserable, you'll love the show! Oh and The Bachelor has a big party on Sunday night celebrating 20 years of manipulating a dating situation to sell products on TV. Can't wait.

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling, Award-Winning Suspense Author who can be found on Amazon here. She uses this blog to exercise her funny muscle and because she loves to hear herself talk.

Bachelor Producers Give Olivia her Own Show!

This week on the Bachelor the star of the show was Olivia, the News Anchor from Austin Texas who likes to hold her mouth open for long periods of time to show surprise. We saw Olivia in blue, Olivia in red, also plaid, Olivia with curled hair, straight hair, no makeup, fully made up, etc. You get the idea. It was like The Olivia Show. Sixteen times, we cut to a private interview to hear what Olivia thought. SIXTEEN TIMES!

The episode began with the flight to Mexico City! "Viva La Mexico" Ben yells for the camera. It's interesting to note that the Bachelor person always flies separately from the girls. I believe this is purposefully done to keep these women chomping at the bit to see their "boyfriend"... reminds me of the Stockholm Syndrome.
The ladies check in to the opulent Four Seasons Hotel in Mexico City and we begin the Olivia Show with a cut to her head and neck telling us that she and Ben have a special love, unlike all the others. She feels it. She's special.

Amanda, the petite mom with the small voice gets the one on one date and then we cut to Olivia to hear her comments on this. Not happy.

At 4 a.m. the next morning, Ben is let into their suite and with a flashlight, wakes them up, calling their names, looking for Amanda who amazingly sleeps in full makeup, hair done, and wearing a cute outfit.

Don't tell me she didn't know this was happening. The others had their weaves on the nightstand, were wearing retainers, had teddy bears in their arms and had "dragon breath" - Olivia
The date takes Ben and Amanda to board a hot air balloon where they cruise over the pyramids and cuddle and talk and kiss. I thought Amanda looked frightened, either of Ben or the balloon experience but that could just be me. At the picnic spot, they looked perfectly in sync and talked about Amanda's ex husband who is now probably trying to do damage control for being outed as a bad dad on national TV. That night, after suiting up in fancy duds, they sat at a table for two, sipping drinks, talking about how it's hard for Amanda to switch from Mom mode to sexy siren mode. Fair enough.

The group date included everyone but Lauren H who almost spilled red wine on a white couch when she heard her name not being called. It meant that she'd get the last one on one. Again we cut to Olivia for her opinion on this and she made some faces and did some minor trash talk.
The date began with a Spanish Lesson by a teacher who held one of those old fashioned pointers. Ben learns how to say "I love you, will you marry me and will you accept this rose." How about "back off Olivia"? (that's what I was kind of hoping for) Olivia gets more camera time, Emily drops in for her comments on Olivia and we see that the producers are creating a cat fight moment in the works. Jubilee is not happy with Ben having 10 other girlfriends. Not at all.
They walked to a restaurant & market where a scary-looing woman in tight braids and her brother divided them into teams of two and gave them each a shopping list. Olivia and Jubilee grabbed Ben and wouldn't let go. Finally Olivia "claimed him" and they all went downstairs to shop for ingredients. It's a cooking competition and no one in the group but Ben likes to cook, apparently. Olivia got more air time, hung off Ben, fed him food and they drank tequila as they shopped.
Strangely, we cut to a commercial that features Sean and Catherine, Desiree and Chris and Ben, touting McDonald's food. What???? How much did they get paid to do this? I have to think Catherine is thinking "this will buy all the baby nursery furniture" as she pretends to eat Mickey D food.

Back at the restaurant, the girls pretty much failed at cooking. Olivia put dried crickets on her and Ben's food and didn't get the laugh she hoped for. Lauren B and Jubilee won the competition with an edible fish dish but they got absolutely nothing for their effort.
That night at the cocktail party, Olivia grabbed Ben mid-sentence and claimed him once more, making her the most hated girl in the house. Maybe not most hated girl ever because she hasn't faked a panic attack yet. Oh, wait. She did that last week.

Emily got more riled and talked about telling Ben that Olivia is a bully. "I'm not afraid to say that," she says. Jubilee is not good in a group date setting and her insecurities made her bitch material when Ben tried to take her aside for a talk. She's pissed to be sharing Ben and the writing on the wall had Ben asking her to leave the show. She exited tearfully and we are sad to see her go. We liked her but she just couldn't separate her relationship from the other girls' relationships. Crash and burn.

JoJo takes Ben aside for a talk and is real and sweet and truthful and of course, Olivia doesn't like that someone else in talking to her man. I'm kind of sick of hearing from Olivia at this point. I wouldn't mind hearing from Leah or Jennifer please. But Olivia got the rose, flaunted it and we dislike her.

The next one on one date is Lauren H, the blonde kindergarten teacher with the funny faces. It happened to be Fashion Week in Mexico City and they ended up modeling for a designer in his fashion show. Both Ben and Lauren did a stand up job with their soft elbows on the runway. They looked bored as hell (as models do!) while they walked the walk and did a fine job. "Holy Shoot!" Lauren says (in case parents of students are watching) Ben does the sexiest little wink at her as they pass on the runway and it's worth finding that moment on your TV to see. Here's the last 1/4 second of the wink below...

Their twosome dinner/drinks went well and Lauren H got the rose. Because they both sleep with a retainer, they found common ground that bonds them beyond a physical attraction, you see.

At the rose ceremony on a rooftop patio, Olivia is still getting oodles of camera time and when she said hearing Amanda's story of her kids reminds her of an episode of Teen Mom, Olivia buries herself, socially. Ben isn't there to hear but the girls decided that is the final straw. Emily went off to tell Ben about Olivia who is still acting all haughty after her inappropriate comment. Mid-cry Emily saw Olivia coming down the stairs to crash Ben and Emily's moment and Emily runs off like the place is on fire instead of confronting her. This is totally expected from a girl who sleeps with a teddy bear.
Amanda also tells Ben that Olivia is a bully (when he specifically asks her) and he's shocked. Well done, Amanda. That gets the Bachelor thinking maybe Olivia isn't all she pretends to be. He should just ask her outright because of course she will tell him the truth.
Okay, this is the moment on every show where the girls hate one girl, the Bachelor can't see it and he keeps her on in spite of what he's been told. RED FLAG! I have to think the producers insist that the hated girl has to stay for another week and give some excuse that satisfies the Bachelor because this happens every time!!!!
When Ben asks to speak to Olivia privately, we see To Be Continued on the screen but we know. She'll fake ignorance, he'll feel badly for her and she'll stay. After all, she has that rose in her clutches. Next week we'll see this all go down but I don't need to wait on pins and needles. I know.
They didn't give Olivia 16 cut to camera shots this week to let her walk away. And I counted how many times we had to hear from the mouth from the south about her overly competitive attitude.

Note to Olivia: This is what good sportsmanship looks like...

I do not watch the after party live show anymore as it makes me lose all respect for myself by wasting a perfectly good hour.

This is Ben's Charity and probably one of the reasons he did THE BACHELOR -- to raise awareness.
Humanity and Hope


Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling, Award-Winning Suspense Author who can be found on Amazon here. She uses this blog to exercise her funny muscle and because she loves to hear herself talk.

Olivia is the new Gentle Villain on THE BACHELOR

I skipped blogging about the episode on the 18th because I've been traveling but here's last week's installment in quick form:

Olivia has claimed Ben. That's all there is to it. "Ben is my man," was said at the camera many times. Okaaaaaay then, moving on.

Ben left Los Angeles for Las Vegas and the ladies followed excitedly. YOu have to understand that anything gets these ladies screaming and yelling for joy because they have no cell phones, TV, contact with the outside world so the idea of even leaving the house is almost too much to bear.
After checking in to the Aria and pouring drinks, Jo Jo goes on a one on one. First stop, the roof for champs, second stop ducking behind a blown over table when the heli lands. A tour of LV by chopper, kissing and then on to the evening where Jo Jo and Ben kiss some more, talk, watch fireworks. (The ladies see the fireworks from their suite and they are THE MOST AMAZING FIREWORKS EVER!!!!!!!)
The group date is everyone but Becca and they find themselves in a talent competition at the Terry Fator show. Jubilee plays the cello! And the twins do a river dance routine! But who gets all the air time? Olivia who does a lame coming out of a cake routine and embarrasses herself. Yawn. The gal in the chicken suit reminded me of the Chicken Enthusiast who could've killed the competition with her Cirque-like arials but moving on...
At the cocktail party Olivia gets all the on camera air time, fretting about losing her overly zealous optimism about Ben and Lauren B gets the rose. See Olivia, hanging back a bit works too.

Becca gets the one on one and arrives at the Little White Chapel in a wedding dress. Turns out Ben got ordained online and he's going to marry a bunch of people while Becca is the witness. Cute date, I thought. Ben is sweet about it all. After a hard day at the office, they end up at the neon museum where old neon signs go to die. Coolio! Becca gets a rose.
The twins get a surprise last minute date and they go home with Ben to meet the mom who looks just like them. ONe of them is left with Mom and one continues in the competition. Not sure who. Oh Emily.
At the rose ceremony at LIQUID, Olivia gets her groove back and forces herself on Ben, getting the last rose which she interprets to mean he's saving the best for last but we interpret as he's punishing you for being so gall-darned aggressive. Rachel the unemployed gal from Little Rock goes home, Amber too and next week they go to Mexico.
I mean tonight!

Bachelor Producers Keep Lace

Week 2 of The Bachelor with Dreamy Dreamboat Ben Higgins had us scratching our heads wondering where the Chicken Enthusiast went and why Ben didn't keep her. He kept so many questionable, (can I say boring?) girls!
Well, they are probably all extremely wonderful off camera but keeping Lace over Tiara after Lace's obsessive neediness and bitchiness makes me pretty damned sure that the producers have a say in who goes and who stays.
Sources tell me that the Chicken Enthusiast herself had no idea what happened. She and Ben hit it off and he told her she had the "kindest heart" but choosing Lace over Tiara Soleim, the poultry Queen, tells us one of two things--there's something fishy in Bachelorville or Ben isn't interested in chickens. Or kind hearts.

The evening opened with the money shot of Ben in his boxers at the Four Season's Hotel getting ready for his day. The first date was with Jackie, L.B., Lauren H, Amber, Becca, Mandy, Jo Jo, Jubilee, Jennifer and Lace. Oh, and Amanda.


Usually at this point in the season, I give the girls my own nicknames. Here goes nothing:

Lace - Bitch Psycho Drinker ( too much?)
Amanda - Mom of Two
Jo Jo - Cute, short girl
Amber- Bach regular
Becca - Famous Virgin
Jackie - Gerontologist
Mandy - Flower Head
LB - Fuchsia Dress first night
Jubilee - Soldier
Jennifer - Brunette long hair
Lauren H. - Kindergarten teacher
Olivia - Anchor Woman
Caila - Small Brunette with big smile
Jami - Token Canadian
Emily/Haley - Twins
Leah - Blonde/Denver
Lauren B - Flight Attendant
Shushana -Russian
Rachel - Unemployed
Samantha - Husky-voiced blonde

A bunch of the gals went on the first group date to Bachelor High, an actual high school where future contestants learn to shed their dignity to compete for time with Ben by mixing ingredients to make Ben's volcanoes erupt. Or bobbing for apples. Was this the best they could do for the first date? I mean really. It was silly shtick and kind of embarrassing. Mandy ended up winning the hurdles in her bare feet and got the genuine thrill of riding around a track 27 times with Ben in a convertible while the losers watched from their lineup in the blazing sunshine. Date rating 2/5

That night the dress code was heels and legs and everyone arrived in minis and stilettos. Summary of the rooftop patio cocktail party - Olivia has a large mouth and opens it wide a lot to express surprise. needy Lace thinks if she locks eyes with Ben for 5 seconds it's called eye sex, and Jo Jo got the rose from Ben after hugs and kisses on the roof of the very tall building. Lace showed her claws and her cra cra a little too much again.

The next date was the one on one, but was more like a one on three with Kevin Hart and Ice Cube doing a Ride Along to pimp their movie that releases soon. Soon The Bachelor will have the contestants pimping Coca Cola and hotels. Oh wait, they do the last one. The two actors from Ride Along were moderately funny on the cheapo date with Caila and Ben that included riding around in a very old Buick convertible, visiting a liquor store to buy condoms, and stopping at a dingy spa store for a hot tub soak in the store's floor model. Kevin Hart joined them in the water, sans swim suit, and the black box was resurrected from Chris Soules' season to cover his family jewels and Parker House rolls when he left the tub.

That night, after showering off the germs from the display model hot tub, Ben and Caila had a sweet conversation over an untouched, plastic- looking dinner at a pub/restaurant and once the rose was in her hand, they meandered down the street to a private concert by none other than Amos Lee!!! (My Hubby and I were both googling Amos Lee to see who the heck he is.)Caila and Ben did a lot of smooching and a bit of dancing and seemed to get along just great while Amos promoted his album in the background.

The next day's group date was with another bunch of girls at the Love Lab Technologies Headquarters and if you've never heard of this process, you are in for a big treat. Huge! This is the place where they can measure your smell and check your brain to see if you're compatible with another person. All the man has to do is wear headgear and sniff near the woman's butt to see if she's his type. Okay, I found this EXTREMELY uncomfortable (not to mention stupid!) and felt horrible for Samantha when a blindfolded Ben said she smelled "sour".
She scored the lowest of all the gals, and Olivia the anchorwoman scored highest, mostly because when they did their brain test, she flirted with him, talking about how difficult it was to not kiss him when their lips were so close. With pheromones flying between them, the attraction needle spiked. Well done, Olivia.
She got to have time with Ben in his hotel suite later while the other girls waited on the Four Season's rooftop patio. Amanda was not impressed with Liv's braggy behavior when she got back. Oh no. But she took the opportunity to tell Ben about her daughters and he was so very sweet when he learned Amanda is a mom. So genuinely sweet that I warmed to the guy who was earlier smelling girls hips. "Kids don't scare me," he said.
And we believed him. He even wanted to know their names. (Maybe the chicken enthusiast should have pretended she had human kids. I can't let this go!)
Olivia got the date rose and Amanda was a bit weepy over that. After all, her time is super precious.









At the ROSE CEREMONY, the next night, Lace shows a Dobby-like side, talking to herself (it appears) in the bathroom about master seeing her bad side. She did not want this to happen. Did not. She must be more careful.
Thing is, Lace thinks her worst feature is being insecure which is kind of amusing and sad because the poor girl doesn't realize that it's so much more than that. She's highly competitive, tends to verbalize when she should hold in her bad words, and probably grew up being treated like a princess and still expects the spotlight, or was raised with older brothers who taught her to be scrappy and insecure. And she's a terrible interrupter!
She fluctuates between acting like Dobby and Cruella for the camera. It must be horrible living inside her head. At least on The Bachelor.

Next, Ben made hair barrettes with Amanda for her girls which was a lovely gesture but not if he boots the Mama home. It will be a cruel reminder to have those barrettes holding little curls back in her daughters' hair if Ben rejects her after she falls for him. I spent this segment imagining an intern going to Ben Franklin Store to get a glue gun and barrette crafty things earlier in the day.

Ben gives the flight attendant, Lauren, a photo of the two of them, thereby reassuring her that he has feelings for the long-legged blonde, and when the rose doling starts LB chooses to go home instead of accepting Ben's rose. She must've found some dignity under one of those rose bushes at the mansion and decided to use it. Oh well.
Ben barely walks her out, then hands the roses to almost everyone left and we say goodbye to Jacki, Mandy and Samantha. Lace gets to stay on, thereby confirming that Bachelor producers get at least one vote when Ben hands out thornless roses. Thanks for that obvious confirmation because I doubt Ben is interested in this kind of DRAMA.
With Mandy gone, no pollenating will be taking place at the mansion, and with Jacki hitting the high road, no gerontology lessons either and the gal who scored lowest at the Love Lab, Sam, will head home to do damage control about hearing she smells sour. Poor thing!

The Bachelor ended and the live after show came on immediately after with Chris H's good friend Kris Jenner Kardashian.

Let the record show that I did not tune in to the after show with Chris, Chris and Kris because I have one of those filters on my devices that blocks out anything Kardashian. That and the fact that I lose all respect for myself if I waste an hour on this predictably mundane live hour. It's painful to watch.

I'm not totally into this season without Tiara on anymore, but I'm hopeful it will grow on me even though I know who he picks at the end. Or at least, I have a good idea and it's not the chicken enthusiast, Tiara Soleim. Waaaaaaaaa...

And now we wait to see what happens next week... Oh snap. I'm gone for the next two weeks at a wedding extravaganza adventure in Central America. Doubters that I'll get THE BACHELOR on TV while I'm scouring the jungle for howler monkeys and toasting the grooms in Granada, Nicaragua, but I promise I'll try to catch up ASAP. If you want to get these important accounts in your inbox, follow this blog! 

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling, Award-Winning Suspense Author who can be found on Amazon here. She uses this blog to exercise her funny muscle and because she loves to hear herself talk.

Reading and Reviewing Courtney's Bachelor Tell All - Who's the best in the sack?

If you clicked on my review to see who is Courtney's top pick in the sack then you should probably buy this book because that's who the Tell-All appeals to--the type of person who just can't help themselves and wants to see the answer to that type of question. Being a nice reviewer/author/publisher, I"m going to give you a big fat hint. He drives racing cars and his name rhymes with Carrie. He even has a little moment in the book where he describes his love making mind set. Okaaaay.

Okay, now for the review of I'm Not Here to Make Friends.
If Courtney actually wrote this book by herself, not with a ghost writer or a Harper Collins helper, she's one funny gal. She can turn a phrase with the best of them and has an acerbic wit that translates well to the page. I for one, did not think her personality translated well to the TV and was a big fan of Lindzi. (When Ben chose Courtney, I did one of those looking up at the heavens, arms out, and yelled "NOOOOOO!" things.) A lot has happened since that rose ceremony and my feelings of dislike for Courtney have softened. According to the book, I was in the Babs camp on how I felt about the gal Ben chose to be his wife. You'll have to buy the book to find out who Babs is. (hint, it rhymes with other in law)
The book is funny, it's written well, put together with a great deal of thought but then, you look to see the thing is published by Harper Collins and I'm pretty sure ole Court had loads

of help. The fascinating part about the book is all the behind the scenes information which is why I originally paid 10 bucks (!?) for this gossipy account of one nasty girl's rise to the Final Rose.
I enjoyed hearing about the inner workings of The Bachelor, especially in my line of work. You'll be surprised at Courtney's career pre-Bachelor. She actually WAS a model, not just a wanna be. According to her, she had a target on her back from the first night because she listed her job as "Model" and this cast seemed to be particularly catty. But then, she dug her own grave by saying horribly catty things about other human beings on National TV, things that you might think but should never say out loud, let alone on TV. And this was why we hated her.
In the book Courtney does not own up to this character trait and I wanted to hear her admit that she took a long hard look at herself after the show, or after her breakup with Ben, to try to figure out what aspect of her personality needed some work. But 'villains' never do realize that they have flaws that make them unlikable. They make excuses by saying how awful everyone else was and how they were singled out unnecessarily. Same with the last villain in Chris Soules' season - the widow who faked the panic attack on the floor just before the rose ceremony. People like that think they will get away with stuff and when they're called out, they have to continue the act or admit they have problems. Same with Courtney. She has a likable side, a funny side and she certainly had her own side to what actually went down during filming. She also has a very unlikable side. And I'd caution any man to be careful of women who aren't liked by other women or say that they get along better with men. Red flag. Not liking your gender is a bit strange.
Courtney is such a woman. But she's young, she may learn as she gets older. Regardless, the book was fun to read if you like The Bachelor and hearing about the fantasy suite appeals to the rest of us out here, living vicariously through this show.

Spoiler Alert! The Bachelor has begun filming.

According to what I know, and what I can say, The Bachelor began filming in California this week and Ben has chosen his first group of ladies.
The girls were housed at the Agoura Hills Sheraton for four days and spent Thursday with hair and makeup people getting ready to begin the first rose ceremony that night. Filming begins at 9:30 ish, after they hose down the driveway, plant all the flowers in the garden and get the press there to watch on closed circuit TV's behind the scenes.
You may think that it's just a crew and the people we see on camera that first night but I believe they have a big press gathering behind the scenes to get the media in their inner circle of love and secrecy. Ben comes back to the production area and meets these people, eats from craft services and schmoozes.
His presence at the 7 hour cocktail party is sketchy. The girls don't have free access to him, apparently. You almost have to take a number. He's carefully managed by producers.
If you enjoy finding out tidbits of info, go to RealitySteve.com. He seems to get all kinds of tips on what's going on. Like today they are filming at a high school in the Los Angeles area. And the producers and production assistants control the girls and the happenings to the nth degree. Very little is spontaneous.
I understand it's a TV show but I was hoping it was a bit more like what you see on TV. The Bachelor and the girls all sit around and talk for hours and no one influences the man's choice on who to pick at the rose ceremonies. Now I doubt that. I have a theory that the producers tell him to choose about 7 girls he really likes and then fill up the roster with girls who'd be good on TV. It could happen.
What do you think?

The Black Widow Gets Blackmailed on Bachelor in Paradise!

I'm going to make this quick. I'm a novelist and need to get back to writing this week. Damn that BIP and how it distracts me from my work. Anyone else feel the same way?

Monday's show started with Tenley and Carly doing a synchro swimming routine on a bunk. The black box had to be dusted off from when Jillian left the show, but this gave me an idea of how bored these people get when there isn't a scheduled date, group gathering or Chris Harrison sighting.


Ashley I. thought she'd find a sympathetic friend in Joe who still doesn't accept Sam doesn't want him. But no. She started to cry and Joe turned off like a switch had been thrown. He doesn't do tears.

The date card went to Mikey who asked Juelia to join him and they took off for Guadelajara for the Mexican Theatrical Wrestling matches (Nacho Libre), holding hands and kissing.

Tanner is the voice of reason, usually telling the camera what we are all thinking. He did this in Kaitlyn's season too. Love his comments! Carly's too! #giveCarlyherownshow

Joe spends the day bouncing between moping, getting Sam back, and blackmailing her with those incriminating texts she sent him saying "do what you can to stay in Paradise until I get there." Apparently they called each other sweetie the night before he went on the show. Poor Joe. (can't believe I said that!) He's a mess and even said he saw them as Bonnie & Clyde.
Kirk calls the drama Textgate and Samantha back paddles like a whitewater raft in grade 4 water when she hears that Joe has the phone and is prepared to expose her. "I still have feelings for you" she says her brain not thinking fast enough to get herself out of Textgate.
Carly and Kirk go fishing at sunset, something they both love to do and apparently a right of passage for Carly. If Kirk takes a girl fishing, it's serious. Cute!
Meanwhile in Guadalajara, Mikey and Juelia get the fantasy suite card and go the hotel to talk all night. We actually see Mikey in a new light with her. He seems sweet and almost like he could be a good boyfriend, not a muscleman chump.
There's a beach bonfire back at the BIP site and Ashley is giving Joe relationship advice like we are now in an alternate universe where this thirteen year old in a Kardashian body knows what she's doing.??? Joe blows the tip and Sam ignores him like he's invisible. Anyone else reminded of that movie Black Widow at this point?
When new guy, Justin walks in, Joe sees the writing on the wall. He's going to make a play for Sam like the bad friend to Joe he'll turn out to be.
He does, and Sam agrees to go on a date with him. Why does everyone think Sam is so gorgeous? She has stunning eyes and lovely long hair, I'll give her that but I think Clare had it all over Sam. (Miss Clare!) And Sam can't conversate to save her life. Sam's pheromones must be off the chart good. New guy Justin tells her she's a good conversator, like it's an actual word!!!!! #UrbanDictionary (The word is converse, like the shoes, different emphasis.)
Joe goes Kentucky Crazy, as Ashley says on camera. Pretty sure she didn't make that one up.
Carly reminds us on camera that for someone who professes to not like drama, Sam is the Dram Queen."She's creating the drama!" she says. And she's right. I'm wondering if she also texted Justin before he arrived on the show. Looks very suspicious, if you ask me, the way he zero'ed in on Sam. Can't wait for the trail.
The final credit clip shows Juelia and Mikey on the conversating bed with him saying he doesn't like rain, bugs, cold weather, sand, mess, salt water and who knows what else. RED FLAG for poor Juelia.
And if it turns out that Samantha is playing all these guys like a Stradivarius, that was the meanest trick a so-called friend could pull on someone in Bachelor In Paradise. Shame on that witch. I mean Samantha.

After Paradise was tolerable tonight. The guest stars they have on the show, celebrity super-fans, are usually competing for airtime and annoying and tonight was no different. But she was funny in the first half. Jenny Mollen was a better co-host, it was nice to have Dan interviewed, and when Joe came out, a hush fell over the studio audience. He's a mess. And he now has Dan's haircut. Exactly! Joe is stuck in villainville on social media and pitifully tried to say he's been disgusted by his behavior on the show. His family is very upset with him. Of course they showed clips of his worst moments, took a live poll on who believes Joe and he lost. When Juelia came out to join the group, he apologized for everything but underneath his words he was saying "I'm sorry that being mean to you got me in this mess" and judging from what everyone said, Joe is going to be ready for therapy after the smoke clears.
Mean Trick: In a spot meant to reveal the next Bachelor we arrived back from commercial to see CH sitting with Nick V. What? My heart sank and I planned out my Monday Winter nights to involve a new hobby like knitting. Then Ben H came out and it was all a cruel joke. Ben is the new BACHELOR. Hurray! January/February Mondays are a go!

See you next week.
Spoiler Alert: Keep Reading below my name if you're interested who is still a couple...

Kim Hornsby is the author THE HUSBAND HUNT, a novella series that is modeled after The Bachelor TV reality show. She writes under the pen name Kiki Abbott for contemporary romance novellas. As Kim, she's a National Bestselling author of Romantic Suspense and loves to dish about the Bachelor on her blog. If you like this site, hit JOIN THIS SITE on the right sidebar to be notified of a new blog!

Dating or not?
Tanner and Jade - Yes (maybe even engaged)
Carly and Kirk - No (he is still getting over a 2 year relationship, turns out)
Dan and Anyone - Yes (Carly)
Tenley and Anyone - No (She and Ben H have been texting but had to cut it off)
Juelia and Mikey - What do you think?
Joe and himself - Yes
Ashley I or S - Nope