Tuesday, August 25, 2015

The Black Widow Gets Blackmailed on Bachelor in Paradise!

I'm going to make this quick. I'm a novelist and need to get back to writing this week. Damn that BIP and how it distracts me from my work. Anyone else feel the same way?

Monday's show started with Tenley and Carly doing a synchro swimming routine on a bunk. The black box had to be dusted off from when Jillian left the show, but this gave me an idea of how bored these people get when there isn't a scheduled date, group gathering or Chris Harrison sighting.

Ashley I. thought she'd find a sympathetic friend in Joe who still doesn't accept Sam doesn't want him. But no. She started to cry and Joe turned off like a switch had been thrown. He doesn't do tears.

The date card went to Mikey who asked Juelia to join him and they took off for Guadelajara for the Mexican Theatrical Wrestling matches (Nacho Libre), holding hands and kissing.

Tanner is the voice of reason, usually telling the camera what we are all thinking. He did this in Kaitlyn's season too. Love his comments! Carly's too! #giveCarlyherownshow

Joe spends the day bouncing between moping, getting Sam back, and blackmailing her with those incriminating texts she sent him saying "do what you can to stay in Paradise until I get there." Apparently they called each other sweetie the night before he went on the show. Poor Joe. (can't believe I said that!) He's a mess and even said he saw them as Bonnie & Clyde.
Kirk calls the drama Textgate and Samantha back paddles like a whitewater raft in grade 4 water when she hears that Joe has the phone and is prepared to expose her. "I still have feelings for you" she says her brain not thinking fast enough to get herself out of Textgate.
Carly and Kirk go fishing at sunset, something they both love to do and apparently a right of passage for Carly. If Kirk takes a girl fishing, it's serious. Cute!
Meanwhile in Guadalajara, Mikey and Juelia get the fantasy suite card and go the hotel to talk all night. We actually see Mikey in a new light with her. He seems sweet and almost like he could be a good boyfriend, not a muscleman chump.
There's a beach bonfire back at the BIP site and Ashley is giving Joe relationship advice like we are now in an alternate universe where this thirteen year old in a Kardashian body knows what she's doing.??? Joe blows the tip and Sam ignores him like he's invisible. Anyone else reminded of that movie Black Widow at this point?
When new guy, Justin walks in, Joe sees the writing on the wall. He's going to make a play for Sam like the bad friend to Joe he'll turn out to be.
He does, and Sam agrees to go on a date with him. Why does everyone think Sam is so gorgeous? She has stunning eyes and lovely long hair, I'll give her that but I think Clare had it all over Sam. (Miss Clare!) And Sam can't conversate to save her life. Sam's pheromones must be off the chart good. New guy Justin tells her she's a good conversator, like it's an actual word!!!!! #UrbanDictionary (The word is converse, like the shoes, different emphasis.)
Joe goes Kentucky Crazy, as Ashley says on camera. Pretty sure she didn't make that one up.
Carly reminds us on camera that for someone who professes to not like drama, Sam is the Dram Queen."She's creating the drama!" she says. And she's right. I'm wondering if she also texted Justin before he arrived on the show. Looks very suspicious, if you ask me, the way he zero'ed in on Sam. Can't wait for the trail.
The final credit clip shows Juelia and Mikey on the conversating bed with him saying he doesn't like rain, bugs, cold weather, sand, mess, salt water and who knows what else. RED FLAG for poor Juelia.
And if it turns out that Samantha is playing all these guys like a Stradivarius, that was the meanest trick a so-called friend could pull on someone in Bachelor In Paradise. Shame on that witch. I mean Samantha.

After Paradise was tolerable tonight. The guest stars they have on the show, celebrity super-fans, are usually competing for airtime and annoying and tonight was no different. But she was funny in the first half. Jenny Mollen was a better co-host, it was nice to have Dan interviewed, and when Joe came out, a hush fell over the studio audience. He's a mess. And he now has Dan's haircut. Exactly! Joe is stuck in villainville on social media and pitifully tried to say he's been disgusted by his behavior on the show. His family is very upset with him. Of course they showed clips of his worst moments, took a live poll on who believes Joe and he lost. When Juelia came out to join the group, he apologized for everything but underneath his words he was saying "I'm sorry that being mean to you got me in this mess" and judging from what everyone said, Joe is going to be ready for therapy after the smoke clears.
Mean Trick: In a spot meant to reveal the next Bachelor we arrived back from commercial to see CH sitting with Nick V. What? My heart sank and I planned out my Monday Winter nights to involve a new hobby like knitting. Then Ben H came out and it was all a cruel joke. Ben is the new BACHELOR. Hurray! January/February Mondays are a go!
See you next week.
Spoiler Alert: Keep Reading below my name if you're interested who is still a couple...

Kim Hornsby is the author THE HUSBAND HUNT, a novella series that is modeled after The Bachelor TV reality show. She writes under the pen name Kiki Abbott for contemporary romance novellas. As Kim, she's a National Bestselling author of Romantic Suspense and loves to dish about the Bachelor on her blog. If you like this site, hit JOIN THIS SITE on the right sidebar to be notified of a new blog!

Dating or not?
Tanner and Jade - Yes (maybe even engaged)
Carly and Kirk - No (he is still getting over a 2 year relationship, turns out)
Dan and Anyone - Yes (Carly)
Tenley and Anyone - No (She and Ben H have been texting but had to cut it off)
Juelia and Mikey - What do you think?
Joe and himself - Yes
Ashley I or S - Nope

No comments:

Post a Comment