Jo Jo Closes Up Like a Clam at Low Tide!

Last night's Bachelorette began with the airport hangar rose ceremony, the jet supposedly idling while Jo Jo picked which three men would accompany her to the next destination.

Luke, Robby, Chase and Jordan stood nervously waiting. Then Luke asked to speak to Jo Jo, declaring his feelings (which we were pretty sure he already did!!!) but his words didn't sway the lovely brunette/blonde. Luke walked off in a fog of confusion and heartbreak.


Thailand was the next stop on their itinerary and the first date was with Robby who appeared to be a front runner. It's my opinion that declaring your undying devotion very early  to Jo Jo carried a lot of weight with her. The twosome wandered a market in the seaside town of Hua Hin, then got caught in a thunder storm where they ducked inside for foot massages. What's Robby do for work? Anyways, Jo Jo is smitten with the hunky swimmer so I steeled myself for an imminent engagement to the poof-ball haired contender. At dinner, they were given a date card and key to the fantasy suite and were off to privacy without the cameras in your face 24/7.
That's the real excitement for these couples, not the prospect of getting naked.
Jordan's date was next and Jo Jo switched gears well. I was hoping there was at least one day between leaving Robby in a mass of tangled sheets and kissing Jordan on a Thai beach. Jor Jo sweated their way uphill to a viewpoint where Jordan hoped that he and Jo were writing their love story and Jo Jo wondered if this guy was too good to be true. After washing off all the sweat of the day (it's 105 degrees in Thailand with 100% humidity) dinner in a candlelit outdoor setting had Jo Jo grilling Jordan on what the next year would look like for them.
The quarterback was dodgy but said that whatever happened, they'd do it together. Is he still playing football? Off JorJo went to the fantasy suite where Jo Jo lay across a bed and Jordan closed the door on the cameras.
Chase drove up on a scooter and Jo Jo took him on a ponga ride until they landed on a private beach. More sweat fell until they got in the water and made out. Chase is big and strong. He can lift Jo Jo easily. At times Chase looks like he could model for Romance novel book covers. Between the beach portion of the date and dinner, while Jo Jo was back at her hotel room, Robby visited Jo Jo there while Chase played with sand outside Jo Jo's window. Or was this another day? The timeline didn't add up because at dinner with Chase, Jo Jo had hair down and wore a different dress.???
Chase was playful and forthcoming and Jo Jo began to close like a clam that senses low tide. When they got to the fantasy suite and Chase declared his depth of feeling, Jo Jo's face fell and she cut the young hunk loose. I was glad to see him react honestly when he said that as soon as he declared his love she said "Get the F___ out." Chase lashed out. Why did Jo Jo let things get so far? Don't take the guy to the fantasy suite, Girlfriend!
Chase was raw and real in the vehicle as he drove away from the fantasy suite (which looked more like a condo on the Jersey shore.)
At the sweatfest of a rose ceremony, Chris Harrison, who asked Jo Jo "how you doin'" twice!!!! greeted the two men and Jo Jo. By the time Jo Jo got in front of the men to explain that she had to let Chase go, Jordan's shirt was dripping sweat and Robby's armpits were drenched. In a surprising move to shock Bachelor Nation, Chase showed up to apologize for his anger and as he walked away, a (probably female) monkey who appreciates the strong silent type followed him.
Jo Jo toasted the two men remaining, suggesting she's in love with both, making Jordan look understandably uncomfortable. She suggests a group hug, didn't get it and a monkey scratched his ear with his foot on a rooftop behind them.

Tonight is The Men Tell All, with Bad Chad looking like he's going to beat up everyone after the show and next week is the finale with Jo Jo introducing both men to her family, crying a lot and not knowing who to choose. I'm not looking forward to all the crying. Just saying.

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling Author of Suspense and Romance who lives in the Seattle area near a former Bachelor and personally knows a Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise alumni. Her opinions are her own and not those of the dogs lying at her feet begging for treats.
Find her books on AMAZON, including The Husband Hunt, a novella strangely similar to a season of The Bachelor.

Jo Jo Shocks Wells, Derek, Alex and James!

And it's off to Buenos Aires for The Bachelorette Gang where the remaining men settle in to a gorgeous suite in a historic hotel with architecture to die for --The Plaza Hotel. Buenos Aires looks absolutely gorgeous and absolutely enormous!

Wells got the one on one date with Jo Jo which was pretty funny because it alluded to kissing and Wells was the only bachelor who hadn't kissed the lovely Jo Jo yet. The men made fun of Wells' opportunity and way too much pressure was put on the boy/man to get that kiss! He looked like it was his turn to save the world.

While Wells was dodging and avoiding the kiss like someone with a lip sore, the men received their group date card back at the hotel. Everyone was on the group date like Robby, Luke, Jordan and James but not Derek and Chase, two of the front runners for Jo Jo (in my mind.) That meant that those last two would be pitted against each other in the two on one, something I thought was a production mistake when I read the date card. Why have two front runners compete against each other knowing you have to get rid of one? It didn't make sense to this Bachelor Nation member.

Wells

Back at the Wells and Jo Jo date, the twosome ended up at a performance art show where they were rolling around in four inches of water on a clear surface hovered over an audience (or was it just us with the camera?) that tipped, thereby jostling the half naked performers from one side of the see-through platform to the other. What this meant was there was loads of rubbing up against each other and wet bodies and kissing opportunities but did Wells take his cue? No. Not really. It wasn't until the jostling finished that Wells caved and kissed her after Jo Jo had thrust her lips and more his way for probably hours of filming. When they kissed, she cheered like it was the Superbowl win. After drying off and dressing in fancy clothes, they went on to have dinner in a terribly hot room with 1,000 candles, which made Wells continue to dodge, sweat and stutter. During their conversation, the nervous Ned said he didn't believe in true love, never realizing he was digging his own Bachelor grave. YOU"RE OUTTA HERE! We kinda screamed from my viewing party. Wells was not Jo Jo material and she knew it. Funny, sweet guy but not ready for prime time, if you know what I mean.

James

On the group date, the players, I mean contestants, I mean daters went to a street fair and ended up playing soccer. James, the man who lost lots of pounds of Margherita pizza to be on the show was measuring himself to the other buffed jocks and came up short but the Buenos Aires soccer GK let James' ball through the goal in what looked like a setup and he got a Jo Jo kiss. Imagine me coughing here saying "fixed" into the cough. James is too insecure for Jo Jo and at the after party James proves that in throwing his best buddy in the house, Jordan, under the bus for Jo Jo. He trash talks Jordan and Jo Jo doesn't know what to believe. She takes cool Luke aside and he goes in for the kill by kissing her passionately and grabbing her "hip." He later gets the rose, mostly for being the least afraid to kiss her. Which doesn't mean he's the best husband material but those two sure can swap spit!

Chase

The two on one with Derek and Chase is a stupid class in Tango dancing. Not that a tango class would be stupid but the producers and director REALLY missed the mark with this one, having both men pulling on Jo Jo in a fight to win her heart. The dance sequence was cringe worthy and dumb and below the intelligence level of the people who like to watch this show, like me. People who draw the line at extremely stupid but watch the show anyhow.
At dinner, Jo Jo cut Derek, the guy who looks like Jim on The Office and I was incredulous! Why keep Chase, Dudette? She must have her reasons but we have no idea. At my viewer party we all agreed that Chase must have something we couldn't all see besides his stone-faced expression that rarely smiles and big muscles.

Alex

At the rose ceremony, in a Game of Thrones type hall (where Cersei blew up Marjorie and the gang,) Jo Jo gives everyone roses but Alex and James who I think she should just put in a limo and forget about. After a tense moment asking Chris Harrison something about the rules of The Bachelor, she went back in the room and gave both men roses. This seemed like a slap in the face for Derek fans. She gave James and Alex roses?????
What was she thinking? I left the party mad at Jo Jo, vowing to not watch the following week which turned out fine because it was a rerun.

Derek

Two weeks have passed and now I've forgiven Jo Jo and am ready for the next episode even though Derek won't be appearing. I've learned that Derek has gone on to use his media fame to draw attention to a cause close to his heart--raising money for victims of domestic abuse. Now that is a classy thing to do.




Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling Author of Suspense and Romance who lives in the Seattle area near a former Bachelor and personally knows a Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise alumni. Her opinions are her own and not those of the dogs lying at her feet begging for treats.
Find her books on Amazon, including The Husband Hunt, a novella strangely similar to a season of The Bachelor.

Jo Jo Tosses Bad Chad!

I'm feeling guilty and inadequate about not reporting in on The Bachelorette yet when I have so many readers asking me where's my blog. So here goes:











I loke Jo Jo (between love and like) She is a great Bach so far. Wears cute clothes, admits that guys are sexy hot, treats the guys well without making it seem like a harem, and has kept the hair twirling to a minimum, thank God! She also had the good sense to cut Bad Chad loose even though he made GREAT TV and was the man we loved to hate.

BAD CHAD

On Monday we got to see Bad Chad hike up to the house in the woods, scrape his nails down the glass door and wait to be let in so he could start yet another confrontation with the boys, I mean men. Chad needs to join a friendship club to learn some social skills. That or have one ball removed. He's too much! Why are the jerkiest guys so very handsome??? Why? If Chad had what I think is Derek's personality...

So Chad says that Alex (the stocky Marine) lied about him. "Now I have to go find Alex," he said. Chad, if you're reading this, please remember that if Alex turns up dead, you are the #1 suspect. Like Elsa sang in FROZEN, Let it go, let it go!

Marine Alex

Alex returns a hero and gets a cake in his face for his efforts to expel Chad. He also gets a swollen head and his nice guy demeanor is seen flying off in the PA breeze.
At the rose ceremony, Robby is metrosexually groomed, James F reads a sweet poem, Jordan has her up against the wall with kissing, and Derek still reminds me of Jim on The Office.
The Canadian heads home before he can embarrass us Canucks any more with his posturing and eh'ing all over the place. Also, James from Nashville who wrote the poem, is cut loose. WTF?? I liked him. He must've said or done something we didn't know about. Poor James!

They head to the airport and board a tiny cartoon plane to Uruguay, land of ocean and goats, it seems. I don't know about you but Uruguay was not shown in a light that made me ever want to go there. Rain, modern ugly hotel, goats (again). Someone said they had a 360 degree of the ocean from the men's suite and I'm thinking that guy needs to go back to sixth grade math. Unless the suite was on an island, they did not have that many degrees.
Jordan gets the one on one. He's a contender and definitely has Jo Jo's interest. He might be too much too fast though and that's usually the kiss of death in the game. While they swim with seals in heavy wetsuits and kiss some more, Vinny opens his own barbershop at the men's suite and even has the latest tabloid that tells of Jo Jo being involved with her old boyfriend before the show started. The guys don't understand how tabloids work (and pay!) and some believe their collective girlfriend isn't there for the right reasons. Many are upset. Remember, these guys have NOTHING to do all day but talk to each other so I'm cutting them a bit of slack. They have Stockholm Syndrome for Jo Jo.
The group date involves sand surfing until it starts to rain, then they all clean up and go for cocktails. Evan has avoided a bloody nose so far. Derek admits he's smitten, is having a tough time with no attention from Jo Jo and gets the rose, something the men find hateful. An imaginary target is drawn on Derek's back by some.
Robby gets the second one on one date and they jump off a cliff into the ocean, swim, kiss, and go to town, literally. He's a contender for Jo Jo's hand. Man, some of these guys have a lot of hair! I can't imagine the hair products in their bathrooms. Robby's date moves to a picturesque farm where it's either raining or going to rain. I believe there are goats involved.
At this point, my notes stop, either because I lost my pen or I got up to get a glass of wine and lost interest in taking notes.

Derek

What I can tell you is that Derek is a new target and the guys don't like him particularly. He's quiet, but not mean or nasty so I don't know what the big deal is. Derek takes the guys outside at the next rose ceremony to talk to them but it turns kinda sideways proving that young men can be just as catty as young women when there is a mating dance involved.

At the ceremony, Jo Jo sends home Evan, the nosebleeder, Vinny the barber and Grant. Remind me who Grant is again? Oh yes, the hunky fireman. Why him? Oh well. It's not the rest of MY life she's choosing for. Evan had the absolute best exit speech EVER! Check out my twitter to see it. www.twitter.com/kimhornsby


That's it for now. Apologies for the typos. These blogs usually take about 2-3 hours and this took 20 minutes. More next week!

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling Author of Suspense and Romance who lives in the Seattle area and personally knows a Bachelor alumni. Her opinions are her own and not those of the dogs lying at her feet begging for treats.
Find her books on Amazon, including The Husband Hunt, a novella strangely similar to a season of The Bachelor.

Who's Off the Wedding List on The Bachelor Finale?

Ben is Engaged! To Lauren B. but it was touch and go there for an hour as Ben Higgins declared his love for two women! Yes two!!! Jo Jo and Lauren were both equally in love and guardedly sure that they might end up as Ben's fiancee because for the first time in Bachelor history, The Bachelor told women that he loved them. And that he was in love with them!

If you watched this finale you might have agreed with me at this point that saying those words is not a great idea if you are going to utter it to both remaining women. It's just plain unfair to that one lady who will be going home in tears after planning what to name the first baby.
Note to future Bachelors: Do not say the love word before the proposal. Do not. Bad idea. Even if you do love everyone. It's going to be taken the wrong way as a major hint that that girl is the ONE.

Last night's show revealed two nervous ladies, Ben in a state of turmoil over who to choose, and Neil Lane with a big confused smile. It seemed like our Bachelor was still wondering who to spend the rest of his life with until C.H. gave him a helpful hint. "Who can't you live without?"

Both ladies met Ben's parents, made great impressions, and went back to their Jamaican hotel rooms hoping to call Amy Higgins Mom, and Dave Higgins Dad in another few months.
I have to mention here that I knew without a doubt who Ben picked and having that secret info ruined the whole season for me. It's not fun to know the "winner." At all. There is no tension, game, interest in the other girls when you have the final answer.
That said, we watched both ladies dress in their finest for proposal day and then get helicoptered over to Ben and the proposal station set up by those amazing set decorators on another part of the island. At this point in the show I was shouting at Ben that he shouldn't have let Jo Jo get all dressed up. He should have done one of those hotel room let down things, especially considering all he and Jo Jo had been through and the fact that they were self-professed best friends and all. Sheesh!
But no, he let her get into her proposal outfit and nervously shake her way down a slippery stream path to find out that she wasn't the love of his life. Harsh!
Moving on...Lauren looked darling and was overjoyed to hear that she is the love of his life. Lauren B. is his person and he is hers. I wouldn't say it was the sweetest proposal in Bach history but it was nice. They looked very happy and that made me happy, even though I did not have any wine last night to help my happiness along.
After the Final Rose came next with Ben wearing a checkered suit, print tie and checked shirt. Is this the new style because he looked like a traveling roadshow barker to me? He spoke eloquently but was flustered when Jo Jo came out to say hello and tell him she's moved on. Which is good because Ben has too. With his fiancee.

It probably helped Jo Jo move on this week when The Bachelor producers switched gears and dropped Caila as the new Bachelorette in favor of Jo Jo. According to spies, they'd even shot some test footage of Caila only to decide the public wasn't thrilled with her. So, Jo Jo and her hair fiddling will be back in another four months to find herself a true love on TV. I like Jo Jo but really, really hope that hair fixing thing she does constantly gets toned down ALOT! It's annoying.
And to that critic who wrote that Caila is as interesting as a drawer full of sand, remember that The Bachelor director and editor only show us what they want us to see and she might be a real bitch or have a wild personality. Regardless, Caila was gracious on social media this morning wishing the happy couple congratulations and wishing Jo Jo a great run at the Bachelorette. Come to think of it, she might not have made great TV if she's polite and sweet. And gracious.
C.H. tried half-heartedly, to get Ben and Lauren to get hitched on camera last night, having flown in Ben's friend and pastor but no, they want friends at their wedding, Ben said. Anyone else feel like we aren't his idea of wedding guest material? I was a little insulted as a faithful standing member of Bachelor Nation who hadn't even had any wine. Looks like we are off the wedding list People.

The closing credits rolled while the Higgins family and the Bushnell family hugged it out and blended and smiled while the happy couple mingled amongst them.
I give this Bach couple a 98% chance of making it to the alter and only hold back 2% for crazy uncalled for happenings like flood or famine.
A happy ending is always great on The Bachelor, don't you agree?