The Bachelor began with last week's panic attack on the floor outside the ladies' room in Red Sage, Santa Fe, New Mexico (not to be confused with the actual country of Mexico). Kelsey eventually got an oxygen mask secured to her face, only to...wait for it... ask to speak with Chris, the Bachelor! Of course she did. The whole faked episode was for his benefit. As Jade stepped over Kelsey's skinny bod on the floor, Chris was sent for. Kelsey made a recovery in record time, with his help, laughed off the episode with embarrassment, and the rose ceremony began. There. She got more time with Chris. Mission accomplished.
The group flew to Deadwood, South Dakota, which is particularly interesting to me because I'm a big fan of the Nearly Departed in Deadwood novel series by Ann Charles and have read A LOT about the town in the last year!!
Deadwood is apparently home of the Wild West in the Black Hills. A town where stripping down to get in a washtub is something you pay for.
The one on one date card came for Becca who is sweet, but after the theatrics of almost everyone else, she seems a tad bit boring.
But then Chris is a laid back kind of guy from a town of 200, so my hubby and I thought they might be well suited as they horse back rode their way through the brush and giggled a lot about nothing. Their campfire shish kebobs went uncooked while Chris taught Becca the art of kissing on the 4th date.
Back at the house, Whitney and Carly couldn't keep quiet about Kelsey's fake ways any more and kinda sorta told Kelsey that she's pretty much not being herself around them. Or she's not being herself around Chris. They approached the subject very carefully because, well, you know...it's Kelsey and who knows what she'll do?
Kelsey, who is a wonderful thespian, turned on the waterworks and told the girls she'll be mindful from now on. Kaitlyn squirmed on the couch like all the stink she talks on camera about Kelsey might only be fueled by alcohol and she hadn't had enough tequila to enter the conversation with her usual amount of swear words.
The group date for the next day arrived for Whitney, Jade, Britt, Kaitlyn, Carly, and Megan who had had too much to drink to hold up her head.
When Chris and the girls got on the tiny stage to sing their songs, each song was cute and highly passable except Whitney's who's struggling with a chipmunk voice anyhow.
The next day is the two on one date, a death sentence for one girl, customarily. It's Kardashley and Kelsey facing off. It's a game of eyelashes against cardigans, spoiled girl against sneaky girl, and we can't wait to see who survives the day. The producers have a queen-sized bed set up in the stark desert of the Badlands. Tension was high as the helicopter swooped in from Mount Rushmore and landed by the bed, the only place to sit within miles.
Note: Both these girls have Masters Degrees which is kind of making me question sending my children to college now. Anyone else doubting the advantage of education?
Chris left the Badlands bed, got in the helicopter and flew away, which is kind of how he left things in Deadwood the night before. I'm outta here. Bye bye girls. Apparently it took the girls 3 hours in two separate vans to return to Deadwood. I bet they had to help break down the bed with the Bachelor Interns too.
Meanwhile, back at the condo, the remaining girls watched the suitcases leave and poured magnums of champagne, chanting "We are immeasurably blessed," to see Kelsey's suitcase head out the door.
Next week, the rose ceremony is in Deadwood and then they jet off to another fancy location--Chris's hometown where the girls check out the mascara supplier in town and discover they might not survive in Arlington Iowa. Turns out Ashely got out just in time! Note: I think they are staying in the U.S. for this season because the culture shock from Paris to Arlington would insure that everyone goes running for the hills. Just a thought.
And now we hear that Kelsey is moving to Paris to be a writer and embrace her immeasurably blessed gift of eloquence. Oh, oh. I better move over to make room for Kelsey.
While you're waiting for next Monday, check out my book The Husband Hunt, on Amazon books, a 2-3 hour read that resembles a Bachelor season. Hey, it's free and you just might laugh out loud.
Kim Hornsby is an award-winning author who lives in the Seattle area and writes in the rainy months to stay sane for her family. If you enjoy reading her blog, feel free to click join this site on the sidebar and get notified when she posts again. No meetings, no donations, no obligation. Just words.