Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Arlington Isn't THAT bad & Hurried Hometowns on The Bachelor

Tonight's installment of The Bachelor Event picked up where it left off the night before.

We assumed Becca was left out of all the wacky the fun in Des Moines, not having a date, but no. She gets one on one time with Chris, in a fantasy-style date--talking at his loft. Okay. I thought, wow! this man keeps a cool loft in the big city for when he takes play time from the farm but no. It was just his hotel room for the show. Silly me. Anyways, Becca and Chris talk, watch the sunset on the roof and that's just about it.
The next day, as girls wake in the purple-carpeted hotel room, Carly is still feeling nasty and when Britt sits down in full makeup (and then some), Carly vibes out the non-showering contestant with bad ju-ju.
That night at the Rollins Mansion, the girls find out there won't be a rose ceremony and instead of having a fake panic attack, Britt asks to speak to Chris. This gives Chris enough time to call Britt's bluff and explain that he didn't appreciate her reaction to him giving Kaitlyn the rose last night. "I'll walk you out," he says before Britt even has time to bat her eyelashes in response. What? She's going? Wham Bam! The limo hasn't even arrived yet and he leaves her in the driveway, crying. She sobs about Carly ratting her out. Later she'll realize that she really wouldn't do well in Arlington.
In defense of Arlington, I want to mention that yes, there is very little going on in that town but if you head north to Fayette, there's a pub, or south to Strawberry Point, you'll find Casey's General Store and a coffee shop. They don't show you all this, but Arlington is not exactly the boonies. Cedar Rapids is only an hour away and that's a BIG city (for Iowa). Someone could be a dance instructor, fertility nurse or maybe even a chiropractic assistant in that town and commute home every night to a husband in Arlington. Moving on.
Chris heads back to the rose ceremony where another girl has to go home. No more reprieves. Carly is that girl, which seems fitting because she's been a little mean.
I wonder if Britt and Carly will meet at the airport and have a cat fight at the gate?


Shreveport Louisiana is the home of Becca where one can go canoeing in the bayou for gators while banjo music plays in the background. This is the fun part of the day because when Chris gets to Becca's family home, he is bombarded by the news that Becca is a bit of a cold fish. Even holding hands is weird for her. You'd think her sis and mom would be thrilled to see Becca interested in a man but no. They're afraid for her and warn Chris, almost revealing the big secret.
Apparently Becca's brother-in-law is a former NFL star and they are in his house where he shows Chris the trophies and man cave NFL shrine, so Chris man crushes on the guy but that part of the visit is never shown.
It's Becca's birthday, another fact that is never revealed, and Chris takes her on the Ferris wheel at the State Fair, while Becca refrains from telling Chris about her inexperience in the boudoir.

On to Chicago next and it's go to work day with Whitney who tells him they are going to make a baby. Pregnancy scare! Chris is given a porn mag and a cup and told to do his manly thing. Not sure if he did, but he got to experience how much Whitney loves making babies for people. And if this is a test, Chris is pretty sure that his soldiers are marching.
Then on to meeting Uncle Johnny, Grandmama, and sister Kimberley. The latter tries to ruin everything for her little sis by giving The Bachelor the once over, the cold shoulder and then the evil eye. Whitney tearfully asks Kimberley to not ruin this for her. Not all Kimberley's are extremely friendly and overflowingly nice, I guess. Whitney's doggie, on the other hand, loves loves loves and proves it on the floor when she humps her toy monkey in front of Chris.

Kaitlyn's family winters in Arizona from Alberta, Canada so off Chris goes to Phoenix to meet the big Canuck clan. First he has to visit a recording studio to rap with Kaitlyn--her way of getting back at Chris for drinking warm goat milk maybe. After embarrassing himself with a terrible rap, he meets the parents and stepparents and everyone loves him, in true Canadian style, talking around a fire pit on the patio.
Note: If Kaitlyn is from Alberta, she is probably the most well suited gal to live in Arlington. Trust me, I am married to an Albertan. One who is from six hours north of Leduc, Alberta, (Kaitlyn's hometown.) They know about driving long distances for a cup of coffee. She surprises him with a billboard that says Kaitlyn <3 Chris outside, which is super sweet.

Gering, Nebraska is rainy when Chris reunites with Jade and heads immediately to her family home. At this point, Chris hasn't guessed Jade's secret and she's afraid that one of her family members will tell him about her naked spread in Playboy but apparently not afraid enough to tell him herself. The family includes the father, his wife, Jade's mom and two brothers. I'm so impressed that The Bachelor can convince all these divorced parents to be amicable in the same room on these hometowns. Only thing is that the family eludes to Jade's wild side and her taller brother calls her a "wild mustang" which is a red flag for Chris, the farm boy, not an aphrodisiac.
What Jade's shown him is shy and meek. They head to someone's ugly motel room for the truth talk. I'm sure the internet lit up after the great reveal with searches for Jade Elizabeth nude photos. After she said the words Playboy and photos, Jade almost seemed proud, asking Chris if he wanted to see them. Another red flag. Although Chris insists that he has a past (and I happen to know it includes speeding through downtown Arlington and driving on that straight road near the farm with an open container of alcohol- all normal prairie activities), and that he didn't judge Jade on these photos, she did not receive the rose the next night back in Iowa. Off she went, a wild mustang, running along the mountain ridge, her mane flying, her hooves beating out the rhythm of rejection as she galloped away from the opportunity to be an Arlington wife. And then there were three.

Next week, they all head to Bali where Becca reveals she's a virgin, Kaitlyn must let down her guard. and Whitney tries to convince Chris she can have a career in Chicago and still manage to pop out babies in Arlington.

Kim Hornsby is an Amazon Bestselling Novelist and has a romance series of short stories, similar to watching a season of The Bachelor called The Husband Hunt. In one, the host of the show even gets the girl!

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