Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Bachelor in Paradise-Surprise Exit and Name Calling!

We pick up where the last episode left off...The Rose Ceremony. Graham has just walked off the set, wiping his brow and leaving AshLee with a rose in her hand. Michelle followed because she's the person who cares most about Graham and quite frankly, Michelle Money is almost part of the production crew with the amount of time she spends on camera. She's as comfortable as Chris Harrison with this process--more on that later. I have a diabolical plan.
Graham calms down and goes back out to accept Ashlee's rose, shocking several in the crowd but not moi. Who else is going to give him a rose? He's having a great time at BIP and AshLee is his "woman", regardless of how she acts off-camera. Okay.
Then Lacy runs off to the women's room to vomit and they take her off in an ambulance with Marcus by her side. Montezuma's Revenge 1 BIP 0. I heard the food was terrible, almost as bad as the bugs. Everyone is asked to get back in "Places, please" and the rose ceremony continues even though they are dropping like flies.
Jackie is the wild card. Who will she pick? She chooses Jesse over Marquel and over Kalon (Duh!) and both men are sent packing.
Next day, Clare declares it's a brand new week as she overlooks the gorgeous beach from a balcony. But wait, it's time for women to start arriving and who's this coming down the beach in short shorts and cowboy boots? It's Christy, apparently from Juan Pablo's season. Before everyone has a snit fit, Sarah takes her off to talk about who's in a couple already. Christy asks Zack on a date anyhow, but he turns her down. Then she asks Jesse who is hot to trot times ten and accepts. The two walk the streets of Valladolid eating chocolate, drinking tequila and conversing vacuously. Jesse is a douche bag and Christy, who desperately needs sunblock, doesn't see he's already telling her he's just like her last boyfriend who slept with other women.
Sarah gets a date card and takes her new boyfriend, Robert, out to dinner where they bump heads at dinner (cute) and finally kiss in the hot tub. Whew!
Back at the dorm room, Cody is bench pressing Michelle, standing on his head, and doing everything he can to win this girl. Lacy is back from the hospital and watches with Marcus pressed into her side. Jesse and Christy join the group and she exclaims she wants to get wasted.

Outside, Clare and Zack have a discussion about them and Clare interprets it to mean, I'm not that into you. She goes off crying, packs her bags and announces she's leaving. The fact that Zack doesn't go after her speaks volumes and we are actually sad to see Clare go. The music from Psycho plays in the background and I have to ask why? Again, the director tries to make her look like a nut job. They edit this segment as though the raccoon is her confident in the jungle and she leaves with a snotty nose and puffy eyes from crying. At least Zack walks her to the van before he goes back to zero in on Jackie.

The next day, Lucy, the nudist, arrives with a date card and asks Jesse to go to the ruins with her. Lucy has been to these ruins before and does a running commentary, giggly hippy style. They go for drinks where Lucy speaks perfect Spanish. She's not only flaky and a very bad friend to Christy by making out with Jesse in the limo, but Lucy is well educated. I'm thinking trust fund rebel.

Michelle and Cody have a date that day too and it's a photo shoot on the beach in wedding clothes. Cody must've requested this because he's ready to say his "I do's" to Michelle, knowing a good thing when he sees it but Michelle needs him to slow down to at least 300 MPH.

Speaking of racing, Graham and AshLee go car racing and he jokes that she's ready for her mini van because she's not a speed demon. AshLee wears her nice face all date long.
When Lucy and Jesse arrive home, Christy sets out to drinking enough to fortify her bravery and takes Jesse off for a talk. As much as Jesse can talk. Jesse Kovac's character is somewhere between Kalon and Chris B. Actually he makes Chris B look like a nice guy. After their meaningful conversation they get horizontal where they might not realize the camera is watching them grope and kiss. Conniving Lucy arrives to make it a threesome and who knows what happens next because all we hear is Jesse sounding like he's the luckiest guy on earth.

Rose Ceremony: Zack has a talk with Jackie about wanting to get to know her and they actually look like they look ready. Did these two have something going at a Bachelor function before? He came to BIP hoping she'd be there. I imagine Clare watching this from home with the raccoon. Jesse acts like a "man whore," Lacy's words, Michelle looks like Cruella de Ville and Lucy schemes to overthrow her bestie, Christy but it's a bad sign when Jesse can't even remember Lucy's name. He chooses the blonde and Lucy gets into the van of shame, trash-talking Christy and making us doubt the sincerity of all this girl's love and hugs and free-spirited joy.

Final note: I would love to see a whole spinoff reality show with Michelle Money as the focus. She is funny and compelling and way too savvy for this show. If she can stop crying so much, I'd watch the Michelle Money show. How about you? Here's two shots of her with and without makeup which is fascinating in itself.

Next week things start wrapping up for the season, people get desperate and someone still has to get handcuffed, right? See you right here next week.

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