Bachelor in Paradise- Racoon Steals the Show!

Bachelor in Paradise premiered last night with the arrival of fourteen contestants to a beachy remote resort in Tulum, Mexico. As the women stepped gingerly down the uneven rock stairs in platform sandals, Chris Harrison greeted (but did not help) each one and sent them down the beach to a huge open air cabana/mansion. In true man form, the guys greeted Chris, hot-footed it to the cabana and then checked out each girl walking along the beach.
Six men and eight women made up the first wave of BIP, with more arriving each week to surprise and disappoint others hoping for a rose. There is no game here, no money, and little structure. Just hang out, get to know each other and hook up.

The contestants live sequestered at the house, date cards show up for one on one dates, and everyone tries their darnedest to find someone to kiss in the surf. Or hang out in Bromance groups to drink and laugh.

Lacey Faddoul, an early reject from Juan Pablo's season, arrived determined to stay on the show longer than one night and secured herself two men in the first twenty four hours by taking each one into the surf to wrap her legs around and kiss. Her push-up, padded swim suit bra should have been counted as the ninth girl because it did most of the work to get Marcus Grodd and Robert interested.

AshLee Frazier, who we liked on Sean's season, set her crosshairs on Graham Bunn, telling him she was there for him which strangely did not scare the Bachelor alumni away. Neither did her severely false eyelashes. He kind of liked her declaration of love but when Clare Crawley (who is on BIP to clear her villain name) asked Graham on a date, AshLee freaked out, stalker-style, calling Clare names, crying, pretending to pack her messy suitcase. Clare took the high road and asked another guy in an effort to not cause trouble and still AshLee wouldn't talk to Graham. "Let's talk tomorrow." she said. What a _itch (it rhymes with ditch).
And speaking of dumb, Lacey said she likes her two swimming partners 80-40, which last time I checked does not add up to 100.

Robert went to the ruins with Clare who didn't know what a vista was, they had a fun time, Clare tried her hardest to be happy, fun, sexy, needy but Robert returned to the beach and went straight for Lacey to see if she was mad at him. When the sun set Clare had to talk to someone about this and the only pair of available ears were on a raccoon peeking through the beachside foliage. In all fairness to Clare, she was talking to a Bachelor producer and the camera but they edited the segment to look like she'd gone outside her species to find someone to listen to her. Very funny.
Sarah Herron got a date card and asked Marcus to go swimming at an underground cave-like pool. It was a super cool date but Sarah wore a one-piece swim suit and acted sweet and that does not get you a rose on this show.

At my house we shouted at her to find Marquel. Marcus kissed her tenderly and then when the date finished, he went looking for Lacey, who looked totally different in a high neck dress and less makeup. Didn't matter, she'd already mesmerized two men.
Michelle Money walked in as a surprise guest, with a date card, apologizing for crashing the party which was nice of her especially because she was the villain on her season, telling her Bachelor (Brad, I think) to send the other girls home, in a dominatrix sort of way. She chose Marquel to go horseback riding. He'd never even touched a horse before and handled the whole thing like a champion in his highly accessorized way. They smashed a coconut on the beach after and drank the milk but I did not see any chemistry between them even though they walked arm in arm on the beach for the cameras.
Back at the cabana, Elise was canoodling with Dylan which physically looked like a perfect match, AshLee was doing damage control with Graham, especially seeing he and Michelle Money were a thing last year, and both Michelle Kujawa and Ben Scott were doing nothing to find true love. Or were they? You might remember Michelle from 4 years ago when she awkwardly obsessed over Jake, cried about wanting to leave the show and begged him to kiss her even though her face was covered in snot.
Yea, that's her. More on what was keeping Michelle busy next week but first let's remember Ben. He brought his son on the show when he arrived to greet Desiree. Turned out he was kind of smarmy so he's probably on the show to do damage control on his image too.
Like musical chairs, people were pairing up but no one was desperate enough to pretend to like Ben. Chris Harrison had informed the group that the men would give out roses and anyone without a rose would go home. With the arrival of Michelle M. that meant two girls were catching the next flight back to the border.

The rose ceremony was tense with Sarah pretty sure Marcus would pick her seeing Robert was going to ask Lacey and she appeared to be favoring him. The wildcard was Ben's rose. But first, Michelle K had an announcement. She hadn't found anyone to hook up with and was leaving the show. In a ridiculous moment Chris Harrison said "but it's only the first week," like she had plenty more time to find a partner. No. She was done and probably realized her acerbic ways and pale skin just did not fit in. Off she went.

Roses were handed out, some randomly and Daniella was the one to leave this week which was just as well. Unless they stood side by side I kept getting her mixed up with Elise.
Next week is high drama as Chris Harrison goes to Michelle K's hotel room and someone hairy ends up with broken feet. Can't wait!

Kim Hornsby is the author of THE DREAM JUMPER'S PROMISE, a bestselling suspense novel on Amazon, as well as the tongue-in-cheek Bachelor takeoff THE HUSBAND HUNT. She lives in Seattle with her hubby, kids and dogs where she avoids housework by pretending she's a serious blogger.

One Man Throws Andi Under the Bus on The Bachelorette Finale

One man is deliriously happy and one man is devastated enough to reveal on national TV that he and Andi did the dirty deed and then she dumped him. More on that in a bit.

The much anticipated Bachelorette finale was everything we could have asked for last night on ABC. The new format for the finale includes watching with a live studio audience hosted by Chris Harrison. It's almost like we are at an L.A. Bachelorette party! With lights, cameras, and former contestants in the front row looking uncomfortable and highly makeup'ed.
The Bachelorette Finale was set in the Dominican Republic at Casa de Campo where only Nick and Josh remained as Andi's choices for possible husbands. First up was the bashful, extremely nervous Nick Viall who brought Andi's mother a mega bouquet of flowers and her father a bottle of something that looked alcoholic.
Nick stumbled through lunch, obviously not the confident person we've seen in previous shows, interrupted Patti, the mom, to tell her how much he loves her daughter and asked for the dad's blessing if and when he decided to propose. Hy, the dad, paused long enough to make us squirm in our chairs in TV land, wondering if he'd refuse. He reassured Deer Caught in Headlights Nick that if Andi chose him, he'd trust her judgment. Phew. I thought Nick was going to faint from nerves on that one.

Next we cut to commercial and when we came back, Chris Harrison plugged Bachelor in Paradise and then back to the giant studio TV screen and the Dominican Republic.
It was Josh's turn to sweat and stutter with the parents and sister, Rachel. The former baseball player (doesn't this guy have a job?) from Atlanta arrived with a smaller bunch of flowers and what looked like a box of cigars that he almost handed to the sister in his nervous discombobulations. Sitting with Andi on the couch, he laid his hand on her thigh and proceeded to sweat through his blue shirt.Andi sat tight with Josh and they couldn't keep their hands off each other. Hy actually gave his blessing when Josh asked permission to propose to Andi and they set up a golf date for three months from the day. Just kidding.
The sister Rachel tried to cut to the core of Josh and determine if his too- good- to- be- true factor is real or if he is just this wonderfully handsome, available, athletic, lovable guy. Rachel and her turtle tattoo couldn't tell but advised Andi to follow her heart.
Andi's date the next day was with Josh and the kissing factor was ramped up to warp factor/ maximum overdrive as they motored to a snorkel spot on a yacht and took the kissing to the ocean. Later, at Josh's hotel room, they kissed some more, flirted, talked, and Josh all but put the ring on her finger. This guy must be in sales because he sure was assuming the sale like there was no elephant in the room. He even made her a baseball card, with stats and her new name Andi Murray. I don't think he even realized at this point that there was another contestant who loves her a million percent (as Nick would say, and did).

Nick's last date with Andi was off-roading in a jeep to a picturesque picnic spot where they said a whole lot of nothing. Nick's admission to the camera made no sense even though he said it twice. "If I ask Andi to marry me, it will be because there's not a doubt in my mind it's me." I don't think Nick knew the format of the show either. If you are the last one standing, it's you, and you are free to ask her to marry you. Later, they talked in his suite, she reassured him that everything was going to be alright and every time he voiced doubts, she kissed him. Andi is not allowed contractually to say "I love you" so Nick understood and felt a lot more confident after she didn't say those three words.
This is the part where Neil Lane flies in with bling and rings are chosen. Spoiler Alert: Only one man chose a ring. The other man didn't even get to see the jeweler from L.A. before Andi headed to his room to cut him loose.
Josh chose an enormous sparkler for his fiancee and Andi visited Nick's hotel room to let him down easy. She awkwardly told Nick that she didn't want to take him to a rose ceremony seeing he'd been jilted before by a fiance and she didn't want to add to his pain. Nice thought but this kind of jilting only saved Nick the trouble of dressing up with a ring in his pocket. That's all. But this is the nature of the game. One person always leaves broken-hearted. Nick was blind-sighted by Andi's withdrawl of love/feelings and I would've felt really sorry for the guy but...
A month ago I watched a video taken from someone's cell phone during the flight Nick took from the Dominican Republic so I knew that Josh was Andi's choice and Nick would go home devastated. The video was filmed from behind Nick's seat, through the crack, and showed him telling his sister or mom that he'd been cut loose. The video was sent to Reality Steve who released it. During the phone call Nick was understandably upset and said things I'm sure he now regrets. Or should. It seems that the men might have been right about ole Nick. He has a bit of a nasty side, something which was proven on After the Final Rose.

Next, was Josh's proposal at an oceanfront setting with sailboats in the background. Finally, Andi could admit that she is madly in love with Josh and has been for many weeks. Josh's little speech about his feelings for Andi was eloquent and touching. This man LOVES Andi. Of that, we are sure. And now we are sure that Andi loves him. She said so. Yipee! A happy ending.
But not for Nick who wandered around Milwaukee near the Rock Bottom Pub, then flew to Mexico to talk to Andi on vacation with no luck. He even crashed The Men Tell All to talk to Andi but wasn't granted an audience with his almost former fiancee. Poor guy. She wouldn't talk.
Andi might have done better to talk privately with Nick Viall because it was only a matter of minutes before he threw her under the bus on national TV on After the Final Rose.
But before that we cut to the most bleachable moment which heartlessly was the men trash talking Nick and then him arriving back from his date. When silence fell on the bachelor's room for 2 solid minutes, indicating that no one wanted to converse with Nick, it was awkward!
Things got more awkward when they brought out Andi to share the hot seat with Nick and she wore her resting bitch face and refused to look at him. Getting nothing but "I never loved you," Nick was forced to pull out his big gun and revealed the no-no secret. He asked why she took things so far, why they made love. In my dictionary that phrase means one thing but there was still a 1% chance Nick meant heavy canoodling until Andi barked at him that that was private. He said he didn't want to hit below the belt and she countered with "you already did." Game over. Andi's face turned to super bitch and Nick had no hope of compassion after that. Or an explanation of how she could "love" him so much and then not. Goodbye Nick. Adios. A gentleman does not reveal on TV anything about private moments and you proved that you aren't a gentleman. Any sympathy I had for Nick at this point went out the window faster than Neil Lane can fly back to L.A. from the Dominican Republic, having sold only one ring.
Nick was quickly dismissed during a commercial, Josh was brought out, and Andi's smile returned. These two are so cute together! I predict they might even make it to the alter if they can refrain from sexting old lovers. Andi says she wants a long engagement but Josh is ready to walk the aisle and start having children tomorrow. Very cute.
As the closing credits rolled, my hubby reminded me that we still don't know who the next Bachelor is even though earlier the camera cut to Farmer Chris when Michelle Money asked Chris Harrison to reveal. I wonder if Michelle gets extra cash for planting that seed? Farmer Chris looked extremely uncomfortable when the audience waited, which made me think Chris Soules hadn't said yes yet.
Update: I just read that The Bachelor spot is between Ari the race car driver (What?!) and Farmer Chris.
Who has your vote?

In the meantime, aren't Josh and Andi cute together?

Kim Hornsby is the author of THE HUSBAND HUNT, a free novella on Amazon Books available for download that resembles watching a season of The Bachelor. She lives in the Seattle area where she also writes Bestselling novels.

The Bachelorette Producers Sink to a New Low

They couldn't just leave it alone. They had to show the moment Chris Harrison told the remaining cast of The Bachelorette that Eric Hill had died. This is a new low for the show.

I understand that it affected the people on the show, the people running the show and even watching the show, but did they have to use footage of the exact moment and exact facial reactions for teasers to get viewers to stay tuned? If there was still any doubt about how SMARMY this show is sometimes, this locks it in. That's not to say that we won't watch the show anymore because, hey, it's smarmy/fascinating but I wanted to say that I was offended by how they used Eric Hill's death for teasers. Harrison says they thought about how to do it, tell the remaining cast members the terrible news, and felt that bringing everyone to his home would be best.
The only person smart enough to leave the room after the five Bachelorette members got the news that Eric had passed away was Marcus. Andi went outside to bring him back in the room. Then the producers and staff moved in to hug everyone. It seemed real enough and I'm sure the news was shocking. Staff moved from person to person to hug but Nick remained sitting on the couch and yawned when a hairy man tried to hug him from behind. Turn off the damn cameras!
This is my opinion on how they handled things, still trying to do damage control rather than pay a quiet, respectful tribute.

Moving on...

Here's a quick re-cap of last night's show:

Hometowns

The first stop was Milwaukee to reunite with Nick. The excited, boyish version of Nick took Andi to the public market to food-taste, then on to a brewery to drink-taste an ale called "Nick and Andi", then to a bar to learn how to polka. Cute.

The fact that Nick can polka and thinks it's a "Milwaukee Dance" was adorable. Andi was 'down' with the polka, she said. At the family home, armed with a bouquet of flowers, we got to meet Nick's enormous family gathered in front of a portrait gallery of childhood photos. I lost count of siblings at eight. What confused me was his introduction of everyone with their spouses, taking the count over 15. I had another sip of Sauvignon Blanc instead of counting. My favorite sibling was Bella, the 11 year old girl who was such a cutie. I think Andi would be better off with a younger sister than Nick. The mom was freakishly stylish and put together for someone who birthed all those kids. I liked her a huge bunch and Nick's stock went up considerably.

Next stop was Arlington Iowa and farming country to see Chris. Andi loved his checked shirt and vest (?) and was turned on by the fact he owns a nice house, a huge tractor, and hired a plane to fly by their picnic pulling the words "Chris loves Andi". I'm hoping his family uses that verb a bit loosely because I see heartache for this big Iowa farmer. The flat cornfields of Chris's homeland don't seem to be enough for Andi, even though she vowed she hunted with her Dad and wasn't a city girl. (Have you seen how much makeup she wears to hunt bad guys in the slums of Atlanta?) Even Chris's mom later said she loved Andi which melted my heart. In turn, I loved his family who even left the house after dinner to play Ghost in the Graveyard outside with Andi. I wanna live in Iowa now.

On to Josh's hometown--Tampa Florida-- where the Aaron Murray fan club reigns. Aaron this, Aaron that. OMG. Shut up about the brother! Oh, unless this Bachelorette thing was all about the brother being drafted into the NFL. Josh's devotion to his younger sibling was touching and we witnessed another side to the baseball lovin' jock--a side that might involve a good life partner if Andi doesn't have to join the Aaron fan club and get on board the love train for football watching. The mom was nice enough but the whole date was clouded by the family's excitement about the upcoming NFL draft for the little brother. Only Aaron got off topic with Andi and actually talked about his beloved bro Josh. Even though Josh talks like Elvis on speed, I have a new appreciation of the big galoot and his possible feelings for Andi.

Dallas, Texas was the scene for the next hometown visit. Apparently Marcus is German/Polish, raised in Canada but now lives in Texas. This is a wee bit confusing. Andi did a ton of smiling on this date and when Marcus drove her around Dallas pointing out pretty parks, then took her to a bar to strip for her (a la first date,) her smile got bigger. "He's really hot" was heard three times, leading us to believe that Andi meant "I can't think of anything else to say about this embarrassing occurrence." Is hot good husband material? If Marcus is that buffed, how much time does he spend in the gym? Maybe Andi was wondering these things. The family was nice. The mother was a bit stoic, the Fergie-looking sister was pleasant, the older brother was nice and Marcus cried when Andi drove away. His deep feelings for her led me to believe that Marcus's love is genuine. We see Marcus and his bedroom eyes again next month in Bachelor in Paradise so hopefully he gets over his reality show crush.

Back in L.A., they went to Chris Harrison's Bachelor pad to hear the news of Eric Hill's death and they next day the five contestants were back at the mansion for the rose ceremony. It was too soon after bad news to do this elimination. The fact that they allowed Andi to stand up there and cut Marcus after saying to the men that they'd all get through this grieving process together was crass. Boom. Bye Marcus. You won't get through this together. Not you. Not with this group AND you will now have to go through a breakup with the girl you wanted to marry. And, you will walk away knowing she's off to a tropical vacation with fantasy room dates. Good luck with that broken heart. And grieving.

I'm severely disappointed with THE BACHELOR this season. I didn't mind the Juan Pablo season so much. He was fun to watch but this season has had some pretty awful moments. I know the producers are doing damage control for all the fans who didn't like J.P., and now damage control for Andi after kicking Eric Hill off the show, but as a devout fan I'm being asked to watch entertainment that makes me cringe more than I like in an 2-hour show.
Oh, and Bachelor in Paradise is coming up in August and it looks like anything but Paradise with all the tears and backstabbing. Will I watch? Probably. Like slowing down at an accident scene on the highway, I probably will tune in. Dammit.

Kim Hornsby is the author of THE HUSBAND HUNT, a free book on Amazon that resembles a season of The Bachelor. She lives in the Seattle area where she also writes Bestselling novels.

The Bachelorette- What's with the Scarves?

The most complicated part of writing this blog today is that I did not blog the last two episodes and feel like I've let someone down.
I've been busy. I wanted to catch up by writing about the last two shows but now think it's easier to just move on. So I'll simply say that the men remaining on the show after Venice, Italy are Marcus, Nick, Josh, Brian, Chris and Dylan. Only four will go to hometowns. Let's see who.

The group jetted to Belgium next where it looked like you could see your breath. Remember this was April.
First thing I noticed when the men sat around in a group in their Brussels hotel room was that a door to door scarf salesman must've made a killing with this group. Four of the six had trendy scarves knotted fashionably around their necks. I laughed out loud.

The date card singled out Marcus for some wandering around Brussels and eating mussels in a café while Marcus's accent scarf went slightly askew. At dinner, they talked of Marcus's difficult relationship with his mother while eating once again in an ornately gorgeous, historical room. Marcus opened up about his family, admitted he's falling in love and the date ended on a nice note.











The next date card comes and the first name read is Josh. And the last name read is Josh. It's the next one on one. Josh adjusts his scarf and heads off to explore chocolate shops.

Andi snuggled in under the arm of the big hunk who talks too fast to understand. When she asked him questions, words poured from his mouth too quickly for us to hear but that's ok. He says the same thing four different ways in a stream of run on sentences so if you miss the first two sentences, you'll get the gist on the last one. This, along with his declaration that he hasn't dated anyone in years and won't say "I love you" until he's ready to propose makes Josh seem unbelievable.
When she got home and had just let her hair down, Nick knocked at her door, having lied at the hotel front desk to get her room number. After changing into jeans they went for a rule-breaking walk/kissfest outside. Hmmmm.

The group date was weird. They walked onto the property of a monastery and the only rule was no kissing on the grounds. That was weird #1. On the lawn, the four men sat at a coffee table laden with cheese and wine and Andi took them off for some alone time individually. Chris got his time with Andi showing her, a la the movie Ghost, how to throw a pot in a potter's studio. Nick got his alone time but wasn't allowed to kiss, Brian was able to desperately tell her how much she means to him
and Dylan barely got air time even though he'd taken out his hair from the hotel room top knot that some stylist must've told him looked good (or the scarf salesman). Weird date. All they did was sit around that coffee table. As it got dark out there on the lawn, Andi had a rose to give out and handed it to smarmy Nick who none of the men like. He remained to take Andi for dinner, now the only man assured of having a hometown date.

At the rose ceremony Andi arrived in a mirror dress perhaps to remind the men to look back at themselves and their motives for being on the show. Only Chris seems to really want a wife out of this and took her aside at the last minute before the roses were given out to either blow the whistle on Nick or kiss her. He kissed her, she broke it off PDQ and they headed back to eliminate Dylan and Brian, the obvious. Brian moped outside and when he heard laughter in the house, he assumed it was about him. Poor guy.

Next week Andi goes to meet parents and will hopefully find out why Nick is so analytical about this game, I mean this opportunity to meet his wife, why Chris is even on this show if he lives in a town of 758 people and never wants to leave Iowa, why Josh talks so fast, and why Marcus's mother ruled with an iron fist.

These days we don't have to wait to find out who wins, what happens, sometimes even what they eat on dates. Sources report back to a dude who calls himself Reality Steve and he has been divulging what happens in subsequent weeks on his blog since 2009.
 But now the internet is full of reports via this blog. Steve is right 99% of the time. People at restaurants, hotels, even flights, send Steve photos, reports and videos of the men.

Don't continue to read if you want to be surprised in the weeks to come. I give hints.
SPOILER ALERT ahead.

From reading these reports I've learned who wins. I'm not that invested in this season and don't care that much about Andi's happiness, like in the past. So I read ahead to see who she ends up with. I have my favorite for her and it looks like she ends up with him.
I also learned something that really makes me sad that the media can dredge up this information. The man who wins (?) sends more Snapchat photos to his ex-girlfriend (who also dated this man's brother) than Andi in June, a month that they are supposed to be in love, waiting to reveal to the world how happy they are. I hope he has a good reason for his snapchat numbers because there's no way Andi doesn't know this now.
Also, I learned that one man in the last four has dated so many gals around town that when Reality Steve showed up to do a radio program, it turned out the host once dated the contestant. And the internet has a video of the eliminated contestant in the last two phoning someone from his plane ride home after he got booted. He was understandably upset but this call is so revealing that I'm glad Andi didn't end up with him.
And now I feel badly for Andi, even though I'm fully aware that she can take care of herself. It seems like the man she chose has some 'splaining to do about the snapchats.

With life conducted on the internet, phones and through photos that can be shared around the world in a second, nothing is private anymore. Not as long as you have a smartphone and use it.

Kim Hornsby is the author of The Husband Hunt, a free novella on Amazon books that resembles a season of The Bachelor.
She is also the Best Selling author of THE DREAM JUMPER'S PROMISE a love story on Amazon.

The Bachelorette Gets Testy

This week's episode of The Bachelorette had me wondering why I watch this reality show. It can be so stupid sometimes and I know the show is set up to make the most of a potentially dramatic situation, but it seems to be getting more ridiculous. Like a car accident, I can't look away.

The evening started with the crew in Connecticut. Not sure why they ended up at the Mohegan Sun Resort unless Chris Harrison owns a share in the hotel but there they were in chilly March weather, in a dreary geographical setting, at a huge monstrosity of a resort. The men were excited to be in a nice hotel suite which was a good thing because they are sequestered inside the room for days on end, like prisoners. This must be part of the psychological deprivation plan to make the men so appreciative of a date with the Bachelorette that they all think they're falling in love after four weeks. It's working, but more on that later.

The first date was a steam train ride through the countryside with the quiet contender, Dylan. He has a chiseled, handsome face but needs a good haircut. It's distracting to his lovely face.
Turns out the poor man lost both siblings to drugs and is very close to his single mom. There was a heartbreaking story there but Andi didn't pull it out of him. Just let him say his piece and they moved on. The chemistry between the two was about zero as the train moved through the very countryside that Dylan grew up in, passing a river that he and his brother used to swim. Dinner was in a highly lit, camera filled train car and without even touching their food, they moved on to the next surprise of the night. The train whistle. Okay, that wasn't a big surprise seeing they'd already pulled the thing earlier. The whole thing was a bit ho hum except for the squirm-worthy fact that Dylan said it was one of his best dates ever. Sorry Buddy.

                                  Andi gets a love letter from a secret admirer. (NickV? Josh?)

The next date was a group of ten men who suited up to play basketball, first against Andi and some super tall chicks from the WNBA or whatever the women's league is called, then against each other.

This date brought out a side of Andi that I personally do not like. Let's just say, she isn't as sweet as some other bachelorettes. When I say she could eat some of the guys for breakfast, I mean it. Brian, the basketball coach, for one. She liked what she saw on the court but he has no game with girls (his words) and neglected to seize the kiss moment when he later took her on the dimly lit court that night, made a half court basket, impressed the hell out of her and couldn't kiss her. Dude: Be less impressed with yourself than her, then move in for the kiss.



The next date was with Marcus, a Canadian-born front runner, who considers Andi his girlfriend. He obviously has no idea about Nick V. and Andi. On the date, the twosome rappelled down the side of the Mohegan Sun Resort, right past the room of the holed-up men. Both Marcus and Andi were elated to conquer their fear of heights and then dressed up to go to dinner.

Again, nothing was eaten, deep feelings were declared and Andi led Marcus to a concert by one of his favorite country artists, Jon Pardi, where they danced and kissed. Marcus couldn't stop telling her he was falling in love, he loves her, he's crazy about her etc. It got old. Andi smiled. Like the photo below. Lots of that.
They are definitely cute together. Note to Marcus: Hold something back.













At the cocktail party, Andi spoke with several of the guys, Tasos, Marquel
(who is super funny!) and Eric who confronted her about being real. Oh no. Hearing that he thought she was being fake, Andi proceeded to go ape shit on him, blowing his words way out of proportion. She then confronted the men about getting their asses out the door if anyone doesn't think this is real. Well, Andi, I hate to tell you but it isn't real. Have you seen the cameras? The clothes? The settings? Eric was being honest when he said he doesn't usually dress this way. I think the guy just wanted her to admit it's a fake situation but she got all pissy about his words and Eric left the show bewildered.

Because Eric Hill died a month later in a paragliding accident in Utah, the producers of the show decided to forgo the actual rose ceremony and instead let Andi do some damage control with her reputation. If you believed Eric's words about Andi not being real on camera, then you might have found this segment strange. It was a lot of Chris Harrison asking leading questions to allow the Bachelorette to say that she's sorry her last conversation with Eric was a fight. I'm sure she is sorry and that it was shocking when Eric died but I think this segment was smarmy and weird. I can't help but wonder if they felt the need to clear Andi's reputation. Think about it.


Afterwards, I realized that Eric was right, this is not real life, not actual dating, not a great way to look for love, and his last words on the show about that were even more poignant than anyone at that time knew. He called it like he saw it. But, I wanted to see the rose ceremony. I wanted Tasos to have his moment to say goodbye.

On another note, The Bachelor franchise is filming a summer show in Mexico right now with alumni and yes, Chris Bukowski gets on that one. If you don't recognize the name, he's the guy who showed up on Andi's first night with flowers. This guy is desperate to keep his Bachelor star shining and looks like he gets his chance on this soon to be released summer show that is sure to be worse than Bachelor Pad. I'll be watching through my hand over my eyes August 4th. How about you?


Kim Hornsby is the author of The Husband Hunt, a free novella on Amazon Books that strangely resembles the TV show, The Bachelor. If you like this reality series, download the novella on a Tuesday when you're pining for a new episode!
Kim is the Bestselling Author of The Dream Jumper's Promise, which was nominated for best indie first book and best Paranormal in 2013.Publisher's Weekly calls it a "fascinating and engaging paranormal romance."

 

Calm Before the Storm on THE BACHELORETTE

The drama is just beginning on The Bachelorette and we can't wait to see what's going to happen tonight. Did everyone remember that last night (Sunday) was a special installment? And we get to watch again tonight? As Wayne and Garth said in Wayne's World "we're not worthy."

Last night's episode had Andi heading to Santa Barbara, two hours north of the L.A. mansion, for her dates. The first date was given to Nick V. who isn't classically handsome but is boyishly cute and last night declared he has a crush on Andi. Again, it looks like she could eat this guy for breakfast but seemed charmed by his admission. They hiked around, hugged and kissed a bit, later having dinner on the steps of a courthouse where Nick said "like" twelve times in the same sentence, my daughter announced when she wandered in to the room.

The group date saw the men load into limos bound for Santa Barbara, to do some singing. The opera singer in the group took every on-camera opportunity to hit a few notes and talk about how he'd surely win the group date rose because he was the only one who could sing. Hold your pitch pipe there, Buddy. Don't you watch the show? No one ever gets that rose for talent, only good sportsmanship. Turned out they learned a BoyZ 2 Men song and performed in a public market on stage, crucifying the song "I'll Make Love to You". It was cute, funny and painful to listen to. And the men could not sing to save their lives. Tasos wasn't bad. Is that his name?

But why doesn't Marquel get more airtime? He seems really sweet and I for one would like to hear who he is. Opera Man crucified the song with his operatic style. At the party later, Josh got some kissy kissy time with Andi, declaring his interest in being with her more and was rewarded with the rose. Marcus looked crushed seeing he thinks he's the only one who's kissed her and that they have something way more special than anything she has with anyone else.

Marcus is either going to leave in tears or turn into the stalker of the season. Too bad he's getting so hooked so early.




Then was a one on one date with JJ. The tall/small twosome was transformed into 88 year olds with makeup, hair and costumes and set free in Santa Barbara to roam the boardwalk and parks, asking people to take pictures of them.
Not sure if they fooled anyone but when they began to play football and do cartwheels, I'm sure onlookers wondered what was up. That and the ABC TV cameras following two elderly people on their scooters. It was a cute idea and JJ played along like a pro even though he looked just like Bad Grampa.

Trouble was that without the costume, he was a bit needy and self-depreciating on the date. Andi looked bored. Coming to dinner as a handsome young man would've been JJ's time to wow his date after hanging around all day in liver spots, but instead JJ talked about being a geek. I guess anyone who describes his profession as a Pantstrapreneur is bound to be quirky.

Next the cocktail party. The big drama of the night was when JJ told Josh that Andrew not only got a waitress's phone number recently on a date, but bragged to the car full of men, then proceeded to brag to his bedroom mates about the acquisition. Not cool.
But the funny part was JJ got Josh to do the dirty work after telling him about this. He stood back with drink in hand and let Josh confront the culprit.
Andrew walked away and they followed him through the house with cameras hot on the trail, JJ standing back to let Josh get madder by the minute. Bachelorette producers were probably salivating at this. Finally the drama begins.





When Andi arrived at the party, she took Eric aside for a talk, flowers were delivered couch side and ruined the moment simply because the bouquet was from Nick V., not Eric. A nice touch from Nick but because we now know that Eric leaves the show soon and dies soon after, it was a strange moment to watch. Shortly after, Marcus took Andi aside and they kiss in a doorway, then Andi grabs Nick to thank him for the flowers and they do some kissing. Andi's lips are getting a workout early on this season.
At eliminations, she lets the opera singer and the hairdresser go. Ron has already left due to a mysterious phone call in the driveway that was explained after he packed his things and told the guys he was checking out. A good friend died.



Tonight is another episode and it looks like someone writes a letter to tell Andi of Andrew's smarmy phone number collection and she gets super mad, hurt and shows everyone the door. Can't wait!


Kim Hornsby is the author of The Husband Hunt, a free novella on Amazon Books that strangely resembles the TV show, The Bachelor. If you like this reality series, download the novella on a Tuesday when you're pining for a new episode!
Kim is the Bestselling Author of The Dream Jumper's Promise, which was nominated for best indie first book and best Paranormal in 2013.Publisher's Weekly calls it a "fascinating and engaging paranormal romance."

Juan Pablo and Clare Get Sexy in Vietnam

The latest installment of THE BACHELOR had Renee finally getting that kiss, Clare finally getting that swim in the ocean, and three girls who got very little air time, finally going home.

In my family room, we were overjoyed when Renee got the one on one date with Juan Pablo. My daughter even looked up from her tablet and maybe even took one ear bud out to listen!

The single mom from Florida, who's been consoling and drying tears all over the bachelorette mansion was over- the- Vietnamese- moon happy about the prospect of spending the day with J.P. So much so that I think she said her palms curled? And tingled. I cringed, waiting for another date where Juany does not kiss the cute mom with the ultra straight hair and ankle tattoo. Wandering around Hoi An, the two parents bought gifts for the kiddo's back home, and once again, I was worried that Renee was slipping off in to the friend zone with too much talk of children. At dinner, they were at it again. Ben this, Camila that. But, Juan did explain that he didn't feel right about kissing her on national TV seeing her son was 8 years old, and probably stayed up to watch his mommy on The Bachelor. What?

The group date had lots of Andi bitching and moaning about never getting one on one time with the guy she is dating. Although she's a favorite, I got a little tired of hearing the same thing in four different outfits and hairstyles. I know the producers do this on purpose, tell the girls to say it again and again, just in case they didn't get it first time in the other dress and ponytail. Shame.
But, once Andi heard that one word from J.P. she settled down. "Patient" or was it "Trust"? Didn't matter, she just needed to hear him speak a word to her.
Earlier, the group paddled giant coconuts around some brown water, went farming and had a true Vietnamese experience in Tra Que Village while Clare and J.P. tried to have alone time. Again. What we didn't see until the ending credits, was the funny ox-riding, showing a tail repeatedly swatting Ally's backside, like it wasn't bad enough that she never got a one on one date. But the ox scene didn't have the drama of Clare stealing off with J.P. in the coconut. At the evening party, Andi was upset again when her boyfriend stole the blonde hairstylist for a quick swim in his hotel suite's frigid pool, right after he made a group toast to a wonderful evening with 9 ladies. Shame J.P.

All he wanted was to ravage Clare, so was it any wonder that later, when she snuck off after filming ended for the night (or did it?) and found herself at Juan's door to ask him for a swim in the ocean, he'd accept? She'd never had an ocean swim before. Or was it a warm ocean swim, or was it a swim wrapped around a Venezuelan soccer player? Once out in the warm waves, the two lustbirds went at it. How long did the cameras have to stand there on the beach with lights on the locked-together couple? And what went on? We'll never know. Or will we? Apparently it went too far but they didn't do anything inappropriate, in Clare's mind.
One of the best lines of the night came from Opera Diva, Sharleen, who said her goal was for J.P. to see her as a panda in a room of brown bears. Nice Chinese analogy that I hope to use on my daughter now instead of that army one - be all that you can be.


The next one on one date was with Nurse Nikki. Heading off to Marble Mountain, Juan Pablo found the beginning a little rough seeing he'd been swimming/snuggling until the sun came up with the hairdresser. All he said to Nikki was that he wasn't a morning person. Little did she know why he was so incredibly tired. Her ignorance worked to her advantage as she fearfully rappelled into the belly of the mountain, with J.P. guiding her butt to safety. And his waiting arms.

Dinner at the Full Moon Town Restaurant had Juany interviewing Nikki for the role of stepmother, and Nikki giving the interview her all. She got the rose and kisses followed, leaving us to wonder if the Bachelor compares the girls' kissing abilities. I think even though he can't say pediatrics, Juany sees the value in having a nurse in the house with Camila. Don't you?
The Rose ceremony had the girls gathering in an overly lit, pagoda on the water, all crammed in to an L-shaped couch where once again, Juan Pablo took Clare for alone time. Turned out he regretted something they did in the ocean, or after the ocean, the night before. This had us wondering about logistics of waves, water, bathing suits, cameras, protection. Whatever went on, Clare thought it was the most beautiful thing ever, blissful, and J.P. was backtracking big time, having finally come to his senses to realize. Maybe knowing that they filmed what went on in the warm ocean and his daughter might one day see that, he rethought his lusty behavior. That, and having a real, but nice date with a pretty nurse who's a bit shy.
Oh, and the 'Swim' wasn't fair to the other girls. Duh! The sneaky girl who goes to the bachelor's room on every show often makes it to the hometown date level, but rarely lasts much past that unless your name is Courtney and the guy's name is Ben Flajnik. Poor Clare. "We didn't do anything inappropriate", was said (by her) leaving us wondering again if the fantasy suite came early or what??
Juan got all upset about eliminations but the most shocking part of the evening was leaving the last rose to hand out to our beloved Andi. That'll teach a girl to tell the Bachelor she's having a hard time sharing. Andi appears next week in her one piece bathing suit kissing J.P. under a waterfall so it looks like she finally gets her one on one date, unless Clare was being held back by the producers, just off camera.

Eliminated: Funny Kelly, the dog lover, but so stuck in the friend zone, Danielle with curly hair who we rarely got to see, and Ally, the nanny from Chicago who was probably very funny and cute and lovely and interesting but looked too much like Andi.
Next week, New Zealand, mate!

Kim Hornsby is the Bestselling Author of Suspense. Her novel THE DREAM JUMPER'S PROMISE is FREE Feb 3-5th 2014 at Amazon books. With 174 Reviews, most 5 Star, this book is her #1 BESTSELLER. click on the link to "buy" a copy.
 She also writes short stories in The Husband Hunt series, modeled after The Bachelor. The first in the series is free on Amazon books for download on Kindle, computer, or phone. Click here.