Bachelor in Paradise -Two Men go Home

The Labor Day installment of Bachelor in Paradise opens with Sarah telling the camera that Jackie and Christy drink a lot. Duh. They happen to be the two females not exactly spoken for after the last rose ceremony. The way you tell if you are spoken for is if your man threatens to kill the new guy if he asks you on a date.
More on that in a minute. So until these two get a man, they are either free to drink a lot or are drowning their sorrows in alcohol. Until further notice, they are the party girls.
Michelle then tells the cameras that Cody went from 0 to 60 mph in love and she is just not there yet. He's not her type. Girlfriend, to get to Cody's level of adoration you kind of have to be sixteen years old and in love with a supermodel. Michelle isn't buying what Cody is selling but she might be interested if he just camps on her porch for awhile and waits for her to decide she needs what he's selling.

The first date card goes to Marcus and Lacy, and again Sarah zings one off by saying "they'll probably get married and have tan babies." Their date involves a hole in the ground at Dos Ojos and a ladder. At the bottom of the ladder are stalaglights, I mean stalagments, or is it stalegtites? Doesn't matter, Lacy is impressed by those big things hanging from the ceiling of this cave. But wait, there are bats and she hates those things. Marcus will protect her but first he's going to shine the light right at them to stir them up.
Once through an underground lake probably filled with bat guano, the lovebirds have a margarita on a couch and Lacy says the L word. No, she's not a lesbian, she LOVES him! The wildlife in the jungle rejoices, flocks of birds take to the skies in celebration.

At the Casa, Michelle is taking love advice from Jesse which makes her just as stupid as stalaglight girl, or more. Where was everyone else, or is Jesse the only one who hasn't seen you cry about love? Sheesh. As she wonders how to handle the muscular man, Cody lifts boulders on the beach.
Brooks Forrester arrives with a date card and Sarah is really confused because she actually came to BIP hoping he'd be there. She's crushing. Oh no!
Robert senses something in the air and tells Brooks that he'll kill him if he asks Sarah on the date and the threat works. Of course we don't take Robert seriously because he has that Liam Hemsworth look and also because next says "She's my baby," in a funny voice. He wouldn't kill Brooks, would he?
Brooks asks Jackie instead, who dresses like a Greek goddess and they head off to dinner in town at the Casa Banana. If Cody is a manly brute, then Brooks is the opposite. Brooks is a fashionable dandy. But Jackie likes his fancy ways. I think Brooks might be a model, or if not, he sure has a lot of modely photos online. (See the denim outfit)

Sidebar: Guys love Jackie, cute little girl-next-door type who doesn't kiss on the first date but plays foosball like she has a lot of brothers. Zack, who came to BIP hoping Jackie might be there, is jealous of Brooks and goes to the beach to think when the daters arrive back at the Casa. Sarah, who flirts with Brooks takes Robert aside to find out what his intentions are and is tickled that he wants to date her when this is all over. Phew!
Michelle wears eight strands of pearls, full makeup and her sour face to a beach bonfire on bean bag chairs, as Cody tries to explain his enthusiasm for her. Boiled down--Cody: "I'm just me." Michelle: "I adore you."

The Bachelor censors work overtime bleeping a conversation with Christy and Michelle who reveals that Lucy and Jesse had ____ in the limo and she ____ him and he ____her.
Christy concludes that Jesse is a misogynistic pig or something like that and thinks of going home until sweet Tasos arrives and asks her on a date to a conservation area.
They float down a river with turtles to a picnic on a dock where he tries hard to not kiss her because she talks about being screwed over.
 Meanwhile, Jesse is back at the Casa calling Tasos "Taco" and generally shooting off his mouth and bragging like he's going for the A-hole award.
The next date card goes to Zack who AshLee feels is the wrong choice. What is up with this girl who seems to have an evil plan behind everything she does? She is in tears about Graham not getting a date, maybe because she knows her days are numbered with the guy she stalks on Instagram. We still haven't seen who ends up in handcuffs but her wrists are slim.
On the date, Zack and Jackie descend into the Gran Cenote Cave where they swim and kiss and try to develop a "romantical relationship". Yesterday a Bachelor Intern tweeted that he torturously dragged a bed through the cave but Zack and Jackie use it. They have a meaningful talk (along with a margarita,) in which Zack says he wasted his time with Clare. Zing. Right through the heart, Clare. Ouch. She shoulda gone out with Cody when he begged. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Maybe Clare will be on Dancing with the Stars, like she said. I feel bad for her.
The next night it's storming during the Rose Ceremony the palm trees blowing inside out, the rain coming down sideways. At the rose room, the Sleazeball (Jesse) is name calling and being a class A dick, saying he needs the dumb blonde's vote or he'll go home.
I kind of wished one of the men would deck him until I saw what the women did in a wonderful show of solidarity and girl power. Taking Jesse down on camera is far worse than a punch to the jaw because the whole nation now knows Jesse Kovac's true character. When Sleazeball realizes that Christy knows about he and Lucy ____ in the limo and realizes no matter how he spins the conversation with the dumb blonde, he won't get a rose, he quits the show. But not before Christy, Michelle and Lacy confront him in the exit limo and get in their two cents about what kind of man he is. I was hoping for a really scathing speech but instead we got bits and pieces of three women telling him what he did was wrong. Poor Christy wanted so much to redeem herself and still, her parting words were "have a nice flight." Even if it was said sarcastically, she should have said something that had to be bleeped.
Driving away, Jesse mused that his inbox would be full of invitations to parties from Bachelor Alumni. I guess that's what matters--those emails. It was good to see the back of him.
At the rose ceremony, Christy gave Tasos her rose and Zack got the rose from Jackie after giving her a wish bracelet and saying "I'm into u." Brooks drove away after 30 hours on the show and Chris B. Harrison moved in to make an announcement. That was the final rose ceremony and there will be no more date cards, and it's all about to get really intense.
The previews show a lot of crying, not just from Michelle this time, and shocked expressions. Will the couples that exist weather the storm of what is to come? Fun and games are over. What do you think will happen? I say they will put the relationships to the test and maybe even bring in Neil Lane!

See you next week, Bachelor Nation.

Kim Hornsby is a serious suspense author in the Seattle area, where she lunches with celebrities and has her assistant keep the pool at 90 degrees.

The Bachelorette Wants to Quit

The episode of The Bachelorette that we've been waiting for is over and the mystery of who dumped Des has been solved. Brooks is not in crazy love with Des and can't see himself proposing in two weeks.
But first, Drew's date on Antigua, the jewel of the Caribbean. Tucked inside a convertible jeep, the two kissing fools drove, stopped to kiss, drove some more, kissed some more. They ended up at a party (with a view), complete with drinks, souvenirs, limbo, dancing, mid-day picnic and loads more kissing. He's a cutie for sure and Des thinks he's hot. I think if you are not the mother of a teenage boy, Drew is appealing. Just sayin'. The dinner on the beach was cancelled due to torrential rain and the kissers had to proceed directly to the fantasy suite. Drew didn't seem to miss dinner too much at this point. They settled on the rose petal strewn bed to kiss, and kick the cameras out.

Next came Chris from Seattle's date, but by this point we all knew the ding dong ditch guy was Brooks. They gave it away in the opener. We sat on pins and needles waiting to see what would happen. For the next date, Chris and Des got in a helicopter, flew around the islands in the breathtaking beauty of teal, green and white fluffy clouds, and landed on Barbudo beach to have a picnic. If kissing is any indication of love, Chris has his work cut out for him in the Fantasy Suite. But, he and Des are very cute together and I think Chris might have the best sense of humor. He is a definite fan fav at this point too and if the unthinkable happens and he doesn't end up with Des, we just might be seeing more of him on The Bachelor later this year. At dinner he asked if Des could live in Seattle, offering the tidbit that they could get a cute little house on the water. Okay, I live in the Seattle area and that's exactly how my husband got me here but do I now live on the water? Nope. 15 years later, we are happy but not on any body of water. And it rains like crazy pants here from October to June. I was screaming at the T.V. to tell her this, but she ended up saying she could live in Seattle. Yes, indeedy, she could if the love was strong enough. Des and Chris had dinner on the beach while the most annoying birds (or an oil drill) squealed in the background for the entirety of their dinner and then during their fantasy suite tour.
 After loads of locking lips in the hot tub, we left them alone for the night and traveled to Idaho where Brooks was consulting his mom and sis about not being crazy in love with Des. At that point it was written in stone and all that needed to be done was for Brooks and his hair to get to Antigua and break up with the woman who was falling in love with him. He had no idea at this point that she was in love with him. He might've thought that Chris was the one. Or Drew. After a big ole heart to heart with ChrisBHarrison, he met with Des to break her heart in a twenty minute crying fest on the end of a picturesque dock. Was there any woman out there who didn't feel her pain? It brought back baaaaad memories of the same thing happening to me once and remembering that, I built a big wall around my body on my couch, metaphorically speaking. It took another 20 minutes for Brooks to walk down the road. He was so broken up too. Des wouldn't let him go and he wouldn't walk away. He wanted to make it right before he left but didn't he know the formula? You tell them it's over and leave. At that point you can't comfort them. You are the enemy. And didn't we all wonder what his idea of love is if he's missing her so much before he gets in the limo? I think Brooks is too mixed up and hope like crazy that they don't bring  him back next week because he gets second thoughts. That's just a recipe for heartbreak souflee.

Next week Des tells ChrisBHarrison she just wants to go home. She's done. It's over. The gig is up.  If I was Mike Fleiss, THE producer of this show, I'd let her take a day or two, and everyone could re-convene after that. Maybe even fly everyone back to the mansion or a new fancy spot for thinking time, have Des see a counsellor and continue if she thinks there is any hope. Seriously though, I doubt that there is any hope for the other two men after this. I wish I was a fly on the hut when the producers talked about what to do in Antigua. I wonder if Des's contract came out and a lawyer was called. Poor Des. I hope by now she's moved on from Brooks and is in love with Drew or Chris but it was hard to watch. Especially because I have the flu. This episode with so many tears and hugs and hair pulling left me feeling more fluish. At least Des's mascara didn't run.
Now all we have to do is wait another excruciating week to find out what the heck they decide to do.

In the meantime, check out the 2 hour read The Husband Hunt, FREE on Smashwords for download on a reading device or phone. Click here The romance story is based on a reality show much like The Bachelor with roses, a mansion, fantasy dates and house drama.
Kim Hornsby is the author of Amazon Best Selling Novels The Dream Jumper's Promise and Necessary Detour, both available on Amazon for download or print.

Juan Pablo, the next Bachelor!

Update: August 6
Juan Pablo IS the next Bachelor!!! It's official. Women were screaming in delight at the announcement last night on After the Final Rose. Now we just have to wait until January to see what happens in September, October, November with J.P.

blog- from July 26th...

I didn't post Monday night with my take on Men Tell All but that doesn't mean I didn't see Ben look like a cornered Baboon on Monday night on THE BACHELORETTE- The Men Tell All, or watch James dig himself deeper into the "I don't understand commitment" hole. Michael got to prosecute a little more, Zak W got to sing another original song about his feelings, Hashtag Kasey got more airtime than he got on the actual show, the Fantasy Suite guy got to apologize for his misuse of what he thought would be funny,

Anyone else out there believe that Juan Pablo would make a terrific Bachelor? I do. Forget Zack W. or James (bad joke), I lurv Juan Pablo. His name, by the way, is said this way--WhoWawn Pawblow.  Blow a little on the "who" part.

This is my early prediction:
After the Men Tell All episode aired on Monday, I bet the producers of this franchise were considering the possibility of Zack W. as a Bachelor. However, once J.P. took the hot seat, it became apparent that the soccer player from Miami who happens to be a Daddy, is the biggest fan favorite in the history of The Bachelor. It might be the Latin lover thing but he is also a well spoken lovely person, something we did not get to see on Des's Bachelorette season because the producers wrote him off early. Until the tweets started to fly about J.P., I'm pretty sure the Bach powers-that-be had no idea he'd be taken into the bosom of American women everywhere and coddled like the sexy, tight jean-wearing hottie he is. Now we find out he's an interesting person on camera. The blatant omission of airtime for such a unique contender was almost as terrible as Des's impression that he's a Latin hottie. Even on Monday's show, all she could say was "Muy Caliente". It was very inappropriately timed when Des said this after the nation got to see the soft, lovely side of Juan Pablo. The men love him too. He's a definite favorite in the house and I believe he's the full meal deal with Daddyhood being the most important part of his life. Just sayin'. If he didn't go to the Ben school of Fathering, speaks English beautifully and women are intrigued, what are you waiting for Bachelor producers? Have you even looked at him through female eyes?

Here are my thoughts on Monday night, in a nutshell:

Kasey was well spoken but got too much time.
Ben was buried as a daddy on national TV by someone we didn't even know. Boy they sure hated Ben!
James just didn't get it. You don't plan future dates when you 'have a girlfriend'. You weren't in it for Des.
Zack is a sweetheart, a real man. And he can actually sing! (But please stop)
Michael is a prosecutioning player/jerk. He'll ride the Bachelor party train until he has to get off.
Bryden said nothing
Kasey said too much
Juan Pablo for president, I mean the next Bachelor. I believe that one of the reasons they taped early and aired early for Men Tell All, was not only because of what is going down on Monday with Brooks (or Drew) but because they wanted to gauge the public's opinion of both Zack and Juan Pablo to see who to offer the Golden Rose of Bachelorhood to. Filming for that will begin in a few weeks, don't cha know?
Can't wait to see who breaks Des's heart. It won't be pretty but I'm hoping it's Brooks, kinda. He doesn't deserve her love at this point.

The Bachelorette - Still in Love with Brooks

This week was hometowns on the Bachelorette and we all know what that means--wacky families come out of the woodwork to ruin it for their hopeful child.
The first hometown was Zack's in Texas where the two lovebirds drove around in a Kona Snowcone truck and ended up at an elementary school to dish out snow cones to the little kids. Zack dressed up like a penguin, thereby securing the top spot as a wacky fun guy and then took her to meet the most welcoming family ever in the history of The Bachelorette. Everyone was funny, fun, handsome, welcoming, and when the bro and sis stood up at the end to sing a song that Zack wrote, it was the icing on an already 17 layer cake. The cherry on top was Zack professing he loved her and giving her a ring he'd bought when he realized that he was in love with her. I was officially in love with Zack by the next commercial. If he lives near his family, then I'd take him in a heartbeat. Can you spell PERFECT?

The next visit was to Drew's family in Scottsdale AZ. They went to pick up Drew's mentally challenged sister where she lives in a special home and then everyone converged at Drew's mom and Step Dad's house. All was fun and merry, and Des charmed the pants right off the group. That visit couldn't have gone better, including Drew telling her he loved her in a "bold" way, she said. Personally, I just saw him throw it into the conversation but I'm not The Bachelorette.

Then off to Oregon where we hooked up with Chris in a park and ventured on to hit baseballs to see if Des is the girl for him. Turned out she can catch and hit and passed the baseballing test with flying colors. At Chris's house, the parents were warm and fun and wonderful, even though the Dad, who is a chiropractor took Des to the basement to give her an adjustment on her back, then proceeded to adjust Chris's nostrils, treating America to Chris's snot closeup. Eww.
The final visit was Brooks in Utah. They canoed in a park, kind of dancing around each other conversationally and then drove over to someone's house overlooking the mountains in Utah. The large family had nametags on, teased Des and Brooks and were a lovely, welcoming group. No patriarch but lots of siblings. When Brooks kissed her goodbye, he was just starting to warm up to the idea that he really likes Des. Little does he know that everyone else is falling all over themselves in love while he isn't quite sure.

Des's brother Nate arrived in Los Angeles where the show ended up at the Beverly Hills Hotel and proceeded to creep us out with his strange threats. Des pretty much begged him to leave the guys alone if he intends to be on the family meeting date and he backed off slightly, saying he'd be mindful of her feelings and that the only reason he ruined it with Sean last time was that he knew better than her, that it wasn't a good match. He's a loose cannon for sure. Can't wait.
Again, Chris Harrison questioned Des about declaring Brooks the favorite and again, The Bachelorette voiced that she's hoping his feelings grow in the next few weeks. Chris is a close second after hometowns, in spite of the back adjustment, and that left Zack and Drew in the bottom two.
At the rose ceremony, Des cut Zack with the abs, and the fun, and the only manly one of the bunch. The others, I'm pretty sure all have pedicures. But then Zack got pretty choked up and had a lot to say in the limo, proving that he's not only manly but sensitive. Apparently he can't find a girl to love him. I'm gonna bet he watched tonight's show with a woman curled beside him or if he didn't I'll bet he'll be watching next week with a girlfriend. He's a nice man, with a great family and studly to boot. And has had national coverage.
Next week is Bachelor Tells All (kind of out of sync for the usual way it's done) and two weeks from now, I believe Drew announces something and leaves. Or Brooks. Des looks pretty broken up about something and threatens to leave the show. She's wearing the outfit from her date with Brooks if that gives anyone a hint.
Checking my calendar now to make sure I've cleared the next three Mondays. How about you? For a show that started out slow, it's gaining speed for a nice run to the finish. Who's your money on?


Kim Hornsby is the author of The Husband Hunt an Amazon short story book series modeled after The Bachelor.
http://amzn.com/B00BN1YNS0