The Bachelor - Hometowns,Fantasy Suites and Cross Examinations

Two nights of The Bachelor this week had us chomping at the bit to see what's going to happen in Juan Pablo Ville. Now J.P. himself has leaked The Bachelor winner to the press and has completely spoiled the ending for us. Chocking it up to a language problem is no longer acceptable. Oh how can I defend you after this Juanny? I'm not sure I can.

I won't tell you how this ends, just in case you want to follow this through until the end but let me just say that The Bachelor staff must be supremely disappointed with Juan Pablo Galavis' big mouth this season. It hasn't even made for great T.V.

Let's recap what we've seen on T.V. this week:

Hometowns had J.P. visiting Clare, Andi, Renee and Nikki. No one's family was completely enamored with the Bachelor. Nikki's parents were fair and accepting, saying that they trust their daughter's judgment. Andi's dad was openly unaccepting, Clare's family visit was downright strange and full of drama (did you expect less?), and Renee's family visit was full of a loving mother seeing her son again after weeks away.
Clare did a lot of posturing, pouting, dirty looks, Andi did a lot of smiling into his face, Nikki did a lot of wondering whether to tell him she loved him and Renee was just so happy to see Ben that it overshadowed everything. Unfortunately, the most down to earth woman on the show was sent packing, probably because J.P. saw that he shouldn't continue to date her when she has a son waiting for her at home and he has no intention of choosing her at the end. Consider yourself lucky Renee. She was allowed to cut the ties to the Latin charmer and get back to her child and the real world. I saw on twitter that Renee and a business partner are looking at bringing that big rolly ball fun in New Zealand to the L.A. area.
The more we see of J.P. the more we realize that he might not want to settle down at all.

Next, St. Lucia:

Tuesday's show was all about the three "overnight dates" Juan Pablo kept calling them. Excuse me, but that's supposed to be a secret in the form of a card opened at the end of the dinner and it's not a given that the girls will choose to stay with you all night in a bedroom. In his defense, the Bachelor did say repeatedly that it would be a chance to be with his date without cameras, alone, talk all night, wake up together.

First was Clare's date on a gorgeous yacht, motoring around St. Lucia, swimming, more hair flipping, pouting, sister bashing, and kissing.
Remembering how J.P. willingly "swam" with her in Vietnam, then threw her to the lions afterwards, Clare was coy about accepting the date card's offer to spend the night with the man she now loves. But in the end, and after determining that he just wanted to talk all night, she accepted the offer and off they went to be alone with the cameras and crew. The T.V. audience was treated to more pouting, kissing, hair flipping, kissing, hot tubbing, kissing, then thankfully, we were sent to commercial. The more I see of these two, the more I think they might be well suited.
Next was Andi's date and they seemed to have a fabulous time. Lots of laughing, kissing, fun.
She willingly headed off to the fantasy suite before dinner was even consumed it seemed, where she woke up the next morning hating on Juan Pablo. If all he did was talk about himself all night and name drop and not ask her what makes Andi tick, why the vicious attack on his personality on national T.V.? Andi was too angry for someone who simply saw a selfish side to the man she was falling in love with. As her rant went on and on, I liked Andi less and less.
First, Nikki's date.
Nurse Nikki showed up in a barely-there bikini top and long skirt, making J.P.'s jaw drop and his choice of bouncing around on horses the perfect date for him and Nikki.
Why the saddle cam, people? Just sayin'. It added nothing. A picnic on the beach had Nikki tell Juan Pablo that she loved him and the kissing began. Later at dinner, J.P. couldn't wait to get to the overnight part of the date and pulled out the date card as soon as Nikki sat down. Off they went.
Next we were treated to watching Andi walk up a St. Lucian hill several times on her way to break up with Juan Pablo. Let me just sum up this painfully long argument by saying that J.P. handled himself well during the cross examination of the lawyer who badgered him, hated on him, and exhaustingly tried to get J.P. to admit he's selfish. My hubby and I were practically screaming at the T.V. "Shut up Andi and just go already!" Then she went on and on in the van after she left. If this is Andi when she discovers that the man she almost fell in love with is not truly in love with her as a person, then I pity all her past boyfriends as well as J.P. Oh. My. Goodness. SHE WOULD NOT STOP.
Note to Andi: Please don't speak for all women when it is entirely your personal inability to judge a character well enough to see if a man is right for you or not. To wake up angrier than a badger on a rampage is your problem, not Juan Pablo's.
We may find out that Juan Pablo is a jerk in the weeks to come, (sure looks like it on the Women Tell All) but he handled himself well when being raked over the coals with Andi. It was a relief to move on from her rant.
Back at Juan Pablo's ego, he took the rejection gracefully and composed himself well enough to tell Clare and Nikki that they both had roses if they wanted them. Which they did.
The previews show both ladies crying on their beds, Juan Pablo walking off into the jungle and loads of tears at Women Tell All. I'm not waiting with baited breath for the next two weeks but-
We'll watch, we'll commiserate, we'll say "I told you so".

The Bachelor- Cat Fight in Miami!

The Bachelor headed to Florida last night and the girls found themselves in a penthouse hotel room in Miami, Juan Pablo's hometown. Back in the orange juice state, Juan Pablo's first stop was to see his daughter. It had been three weeks since he'd last seen his little girl and this Bach fan thought it fitting that the Daddy got some Camila hugs and kisses in before his Bachelor duties resumed.

First date last night was a one on one with Sharleen, the angsty opera singer who's not sure Juan Pablo is cerebral enough for her. OH PLEASE! (It might be true but don't say it!) Last night's editing of the show had us screaming for her to just pack her bags, especially after she accepted a date on a private yacht to a private island where it seemed all they did was change kissing positions. Sharleen's awkward social flirting makes her officially the worst pillow talker in the world and Juan Pablo's lack of clarity makes him dense enough to get some sort of award. eg) She was clearly rejecting him and he took it to mean she was being coy.

"I love your smile when you say that," he said, without hearing her words. When the yacht docked and the two kissing fools got back to the hotel, Sharleen went straight for Renee to talk it out and wonder if she should leave the show. Here, Renee, just let me rub your face in the fact that he really likes me and I don't return the favor because he's not smart enough. But he might be smart enough for you. This time Mama Renee advised that Sharleen just leave if she didn't feel the love. Agreed.
The next date saw Nurse Nikki at Camila's dance recital meeting J.P.'s parents and Camila's mom. Awkward (said in a singsongy voice). Nikki held up like a champ, clearly comfortable with people, awkward situations and ex-wives.

Atta go, Nikki. Then, he took her to work - Marlin Park - for a picnic on the baseball field and a game of catch.( Nice try J.P. when you threw that grounder and hoped that Nikki's 'barely there' top would fall open.)
Next Sharleen left the show. But not before she lay around on Juany's couch lamenting about how angsty she was and they whispered a lot about how sad it was. My husband looked at her sullen face and told J.P. "Man, if you married her, you'd be seeing a lot of that face!"
Group Date with Andi, Chelsea, Clare and Renee. Wow those group dates are getting less groupy every week. The fivesome took a float plane to another island where they walked the beach and grabbed one on one time with their collective boyfriend. Andi was weepy, he calmed her, Chelsea read him notes from her parents to show how awesome it will be on hometowns when he goes to meet them, Claire told him about the video her beloved father made before his death, only to be shown to her prospective husband. Renee wasn't featured, but I have to believe there was some J.P./Renee time on that remote setting otherwise it would have been just plain awkward. When the rose was given to Andi and she was assured a hometown date, Clare smiled but it was one of those smiles that means, when I get you alone I'm probably going to kill you. Andi got to stay on the island with Juan Pablo while the other girls flew back to the penthouse, Clare swearing and beeping all over the TV screen.
The happy twosome of J.P. and Andi hit a Latin music club where Romeo Santos was playing and we learned that Andi can't really dance. Or maybe she can, if she hadn't worn a severely tight red bandage dress. Back at the house, Clare was in a bitchy mood looking for trouble, and Nikki tried to avoid her by going upstairs to hide in her curtained off bedroom, but Clare pursued her, just itching for a fight. Nikki held her own, asking Clare to leave and was told because Nikki didn't pay for the room, she had no right to order Clare out of her 'bedroom'. I tried to push Clare threw the curtain and down the stairs but it didn't work because of TV and the stupid fact that I can't reach through, and the scene was actually taped three months ago.

Side note: Many of these girls now tweet back and forth. Clare is not in the mix. Sharleen is.
The last cocktail party had all the girls in various colored bandage dresses. Wait, Andi, the non-conformist, already wore hers on the dancing date so she had a full-skirted blue dress. The tension between Nikki and Clare was thick enough to need a chainsaw to get through and when left alone on the couches for two minutes, both ladies looked off into the distance and were silent. Thank goodness we didn't have to listen to another squabble. Meow!
Juan Pablo arrived and the elimination began. With tears, he cut Chelsea, the science educator who bungee jumped for him weeks ago. I thought it might be Renee, seeing she got so little air time but it looks like she'll get more time on camera next week when J.P. does hometowns. And speaking of hometowns, some parents are definitely not impressed with their daughters' boyfriend! Clare's Mother and Andi's Dad are a tough nuts to crack but the preview said Andi gets to the fantasy suite early? Are they combining hometowns with the fantasy suite dates? What? We'll have to tune in to see!

Juan Pablo- Is He FAIR or TWO FACED?

Hot Waterfalls, Hot Kissing, and Hobbit Land!

How cool is it that you can go to the set where they filmed The Hobbit and eat dinner inside a Hobbit House? Well, maybe you and I can't do it because we are the public, but the gang on The Bachelor can, and DID. Last night! In New Zealand! They actually had a cocktail party in Frodo's house or something similar, at Hobbiton, and that made my husband want to go to New Zealand right then and there.

But first, Andi's date. After loads of group dates, Andi, the prosecutor from Florida, got the one on one last night and promptly took to ironing her plaid shirt for a romantic moment with J.P. First they took off on a high speed boat ride up a river, then took a trek in swim suits through cold water, squeezing through tight boulder openings, and finally arrived at that waterfall we've seen in the promos. I'm sure those two were thanking their lucky stars that the water was fed by a hot spring, because it looked very cold in New Zealand last night. There was loads of kissing under the waterfall, then the two enjoyed a delicious dinner date by a geyser. But wait. The geyser blew and ruined dinner, so the two lovebirds ended up talking on a bridge in wet clothes. Where's the hot tub when you need one? Or a warm ocean? Andi got the rose but I think she might be too smart and career oriented for Juan Pablo.
Next was the group date, and the best part of this was that Clare and Juanny did not have to pretend that the other ladies weren't present on their lovefest because, mercifully, he did not ask Clare on the group date. More later on that one.
It was Cassandra's birthday! Getting a rose would be like a fairytale present, she said, but after they rolled down a steep hill like hamsters in a see-through ball and settled at the Hobbit House for drinks, Juan Pablo promptly took Cassandra aside and sent her home. Happy Birthday! He told her that he didn't want her to wait another 2 days for the rose ceremony. Hey, they are all going home soon anyhow. All but one, so why not sooner rather than later? And now the mommy from Detroit gets to see Trey, her little son who she missed so much.

The next one on one was with... Clare! Surprise! And that date included lots of Clare's signature brand of flirting which is loads of hair tossing, pouty mouth posturing, and head tilting while doing the first two. Also, she's learned that it's good to play hurt and weak around Juan because he really loves coming to this woman's rescue. Apparently Juan Pablo has not even held a woman's hand in the presence of his daughter, let alone have a date sleep overnight while Camila was at his place. God forbid. You could see Clare's face fall when she realized that his child is going to be a HUGE part of this relationship, and there might not be much kissing in a warm ocean, doing nothing inappropriate.

So now, I'm thinking that J.P.'s idea of appropriate is weirdly twisted and maybe those two did not do the nasty deed in Vietnam. But, why did Clare toast to "Making Love" last week, with that canary-eating grin on her face? Jury is still out. But Clare, beware. This is a man who will be a willing participant and make you feel terrible for sucking him in later.
Roses were given to Andi, Clare and Sharleen, who is considering blowing the Venezuelan hunk's Pop Stand next week if she's still a brown bear in a room of pandas. Tough talk from a kisser who leads with her tongue.

With Cassandra gone, only one gal needed to leave after the cocktail party, and that gal was Kat, the dancer who talked about crawling in the crib with her sister while her drunk father slept it off and didn't hear the baby's cries. Oh God. How sad is that? But it wasn't sad enough to make J.P. keep her and after Renee and Nikki and Chelsea got roses, there wasn't one left for Kat. We are still loving Renee over here but wonder if she isn't too mature for Juanny.
Next week they go to Miami so at least Kat didn't miss out on another exotic location. At this point, Juan Pablo needs to call a halt to all the kissing and try to develop some relationships that might include a 5 year old girl because playing tongue tag with Clare and Sharleen, who don't seem like the Mommy type is straying from the end goal.
In soccer talk, stop passing the ball to players who aren't near the net. Give it to the girl standing in front of the net with her foot ready.

Until next week...

Kim Hornsby is the author of THE HUSBAND HUNT, a short story series based on The Bachelor and for sale on Amazon Books. The first short story Jaxie's Mistake is free in all online book stores. http://amzn.com/B00BN1YNS0

She's also the Bestselling Author of The Dream Jumper's Promise, available also on Amazon.

Juan Pablo and Clare Get Sexy in Vietnam

The latest installment of THE BACHELOR had Renee finally getting that kiss, Clare finally getting that swim in the ocean, and three girls who got very little air time, finally going home.

In my family room, we were overjoyed when Renee got the one on one date with Juan Pablo. My daughter even looked up from her tablet and maybe even took one ear bud out to listen!

The single mom from Florida, who's been consoling and drying tears all over the bachelorette mansion was over- the- Vietnamese- moon happy about the prospect of spending the day with J.P. So much so that I think she said her palms curled? And tingled. I cringed, waiting for another date where Juany does not kiss the cute mom with the ultra straight hair and ankle tattoo. Wandering around Hoi An, the two parents bought gifts for the kiddo's back home, and once again, I was worried that Renee was slipping off in to the friend zone with too much talk of children. At dinner, they were at it again. Ben this, Camila that. But, Juan did explain that he didn't feel right about kissing her on national TV seeing her son was 8 years old, and probably stayed up to watch his mommy on The Bachelor. What?

The group date had lots of Andi bitching and moaning about never getting one on one time with the guy she is dating. Although she's a favorite, I got a little tired of hearing the same thing in four different outfits and hairstyles. I know the producers do this on purpose, tell the girls to say it again and again, just in case they didn't get it first time in the other dress and ponytail. Shame.
But, once Andi heard that one word from J.P. she settled down. "Patient" or was it "Trust"? Didn't matter, she just needed to hear him speak a word to her.
Earlier, the group paddled giant coconuts around some brown water, went farming and had a true Vietnamese experience in Tra Que Village while Clare and J.P. tried to have alone time. Again. What we didn't see until the ending credits, was the funny ox-riding, showing a tail repeatedly swatting Ally's backside, like it wasn't bad enough that she never got a one on one date. But the ox scene didn't have the drama of Clare stealing off with J.P. in the coconut. At the evening party, Andi was upset again when her boyfriend stole the blonde hairstylist for a quick swim in his hotel suite's frigid pool, right after he made a group toast to a wonderful evening with 9 ladies. Shame J.P.

All he wanted was to ravage Clare, so was it any wonder that later, when she snuck off after filming ended for the night (or did it?) and found herself at Juan's door to ask him for a swim in the ocean, he'd accept? She'd never had an ocean swim before. Or was it a warm ocean swim, or was it a swim wrapped around a Venezuelan soccer player? Once out in the warm waves, the two lustbirds went at it. How long did the cameras have to stand there on the beach with lights on the locked-together couple? And what went on? We'll never know. Or will we? Apparently it went too far but they didn't do anything inappropriate, in Clare's mind.
One of the best lines of the night came from Opera Diva, Sharleen, who said her goal was for J.P. to see her as a panda in a room of brown bears. Nice Chinese analogy that I hope to use on my daughter now instead of that army one - be all that you can be.


The next one on one date was with Nurse Nikki. Heading off to Marble Mountain, Juan Pablo found the beginning a little rough seeing he'd been swimming/snuggling until the sun came up with the hairdresser. All he said to Nikki was that he wasn't a morning person. Little did she know why he was so incredibly tired. Her ignorance worked to her advantage as she fearfully rappelled into the belly of the mountain, with J.P. guiding her butt to safety. And his waiting arms.

Dinner at the Full Moon Town Restaurant had Juany interviewing Nikki for the role of stepmother, and Nikki giving the interview her all. She got the rose and kisses followed, leaving us to wonder if the Bachelor compares the girls' kissing abilities. I think even though he can't say pediatrics, Juany sees the value in having a nurse in the house with Camila. Don't you?
The Rose ceremony had the girls gathering in an overly lit, pagoda on the water, all crammed in to an L-shaped couch where once again, Juan Pablo took Clare for alone time. Turned out he regretted something they did in the ocean, or after the ocean, the night before. This had us wondering about logistics of waves, water, bathing suits, cameras, protection. Whatever went on, Clare thought it was the most beautiful thing ever, blissful, and J.P. was backtracking big time, having finally come to his senses to realize. Maybe knowing that they filmed what went on in the warm ocean and his daughter might one day see that, he rethought his lusty behavior. That, and having a real, but nice date with a pretty nurse who's a bit shy.
Oh, and the 'Swim' wasn't fair to the other girls. Duh! The sneaky girl who goes to the bachelor's room on every show often makes it to the hometown date level, but rarely lasts much past that unless your name is Courtney and the guy's name is Ben Flajnik. Poor Clare. "We didn't do anything inappropriate", was said (by her) leaving us wondering again if the fantasy suite came early or what??
Juan got all upset about eliminations but the most shocking part of the evening was leaving the last rose to hand out to our beloved Andi. That'll teach a girl to tell the Bachelor she's having a hard time sharing. Andi appears next week in her one piece bathing suit kissing J.P. under a waterfall so it looks like she finally gets her one on one date, unless Clare was being held back by the producers, just off camera.

Eliminated: Funny Kelly, the dog lover, but so stuck in the friend zone, Danielle with curly hair who we rarely got to see, and Ally, the nanny from Chicago who was probably very funny and cute and lovely and interesting but looked too much like Andi.
Next week, New Zealand, mate!

Kim Hornsby is the Bestselling Author of Suspense. Her novel THE DREAM JUMPER'S PROMISE is FREE Feb 3-5th 2014 at Amazon books. With 174 Reviews, most 5 Star, this book is her #1 BESTSELLER. click on the link to "buy" a copy.
 She also writes short stories in The Husband Hunt series, modeled after The Bachelor. The first in the series is free on Amazon books for download on Kindle, computer, or phone. Click here.