The Bachelor Makes Horrible Mistake

Last night on The Bachelor, Juan Pablo chose to have a pool party instead of a formal cocktail party with the girls, thereby establishing the Latin Daddy as one of the most unique Bachelors in Bachelor history.

Horrible Mistake: I expected a quick on-air apology or disclaimer would be inserted into last night's airing after J.P. called Gay Love "perverted" in public last weekend. There was no mention of it on The Bachelor last night, only media back peddling. When he realized what he'd said and how un P.C. it was, J.P. quickly apologized, saying the language barrier was the problem and ABC's lawyers publicly disowned his comments in legal fashion.  But calling same sex relationships perverted was a word choice that will tarnish his name. I'm not sure he'll ever get back to America's Latin sweetheart after this.
FACT: The dictionary's definition of Perverse is to deviate from conventional behavior, so it could be a case of Lost in Translation.

Last night's installment of the Bachelor started with a one on one date with Cassandra, the shy, leggy, single mom. J.P. has said that if he isn't feeling it from the two mommies, he'll let them go ASAP because they have children waiting at home. That's fair.
Obviously he felt something for Cassandra, although it was hard to see from my spot on the couch. They laughed, danced, ate, kissed, but I did not see anything romantic happening between the two. Mostly they gazed at pictures of their kids at J.P.'s house. Her son's Daddy, by the way, is a Basketball player for the Detroit Pistons, the team she cheerled for.
(Is that a verb? Sorry)  If we had to hear that she hadn't had a first date in 3 years one more time, I think I was going to throw my bag of Double Stuff Oreos at the TV. She got a rose.
Then the smiley, little Science Educator got a one on one date, thereby setting some name-calling in motion from the gal who thought she'd get the date, Elyse. "Baby" "Immature" "Too young" "Baby". Calling another girl names on air and then with other girls is the kiss of death. Expect to see her exit soon.
Yes, the gal is fun, funny, fun-loving, but boy, did we ever see a serious side of her when they stood on the bridge getting ready to bungee jump. J.P. told her it was her choice and after fifteen minutes of her crying, shaking, hugging, she jumped with him. Dinner that night looked fun. I didn't see much kissing. Just sayin'.
The group date included a bevy of others including Sharleen who is getting on my nerves fast, even though I am Canadian by birth and have a child from Taiwan and should like this candidate. BUT, she's sneakier than she looks, seems. With her flimsy, revealing dresses, her upsweep hairdo's and her elegant ways, she's enticing Juan Pablo. Anyone notice her back away and tuck her chin when he leaned in to kiss her last night?

He likes her. She's playing the game well. I predict the girls will be scratching her eyes out in another episode or two. Next week she sings which will probably make J.P. giddy with excitement.
I like Andi. She wears a one piece swim suit for crying out loud! What's not to like. Andi is well-spoken and fun.

Clare is getting needy and got one of the last roses in the cluster last night, a blatant message to cheer up and get back in the game. She did not get her own picture this week as punishment for being clingy.

Once again Renee, the Florida Mama, is the go-to girl when tears flow. She's definitely mother material but I haven't seen her with J.P. yet. Have you? I'm fantasizing that she gets a new, improved hairstyle and a bit of a makeover, rises to the top of the heap, and we get to see how fantastic she and Juan Pablo are for each other.
Hippy Girl, Lucy, was eliminated for being naked too much along with another gal who we never heard from and didn't memorize her name. Lucy cried, which surprised me. I think she might get her own reality show now, called Naked Hippy Chick.
Looks like next week they take off for China or another country that is under Chinese rule, Clare hogs The Bachelor, Sharleen continues to elegantly weave a spell around Juan Pablo and the drama continues. Did you expect any less?

Rumor Alert: Chris Harrison, who is single, has been seen with former contestant Selma who wouldn't kiss Sean Lowe on national TV. Apparently, last weekend he called her "my girlfriend'. As long as you don't take her on TV and kiss her Chris, you should be good.

Kim Hornsby is the author of THE HUSBAND HUNT, a contemporary romance FREE on Amazon Books modeled after The Bachelor.

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The Bachelor Boots the Drunk Girl

Last night on Juanuary's Bachelor, we got to watch the episode where one girl drinks too much, this time waaaaaaaaay too much. She could still walk, could still talk (unfortunately) and could definitely straddle someone and twerk. Victoria probably shamed her Brazilian family in last night's episode by getting shoot-faced and causing such high drama that the cameramen and producers were actually seen on TV. I love it when that happens. The other girls on the group date were horrified, never having seen someone like that before. Oh sure!
All but Rene, the mom from Florida who followed a hysterical Victoria to the bathroom cubicle to try to reason with her. Personally, I was yelling "you can't reason with a drunk!"
Juan Pablo saw the situation for what it was-bad news central- and left to go home after saying goodbye to everyone. The next day he arrived at the hotel where they stashed her to sober up, (probably just two floors down from the hot tub date), and he told her very nicely that he just came to see how she was and tell her goodbye. He can't have that type of behavior around a child. Of course he can't. Well done, Juan.  Did anyone else notice Victoria didn't apologize profusely and say that's never happened before? She didn't even try to say she thought one of the other girls roofied her.
Let's back up. The first date last night was given to Clare, the gal who is as pretty as a scenic painting of a snowfall in a coniferous forest. And where did they go? A Tessla took the daters to a snowfall in a coniferous forest somewhere in Los Angeles. Go figure.
They sledded in jeans, fell all over an ice skating rink and then in their swim suits, hot tubbed and groped each others' perfect bodies. eye y'eye y'eye! After some guy sang, whose name made me have a dream last night about dating John Krasinski, they declared the date the best time ever and Clare ended up back at the Girls' Dormitory in bed.
The next date was another one on one, this time for the perky dancer, Kat. Good choice Juan. Turned out they grand marshaled Utah's nighttime glow stick run of 5K, dancing to Electric Dance Music along the way. Brother, can those two ever dance! I would've watched the whole two hours of them dancing. J.P. was pretty turned on and I bet the dancing magic spell worked both ways. Think the trip home on the private jet was fun? Oh wait, they go everywhere with cameras and bearded men with glasses and ponytails. Never mind.
The group date included most everyone else but Opera Girl and two others. On that date the girls were matched with stray dogs, costumed to look like the dogs and humiliated, if your name is Andi. Two girls were told to wear only their birthday suit and a small sign for the scheduled photo shoot to support Best Friends Animal Society. The signs read "Adopt" and "Me".
CHEAP TRICK. UNCALLED FOR. Squirm-Worthy. And judging by the fact ABC's Bachelor site changed the photo on their site from the nude one (with parts hidden) to another, only an hour ago, I'd say they got the message they went too far this time. This date with Andi, reminded me of the one-armed girl who was socially forced to go roller skating two seasons ago. Nasty trick.
Andy took it on the chin, telling Juan Pablo that she was doing fine, but when questioned just before she had to take off her clothes, she admitted she was shy and the only one of the girls who brought one piece bathing suits to be on The Bachelor. I felt so badly for her until J.P. told her he'd do it and he was nervous too. If they did get nude together, they'd be helping the dogs. I don't know about you but at home, when I heard those words from his lips, I proceeded to strip, and then remembered he wasn't talking to me. (I must love dogs!).The photo shoot went well, the rose went to the gal who dressed in a goofy bald costume (?) but I can't imagine that Juan Pablo has forgotten what a good sport Andi was. Oh yea, Hippy Chick, Lucy, who loves to show her body at any given moment, was as happy as a hog in mud on the other side of J.P. in her birthday suit. weeeeeee!
At the cocktail party/rose ceremony we finally got to see Opera Girl, Sharleen, who apologized for being flippant and poorly spoken when she got the first impression rose the week before.
If she didn't have her Juan Pablo on before, she is definitely suiting up now. I see stars in her eyes for the charming Bachelor. We knew this would happen. I'm still mad at her for being so flippant, eh? The thaw will be fun to watch.

Who went home? Oh the gal who did her own on-air audition to be a TV interviewer. She and her enormous perfect teeth showed America that she has what it takes to do small town news, powder puff pieces and probably blew her chance at Juan Pablo by using her time alone with him to audition. Also, Chantel, a stunning beauty who got lots of air time to show the world that The Bachelor is an equal opportunity show for African Americans. And of course, Victoria the drunken vixen was long gone now too. Aside: Victoria did offer my favorite quote of the night when she called the Heimlich manoeuver the Hymen manoeuver. Or remover. Not sure. Hopefully she's re-evaluating whether drinking so much caused her demise on the show. I'm sure the media is camped outside her house, waiting for comments, and she's wishing a girl could just go to the women's bathroom without big burly men with cameras following to record every word. But no. Remember, this is The Bachelor!
Oh and P.S.: Juan Pablo favorited one of my tweets this week which makes us super close now. See you next week!

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling author on Amazon. Her series The Husband Hunt is modeled after The Bachelor. She lives in Jason and Molly, Des and Chris Town. Seattle.

Juan Pablo Rejected!

Juanuary is off to a great start with the 2 night premier now under our sparkly belts. Fashion was at a premium, tears were flowing, girls were drinking, and Juan Pablo, the newest Bachelor, was as charming and real as we expected. This is not your ordinary bachelor. Oh no!

He's Latin, for one thing, (speaks with an accent), he has a child, Camila (who looks like a normal little girl) and this Bachelor looks more like a deer caught in the headlights than anyone who has gone before him, including Ben Flajnik, or whatever the Napa vintner's name was. How could you reject such a sweetheart? More on that in a bit.
 Juan Pablo Galavis apparently has trouble finding women who would be good wife/mommy material, something I'm still scratching my head over months after hearing this. Moving on.
I tweeted and voted and shared and posted for the Venezuelan soccer player to be the next Bachelor so you can imagine that I'm happy to sit and watch Juan Pablo for two hours as he soaps his newly-toned body in the shower and laughs with Sean Lowe over going shirtless (they did) and how many girls to kiss. I loved the conversation those two had, full of teasing and good-natured fun -- like watching bloopers but not.

After a touching segment with Juan Pablo and Camilla and then his parents, it was on to the girls. Dirty Trick #1- The director made us root for the poor gal who opened her first Old Folks Home at the age of twenty. (Spoiler alert - She left in the first boat off the island). Boo.
Some girls the producers chose to compete for Juan's affection looked a little full of themselves, some looked overly excited about a reality show that might see them hitting the curb after the first night, and one looked downright strange in hippy garb with no makeup. The night before, she leaped into Chris Harrison's arms (her legs wrapped around his hips) to genuflect on her excitement to be on the show.
Hippy Girl, we'll call her, seeing she wore a flowery hairband and bare feet to the formal cocktail party and proceeded to put her dirty, big feet on JP's lap later and tell him she's a free spirit and hippy. Sound like a good mom for Camilla? Well, JP saw something in her and she will be going on to the next round. Maybe he read online that she's best friends with Kate Upton or that she wants to be a Mommy. Or that she dances naked in Mexico.

Twenty-seven girls got out of various limos, one bicycling a piano up the uneven driveway as she played-can you say awkward!?- one pretending she was pregnant - not awkward at all! - and one trying a science experiment about chemistry and then not even kissing his pursed lips - super awkward and missed opportunity!
I have to admit, aside from Hippy Girl, they all looked relatively sane. Then the alcohol took effect and things took a first night bachelor party too much champagne, turn. Cry Girl found it all just too close to the phone call where her fiance broke up with her months before and became, well, Cry Girl.
Not something you want to aspire to on the first night. Then she proceeded to tell JP about her heartache while he squirmed on the couch beside her. I'm surprised she didn't wear her ring. Poor Cry Girl who spent precious on-air time telling us she's not usually like this. Hopefully she'll laugh at After the Final Rose. Or even get invited, because she was eliminated faster than you can say "Don't cry, beg, or confess on the first night Cry girl!"
The Prosecutor from Florida stood out last night as normal,  flirty, cute, able to not seem desperate like some. See her picture to the right...
BUT, the most awkward moment of the whole night, besides Hippy Girl's feet and Massage Girl's horribly embarrassing attempt to win JP over with a clothes on, weird idea massage on a table set up in the garden, was the First Impression Rose. This, to me, is a kiss of death because many recipients go on to later make a horrible impression or get so full of themselves that they ruin their chances by developing needy behavior. Opera Girl, however, played it so cool when JP took off to get the rose that we felt horribly sorry for our TV Latin boyfriend. She admitted to the camera that she did not feel any attraction to the bachelor and when Juan Pablo handed her the rose, expecting some excitement, she paused so long I had time to yell at the TV "Take it back, Juan, she won't love you like I will. Oh, I mean like the other girls will." She took it, however, thereby taking up space in the final group of worthy gals when we know she won't return his affections. Or will she? In later episodes we see her embracing him, crying and even not calling him "Sir". What was up with that? I know us Canadians are polite but SHEESH!
The fact she's part Taiwanese gives her a 1/2 vote from me though. (My daughter is Taiwanese). Maybe she had a Tiger Mom who made her call everyone Sir. Canadians, however,don't call people sir and especially not a man who's singling you out of 27 gorgeous, accomplished women to say you are special. Translation: "I love your dress" really means 'I'm attracted to you.' Said twice, it means,"throw me a bone here, woman."

Front runners thus far, for me, are Nurse Nikki, Ali the Nanny and Piano Girl. Oh and The Prosecutor, Andi.
That's just my opinion and I'm not a man, not Latin, not actually there in the Mansion, not off camera watching these women in their unnatural habitat of evening gowns and champagne.
But that's what this show is all about, isn't it? Sitting on our couches at home, forming opinions, talking to the TV and watching this dating process unfurl before us. Can't wait for next week!



Kim Hornsby is the author of THE HUSBAND HUNT, a series of novellas on AMAZON books that take place in a fictitious Reality TV show. The first in the series is a free download, called Jaxie's Mistake. "like watching a season of The Bachelor!"
Check it out! http://amzn.com/B00BN1YNS0

Resolutions - Wine and Big Mouth

Have you made any resolutions for 2014? By now (11a.m. on the 1st,) you probably still haven't broken any.
I have two resolutions. One might be broken at this point but my promise to not drink any alcohol in January is still holding firm. You're probably wondering if that was a hard one for me to keep and maybe even feeling badly if it isn't. More on that in a bit. The resolution that is the tricky one for me is to keep my big mouth shut. So now I'm blogging which is like not keeping one's big mouth shut, isn't it?
I resolve to try to think before I speak in 2014, attempt to think ahead, see the consequences, even question my motives for speaking out. Like my mother, I have what is called a big mouth.

Not in physical size, but in its ability to open quickly and blurt out stuff I later think is inappropriate. Example: I was recently at a girls' Christmas party at an elegant house, hosted by a wonderful neighbor and as we sat around in a circle during the white elephant gift exchange, my gorgeous friend, let's call her Jen, told how she met one of our cherished friends who was on the couch beside us. No sooner had Jen finished telling the story, than I had to silence the room to say how I met that same friend, telling everyone in my words basically that I'd known her longer and loved her too. Luckily the room did not go silent and no one looked horrifyingly at me but when I remembered the lovely party the next day, I wondered why I did that. I love both these women. LOVE!

I have a huge need to be noticed, I guess. And admired. (Thus the first career as a singer in a band.)This is all I can think of as I wrack my brain to analyze why that mouth opens and strange stuff comes out. I am the baby of my family which isn't saying much because there are only two children in the thing, but I am the baby of all the cousins too and maybe I have some deep seeded need to be noticed, recognized as worthy. I do remember being left out of things the older cousins enjoyed. And being thought of a the baby. Maybe that's where this big need to be noticed comes from.
 I've been awake for several hours in this year already, have posted on three separate Facebook sites, sent a few emails and may possibly have pissed off someone at this point. I don't know when I'm doing it. But I tried to go easy.
In 2014, I'm going to think of what I want to say before I say it, especially at parties, groupings, times when my need to be noticed is at its ugly peak. I'm going to try to be more of a listener, sideline gal, supporting actor, instead of clamoring to be the lead.
Part of what might help realize its fruition is the experiment to not drink in January 2014. Not that I have a wild social calendar this month but I suspect a few glasses of wine only feeds my need and most of my regrettable moments come after a drink or two.
The night of my faux pas at the White Elephant party, I'd had two or three glasses of wine, but in my defense, I remember bragging and promoting my books to a group of women BEFORE I'd even had a drink that night. Then it probably got worse. See how these two habits feed each other? Perhaps a third resolution is in order: To promote less, in the company of friends and neighbors. BUT in all fairness, people asked how my book sales are going! The fact that I went on so long was the problem. SHUT UP Kim! Someone should have whispered that nicely in my ear, I suppose.
So, it's my belief that if I don't drink, I might beat that problem at its own game. Also, I want to just lay off the booze for a bit. The Xmas season has seen me have a few drinks almost every night. I often start with a beer at 5 ish, then pour a glass of wine at 6 (I put ice cubes in it to make it last longer). I love holding a long stemmed wine goblet in my hand, carrying it around the house, sipping slowly. Just the act of this is heady. Tonight I'll be doing this with de-caf or lemonade.
After my glass of white wine I sometimes have another but not always. This might not seem like much to real drinkers but it seems like a lot to me. I just started drinking socially about fifteen years ago at the millennium. Before that I'd have maybe a few drinks in a year. Thing is, I don't want to be dependent on the evening drink. No thank you. And I want to try to get rid of this squishy middle that beer has been kind enough to make on my body. If it is the beer and not my blatant lack of exercise, love of cheese! and distaste of doing much more than walking my dogs.

And so, this is my statement to the world. January will be alcohol free for me and hopefully, I will not piss off my friends and neighbors with braggy, loud-mouth utterings. And will finish my second book in The Dream Jumper Series- THE DREAM JUMPER'S SECRET (Dammit, I just tried to promote!)

To be continued...

Gay Teacher at Catholic Highschool Fired for Marriage

Friday December 20, 2013

Yesterday, in my neighborhood of Sammamish Washington, a beloved high school teacher, Mark Zmuda, was fired because he married his gay partner last summer and someone in the Seattle Catholic Church Diocese found out. Losing one's job because of sexual preference might otherwise be illegal and excellent fodder for a law suit if it wasn't a CATHOLIC church and the teacher's contract stipulated that he follow the doctrine of the Catholic Church or be terminated.
The gay man, who was the vice principal at Eastside Catholic School was a patient, loving teacher. Someone who was accepted and loved as part of the ECS family. A man who coached the swim team. Students loved him. Maybe even his faculty members. But someone ratted him out and now he's without a job at Christmas, the Christian holiday celebrating the birth of Christ, a man known for his compassion.
The students apparently never saw the firing of Mr. Z coming but he must've. When he confided in another teacher that he'd married the love of his life, another man, last summer, Mark Zmuda probably saw the writing on the wall. What is most amazing, absolutely shocking about what happened next is the reaction from the students at the school. They did not like this decision one bit. And why did they not agree with the Catholic Church's reaction to the same-sex marriage? Because they are kids who've been groomed by the school's philosophy to be charitable, accepting, unselfish, forgiving, non-judgemental.
ECS prides themselves (if that is allowed when being Catholic) on being charitable and is always running a collection of some sort for poor people, impoverished community members, fellow human beings who are down on their luck. Some of them might have even been gay but then the Catholic Church is famous for the don't look, don't tell policy, just look at the religion's history of pedophile priests. They like to keep their dirty laundry hidden within the Vatican walls. And ECS might have let the marriage of Mark Zmuda stay a secret if one of the other faculty members hadn't reported the marriage to the Seattle Arch Diocese. The school asked if Mr. Zmuda would rather resign or be terminated (FIRED) and he chose to resign, probably still hoping to get some sort of a job after this fiasco, a job with an employer that doesn't give a flying fig if his life long partner is the same sex as him.
An assembly of all students was called on Thursday to reveal that Mr. Zmuda was "resigning", a piece of news that left the kids shocked. They loved Mr. Z. How could this happen? Oh wait! They attend a Catholic School, a tidbit that many students forgot. Many of the student body are Catholic, some are practicing Catholics but many are just plain not religious at all. Most of the neighborhood kids I know who attend ECS don't go to a church of any kind, although religion is taught at the school and the doctrine of Catholicism is recognized.
What happened Thursday afternoon was divine. Mr. Z spoke to the student body and then two female students made the ultimate brave choice to stand up and tell the crowd that they are gay. One girl said "do I have to leave now too?" OMG! That was someone's child there. She must've made the decision to come out in support of Mr. Z when she heard the terrible news for non-heterosexual people in the catholic school system. I am absolutely aghast that someone, not yet an adult, had the bravery to stand up in front of their peers and question the Catholic Church's decision to persecute gays. One day away from the Christmas break, Mr. Z is fired. But what will lie in wait for those two girls who came out at the assembly? Acceptance from the student body is pretty evident but is it acceptable to be a gay student in the Catholic School system as long as you didn't sign a work contract to say you won't be a gay teacher? And what about teachers who are divorced? Live together before marriage, practice birth control? Do they get fired as well?
While Mr. Z was picking up leftover garbage off the commons floor after the assembly that announced his termination, the ECS kids took to twitter and suddenly the tweets were firing all over the Pacific Northwest. A staged walk out/protest was in the works. Kids would leave their classrooms and meet in the commons area to stand up for the right to marry the person you love, gay or not. And after meeting in the lunch area the numbers of actual kids with opinions were too great for the small area and they took the protest outside.

Twitter was on fire and soon the schools within 20 miles were either joining ECS in protest in a gym sit in of their own or trying to get over to ECS to join the cause. My son goes to the high school 1/2 mile down the road and their teachers had to block the exits to keep students from leaving school to join their rivals next door to protest. Several Eastlake students made it to the campus but were told to go home by security at Eastlake, the neighboring school.
Over at ECS, the students chanted, cried, and eventually made their way to the main road to tell the town that they weren't having this decision. When the priest in residence at the school, another beloved teacher, came out to talk to them, they chanted for the nun who runs the school, to come out until she arrived to tell them it was not a school decision but a church decision. Oh yea, did you kids remember the school is Catholic? And Catholics do not embrace homosexuality and especially not gay marriage, it appears.
Funny thing is that the school's position was  made clear by the teachers' support of letting the students walk out of the classrooms without baring their way. When asked if they'd be marked absent, most teachers said no. One in particular emphatically told the kids "yes". Makes me wonder who snitched on Mr.Z. Security was not used to break up the scene, only keep the kids safe as they expressed their right to protest. How cool is that?
The point is that the kids took a stand, showed values that the Catholic Church has not embraced yet in their doctrine of forgiveness, charity, and love. But here's the message that the protest should have sent along with re-hire Mr. Z. The Catholic Church has succeeded in teaching young people to have Christian values of love and acceptance and compassion. It worked. Maybe there is some hypocrisy in the Church doctrine but the kids seem to know what's right and what's wrong. They haven't had 2000 years of following rules and social guidelines that don't make sense anymore. The world is overpopulated, we can accept gay couples.
As Bob Dylan said, "the times, they are a changin'." Maybe the new Catholics of this world, the ones who are still in school, will accept the gay lifestyle, unlike Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty fame who equates gays with terrorists and is in hot water this week for showing America he is a redneck and a small-minded person. That guy is all over Facebook right now, dropped by his channel, A&E, and the subject of controversy for being a gay-hating bigot. That's another story. One that involves freedom of speech and again, religion.
Eastside Catholic high school can be proud of their students even though there isn't a hope in heck of Mr. Z getting his job back. For that to happen the whole huge Catholic Church would send a message to the world that they now accept gay relationships and that would be one gigantic miracle of enormous proportions.
From Vatican City, to the Seattle Diocese to Eastside Catholic - Free Mr. Z!


Kim Hornsby is an author of Amazon Bestseller Novels The Dream Jumper's Promise and Necessary Detour, as well as short stories in the genre of The Bachelor called The Husband Hunt. She resides in Sammamish Washington and speaks out when she is passionate about a cause.

Christmas Cookie Recipes for the Lazy (Busy) Mom!

December 13/2013

I love Christmas! Love Love Love!
I'm starting my enthusiasm a bit late this year because I just got back from a vacation (who doesn't need one just before Christmas?) but yesterday I got out the tubs of decorations and will devote the next few days to transforming the house into a Winter Wonderland. As I write this I have my inflatable snowman waving to my street on the front lawn, surrounded by a family of twinkly lit penguins. The lights will go up on the trees and house next week. I like to do a big reveal like that guy in National Lampoon's Vacation. Flip a switch and make my family say "ahhhh.."

This year on my blog, I thought I'd offer some of my favorite cookie recipes.I use the word recipe loosely, seeing they take very little effort. I used to go crazy with the Christmas cookies. Really, I did, but I'm a busy mother and don't have the time to bust a gut on cookies, especially when all my kids want is yummy, colorful reindeers or fun confections to munch on, not award winning works of art like these blue cookies.

Every year I host a Cookie Exchange at my home. If you've never done one of these, it's a fabulous way to get ten types of cookies and only actually bake five. You take plates of your cookies to an exchange and trade. You end up with the same amount of cookies but have different varieties so that your kids aren't eating the same Snickerdoodles and Santa shortbread throughout the whole holiday season.

The first year I did this I spent a hundred hours perfecting my cookies, rolling the fondant, making cute little Christmas characters with my decorating gun, placing garnishes just so, arranging them on Christmas plates or in darling decorated boxes and tying each grouping with a Christmas bow.
Not anymore! After seventeen years of kids,I make the easiest cookies that have the best appeal to children's simple interests, put my my exchanging cookies into fun containers and stick a pre-made bow on top. The effect isn't as magical but like that old Burt Bacharach song says "Make it Easy on Yourself." 
                   
                     Not like in this picture. These cookies took someone ten hours to make!

Here's a recipe my kids LOVE that takes very little time and although they are called Reindeer Food, my darling children re-named them . . .

Reindeer Poop

Mix Cocoa Puff Cereal with Melted Marshmallows, Form into small balls, Sprinkle with Colored Sugar, cool. eat.
(See how easy that is!?)

We also like to make Fudge which happens to be the yummiest and easiest thing to make

Chocolate Fudge

Buy the Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk with the fudge recipe and follow.
(That saved e-space!)

          Now for something that is not chocolate. At least not brown chocolate...

Pretzel Canes

Dip Rod Pretzels in melted white chocolate, 2/3 way up the length, then sprinkle with Red and Green sprinkles, M&M's in the hardening chocolate, nuts or edable decorations. Or drizzle with icing.

Okay, now for non-chocolate. . .

                                                                    Melting Snowmen

Make sugar cookies, (see thumbprint cookies below, or buy plain cookies!) Paint them with white stiff frosting and secure a partially melted marshmallow at the top to simulate a melting snowman, with a toothpick and food coloring, make a snowman face and then top off the marshmallow with a hat made from a piece of Chocolate (oops-chocolate again!) If you're feeling fancy, make arms that melt into the icing in the cookie.
Personally, I find this cookie rather sad but it's all the rage this year.

And now for something with absolutely no chocolate!

Thumbprint Cookies

Makes about 20

2/3 cup unsalted butter, at room temp

1/3 cup granulated sugar

2 large egg yolks 

1 teaspoon vanilla extract 

1/2 teaspoon salt 

1-1/2 cups all-purpose flour 

2 large egg whites

3/4 cup finely chopped nuts of choice 

1/3 cup jam (any flavor) 

Preheat oven to 350 F. Line baking sheets with parchment paper or a non-stick baking mat. In a large bowl, beat together butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in egg yolks, vanilla extract and salt. Gradually stir in flour. Form dough into 1-inch diameter balls. Dip in lightly beaten egg whites, then roll in nuts. Place 1 inch apart on prepared cookie sheets. Press down center of each with thumb. Bake for 16 to 18 minutes, or until golden brown. Cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes, then remove to a wire rack to cool completely. Just before serving, fill centers of cookies with jam. Or, fill centers with 1/2 teaspoon of jam before baking.

I have some cute decorating ideas, stolen from really clever women, on my Pinterest page if you'd like to see a Christmas Pizza or Christmas tree veggie platter. Or take one of these curly pretzels or the grid pretzel, melt a rolo candy on it, stick a green or red M&M on top and there you have it! Perfection. 
These little edible critters are cute too and I bet you could buy the chocolate covered pretzels (you would think I owned stock in the pretzel company?!) buy pre-made cookie dough, get chocolate chips and those red decorations they sell that taste like cinnamon. And suddenly you have reindeers. Heads anyhow.

Here's a great site to find cookie recipes.

                                  These are very cute but very time-consuming CAKE POPS

Whatever you do this year, remember the old Chinese Proverb, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy" so pace yourselves and enjoy the season.

Kim Hornsby is an Amazon Bestselling Author. Her Christmas Novella Christmas in Whistler is climbing the charts this month in the anthology Christmas by Candlelight. If you need something to look forward to at the end of the day, download this book to your Kindle, phone, ipad or whatever and treat yourself to a little Christmas escapism romance! Click on the title above to see it on Amazon books.

Her novels are Amazon Bestsellers  Necessary Detour, a Romantic Suspense and The Dream Jumper's Promise, a Suspenseful Romance.

Visit her Amazon Author Page for a list of her novels.