Wednesday, January 1, 2014

Resolutions - Wine and Big Mouth

Have you made any resolutions for 2014? By now (11a.m. on the 1st,) you probably still haven't broken any.
I have two resolutions. One might be broken at this point but my promise to not drink any alcohol in January is still holding firm. You're probably wondering if that was a hard one for me to keep and maybe even feeling badly if it isn't. More on that in a bit. The resolution that is the tricky one for me is to keep my big mouth shut. So now I'm blogging which is like not keeping one's big mouth shut, isn't it?
I resolve to try to think before I speak in 2014, attempt to think ahead, see the consequences, even question my motives for speaking out. Like my mother, I have what is called a big mouth.
Not in physical size, but in its ability to open quickly and blurt out stuff I later think is inappropriate. Example: I was recently at a girls' Christmas party at an elegant house, hosted by a wonderful neighbor and as we sat around in a circle during the white elephant gift exchange, my gorgeous friend, let's call her Jen, told how she met one of our cherished friends who was on the couch beside us. No sooner had Jen finished telling the story, than I had to silence the room to say how I met that same friend, telling everyone in my words basically that I'd known her longer and loved her too. Luckily the room did not go silent and no one looked horrifyingly at me but when I remembered the lovely party the next day, I wondered why I did that. I love both these women. LOVE!
I have a huge need to be noticed, I guess. And admired. (Thus the first career as a singer in a band.)This is all I can think of as I wrack my brain to analyze why that mouth opens and strange stuff comes out. I am the baby of my family which isn't saying much because there are only two children in the thing, but I am the baby of all the cousins too and maybe I have some deep seeded need to be noticed, recognized as worthy. I do remember being left out of things the older cousins enjoyed. And being thought of a the baby. Maybe that's where this big need to be noticed comes from.
 I've been awake for several hours in this year already, have posted on three separate Facebook sites, sent a few emails and may possibly have pissed off someone at this point. I don't know when I'm doing it. But I tried to go easy.
In 2014, I'm going to think of what I want to say before I say it, especially at parties, groupings, times when my need to be noticed is at its ugly peak. I'm going to try to be more of a listener, sideline gal, supporting actor, instead of clamoring to be the lead.
Part of what might help realize its fruition is the experiment to not drink in January 2014. Not that I have a wild social calendar this month but I suspect a few glasses of wine only feeds my need and most of my regrettable moments come after a drink or two.
The night of my faux pas at the White Elephant party, I'd had two or three glasses of wine, but in my defense, I remember bragging and promoting my books to a group of women BEFORE I'd even had a drink that night. Then it probably got worse. See how these two habits feed each other? Perhaps a third resolution is in order: To promote less, in the company of friends and neighbors. BUT in all fairness, people asked how my book sales are going! The fact that I went on so long was the problem. SHUT UP Kim! Someone should have whispered that nicely in my ear, I suppose.
So, it's my belief that if I don't drink, I might beat that problem at its own game. Also, I want to just lay off the booze for a bit. The Xmas season has seen me have a few drinks almost every night. I often start with a beer at 5 ish, then pour a glass of wine at 6 (I put ice cubes in it to make it last longer). I love holding a long stemmed wine goblet in my hand, carrying it around the house, sipping slowly. Just the act of this is heady. Tonight I'll be doing this with de-caf or lemonade.
After my glass of white wine I sometimes have another but not always. This might not seem like much to real drinkers but it seems like a lot to me. I just started drinking socially about fifteen years ago at the millennium. Before that I'd have maybe a few drinks in a year. Thing is, I don't want to be dependent on the evening drink. No thank you. And I want to try to get rid of this squishy middle that beer has been kind enough to make on my body. If it is the beer and not my blatant lack of exercise, love of cheese! and distaste of doing much more than walking my dogs.

And so, this is my statement to the world. January will be alcohol free for me and hopefully, I will not piss off my friends and neighbors with braggy, loud-mouth utterings. And will finish my second book in The Dream Jumper Series- THE DREAM JUMPER'S SECRET (Dammit, I just tried to promote!)

To be continued...


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