Last night on The Bachelorette--The Men Tell All the men told very little. The person who did say a lot ( a lot of nothing) was Chris Harrison, aka the producer and mouthpiece for the show.
First off, Ashley and J.P., one of The Bachelorette's only happy couples, took to the stage to talk about her pregnancy.
She's due in October, everyone is thrilled, the pregnancy has been easy, and then Chris introduced the ultra sound machine and goofy-faced technician who proceeded to smear jelly on Ashley's exposed tummy.
The face of Chris Harrison was super-imposed on the giant screen reading of the precious baby, taking this moment to a level that annihilated any chance of sentimentality for the audience. Jokes were exchanged about Chris Harrison being the father and then we moved on.
It's a boy! But the parents knew that months ago and so did we, although everyone acted like it was the first time they'd heard. Okay.
Ash and J.P. are moving to Miami and Chris couldn't resist a jab at Juan Pablo. Will the immature playground bullying never end about his season? Off camera is one thing but come on Chris.
Next, the men came out with scarves, making fun of the whole metrosexual scarf phenomenon on this year's BACH. Funny. Marcus took the stage so Chris could plug Bachelor in Paradise, oh I mean, so Marcus could tear up about Andi not reciprocating his love. I liked Marcus but if rumors are true, he moved on successfully. Then the men talked about Andrew making a racist comment during a rose ceremony. This ammunition was used to take down Andrew on the show and again last night. Chris attacked JJ, the Pantsapreneur, for not seeing fit to deal with this bomb off camera, instead, choosing to crucify Andrew on National TV. I agree racism is ugly and maybe Andrew had it coming but what if he never said that? There were hints that Andrew's job was in jeopardy and I imagine his whole life has taken a beating since he whispered to JJ at the rose ceremony. It was allegedly a racist comment about Ron. Marquel handled it well. He's a cutie and I'm sorry he accepted that date card to Bachelor in Paradise because he'd make a good Bachelor.
The fact that Chris Harrison let the racist discussion go on for so long the way it did was shameful.
Something else that was so smarmy it hurt was the way Chris Harrison kept pimping Bachelor in Paradise.
Marquel took the hot seat to talk about the friend zone. Or did he? Was he really in the hot seat to bring attention to the fact that he's on BIP? Cut to shots of the five other contestants in the audience who were BIP participants--Chris, Michelle, Graham, and Sara. Chris Bukowski, who was eager to romance Andi that first night of The Bachelorette, must have moved on to BIP pretty dang quick. Oh, he wasn't just in L.A. waiting to meet Andi, like he said that first night? Ok. He wanted to take the hot seat but Chris made him go sit down.
Farmer Chris took the hot seat and continued to uphold his credibility as a stand up guy. Even when a planted woman in the audience (supposedly a surprise to Chris Harrison!) spoke out and took the stage to have a speed date and exchange phone numbers with Farmer Chris, the man was respectful and gracious.
Apparently Torontonians who fly to L.A. alone are willing to move to Iowa. Yea, right. This stint was super-cheesey not only because it was stupid but Harrison's acting skills are not good enough to convince us that this was not planned. "You have to be gone before we come back from commercial," he said. Then, we were back, she was still there talking to Farmer Chris and somehow she found a pen and paper to take down a phone number.
Andi came out on stage in the proverbial mini dress that snaked up her thigh and had the ousted men salivating. She did her lawyer-speak about stuff, including not wanting Chris Harrison to read out the lie detector test results from Italy that verified Josh lied about something.
In conclusion, I'm not sure why I'm so insulted by The Bachelorette show this week. Maybe because I defend it to friends as watch-worthy and when the producers make choices that ask us to accept dumbed-down entertainment, it makes me look stupid. More stupid. The Bachelorette Show is my guilty pleasure, my romantic fairytale and when the show sinks to levels that make me squirm, I get closer to not watching. Does anyone else feel this way because, besides that Canadian woman in hot pants, the audience for The Men Tell All looks pretty intelligent, well-rounded and well-dressed. This leads me to think that others might be insulted at being talked to like a horny teenager.
See you next week!
Kim Hornsby is the author of The Husband Hunt, a free novella on Amazon patterned after The Bachelor. In the first story the host gets the girl and doesn't talk down to his audience.