Friday, January 23, 2015

The Bachelor Chris Soules is a Giggler!

Note: Due to a recent threat to sue me over a photo used on my blog last year which was purchased by the suing party months after I used it, I'm only using photos that I own now.

Chris Soules, the farmer from Iowa who captured our hearts on The Bachelorette began his journey to love weeks ago, giggling and smiling his way through the first rose ceremony. Since I last blogged there have been two more episodes. Oops! I've been on Maui where I chose to eat Mahi Mahi at beachside restaurants instead of watching Monday TV, but I'm caught up now and WOW!

Here is Week 2:

The second episode of the season picked up at the end of the first rose ceremony, Kimberly (love the name) was eliminated but went back in to grab Chris and begged him to keep her, saying she felt she was meant to stay. Of course his soft heart pooled on the mansion's flagstone to hear this. As the girls shot daggers at Kimberly with their eyes, he told everyone that she'd get another chance. Oh goody, they thought, more competition.

The following morning (or later that morning) Chris Harrison (CH) told the girls that Bachelor Chris is living just down the driveway and all but pushed them out the door to go borrow butter and sugar and whatever other mischief they could get in to.

The first date that day was a group effort asking the girls to show their country. Dressed in cowboy boots, cut offs and bikini's six of them took off in the limos to a downtown L.A. rooftop pool party.  REal country would have had them swimmin' in the crick, don't you agree?After getting wet, they walked along the Los Angeles streets and high rises in their bikinis to a tractor race in a blocked off/deserted concrete jungle area. The Kim Kardashian look alike, Ashley I, who has never had a boyfriend and is a virgin, ( wink  ) won the snail-pace tractor race and got to sit awkwardly on the tractor for an hour-long conversation with Chris. Yee Haw! This date so far was an epic fail, stupid (walking in bikini's) and boring.
Not just that but sitting on hay bales in a bathing suit must've been prickly awful, but Chris got to business and quickly picked McKenzie, the curly-haired single mom, for one on one drinks at a local pub and to talk about aliens and parenting. The others returned home.
Meanwhile, Megan and buffed Jillian snuck into Chris's house to rummage around, prompted by producers I'm sure. Megan banged her head against the wall a few times to test Chris's motorcycle helmet but not much tom foolery was captured on camera.

For the next day's one on one date, Chris chose Megan, the makeup artist, to fly to Las Vegas on a private jet, board a helicopter, and tour the Grand Canyon. They landed at a picturesque river bed to eat, drink and kiss. I spent most of the date wondering if Megan had extensions and how a makeup artist could not know that dark lipstick wasn't flattering on her. Chris ended up in the lipstick soon enough and strangely enough, it was quite flattering on him.

Group Date #2 was a creepy paintball course in the dark with zombies lumbering towards the terrified girls. The only girl who wasn't absolutely freaked out was Ashley S who was too drunk or something to be afraid. She moved about the set like a zombie herself and how she couldn't get a real sentence out of her mouth yet managed to stalk and shoot zombies, was beyond me. By now it's obvious that she's either mentally WAAYY out there or on something hallucinogenic and I'd vote for the latter. Some people have amazing balance when wired. Here's an example of Ashley S's ability to make sense:
Chris: How are you holding up?
Ashley: I don't even know what that means.
Chris: Just how are you?
Ashley: Are we in a dome?

As the Canadian girl, Kaitlyn said, she shouldn't have had a weapon in her hands. "She shouldn't even be holding a wet noodle." Meanwhile Jordan back at the house had been drinking since she arrived and in a drunken stupor tried to twerk on the wall. The liquor supply this year must be quite something.

The rose ceremony, which I like to call "Go Packup!" had the ladies lining up, desperately trying to catch Farmer Chris's eyes and hear their names. Buffed Jillian slipped when she only thought she heard her name and tried to retreat in embarrassment. Cue the nervous giggling. Thankfully she ended with a rose and saved face. Kimberly did not. Nor did the tall cowgirl, or Tandra, or a brunette that didn't get much airtime. Surprisingly enough, Ashley S got a rose. Chris must see something in the wigged out talker. I keep thinking it's a joke and we'll hear that she's Chris's cousin and was planted for inside info. Why else would he keep her with all the wackadoodle talk?

Tomorrow I will post my take on Week 3 which was January 19th's show. In the meantime, if you're having problems remembering who's who on the show, this might help:

Britt - First Impression, Often seen with arms around Jillian
Jillian - Excerciser, Often seen with arms around Britt
Kaitlyn- Canadian, Sailor mouth
Whitney - Blonde with Disney princess voice
Tara- Tall Cowgirl
Juelia - Has daughter, husband dead
Jordan - Drunk Blonde
Ashley S - Wide-eyed blonde spouting gibberish
Ashley I - Kim Kardashian with belly ring
Jade - Quiet Brunette with freckles
Becca - Blonde with white teeth
Nikki - One of the brunettes ?
Samantha - Brunette with striking blue eyes
Kelsey - short hair, cardigans
Carly- Cruise ship singer
Tandra - Tall Blonde?

Hope this explains a few things. It'll get easier every week.

Kim Hornsby is a novelist with bestselling The Dream Jumper's Promise, having over 60,000 downloads on Amazon and 235 reviews. She writes a series based on The Bachelor called The Husband Hunt, novellas that are available on Amazon, the first one free!

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