Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Brokeback Bachelor with Chris Soules and Jimmy Kimmel

Week 3 in The Bachelor had a clever addition to the guest list--Jimmy Kimmel! Stroke of genius for having him shadow both Chrises and poke his nosey nose into the mix.

First good idea: The Amazing Jar. Jimmy set a large jar on the table so that every time someone said "amazing" they owed the jar a dollar. And if you're a Bachelor fan, you know that word gets tossed around as much as the words "journey" and "looking for love." Heck, by the time Jimmy stopped telling the girls he was personally going to make love to each of them to help Chris with his decision, the jar had $3.
First date card was from Jimmy telling Kaitlyn (Canadian) they were going to an exclusive club. Turned out to be Costco and with the shopping list in hand, Chris and Kaitlyn bought a ton of unnecessary stuff that some intern from ABC would have to return later. After goofing around at Costco, they grilled steaks and played house for their guest at Chris's abode.
With the help of a bottle of bourbon, the three laughed uproarishly (Chris giggled in that high girly way) and a great time was had by all. Kaitlyn is funny but then she's Canuck. :) They finished the date with kissing in the hot tub, and the camera panning right to see Jimmy in the corner watching them. #threesome
The group date with twelve girls (12!!!!)  had them competing on a farmer-type race to shuck corn, drink warm goat milk and catch a greased baby pig. The cruise ship singer, Carly, was driven to win this thing and tried to ignore Jillian the buffed body builder who hopped the pig fence in one leap. I think it's super funny that the show continues to block out Jillian's butt in a black rectangle because apparently Jillian LOVES her butt. Carly won and got the amazing ($1) honor of getting her photo taken with Chris in costumes a la American gothic. Wow. Lucky her!
Then off to the rooftop cocktail party where Chris giggled and did some talking, dancing and kissing with all the girls.
Those farmers sure like to kiss! MacKenzie called him out on all the kissing then awkwardly tried to take it back. Jillian looked predatory with her arm around Britt, and Becca had a nice normal talk with Chris and explained why she'll wait to kiss him. Amazing move! ($2) She got a rose.

The one on one went to Whitney the Disney princess-voiced nurse who cried to hear her name on the card. They ended up at a winery and pretended to crash a wedding, on the winery lawn. Rumor has it that the bachelor producers later thanked Nick and Shannon for agreeing to the crash. Did anyone wonder why no one seemed to recognize Chris? Or how the bride didn't come right out and say "we don't know you guys!" Still it was a cute schtick. Whitney redeemed herself as a possible contender but only if she has vocal chord surgery.
The next morning Chris and Jimmy Kimmel showered together thereby creating the hashtag Brokeback Bachelor and Chris headed off the to the Girlie Mansion for a pool party.
The beach balls flew, sunscreen was applied, pecs were flashed (Jillian) and then Juelia took Chris aside to tell him about her husband's suicide. Wa Wa Wa.
The only way to save the party was for Jade to take Chris to his house for a tour. Of the bed! They got down and dirty fast and then on the way out discovered Jillian waiting in the hot tub in her predatory way. Cue the sexy saxophone music. I bet she's a feared news producer. She scares me. When others tried to join them, she vibed them out but they came back eventually.
Back at the mansion, Chris found tearful Ashley I who was upset to not get alone time and all but pulled him off the roof with her in a weird embrace. Now I can believe that she's never had a boyfriend.
At the Rose Ceremony "Pack UP!" Kimmel did an amazing ($3) impersonation of Chris Harrison, and Chris Soules got to work handing out the thornless roses. Ashley I got hers last which is customarily a sign that that girl is hanging on by the skin of her teeth and better buck up.
Apparently she suggested that Chris give her one of the first roses and not make her wait. Cough. Virgin. Cough.
On another note, Ashley S. was super quiet this week but continued to stare vacantly off into nothing. Can't wait to see her on Girls Tell All!

Tomorrow is another episode and I'm excited to see if the Amazing Jar is still there.

Kim Hornsby is the Best Selling Author of THE DREAM JUMPER'S PROMISE, an award-winning novel set in Hawaii that asks the question, what happened the day he never returned home?
She also writes a whimsical series The Husband Hunt, much like The Bachelor. Free on Amazon.

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