Public Speaking - Fun or Torture?

Rock Star Confidence...

No one is born a rock star, complete with over-the-top confidence and leather pants. An individual has to work for that. (And grow into the pants.) Ever heard that Nickelback song “We all just want to be big rock stars, live in hilltop mansions driving fancy cars”?

These days we use the term Rock Star to mean someone who’s achieved success in their field. Eg) Wow, kids, you finished homework. You are a Rock Star.

We tend to look at those who’ve achieved enormous success performing in a rock band as beyond ordinary. But remember, even Pat Benatar and Tommy Lee have baby pictures. They put their pants on one leg at a time and catch colds, just like you and me.

My Point: One must work at developing an image to fool the public into believing that you are special. It’s referred to as Smoke and Mirrors. And it’s human nature to want to believe it true, to see someone as super-talented, uber-wonderful. That’s not to say if you follow the advice I’m going to give you, you need to be so conceited your head won’t fit through the book store door. Believing in your own PR (public relations) is a slippery slope. A true Rock Star can take out the garbage when not in black leather and chains.

            Under the costumes, tattoos, makeup, piercings and hair gel, a Rock Star is simply another person in the world who has insecurities-- a human being who probably feels more comfortable in a larger-than-life personality when greeting the public. I bet Pat Benatar made lots of PB and J’s for neighborhood kids between tours and Tommy Lee played Little League before he joined Metallica.

            In my life I have known a few rock stars, celebrities, and movie actors of enormous proportions and I’m here to tell you that off stage and out of makeup, most are a bit shy--Steven Tyler, for example. I took him snorkeling in Hawaii once and he is a quiet man. Jamie Foxx, whose name is actually Eric was raised by his Grandma and is extremely humble. These people created a stage persona and you must too. If shyness is holding you back, you must dig deep to find that inner celebrity that we all have hiding somewhere behind the spleen. Once you find her she will help get through public events that would’ve otherwise leave you shaking in your boots, quivering in your Victoria’s Secrets, sweating through your sweat suits. (Note: Unless you are a sports star, I highly recommend you refrain from wearing sweat suits when trying to be a Rock Star.)

            On that note, the first step to Rock Stardom is physical presentation. Go into your closet and find yourself an outfit that says “__________”. You must insert your celebrity or pen name here and if you don’t have one I suggest you find one because this is how you will refer to yourself when it’s ‘ShowTime!’ My stage name used to be Kimberley Horn because there were too many syllables in my real name for my former talent agent. Now my pen name is Kim Hornsby. I did not deviate too far from the truth but you see where I’m going with this. Once you have a few killer outfits that make you feel special, check that the rest of you is ready for the spotlight -- hairstyle, shoes, jewelry. What makes you feel successful enough to have a Lear jet to fly to San Fran for breakfast on the pier. This is the side of you does not scrub toilets, make school lunches, clip coupons. She takes her pool boy (or husband) to South Beach on Saturday night to dance and sleeps until three the next day.

After your have the look, you must make yourself believe how wonderful you are. If you skip this step you’re in trouble. Affirmations, self talk, call it what you want, but do it just before called upon to speak in public.

            I want to introduce to you a character I love to laugh at on SNL, called Shy Ronnie. He is played by Andy Samberg and the one of the reasons he is so drop-dead funny is that we know Andy is not shy. Were Shy Ronnie a real person, it would be excruciatingly painful to watch him try to rap alongside Rhianna. When asked to speak up, his voice is so minuscule it’s painful to watch. But when his beautiful co-singer leaves the room in frustration, Shy Ronnie takes off. His shyness in front of Rhianna makes him not only unable to do his job but makes him look silly, due to lack of confidence. Remember this when you are in front of an audience – the people who have paid money or taken time out of their busy lives want to like you. When you open a book, you are hoping that the protagonist is someone to relate to. Likewise, an audience member wants to like you and will give you every possible chance to be worth their time. If they don’t like you (and you will probably never know this), it might be their own problem. Maybe they’re distracted, closed-minded, too focused on their own lives or not ready to listen.

            As you look out on the sea of faces, just remember, do not read your audience too closely. It’s the kiss of death. Just plough through, if you’re giving a key note speech, talking to a group at a book signing, whatever. Don’t assume you know what they are thinking. The expressions on their faces may not reflect their thoughts. Probably won’t if they are listening intently. Take your glasses off, look over heads but don’t read their faces.

            In recap, you must create a celebrity side to yourself complete with a pen name and an outward appearance that says ‘Someone Special is in the House’, practice self talk and remember the audience wants to like you.

Now click on Shy Ronnie and tell me you aren’t this bad!

KIM HORNSBY is an Amazon Bestselling Author best known for The Dream Jumper Series, which is optioned for film, with over 400 reviews on Amazon at 4.5 stars.
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Shy Writer to Rock Star

This week I'm talking to anyone who'll listen at the Historic Davenport Hotel about self-confidence. Actually, the talk is based on how to create the rock star side of yourself to present a polished social patina to either a Hollywood producer who's looking for a new idea for a movie, or a crowd of 500 writers who are hanging on every word you say to find out how to follow in your successful footsteps. I'm at the Connecting Writers with Hollywood conference In Spokane, Washington, teaching, pitching and then doing a book signing at Auntie's Bookstore on Saturday, three events that will require me to change from a hair don't care, bathrobe wearing writer to a Bestselling Author.

The workshop I'm teaching on Thursday for conference goers is called Channeling Your Inner Rock Star and I will begin by breaking the myth that rock stars like Steven Tyler, Fergie, Pat Benatar, Alice Cooper and Tommy Lee don't take out the garbage or change their kids' dirty diapers.
They do.
I've met many celebrities in my day because of my brush with show biz and when rock stars take off their makeup and leather pants and are faced with a family party with their kids, they are just regular folks. Well, maybe they still look a bit weird with the long black hair, but my point is that Smoke & Mirrors is everything when summoning confidence to perform.

Anyone can think of themselves in the celebrity sense and should if they are called upon to promote, whether it's a one on one pitch or a keynote speech. In the former, you need to exude confidence in your project, forget nerves and present an enthusiastic but professional side of yourself to get through the pitch. For the latter situation, it is helpful to call upon the inner you who loves to speak in front of an audience.
The amazing transformation from nervous Nelly who practically lives in her head most of the day, to a poised celebrity can be achieved by creating an alter-ego, one who recognizes when it's show time and can handle the spotlight.
I tell my clients to think of themselves as a celebrity, like rock stars do when they put on the makeup, chains, leather boots, and all other aspects of a rock star costume that precipitates the transformation. Wear something you wouldn't normally wear as the writer behind the computer screen, look different, act different, take on that persona and own it. Imagine that you are big stuff, have something amazing to say, can change the world of the people listening to you. It's not such a stretch to imagine that. You might be big stuff to someone out there, you can change someone's world with your writing. See?


Now go put on your power suit, grab those embossed business cards and be a Rock Star!







Kim's workshop, Channeling Your Inner Rock Star, is about empowering shy introverts to present their best version of themselves in public.
For information about this workshop, contact Kim at kimhornsby @yahoo.com, or take the 90 minute class at Connecting Writers with Hollywood this week in Spokane Washington.


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Rock Star Tips

Yesterday I guest blogged and promised tips on building self confidence for public speaking (Rock Star Tips) and realized that post is no longer here. Only a silly nattering on about how I was nervous conducting my workshop Channeling Your Inner Rock Star.

Here are my tips in a nutshell (acorn, if you're wondering)

When speaking in public or just meeting your public:

1. Wear something fabulous that makes you feel extra special. Even a pedicure counts because the whole idea is to make you FEEL like you are extraordinary. Carry a small token to give you courage, like a seashell.
2. Give yourself a stage name if you don't already have a pen name. This will be how you refer to yourself in your own mind when summoning the alter ego who is fabulous in front of crowds and oozes self confidence.
3. Imagine that person has an entourage, a secretary, a personal umbrella handler (PUH) and twenty employees who handle her every need. She also has a second home in ______. You fill in where you've always wanted to live, given scads of moulah.
4. Smile, Nod, Take deep breaths. People will wait if you seem confident. Don't be afraid of dead space. It is like the period after your profound comment.
5. Imagine the group in front of you as a gathering of friends who love you. They WANT you to be fabulous, engaging, honest. There's nothing worse than trying to watch someone who is terrified of failure or rejection. If you believe you are wonderful, the audience will too.
6. Don't look directly at anyone, just scan the sea of faces, in a large crowd and play to the back of the room.
7. If they laugh at your joke, use that pause to collect yourself and proceed.
8. Try to enjoy the fact that people are listening to what you have to say. It doesn't need to be profound, only temporarily entertaining. For the moments you are speaking, you must imagine that they find you interesting, or they wouldn't still be sitting there.

There are scads more tricks but these are the essentials. Feel free to email me if you need some personal love or attention about speaking in front of a group. You are FABULOUS!
Kim

Rock Star Confidence Crumbles

I teach a humble little course about Confidence to writers who tremble at the thought of getting up in front of thousands of adoring fans (or even 2). This story is what happened to me one Saturday, whilst teaching...

As I gazed out on the audience of attendees who came to ‘Channeling Your Inner Rock Star’ and I cautioned my listeners how to avoid reading the audience too closely, I realized that the group in front of me looked more bored than a group of supermodels at a class about humility.

I almost broke a sweat as I worried about how the women in front of me were receiving what I said. Am I being too confident about self-confidence? Not confident enough? Can they tell I’m worried that I’m not helping them enough? Am I simply feeding my desire to be watched, by doing this class? To be loved?  Accepted?

I stopped myself. Be confident. Assume they love you, Kim.

I followed my own advice and believed that they were praising the day they saw my name on the workshop lineup. It’s what you should do in a situation like this.

My audience on Saturday was a small group, given that the AVON live-stream online chat was five feet from our door (with cupcakes), but I was pleased at the turnout. I’d been prepared for one or two. Having been in the Bellevue Hilton bar years before, when we’d added to our group of cocktailers a gal who didn't have anyone attend her workshop. “Oh dang,” we’d said with glasses of chardonnay, “join us and you can do your workshop on us.”

Not my workshop though. I had attendees! After all, it was only 11 am. These pioneers had waded through a Cherry Adair chat and Avon loving bodies to get to the door of the workshop that would teach them how to channel the most confident, most engaging side of oneself in the new days of self- promotion. These gals had put off other incredibly helpful classes to see if I could offer some insight to confidence. All I needed was one person in the class to need me. To need the confidence to do their own PR work.

I raged on. And it was magic.

After the class, the person who I thought was most likely to run for the door in boredom, approached me with a story to break my heart--to make this reader want to champion for her, to read everything she’s written. And, I wondered what, in an audience of writers who worry about self confidence, was I expecting to see? The writers who attended my class, gave me confidence that there are many ways to support, to love and to champion for the women who have left the safe path to write novels. And that we totally rock. You totally rock. Just the fact that we write books, hoping to entertain and enlighten... I love us.

Singing ‘We are the champions, my friend...”

And now, in an effort to Channel my inner rock star, here is my new signature to show I’m social-media savvy...

Fancy Signature,

Kim Hornsby

Commercial Women's Fiction

You only journey if you dare to leave home

The Dream Jumper’s Promise

Necessary Detour

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