Joe Thinks he Makes Jon his Bitch on Bachelor in Paradise

Who else wakes up Sunday morning, has a cup of coffee, stumbles to feed the dog and then it hits them--BIP is on Tonight!!!!! I'm ashamed to say that with all the blessings in my wonderful, rich life this realization makes the day better. And don't even get me started on how I feel Monday.

I haven't blogged regularly for BIP because it's summer and I have kids, including one I launched to college last weekend, so that would be a big ole shame if I took time out of helping him move on to adulthood to blog about a bunch of horny twenty-somethings looking for "Love" on a Mexico beach.
He's gone, the other teen is still sleeping, the dogs are fed and here we go...

BACHELOR IN PARADISE was shot on a beach north of Puerto Vallarta, an area I found love 24 years ago. As a matter of fact my hubby and I had a very romantic date just to the right of that sweeping shot of the resort and the surf. It's a gorgeous location but the surf seems to be too strong for any private nookie in the water this year. (Good thing Courtney isn't on the show from Ben Flajnik's season!) BIP contestants linger in the safety of the beach edge, talking but that doesn't stop everyone from wearing bikini's 24/7.

Except Tenley who got all doodied up while everyone else was in the pool and then sat poolside so the men could see her. And it worked. She has more than she can handle now.

Here's my one line run down of everyone on the show:















Tenley: Asked for attention and now has it- Three men courting her- Mikey, JJ, New guy
Tanner: Coupled with Jade and loving it
Jade: Coupled with Tanner and loving it. What's with the muu muu dresses?
Clare: Jared date, might be too old for him. She's funny on camera this year with silly voices.
Mikey: Maybe should have gone on Jersey Shore instead
Ben: Couple up with Ashley S, looks like Hugh Jackman
Ashley S: Finally appearing normal, even with her wide eyes. Stuck up for Juelia on camera.
Juelia: had Joe date, he thinks she's dumb, she must be seething watching this. Jon might b better choice
Ashley I: Go home already! Stop crying. Grow up








Lauren: Went home because she thinks she's a "mistress" to a guy who has a g/f. What a producer flop

Jared: Playing it cool, took Clare on bungee jump date. Not over Kaitlyn. Might be a good Bachelor???
JJ: Hanging around Tenley, still saying dumb stuff
Joe: Waiting for Samantha, playing the game, drinks too much, made Jon his bitch.
Jonathan: still buzzing around Juelia, embarrassed by Joe in a rotten moment
Carly: Funny on camera. 'lil spitfire, coupled with Kirk
Kirk: Seems like a stand up guy, coupled with Carly.

Joe is the bad guy this week, belittling people all in the name of a free Mexican vacation. Oh and Joe probably is motivated by free booze. He makes Jon apologize for saying something that only Joe knows was true, and brags about having Jon in his pocket like some villain in a super hero movie. And Jonathan is a single dad for crying out loud!!! So Joe has singlehandedly made a mockery out of the two single parents. Well done Sleaze Ball. And next week it looks like he makes Jon cry and threatens JJ. Sunday should be interesting. I'm hoping Joe gets bit in his jumbly bits by one of those crabs.


On a happy note, the girls all seem to be getting along nicely, except maybe Ashley I who acts like an eleven year old and thinks Clare is "Old!" out of jealous spite.
What do you think, Readers?

Bachelor in Paradise- Who Couples Up First?

Really, Men? Just because you all know that Jade took her clothes off for Playboy and did nude videos, do you really have to drool on her and ignore all the other girls who will eventually take their clothes off for you if you are their loving boyfriend? If you're waiting for the Wild Mustang to emerge, that may never happen. Put your lasso ropes down.

Last night on Bachelor in Paradise we were treated to ladies in heels on the beach, Chris Harrison drinking from a coconut, tears from a sister combo, and an alpha male who didn't understand you don't need to declare this if you are indeed the alpha male. How to alienate the guys! Mikey was laughable by offering to get the other men pumped up by the time they leave  Mikey, you have a long way down when you fall off your self-imposed pedestal.
Hey, wait. I have a question. Why allow sisters? Why let Ashley I bring her non-alumni sister, because we know you BIP producers had to approve this addition? Twice the CRA CRA isn't better TV in this case. Or watchable. We don't like Ashley I that much, and we don't like her "slutty" sister Lauren who thinks anyone over the age of 25 is "old!" and trash talks everyone's physical appearance. I hope those two get voted off ASAP because I already graduated high school and don't want to go back. They are a package deal apparently, and Lauren wants to go home the first night which is good news to me.
Carly, one of my favorites on Chris Soules' season, sets her sights on Kirk, another favorite of mine, and they hit it off immediately. This is the entertainment we want. Not twenty minutes of crying. Carly and Kirk's first kiss and Kirk telling the guys he likes her because she's really cute and really funny makes us feel good. Ahhhhhh!


Below is JJ, Ashley S. and Jared.

Let's list the people on BIP with my initial take on each one, shall we?

Tenley - Just broke up with Kipton after 5 years, too overdressed and overly made up for the beach.
Carly - Funny, cute, candid on the camera
Jillian - Has her own black box on her butt constantly, friend of the sisters
Kirk - Nice guy, hoping he used lots of sunscreen
Ashley I - Thinks she's Jasmine from Aladdin, brought her younger sister
Lauren - Sister to Lauren, immature and unhappy
Jade - Love that she's not wearing makeup or doing her hair
Mikey - Alpha Male who zero'ed in on Lauren but she thinks he's a meathead
JJ - Pink pants, initially annoying, not popular
Jared - In demand, getting over Kaitlyn but went on first date with Ashley I dirt biking
Ben - Don't remember him but he looks super nice!!!
Tanner - Happy go lucky but insecure for a handsome man, went on dinner date with Jade
Juelia - Mom of three year old, widow, seems sweet and ready for love
Jonathan - TMI about having had sisters before!! Settle down Jonathan.
Ashley S - Likes the caged parrots, commandeers one for her shoulder. Might actually be weird.

After we watched the mini "wedding" of Marcus and Lacey (who else thinks they were already married before they strolled down the beach to their wedding?) the drinking began and BIP was off to a good start. Lauren, the sister, got weepy about either wanting to go home, or that she led Mikey on and now can't get rid of him. The sky over the turbulent ocean gets dark and the beach bonfire is lit even though it's probably 100 degrees on that Sayulita beach in May. Lightning flashes on the horizon. It's a beautiful scene and the set decorators and lighting designers do a fabulous job!!!
Jared moves in on Jade in a gentlemanly fashion and Ashley, who likes Jared in a Princess Jasmine way cry/laughs about how all the guys she ever likes go with someone else. Hmmm? I can't imagine why but I'll tweet you my answer when I figure it out, Ashely I. Carly and Kirk giggle and laugh and kiss and snuggle. Cute.
The next morning it looks like Ashley S slept with a parrot. They are caught kissing at breakfast and Dan seems to like birds. Or likes Ashley who relates much better to creatures than people when in a tough social situation.
Ashley I who wakes up puffy and sweaty to the horror of her sister gets the date card and after consulting with her superficial sis on her high school crush and how to ask Jared out, she does. It looks like they have a good time dirt biking and drinking champagne on a beach. Running into the surf, they are about ten feet apart to have their separate swims and this is never a good thing on BIP.
Then the BIP producers try to stir the pot by giving Jade the date card because they know her favorite guy is already on a date with Ashley I. She chooses Tanner and they go out to dinner and talk, kiss a bit, and go swimming in a river in their underwear. (FYI My hubby lived in the Sayulita area for years and knew exactly where the couple went swimming and said that river is not very clean.) At home, I'm happy for Tanner to get some lip action and hugging in because he was ignored on Kaitlyn's season.
Back at the BIP Palapa Mansion, Ashley S leaves quietly in an ambulancia without the parrot, so my guess is one of those bird kisses went too far and he crunched down on her lip. Parrots have rock hard beaks. Or bird flu. Then Dan runs through the jungle and hops into the ambulance in his swim trunks, asking if she's ok. She looks like Montezuma's Revenge has set in.
But what is this? Another person coming down the path to join the crew? It's none other than Claire Crowley looking for love the third time. She was a semi-finalist for Juan Pablo, in BIP last year, and is back with a date card in hand and a smile on her face for her third kick at the cat.
Who will she pick, seeing she hasn't even met everyone yet? This is where we leave things for tonight's episode. Can't wait...

Brief Update:
I'm going to catch up with this blog this week. Watching twice a week is so fun! Tanner and Jade, Carly and Kirk, Ashley S and Ben, Ashley I and her tears...

Kim Hornsby is the Best Selling Author of The Dream Jumper Series, a cross between Inception and Castle.

Did Kaitlyn have a Grudge on The Bachelorette?

The Bachelorette Finale began last night with a clip of Kaitlyn saying "I'm in love with two guys."

Or was she?
On one hand, she had Nick Viall, a late comer to the show, a bit of a teen-talking player who was having a second go around at this show because Kaitlyn wanted him there.
On the other hand we had Shawn Booth, a man totally in love with Kaitlyn, seemingly brimming with hatred for Nick. If you read my blog regularly, you know I have favored Shawn for the last few weeks. He fought hard to end up with Kaitlyn, even forgiving/understanding why she took it too far with Nick. More on that later.
We kick off the evening in Malibu California, in a rented house on the beach where the men will meet the Family Bristowe.

There's the mother, the father, their current spouses (the parents are divorced), and Kaitlyn's sister, Haley. Leslie, the mother is concerned to hear that one of the men in the finale is Nick. She wasn't a fan of his on Andy's season.
When Nick arrives in a guffuffle of awkward shyness and fast talking/slurring, Leslie takes him aside for the Spanish Inquisition. They cry together, both getting emotional over their shared love for Kaitlyn, basically. Hmmm? Really?

I do believe at this point that Nick loves Kaitlyn. Or thinks he does. My hubby does not. And Nick's hair suddenly looks better. The thing I like most about this man is his bracelets, though. He admits to the sister that his motivation to join the Bachelor for Andy's season was to travel and that's a shallow admission that shouldn't be spoken out loud even though it's probably true of most of the alumni.
The two lovebirds neck at the car and Nick leaves her breathless.

The next day is Shawn's turn to meet the family and he comes bearing a large flower bouquet and gifts for Haley's children, who aren't there. Looks like he even brought the Booth Family jam or something in a mason jar. Mike, Kaitlyn's father, is wearing the same shirt as Shawn, a good sign, and a toast is made at the table, by Shawn, a toast to put the Toastmasters' Club to shame.
Shawn is eloquent. He makes eye contact, he speaks from the heart, not like the day before when Nick could not look them in the eye.
By the end of the visit, the Family Bristowe all seem to be on Team Shawn. Haley tells her sister she definitely is.






A day or two later, Kaitlyn waits for Nick to board a catamaran in Marina del Rey and when he does they take off on the kissing cruise. Soon after they hit open ocean, I thought about getting myself a Dramamine or those sea band bracelets because the sailboat was riding the 12 foot waves like a son of a gun and I felt queasy. Good thing I wasn't the Bachelorette, or I'd be feeding the fish at the back of the boat. But the lovers were undaunted. There is a sweetness to their relationship, I'll admit.
Cue the romantic acoustic guitar music playing the Bachelor poignant love song, and it's suddenly dark, the ship has landed and it's time for drinks. Nick has a condo with a picturesque patio so they sit outside and drink wine and kiss. I loved Kaitlyn's sparkly/shimmery eye shadow. Did anyone notice this? Nice effect on camera.

Nick gives her a framed photo of them with a lovely poem he's written. I don't think K understood it was poetry. She kept saying they were nice words written down. Ahem. That's poetry, Canuck! It doesn't have to rhyme anymore. (Please remember that I'm Canuck and I know they don't teach this new-age poetry in Canada.)
Cut to the studio audience, (everyone must've been told to wear a colorful cocktail dress with a bold necklace,) Chris Harrison in his purple suit and pink shirt, stands by Nick's family and tells us that what's is coming up will amaze us.

The next day we find ourselves at Malibu's Saddle Rock Winery (probably owned by one of the producer's cousins) where Shawn and Kaitlyn are very awkward with each other. Aside from checking to see if he's wearing sunscreen, she looks like she's about to break up with him. Kaitlyn is in an emotional crisis, because she either loves Nick more, or loves them both and is so confused it ruins her date with Shawn.

Worry sets in on my couch. Genuine fear.
Later, they meet at a little cottage where things are slightly better. Shawn gives her a memory jar he's made in craft class the day Nick had his catamaran date (kidding) and Kaitlyn is touched. It's full of pictures of them, notes about them, and trinkets to remind them of their dates.
When we cut to the studio audience again, there is a quiet hush and C.H. let's all this sink in. Nick's little sis looks worried, especially after C.H. says "looks like the parents like Shawn better."

The next day we get to see everyone waking up. Having read the tell all book by Courtney, I know from a production standpoint how this strange morning goes down. The film crew comes over, you pretend to get out of bed, you must stare off at the scenery thoughtfully for 127 takes, then they leave until Neil Lane shows up at the men's door. I'd like to mention here that this was where we lost Nick on Andy's season. And this time, he fears the worst but no. Kaitlyn does not come to his door, it's Neil Lane!
Big sparklers are chosen, both men get dressed, Kaitlyn cleans up good, and the big night begins.

The final rose ceremony is at the mansion with the perennially wet driveway. Kaitlyn steps from the limo in a gorgeous gown and heads to the swimming pool to await two proposals. We're thinking that the object of her undying love must be Nick because he's told her to cut him loose the moment she knows it's not him and you'd have to be pretty hard-hearted to let him get to this point if it isn't him.
Or you might have a grudge against him and want to get back at him for something.
Nick arrives, cuing us to the fact that this is a death sentence for their relationship. The first one to get out of the limo always leaves. Nick has no idea, gives his speech and pulls out the ring but Kaitlyn stops him. She's crying too hard to speak. He's shocked, but gracious until they start arguing about whether Kaitlyn ever loved him or not. Long story short, Nick insists she doesn't, is pissed and leaves feeling foolish and like a ___ ing joke. Oh my. Nick's little sister is crying in the studio audience front row now.
Shawn arrives and I'm giddy with excitement. He doesn't know if he's first or second, but he's hoping. Has she told him he's the one again? Maybe. His speech about loving her is beautiful, he gets down on one knee, proposes and Kaitlyn says yes! Finally she can tell him she loves him and does, over and over. They are the two "happiest kids in all the land." PHEW!
The Final Rose comes on next and it's three months later. But if you're thinking of C.H. in that studio audience with Nick's family, it's still then. He introduces Shawn and Kaitlyn, the happy couple, and they look soooo happy and cute and in love.

People, can I say that this is why we watch this show. For this moment. Not for a feud between two men, Bachelor Producers! Although I feel badly for Nick's family, I'm excited for the happy couple. I predict they will marry by Spring.
Shawn and Kaitlyn leave the stage and Nick comes out. His teenager way of speaking is completely gone. He's expressing himself perfectly, graciously, in understandable full sentences. He's not touching his face nervously, he's not pulling at his collar, tugging his earlobe. Is that because he's not lying? Was he lying before when he was doing all that squirming with Kaitlyn and her family? C.H. asks questions but can't let Nick answer and keeps interrupting him. Is that because he feels Nick got enough TV time to clear his name from the Andy season? AND, (here's an idea!) did Kaitlyn keep him until the end to help him clear his villainous name? Maybe. Nick and Kaitlyn were telephone buddies before she became the Bachelorette. This has been explained. They had a pre-existing relationship over electronic devices. Maybe Kaitlyn said something like this: "If I get on, I'll take you to the end, dump you, and America will feel badly for you, okay, Nick?") Or, did K find out something bad about Nick when she and Shawn had their first private, off camera conversation and was stringing him along since then? With a big ole grudge.

Shawn comes out, the two men shake hands and try to not sit beside each other on the tiny couch.Nick doesn't hate Shawn with a red hot fury but Shawn hates Nick that much. I believe (from reading between the lines) that Nick said some stuff to make Shawn just plain despise his character. Maybe he admitted to all the guys that he came on the show to clear his name. Nick won't say, but he heard something. Both men admit they wasted time by being immature and should have spent less time worrying about the competition.
Shawn tells us that he spoke very little on camera about Nick but when he did, that was what the producers chose to use for his interview. He indicates the producers liked this angle instead of going with the love stories developing. And time is wasted again with C.H. going on and on talking to these men about their differences, trying to stir the pot, instead of asking Kaitlyn and Shawn, "hey, what's next?"
After the commercial break K comes out and we wonder if this new, nice Nick will be gracious or hit her with a social zinger on national TV, like he did to Andy when he revealed they slept together. K barely hugs him, looks mad, and something is going on. Kaitlyn is very mad, standoffish and strangely nervous to see Nick. It looks like she's trying to not hit him.

Probably Shawn told her what Nick said to make him hate the man and it was about her. Maybe that's why her resting bitch face is so prevalent throughout the interview.
But Nick is also mad, mad she let him almost propose again, knowing him the way she did. I was wondering about that too, thinking it wasn't nice of Kaitlyn, until he used the only ammunition he had against her by saying she told him she loved him. Twice. The world already knows they slept together so he couldn't use that zinger again. She's not supposed to say I love you and that was a hit below Kaitlyn's sparkly belt. Not nice, Nick.
Bachelorette Dating Handbook.
Rule number #7 Do not tell any of the men you love them until the proposal or you will be considered in breach of your contract.
When we come back from the commercial break, Nick's gone and the happy couple are back. They can't wait to go to Starbucks, be seen in public, be normal and Shawn can't wait to defend his woman against all the cyber-bullying that Kaitlyn has taken. Sweet!
Today's news tells us that Kaitlyn went shopping for wedding dresses and that she bet someone $1,000 that she and Shawn will not break up. And to a Canuck, that is A LOT of money!!! We are notoriously cheap.
Well done and congratulations go to both Kaitlyn and Shawn who I am sure will be married and happy in another few years. I can't wait for her tell all book to explain what exactly happened during the taping of this show. I bet we missed a lot of juicy stuff! I, for one, would like to know exactly what Nick said to make Shawn hate him. But Shawn is too much of a gentleman to say it on national T.V., I think.

Bachelor in Paradise airs on Sundays and Mondays starting this weekend. Looks terrible/fascinating in a train wreck sort of a way!!!
If you got to the end of this lengthy blog, you must enjoy reading! I invite you to follow my blog by scrolling up to join this site on Google friend connect.

Kim Hornsby is the author of The Husband Hunt, a free Amazon romance ebook that is based on a TV dating show like The Bachelor. She also writes award-winning, bestselling suspense for which she thankfully uses an editor.
The Dream Jumper Series

The Bachelorette Kicks One Out and Lets One In!

This evening's installment of The Bachelorette opened with Clint's vocal and menacing departure from the show. He plays the villain almost too well, almost like he is Heath Ledger playing a bad guy!

In the first scene Kaitlyn listened to him try to dig himself out of the hole he was standing in but she was too smart to fall for his mind-wrangling. She did, however, let him walk through the group of gathered bachelors (mistake!) and when he stopped to give them the evil eye and choice words, JJ threw him under the bus by telling him to apologize for taking valuable time from them. Not sure what the strategy was there from Clint's BFF. My hubster was convinced this was part of the diabolical plan to take over the world but to what end, I asked?
There was a lot of bleeping and posturing and snake eyes from Clint as he said his final words to JJ. I think he might have even threatened him. JJ had some tears, regrets, face slaps (by himself!) and Tanner said it was like Brokeback Volcano erupting.

Kaitlyn decided against having a rose ceremony and they all took off to New York City! (Imagine that cowboy from the salsa commercial saying that last part!) JJ vowed to turn over a new leaf, one that includes romancing women.
Holed up at the Knickerbocker Hotel, the men received a date card that mentioned the word 'fresh' and Shawn, JJ, Ryan B, Jonathan, Corey and Ben Z went on the first New York date.

Rapping Wars: Apparently Kaitlyn loves to rap (but can't really do it?) and with the help of Doug E. Fresh, the men wrote and performed raps insulting each other all in the name of good fun. Another stupid date.
Why fight, insult, pit these men against each other in this season? Tony the plant talker is looking better every date. And to make this show even worse, Nick Viall was in the audience waiting to ask Kaitlyn if he could join the show. If you remember Nick from Andy's season, he behaved like a teenager and was secretly filmed on his exit flight insulting Josh, the winner. Andi ended up saying he was bad news. He looks like a young, handsome John Lithgow.
Apparently Nick's been very vocal on social media and Tanner told the men all about this Bach alumni's history. Tanner's vast inside knowledge made me wonder if he is actually Reality Steven secretly infiltrating the show.
When Kaitlyn got all flustered that Nick showed up, she mentioned to the men he may join the ranks. They were overjoyed to have another competitor. NOT! The Bachelorette said she'd decide Nick's fate in the morning.
Note: If Kaitlyn likes this Nick guy, I officially am done rooting for her. Not only does she have much better prospects in her group of existing men, but it is downright disrespectful and immature to consider Nick's inclusion all because of some flirtatious messages on twitter, for crying out loud. Kaitlyn talks about husband material but is this player husband material? I don't believe so.
I was upset in my comfortable chair at home and had to go get another glass of wine!
Ending up in the "hairdresser" chair at Ashley S.'s beauty salon, Kaitlyn asked for advice and actually got a good tip. She's just in lust.
Two things about Ashley S. the onion peeling wacko contestant from Chris Soules' season. She is not a hairdresser, she's a business woman, and I believe she's going to be on Bachelor in Paradise. That'll be great!
Kaitlyn ignored the good advice and told Nick to move in.

The evening's date was a black tie affair at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in the after hours. Must've been midnightish because the street was deserted as Jared, the hawk-eyed man from Maine entered the Met to see Kaitlyn descending a grand staircase. This was the type of Bachelor date we actually enjoy, but her thoughts were with Nick. Uggh! Oh, then they kissed a bit, talked, and she was back on track. You know when the romantic Bachelor guitar music comes on, this is a special moment to get us thinking that Jared might be the ONE. Little did Jared know until watching last night's show that Kaitlyn's mind was somewhere else. Wonder how he feels this morning. They left the Met and had a romantic helicopter tour of the night lights of NYC. So why Nick?



The next date had the limo taking Joe, Ian, Chris, Joshua, and Ben H to Broadway to rehearse a dance number in Aladdin, the Disney musical.
The man who passed the dancing and singing audition got a tiny walk on part in the show's performance that night with Kaitlyn. Most of the guys couldn't sing except Ian the runner, who is way too accomplished and mature for Kaitlyn. The dentist got the job due to his broad gesturing and theater-like posturing. Apparently he sings the song "A Whole New World" in the car. Red Flag!!! First he arrives in a cupcake, then knows Disney songs. We must watch this man.
Kaitlyn and the dentist dressed in elaborate Aladdin costumes walked on for twenty seconds and off again. Once out of makeup and costumes for their big Broadway debut, they walked around the theater district and visited the New Year's Eve ball that drops in Time Square, stored in a building. Cupcake looked a lot more manly in his jeans than the harem pants, bolero, rope hat and makeup so they kissed.
Back at the hotel room where the budget apparently didn't allow for a couch big enough to fit ten men, they awaited Nick's arrival like a pack of jackals ready to pounce on an unsuspecting gazelle. And this is where we left it.
To be continued. The previews show that Nick sees conflict from the men, Ian finds his dignity and the mood is tense. I'll probably watch next week even though this season is kind of stupid, but I know people who've dropped off this season due to the immature tone of the show this time around. Just sayin'.

Oh, and former Bachelor Bob Guiney has moved into my neighborhood and I'm wondering why this Playboy channel DJ/ Country singing celeb is living in suburban Seattle amongst Microsoft executives. Life is strange sometimes. I'll try to get an exclusive interview if I see him walking his dog!





Kim Hornsby is the author of The Husband Hunt, a series of short books based on The Bachelor.

Drunk Guy Dated Bach Alumni! What?

Tonight began with Chris Harrison telling us this is the most controversial Bachelorette show in history. Oh my! Two ladies. Only one will realize her dream of being an American Reality Show 6- month celebrity. The other will be humiliated and sent home. America knows that this is smarmy. And Bachelor Nation has been very vocal about having to take sides. Thus the controversy.

I'm going to make this as short as I can and still use words like creepy drunk guy and popularity contest.
First up on the first night of a two part season opener, we see a few clips of contestants, which the Bachelor people call cast mates like Disney does. We watched a guy welding a rose, a Princeton grad Division 1 runner who had to teach himself to walk again, a guy with a very overweight dog, a singer/songwriter, a divorced dad (let's not mix up single dad this year, shall we? A single dad is an only parent, raising a child all alone, isn't it?) We got to take a look at a fitness instructor, a hippy who talks to plants like babies and a law student who strips for law school money.
Twenty-five guys, two women, and one host who looked like he'd rather be somewhere else. Did anyone else think Chris Harrison looked bored? Or mad? Or maybe his tie was too tight.
In the oiled-down driveway the men arrived in limos as Kaitlyn and Britt stood fifteen feet apart, waiting, like two cows going to slaughter. Kaitlyn voiced how scared she was, Britt voiced how confident she was (of her first impression capabilities, we think), and Chris Harrison went off camera for a nap or a game of HALO.
Can I just say the fact that Kaitlyn was a bit worried was real and Britt's calm happiness was a bit strange. Both of them wanted this opportunity, had a hotel room full of gowns, makeup, shoes, and the hope of being The Bachelorette. Why was Britt so devoid of nerves? I have a theory about confidence.
What was cringe-worthy at this point was that the men had two women to greet and were able to show favoritism in front of the other girl. Britt got all the attention at first and Kaitlyn stood there like an ugly potato, near tears. Britt greeted them with warm smiles and then finally Kaitlyn got the hang of playing the game and even took a quick break to run in the house to tell the men they were almost finished. Britt's claws showed when she told the camera that was unfair. See Bachelor producers? You wanted to pit them against each other and get some dirt going and there you go. These women held out as long as they could but sweet Britt started realizing she might not end up the Bachelorette and her true colors came out.
Meanwhile, there was a guy getting absolutely blotto in the mansion. Actually, he got out of the limo drunk. At first he was funny to watch, telling everyone he was "horned up" and waving at the ladies from the windows. What we now know about Ryan is that he used to be Nikki's boyfriend, the woman who ended up with Juan Pablo at the end of their season. Wow, she sure knows how to pick 'em! Her mother must be wondering about what she did wrong.
Watching Drunk Guy, I couldn't imagine him every redeeming himself after he called both girls Ho's. Tony the Plant Talker Guy giggled and mentioned he shouldn't say that. In the movie version Drunk Guy will be played by Seth Rogen and Kaitlyn will play herself.
Finally, Chris Harrison stepped in after several self-professed knights in armor tried to confront Drunk Guy and a fight looked imminent. The sloshed cast member was asked to go. C.H. actually looked scared as Drunk Guy heard the news, leaned in as though he might get violent, but then walked to the limo disappointedly. On twitter, Jordan, Drunk Girl from last season, was crying from happiness and tweeting that she wasn't nearly this drunk on her season.

We watched cast members arrive in motorized cupcakes, a hot tub convertible car, swallowing helium, dancing and hugging both girls well into the night until all twenty-five were inside the mansion and both girls competitively speed dated all twenty-five men.
Kaitlyn was overwhelmed, Britt smiled and agreed with everything the men said, establishing a common bond immediately. Kaitlyn said "frickin" a lot, Britt oozed sweetness and both campaigned like politicians on election night.
The men were told to vote when they were ready and before a sour-faced Chris Harrison could finish his sentence, Namaste Plant talker had voted for Britt. It was anyone's guess how it would go. The dude from Ontario Canada, the sex advisor, was just plain STUPID. Let's pretend he was from another country, can we?



And then we heard we had to wait for the following night to find out who would be The Bachelorette. I was actually happy to take a little break from the sliminess of the situation--making two seemingly lovely young women compete against each other in this silly popularity contest under the pretense of finding a husband.


  Tune in tomorrow for the second night assessment of the most controversial bachelorette ever in the history of the world, no, the universe.

The Bachelor Headed For Disaster!

I can't help it! I want to know what's going on over there on the set of The Bachelor and I have my ways of getting the scoop, pre-January 5 when we start watching Chris Soules' journey to love.
Or will it be a journey to disaster?

Don't read on if you don't want to know the possible bad joke that the Bachelor Producers have directed towards the farmer from Iowa. If you think that the producers really care about their contestants finding love, you can ask yourself why they'd allow a girl on the show with so many prior arrests. Or one who posed for Playboy and has a web site that links to full nudity.
Friday of this week, November 14th, the show films in Los Angeles and then heads to a certain tropical South Pacific island with four letters and a fabulous reputation, for overnight dates. Chris has four girls remaining after hometowns and one of those girls has a questionable past.

In photos, they look cute enough together but this week, her name was leaked and dirt was dug and Chris is now dating a former Playboy model with priors for DUI, shoplifting, speeding and some other choice offences. Does he know about her past? We have no idea but wouldn't it be just like The Bachelor to know this going in, anticipate the big poop storm that will hit the fan in February/March and be salivating at the thought of Chris actually choosing this woman as his wife. And while the rest of us out here who believe in love, watch the show hoping the next Bachelor finds his perfect mate, the producers are having meetings about how to handle the fabulous publicity when a bad girl makes it to the final four. Which is okay if Chris knows about her past, her photos, video, modeling aspirations, her police record. If he doesn't, then shame on The Bachelor producers for not screening, or for screening and letting a contestant slip by who clearly might not fit in to family life in Iowa as a farmer's wife
In August Chris interviewed on Good Morning America. This is what he said.

"I believe in the process. I believe in what I went through on the previous show. That's why I'm doing it. I wouldn't do it if I didn't feel like there was potential."

Oh, oh, I hope I eat my words about this disaster in March.

Want a happily ever after story? KIM HORNSBY is the author of Christmas in Whistler, a romantic novella on Amazon Books available for sale November 14th for only $.99 throughout the Christmas season!

The Bachelor is Filming Hometowns

There will be no spoiler alert here, today, this month, because The Bachelor hasn't started yet. Well, not for us to watch on TV. It's almost over as far as filming goes.
Can you believe that??? While we've been satisfying our Monday night Bachelor addiction with Dancing with the Stars, filming for The Bachelor has been forging ahead with the Farmer from Iowa, a fan favorite from Andi Dorfman's season.

Chris Soules is narrowing down the playing field as I write this, to four lucky farmerettes, I mean women. I HAVE jumped ahead to peek at what's going on, where they are, and what they're wearing on dates, but I won't give anything away to those of you who want to watch the whole thing unfold like a game of 52 pickup in January.
Let me just say this much. Chris has been around Des Moines Iowa this last week having final dates before Hometowns, and considering that everyone but me has a smartphone with an awesome camera and a twitter, tumblr and tinder accounts, the social media sites are buzzing with photos and sightings.

I've seen pics from cars, from football games, in the windows of restaurants, all over Des Moines as fans realize that Farmer Chris is dating in their own backyard.
Strange thing is that there is one girl who is unknown at this point. Reality Steve has no idea who she is until someone sends him some more information. Chop Chop Everyone!
Reality Steve puts together the information like he's running campaign headquarters for a presidential candidate. He filters information, then sends it out on twitter and his blog site to inform the public to their God-given right to know what is going on with The Bachelor. Steve even knows that when the Bachelor productions crew blows in to town, Tinder lights up for that particular town with hookups for the single crew members. If you're unfamiliar with Tinder, I believe it is a social media site for booty calls. Oh to be young in this day and age. One word: Condoms.


Anyways, Chris is looking good this week and didn't we just know that the down home farmer look was a thing of the past once he went through the PR machine that is The Bachelor. He'll never be the same again, probably will never be satisfied with the small town life, and his new wife, assuming he finds one in this group of highly made up super-modeled looking singles, will never know what it's like to bring in the hay in late August because winter's a comin.







Kim Hornsby writes award-winning novels that are cheaply priced considering how good they are. The Dream Jumper's Promise was Chanticleer's Top Pick for Mystery/Thriller Paranormal this year as well as being nominated for Best Indie First Book by Indie Rom/Con.

Bachelor In Paradise - Drama Unleashed!

Bachelor In Paradise is only 58 hours away (Monday August 4th, 8pm, ABC) and I couldn't care less about this stupid looking show. NOT!

I, for one, will be glued to the TV on Monday watching The Bachelor Franchise's newest summer spin off that replaced Bachelor Pad--a show that ended up being more game show that a true opportunity to find love in this crazy mixed up world.
Apparently Bachelor producers believe their own PR because that's what Chris B. Harrison is saying. Or roughly.

Bachelor in Paradise is a show about finding love. The fact that they put an uneven amount of men to women on a Mexican Beach, (where laws are loose and men are looser) supply unlimited amounts of alcohol and bikinis and tell the group that if they don't find "love" they go home, doesn't suggest pimping to me. How about you?

Again, producers do not supply enough seating for contestants, and everyone must sit uncomfortably close on one couch! Two men even have to stand. Look at them crammed in here.


From what I've read, the men give roses out to the women they want to stay on the all-expense-paid vacation so that encourages the women to get busy and secure a lasting relationship PDQ. Quick, everyone find a soul mate and sit down criss cross applesauce. Or head to the beach in a bikini and feed each other.
There are date cards, new people arrive every week as others leave for various reasons, not the least of which were the roaches and scorpions.

Chris Bukowski, who shows up for everything that says Bachelor hookups, is one of the surprise guests, as is the dude who called Emily Maynard's daughter "excess baggage" and hooked up last summer with Lyndsey from Seattle on Bachelor Pad. Where the heck is Lyndsey? Cody the muscular trainer is a guest, as is Michelle Money.






Have you seen the trailers? There will be lots of crying, (remember alcohol is a depressant,) and switching partners, (alcohol is an anti-inhibitor,) and someone even gets handcuffed!
How can we not watch at this point? True, the ambulance's appearance usually turns out to be for nothing but they said there was blood all over the floor. Did I say that someone ends up in handcuffs? Now, they could be just playing some S&M game at the Cabana but probably not. The close up on the handcuffs revealed what I thought looked like Claire Crawley's wrists. Not Claire!

I predict that she is really mad at Sarah Herron for stealing her boy/man, Robert, and threatens Sarah. Sarah is so stressed out she has a nosebleed that drips all over the floor before those drama-lovin' producers can find some paper towels.

What's in store for us on the soon to be hit show? Lacy and Marcus get cozy, Marquel gets to beach walk with someone who appreciates his sweetness (and abs,) and the original Michelle (K.) slams the door on Chris Harrison.
I'll see you all right here on Tuesday for my unbiased take on what promises to be one of the most dramatic seasons ever on Bachelor in Paradise.

Kim Hornsby is the Amazon Bestselling author of several suspense novels as well as a romance series modeled after The Bachelor called The Husband Hunt. The first book is free on Amazon. And once you get hooked, the second book costs money. This is how she makes enough money to pay for her children's nanny, her husband's mistress/housekeeper, and her dog walker.

The Bachelor - Hometowns,Fantasy Suites and Cross Examinations

Two nights of The Bachelor this week had us chomping at the bit to see what's going to happen in Juan Pablo Ville. Now J.P. himself has leaked The Bachelor winner to the press and has completely spoiled the ending for us. Chocking it up to a language problem is no longer acceptable. Oh how can I defend you after this Juanny? I'm not sure I can.

I won't tell you how this ends, just in case you want to follow this through until the end but let me just say that The Bachelor staff must be supremely disappointed with Juan Pablo Galavis' big mouth this season. It hasn't even made for great T.V.

Let's recap what we've seen on T.V. this week:

Hometowns had J.P. visiting Clare, Andi, Renee and Nikki. No one's family was completely enamored with the Bachelor. Nikki's parents were fair and accepting, saying that they trust their daughter's judgment. Andi's dad was openly unaccepting, Clare's family visit was downright strange and full of drama (did you expect less?), and Renee's family visit was full of a loving mother seeing her son again after weeks away.
Clare did a lot of posturing, pouting, dirty looks, Andi did a lot of smiling into his face, Nikki did a lot of wondering whether to tell him she loved him and Renee was just so happy to see Ben that it overshadowed everything. Unfortunately, the most down to earth woman on the show was sent packing, probably because J.P. saw that he shouldn't continue to date her when she has a son waiting for her at home and he has no intention of choosing her at the end. Consider yourself lucky Renee. She was allowed to cut the ties to the Latin charmer and get back to her child and the real world. I saw on twitter that Renee and a business partner are looking at bringing that big rolly ball fun in New Zealand to the L.A. area.
The more we see of J.P. the more we realize that he might not want to settle down at all.

Next, St. Lucia:

Tuesday's show was all about the three "overnight dates" Juan Pablo kept calling them. Excuse me, but that's supposed to be a secret in the form of a card opened at the end of the dinner and it's not a given that the girls will choose to stay with you all night in a bedroom. In his defense, the Bachelor did say repeatedly that it would be a chance to be with his date without cameras, alone, talk all night, wake up together.

First was Clare's date on a gorgeous yacht, motoring around St. Lucia, swimming, more hair flipping, pouting, sister bashing, and kissing.
Remembering how J.P. willingly "swam" with her in Vietnam, then threw her to the lions afterwards, Clare was coy about accepting the date card's offer to spend the night with the man she now loves. But in the end, and after determining that he just wanted to talk all night, she accepted the offer and off they went to be alone with the cameras and crew. The T.V. audience was treated to more pouting, kissing, hair flipping, kissing, hot tubbing, kissing, then thankfully, we were sent to commercial. The more I see of these two, the more I think they might be well suited.
Next was Andi's date and they seemed to have a fabulous time. Lots of laughing, kissing, fun.
She willingly headed off to the fantasy suite before dinner was even consumed it seemed, where she woke up the next morning hating on Juan Pablo. If all he did was talk about himself all night and name drop and not ask her what makes Andi tick, why the vicious attack on his personality on national T.V.? Andi was too angry for someone who simply saw a selfish side to the man she was falling in love with. As her rant went on and on, I liked Andi less and less.
First, Nikki's date.
Nurse Nikki showed up in a barely-there bikini top and long skirt, making J.P.'s jaw drop and his choice of bouncing around on horses the perfect date for him and Nikki.
Why the saddle cam, people? Just sayin'. It added nothing. A picnic on the beach had Nikki tell Juan Pablo that she loved him and the kissing began. Later at dinner, J.P. couldn't wait to get to the overnight part of the date and pulled out the date card as soon as Nikki sat down. Off they went.
Next we were treated to watching Andi walk up a St. Lucian hill several times on her way to break up with Juan Pablo. Let me just sum up this painfully long argument by saying that J.P. handled himself well during the cross examination of the lawyer who badgered him, hated on him, and exhaustingly tried to get J.P. to admit he's selfish. My hubby and I were practically screaming at the T.V. "Shut up Andi and just go already!" Then she went on and on in the van after she left. If this is Andi when she discovers that the man she almost fell in love with is not truly in love with her as a person, then I pity all her past boyfriends as well as J.P. Oh. My. Goodness. SHE WOULD NOT STOP.
Note to Andi: Please don't speak for all women when it is entirely your personal inability to judge a character well enough to see if a man is right for you or not. To wake up angrier than a badger on a rampage is your problem, not Juan Pablo's.
We may find out that Juan Pablo is a jerk in the weeks to come, (sure looks like it on the Women Tell All) but he handled himself well when being raked over the coals with Andi. It was a relief to move on from her rant.
Back at Juan Pablo's ego, he took the rejection gracefully and composed himself well enough to tell Clare and Nikki that they both had roses if they wanted them. Which they did.
The previews show both ladies crying on their beds, Juan Pablo walking off into the jungle and loads of tears at Women Tell All. I'm not waiting with baited breath for the next two weeks but-
We'll watch, we'll commiserate, we'll say "I told you so".