Running Naked on THE BACHELORETTE

Tonight's episode of THE BACHELOR began Enniskillen, Ireland with Shawn and Nick having it out in Nick's cottage/hotel room.

Nick says Shawn revealed he's Eskimo brothers with a famous country singer, having had sex with the same girl. This is the second time Nick has accused Shawn of saying this. In the urban dictionary, Eskimo brothers is just that--sharing the same girl sexually. Who knew?

The show moves to Galway, Ireland the next day where Kaitlyn has a date with Ben. Kaitlyn loves the energy between them. I do too.

They mount huge horses and meander through a deep green pasture on these behemoths to feed a bunch of adorable but persistent donkeys. The donkey's, according to Ben, have "sick haircuts". I think the urban dictionary would say that's a compliment.
After a romantic picnic by a castle overlooking a lake they kiss, talk and end up inside the castle for dinner. In front of the fire, the overnight date card appears from behind a pile of cushions and Ben is as polite as he can be on National TV when presented with the prospect of sleeping with a girl who insultingly thinks he might be a virgin. "Best sleepover ever!" Ben says.
The next morning, outside their window, a sheep gives birth symbolically and Ben heads off to his cottage after only a half hour of shut eye.

At the Lough Erne Resort, Shawn has the next date and is given a present from Kaitlyn which happens to be a shocking pink golf shirt.

They are going golfing and Shawn must be humiliated! Oh joy. Apparently golfing is a fun thing and they have a wonderful day golfing which ends in Shawn having to take off his clothes to run naked to the next green. Why must Kaitlyn try to humiliate him first with colorful clothes, then no clothes? But Shawn won't be deterred! He calls her kiddo and tells her he's proud of how well she did. Maybe she's getting back at him for talking down to her.

That night they dine at a huge mansion/castle where Kaitlyn asks about the hatred between Nick and him, ruining the date and the moment. Nice touch Kaitlyn. Shawn's feelings about Nick are very intense so Kaitlyn pulls out the fantasy suite card and they head upstairs to have a private conversation. She shuts the door on us, pretty quick.
The next morning, Shawn leaves her hotel room, pulls up his hood and creeps back to his silo cottage stealthily. But no.

 Nick is lurking in his khaki's, waiting for him to 'talk'. Shawn lets him in to his room and then talks overtop of Nick and eventually tells him to leave. Nick says, "Are you threatening me?" Ah, no dude. That's not a threat. It's telling you to go. I'm tired of this pissing match.
That night is the Rose Ceremony. Chris Harrison arrives  and questions Kaitlyn about the three remaining men.


The situation is reminiscent of when Kaitlyn was in the last three with Chris Soules. She has a mini meltdown and talks to Chris H. in the hall who supports her decision. Ben is eliminated, making me yell at the TV, "The next Bachelor!"
Ben leaves with the dignity that Jared had. Such a gentleman! "I'll miss her a lot," he says, thereby revealing that he wasn't so deep in with his Kaitlyn feelings that he can't fall in love with someone in four months, as the next Bachelor. They begin taping in September.
While Kaitlyn says Bye Bye to Ben in the driveway, Shawn and Nick guzzle champagne in the elimination room and things are super AWKWARD!

Off to Utah! Why Utah? Did I miss something? Suddenly we are in Deer Valley, Utah, and if I'm not mistaken this is not hometowns, this is meet the families in a condo. Maybe they couldn't afford to fly the Viall clan anywhere because there are a lot of them. They drove in a bus, not unlike the Partridge Family tour bus. It could happen.
I remember from Andi's season how much I like Nick's mother, and not just because she has the Robin Wright haircut from House of Cards. She makes Nick seem less smarmy. Less juvenile. He actually has a mother who loves him! His large family are seated on a sectional. Nick's 12 year old sister, who we fell in love with last go around, questions Kaitlyn and adds a few points for Nick.
Nick has mentioned to Kaitlyn that last time with Andi, he needed a leap of faith to get ready to propose to her, but there will be no leap with her. That's actually pretty sweet. Hope it's true even though his body language, according to the FBI course on body language I took, screamed LIAR! Look her in the eyes DUDE!

On Shawn's family visit, the mom couldn't come but his aunt is there with the two sisters and father and strangely, Kaitlyn actually looks like one of the sisters. They love Kaitlyn but the dad wants to know more about Shawn's feelings and how he got so emotional so fast. Up until now, Shawn hasn't told Kaitlyn that he loves her. After meeting the family and going back to her ugly condo (everything looks ugly after Ireland!), Shawn says those three words. Actually five. "I love you, Kaitlyn Bristowe."
And back in her suite, Kaitlyn is a mental mess because a) she had her mind made up to pick Nick and she's sad that Shawn has fallen so hard or b) she had her mind made up to pick Nick and now Shawn is back in the game.

Last Saturday they taped Men Tell All in Los Angeles and that's what we'll be watching next Monday. According to Mike Fleiss, the creator of this show, the men tell ALL! I can't wait to see the Bromance Brothers Clint and JJ!
In other Bachelor news, the Finals weekend is in early August in an undisclosed hotel in Los Angeles. This is where the producers interview the women in the final stage before getting chosen. They've been told to remain available from September through October in case they get chosen. It's here they are interviewed by a PI, the show's psychologist and have a blood test for STD's. They have an on camera interview and do a lot of sitting around in a private hotel room while waiting to be called on. They've been told bring something to do in the hotel room that day.
AND, Bachelor in Paradise, the abomination we love to watch, begins Aug 2nd, thereby locking down Monday nights in August for me and my hubby.

Kim Hornsby is a National Bestselling Author of Suspenseful novels with Romantic elements. She won the Chanticleer Best Mystery/Thriller Paranormal and was nominated for Best Indie First Book by Indie Romance Convention with The Dream Jumper's Promise.

Surprise Breakup on The Bachelorette!

It's been days since the Monday night installment of The Bachelorette and I can only account for my apathy by saying I'm disheartened to be so close to the end with Nick still in the running. His presence takes the wind out of my busybody sails. But I must press on...

We are still in Ireland, in beautiful Killarney National Park (west of Cork) where it's cold for April and Kaitlyn can wear cute boots and scarves on her dates with leather jackets. Hey, part of this is seeing what everyone is wearing right?
The remaining men are Joe, Nick, Ben, Shawn and Jared-- all good choices. Or almost all.
Ben gets his one on one date where he and Kaitlyn take a royal blue rowboat to the island across the way to play hide and seek at the ruins. Ben is a sweetheart but is he too nice for Kaitlyn who seems to like danger? More danger than hide and seek can provide.
They suit up for dinner and conversation later at a quaint old stone cottage with a fireplace that looks like a pot of gruel should be hanging over the flames, and Ben confesses he has worried in the past that he's unlovable. During this conversation, Kaitlyn thinks Ben might still have his V card and flat out asks him. His reaction is pretty cute. No, he's be around the block a few times. Phew!

The next date card says "Let Love Run Amok" and my thought is a 5K race through mud. Shows what I know. It's a three on one date with Joe, Shawn and Nick to Killarney National Park where they freeze their buns off on the picturesque grounds of yet another castle. They sit around in a vignette from Pottery Barn on the expansive and well-manicured lawn while Kaitlyn takes each man aside to talk, Joe being last. He's falling in love with her but she clearly isn't feeling the same and seems to tell him that. She kind of says sorta what's bugging her and neither us at home, or Joe, get the exact message. Is she going to work on her feelings or is this a breakup? He's not sure she's telling him to leave the show and we only figure this out when she asks for a hug and stands up. The standing hug after a conversation like that is the final stage of a Bachelorette breakup but Joe still doesn't get it and asks what he's supposed to do. Is she going to try to muster some love for him in the next week or what? I didn't understand either.Nope, she's done, and when she starts to walk away, he uses a profanity, she gets pissed, and that's that. Goodbye Joe! That was weird, I say at home. "Joe didn't understand what she was doing!!!" It was weird and cruel the way she did that!

Back at the vignette she doesn't give out the rose, chooses Shawn for the evening date, and Nick goes back to the suite with his tail between his legs. Shawn is excited for a fun evening but Kaitlyn's plans for the date are anything but fun. She drops the bomb that she slept with Nick and kind of regrets doing that too early. Shawn has a moment with himself in the GENTS, and comes back saying he still wants to give this a go. He loves this girl.
Meanwhile Nick is complaining his face off to Jared and Ben back at the Bachelor pad. Shut up, Nick!
At the rose ceremony the next night, they line up like cattle ready for the slaughter and when Shawn is offered the first rose, he takes her into the next room to ask "Why Nick?" It's a fair question but Kaitlyn tells him it's her decision and shuts him down. Shawn accepts the rose, and the only one without a rose at the end of musical roses is Jared! What??? I thought she had a great connection with him. True to Jared's character, he tells her that he only hopes she ends up happy and leaves with such dignity that when he cries in the car pulling away, we realize how sweet that guy actually is.

The show moves to Cork, a seaside, gorgeous Irish town and Nick gets the next date. They walk around Cork, end up in another church and instead of making out, they talk about religion. That is a good talk to have before choosing a man for your husband! That night, they end up having drinks at the decrepit jail/ruins where a mock bedroom has been set up in a cell for their fantasy suit date. Prank! Nick tells Kaitlyn that he loves being next to her, while chewing on his knuckles like a love sick teen, and vents about Shawn.
Cut to the next morning where Kaitlyn looks satisfied in her robe and they're drinking coffee and reading the paper. Almost. Nick admits he's allergic to dogs and that would be a deal breaker for me but Kaitlyn keeps looking at him all blurry-eyed.
I'm disappointed at this point, like when Ben Flajnik chose Courtney.
Meanwhile, later that day Shawn finds Nick's silo number with the hotel operator and stomps over to his silo cottage to confront the man he believes is his nemesis. And that's pretty much where we leave it for this week. Shawn is so lovesick he can't stand it, Nick is going in for the win and Ben hasn't a clue.
here's only one reason why I'm rooting for Shawn Booth:

Any man who can pick up a full-grown Golden Retriever in one arm, must have crazy arm muscles. (Kidding-- he loves dogs!)

AND, Men Tell All was filmed yesterday (July 11th) in Los Angeles and apparently the men tell ALL! Everyone was looking suntanned and bright-eyed in the Instagram pics I saw.

Spoiler Alert: Don't read if you don't want to know the final two!
Apparently Kaitlyn let slip in a People mag interview that she's behind Ben H as the next Bachelor, thereby alerting us to the final two.

#SickofNick and Jared rises to the top of the Boyfriend Heap!

I'm getting so tired of Nick Viall that I hated this episode of THE BACHELORETTE. I'm sorry if you are TeamNick but I don't trust him and I don't think any man who's already been on the The Bachelorette and vied for a woman's hand in marriage, then trash talked both of them, has the right to do it again in any other capacity than villain.
#SickofNick

Last night began with Ian the deep thinking Princeton grad with all the white teeth, telling Kaitlyn that basically compared to him, she's a publicity-seeking buffoon. Ian said just enough for us to laugh at his pomposity and feel badly for Kaitlyn who took his words to heart enough to tear up. While he was calling her shallow, she had perfect reactions, however. Head tilts, frozen bitch face, incredulous chin tuck, and licking her front teeth without opening her lips. All reactions that would have stopped me in my tracks if I wasn't trying to hurt someone's feelings but simply be honest.
Unfortunately Ian resigned before Kaitlyn could say the words "You're outta here, Deep Thinker!" The funniest part was in the limo as Ian was suggesting himself as the next Bachelor not realizing that he just made himself the laughing stock of Bachelor Alumni, he went on and on about how profound he is, what a intellectual he is then said "finally I get to have some sex." That was a Deep Thought! Kelsey Poe, are you available for some stimulating conversations? Get those two together to talk about themselves.
Shawn B sees his girlfriend kissing Nick afterwards and a little love died on the vine as he realized he is on a game show. Oh, excuse me. A reality show. Kaitlyn continues with the rose ceremony sending home the guy who looks like Tom Hardy and the southern guy with the shaved head.
The cast and crew fly to Dublin, Ireland and settle in at a Radisson Blu Hotel that looks like a castle. It's sunny, it's rainy, it's cold, it's hot. That's Dublin!
Nick gets the first one on one much to the men's disgust. All except Jared who says that it's important to just concentrate on your relationship with Kaitlyn, not anyone else's.
I'm going to skip the description of Nick's date but after wandering Dublin, they end up necking in Christ Church, which says a lot. Then they go back to her room, close the bedroom door and we get to hear them have sex in whispered tones. Uggh.

The group date involves a remorseful Kaitlyn (about having Whiskey-driven sex with Nick when she had all these great other boyfriends) at her own Irish Wake. How appropriate for the way Kaitlyn is feeling. I don't know if she saw the irony but the men toast her, write limericks, say goodbye to this lovely lady (they have no idea that Nick stayed the night) while she lies in a coffin. The banjo arrives, they sing, and then head off to the Guinness Factory down the street for their cocktail party. She has good conversations with Shawn B and Ben Z but Jared rises as a front runner, not wasting his time talking about Nick and gets the rose. He is taken to a gorgeous cathedral where the Cranberries serenade the dancing couple. Do you have to, Do you have to let it linger? Love that song. Good to see the Crans.
Shawn is so pissed about Nick and all his teenagerish bragging about his date that he had a serious talk with a producer about leaving the show. It should be noted that Shawn wore a black suit, cut to his chiseled form and I would have given him the rose simply for the way this man looked in that suit. Watch him walk down the hall.

He heads to Kaitlyn's room where she's scarfing down some food after a long day and they sit down to talk. She's worried he knows Nick stayed the whole night.
From ads, we know she eventually starts crying, he says "do you not know what we have?" and things get testy, but we will have to wait until next week to see if Shawn stays on the show. The previews show trouble in Nick paradise next week so it might be worth watching but I tell you, if he doesn't leave soon, I'm going to watch through a crack in my hand next week. I'm #SickofNick and his teenagerish ways. And what about that hairdo?

During the closing credits, Britt introduces her mother to her boyfriend Brady, and the mom repeatedly tells Britt he seems like a nice friend. By now Britt is dressing like Brady and looking very worried her mother won't approve. There is something fragile and sad about Britt, like maybe her mom won't let her have a boyfriend and she'll have to let him go.

See you next week!

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Kim Hornsby is a National Bestselling Author of Suspenseful novels with Romantic elements. She won the Chanticleer Best Mystery/Thriller Paranormal and was nominated for Best Indie First Book by Indie Romance Convention with The Dream Jumper's Promise.

Kaitlyn Throws One Man Under a Very Heavy Bus!

Last night we watched Kaitlyn and the men throw another man under the bus to stay on a reality TV show.

The Bachelorette kicked off last night's show with the drama of Nick Viall's arrival. Pulling a tiny carry-on to the men's suite, Nick then seated himself across from the eleven men while they shot daggers at him with their eyes.
Silence. Tra la la. More silence.
AWKWARD!

Tanner has taken it upon himself to be the group's spokesperson in this matter. He seemed to know that Nick had dinner with Andy last month and I was impressed with his wealth of knowledge. Especially because cell phones and such are taken at the beginning of this process and the ability to look anything up on the internet or watch TV isn't possible. Tanner knows a little too much to be normal.

For the rose ceremony they took off to Citi Field, the home of the Mets baseball team where JJ carried Kaitlyn around the bases to get back on track with female dating (even though he was wearing pink socks and told one of the guys he was the most handsome one there.) Shawn B was clearly upset that Nick Viall was still there and told Kaitlyn that her actions weren't matching up. She wants honesty above everything, she said.
The Rose Ceremony was on the baseball diamond where it appeared to be absolutely freezing according to the men's blue lips. (Kaitlyn wore a wool coat and gloves.) No surprises on who went home and I can't even tell you their names but I'll try--Cory, Jonathon and scarf guy with cool glasses. Nick stayed, like we knew he would.

Next, they were off to San Antonio Texas to the St. Anthony Hotel where Ben H got the first one on one date. I like Ben. He's someone who hasn't said a heckuvalot but when he does, it makes sense. They took off in a vintage FORD truck to a dance hall where they entered a Two Step contest after a lesson. THIS DATE TOTALLY ROCKED!
Now this is what I'm talking about when I say that the wrestling dates are stupid. This is the perfect type of date. They danced, laughed, met a bunch of middle-aged people who thought they were cute, drank beer, and listened to Del Washington and his Big White Hair sing a song called Quick Quick Slow Slow. Kissing followed and Ben H secured himself a frontrunner spot.

Back at the house, Nick was blabbing on and on and trying to fit in (?) but I yelled "Shut Up Nick" to the TV. There was a day I liked Nick but I think it was the nasty phone call that he made from the plane that was filmed and circulated after he left Andi's season, that ruined it for me. Calling Kaitlyn a "cool chick" didn't earn him any popularity points when he walked in either.

On the group date the remaining guys (except Shawn B) dressed in Mariachi Costumes (tight pants, big hats) and wrote Kaitlyn songs to the tune of the Frito Bandito song. Nick took her up to a balcony to serenade her, (the guys thought it was a good move) and Ian totally choked again to sing in public, like a little scared puppy. I can tease him because just wait until how this man digs himself into an early grave later.

After, Kaitlyn gave Joshua a bad haircut that seemed like an especially terrible idea when she accidentally shaved one side of his head, he took her aside to divulge his hatred for Nick. The worst part of this revelation was that she turned his words around to make it sound like he told her everyone else was lying to her (about Nick's popularity) when in fact, he was simply telling her that no one likes Nick. Pretty much true! Joshua then slipped back in to the log house cocktail party and made his second mistake by lying to the guys by saying he was doing an interview. They knew he'd taken Kaitlyn aside and when she marched in to throw Joshua under the bus about hating Nick, the men stepped aside and let him fly. Even Tanner, who is very vocal about not trusting Nick was silent as Joshua got run over by sixteen heavy bus wheels.

The 1 on 1 went to Shawn B. Kaitlyn said she even loves Shawn's smell. That is a good sign that she is falling for the Ryan Gosling look alike. They kayaked down a picturesque river, had a romantic dinner and Shawn got the rose. No drama so it didn't get much time on camera.
The next night, Ian the Princeton graduate who has a lot of sex, if he wants it, was bragging and clearly feeling upset that he has no connection with Kaitlyn. Buddy: She's not the right girl for you so walk away gracefully, don't shove down our throats that you should go on to be the next Bachelor. After saying how great you are and that you get lots of sex, you are doomed, Man. You may not even be invited to any after parties when she boots your butt next week for telling her she is a surface level person. Can you say "Sour Grapes"????

Jared got to cross the hall to Kaitlyn's rose- petaled bed where they kissed and he secretly collected petals to form a rose in hopes that she will forget if she already gave him one or not. As much as he looks like he'll turn into a wolf during a full moon, he's actually quite a cutie.

Next week we see who goes home. I predict Ian will leave to get some sex from ladies who realize what a catch he is, maybe Justin because I can't even remember who this is, and Joshua for shooting off his mouth and letting her buzz the left side of his head. What do you think?

Spoilers Ahead:


Scroll down to hear what I've heard through Bachelor Nation....









According to Social Media buzz a photo was posted of Kaitlyn in bed with her boyfriend last week and it was none other than Shawn B. the Ryan Gosling guy. It went up on Snapchat for a few minutes and was taken down, making us wonder if they end up together or if The Bachelor producers staged something.
Also, Nick Viall was spotted getting cozy with Whitney Bischoff, the ex-fiancee of Chris Soules. Uggh. The thought makes me kind of want to hurl in sympathy for Whitney.

The Bachelorette Kicks One Out and Lets One In!

This evening's installment of The Bachelorette opened with Clint's vocal and menacing departure from the show. He plays the villain almost too well, almost like he is Heath Ledger playing a bad guy!

In the first scene Kaitlyn listened to him try to dig himself out of the hole he was standing in but she was too smart to fall for his mind-wrangling. She did, however, let him walk through the group of gathered bachelors (mistake!) and when he stopped to give them the evil eye and choice words, JJ threw him under the bus by telling him to apologize for taking valuable time from them. Not sure what the strategy was there from Clint's BFF. My hubster was convinced this was part of the diabolical plan to take over the world but to what end, I asked?
There was a lot of bleeping and posturing and snake eyes from Clint as he said his final words to JJ. I think he might have even threatened him. JJ had some tears, regrets, face slaps (by himself!) and Tanner said it was like Brokeback Volcano erupting.

Kaitlyn decided against having a rose ceremony and they all took off to New York City! (Imagine that cowboy from the salsa commercial saying that last part!) JJ vowed to turn over a new leaf, one that includes romancing women.
Holed up at the Knickerbocker Hotel, the men received a date card that mentioned the word 'fresh' and Shawn, JJ, Ryan B, Jonathan, Corey and Ben Z went on the first New York date.

Rapping Wars: Apparently Kaitlyn loves to rap (but can't really do it?) and with the help of Doug E. Fresh, the men wrote and performed raps insulting each other all in the name of good fun. Another stupid date.
Why fight, insult, pit these men against each other in this season? Tony the plant talker is looking better every date. And to make this show even worse, Nick Viall was in the audience waiting to ask Kaitlyn if he could join the show. If you remember Nick from Andy's season, he behaved like a teenager and was secretly filmed on his exit flight insulting Josh, the winner. Andi ended up saying he was bad news. He looks like a young, handsome John Lithgow.
Apparently Nick's been very vocal on social media and Tanner told the men all about this Bach alumni's history. Tanner's vast inside knowledge made me wonder if he is actually Reality Steven secretly infiltrating the show.
When Kaitlyn got all flustered that Nick showed up, she mentioned to the men he may join the ranks. They were overjoyed to have another competitor. NOT! The Bachelorette said she'd decide Nick's fate in the morning.
Note: If Kaitlyn likes this Nick guy, I officially am done rooting for her. Not only does she have much better prospects in her group of existing men, but it is downright disrespectful and immature to consider Nick's inclusion all because of some flirtatious messages on twitter, for crying out loud. Kaitlyn talks about husband material but is this player husband material? I don't believe so.
I was upset in my comfortable chair at home and had to go get another glass of wine!
Ending up in the "hairdresser" chair at Ashley S.'s beauty salon, Kaitlyn asked for advice and actually got a good tip. She's just in lust.
Two things about Ashley S. the onion peeling wacko contestant from Chris Soules' season. She is not a hairdresser, she's a business woman, and I believe she's going to be on Bachelor in Paradise. That'll be great!
Kaitlyn ignored the good advice and told Nick to move in.

The evening's date was a black tie affair at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in the after hours. Must've been midnightish because the street was deserted as Jared, the hawk-eyed man from Maine entered the Met to see Kaitlyn descending a grand staircase. This was the type of Bachelor date we actually enjoy, but her thoughts were with Nick. Uggh! Oh, then they kissed a bit, talked, and she was back on track. You know when the romantic Bachelor guitar music comes on, this is a special moment to get us thinking that Jared might be the ONE. Little did Jared know until watching last night's show that Kaitlyn's mind was somewhere else. Wonder how he feels this morning. They left the Met and had a romantic helicopter tour of the night lights of NYC. So why Nick?



The next date had the limo taking Joe, Ian, Chris, Joshua, and Ben H to Broadway to rehearse a dance number in Aladdin, the Disney musical.
The man who passed the dancing and singing audition got a tiny walk on part in the show's performance that night with Kaitlyn. Most of the guys couldn't sing except Ian the runner, who is way too accomplished and mature for Kaitlyn. The dentist got the job due to his broad gesturing and theater-like posturing. Apparently he sings the song "A Whole New World" in the car. Red Flag!!! First he arrives in a cupcake, then knows Disney songs. We must watch this man.
Kaitlyn and the dentist dressed in elaborate Aladdin costumes walked on for twenty seconds and off again. Once out of makeup and costumes for their big Broadway debut, they walked around the theater district and visited the New Year's Eve ball that drops in Time Square, stored in a building. Cupcake looked a lot more manly in his jeans than the harem pants, bolero, rope hat and makeup so they kissed.
Back at the hotel room where the budget apparently didn't allow for a couch big enough to fit ten men, they awaited Nick's arrival like a pack of jackals ready to pounce on an unsuspecting gazelle. And this is where we left it.
To be continued. The previews show that Nick sees conflict from the men, Ian finds his dignity and the mood is tense. I'll probably watch next week even though this season is kind of stupid, but I know people who've dropped off this season due to the immature tone of the show this time around. Just sayin'.

Oh, and former Bachelor Bob Guiney has moved into my neighborhood and I'm wondering why this Playboy channel DJ/ Country singing celeb is living in suburban Seattle amongst Microsoft executives. Life is strange sometimes. I'll try to get an exclusive interview if I see him walking his dog!





Kim Hornsby is the author of The Husband Hunt, a series of short books based on The Bachelor.

Stupid Dates, Pranking and Popping Pimples on THE BACHELORETTE

If you've been waiting for my take on Monday's The Bachelorette, I apologize for not writing a blog until now.  On Monday night, we were at a soccer banquet and got home to find that we didn't tape the show! Catching the last 45 minutes and then trying to loop in the final hour the next day on On Demand, the show lost that momentum and excitement of watching on the night of. But what I saw made me kinda glad I missed the first half.

I watched the last hour, and saw in the final out takes that the men wore sumo diapers, and can assume that the violent Kupah left the show in a puff of rose dust. Here's where I came in:

It looked like the muscular Ben Z. got a one on one date where they headed off to some type of horror house to experience their worst fears before deadly gas would leak into the place presumably to kill them. Kaitlyn is afraid of birds and the first thing they encountered were three scared pigeons who flew out of the dark room at Kaitlyn and Ben. She screamed and clung to her date, just before the ASPCA moved in to take the pigeons for therapy. Then Ben and Kaitlyn moved on to the next room with bloody knives and dismembered bodies and gore. I hate this type of thing, do not go to horror movies and looked away for almost the whole remainder of the "Date". They collected clues along the way to enter into a computer in the last room to open the door and get out of this horror house. Were they trying to initiate feelings of dependence with birds and snakes-- the wildlife fears of the two daters? After developing this interconnected dependence, the two daters cleaned up and had a lovely time with drinks and appetizers and kissing and talking, deciding that they liked each other. Ben Z seems like a good choice even though he screams like a girl over snakes. (My husband does too) He got a rose.

Meanwhile back at the mansion, JJ and Clint were either developing a preposterous plan to prank The Bachelor producers or falling in love. If you watch their interaction, it looks like love, but if you read Clint's twitter account, you can almost see the tongue in his cheek. JJ is definitely his friend on twitter these days. They banter back and forth including each other in tweets. JJ wants his daughter kept out of all this, he says on twitter where his profile picture is him and his 4 year old daughter. Their tweets are flirty, fun, secretive. They definitely are two peas in a pod and Clint's shot at wooing Kaitlyn has gone out the door with both men's credibility.
We all know The Bachelor producers spin loads of weird stuff and edit for ratings. The contestants sign away their privacy and right to yea or nay their comments on national TV and the producers cajole them into saying things. Get them drunk and get them to talk on camera.

Here's what I believe from reading both JJ and Clint's twitter accounts. I think they made a plan to be silly because they didn't get dates that week, and wanted to have some fun. Enter alcohol, boredom, ostrecization from the others and you have two guys saying they pop each others' pimples in the shower, love turtles, (only Clint says these things) and have the strangest Bromance ever seen on the Bachelor. They look like two boys in the first grade who are having the best play date EVER! I'm pretty sure, the producers were involved in all this. Time will tell but Clint doesn't seem too worried, or silent, on twitter. He appears to be amused by the whole thing. JJ too. They are still close, it appears.

On the next group date, Kaitlyn takes a group of unsuspecting men to teach a sex education class to talk about menstruation, sex and wet dreams to 10 year olds. The only good thing about this date is that the kids are actually actors (duh!) and the joke is on the very embarrassed men, Kaitlyn-style.
This schtick wasn't funny, wasn't amusing, wasn't entertainment at all. It was squirm-worthy. Bachelor Producers -- Shame on You! What a stupid idea. It was like the producers sat down with Kaitlyn to develop the plan for the show drunk. They pulled out all the stops and suggested the most asinine dates ever. I happen to know that most of the producers are over 30, the audience is over 30, so why have such immature ideas for dates? Kaitlyn seems amused but come on people!

The show ended at the Rose Ceremony cocktail party with Kaitlyn hearing about Clint's craziness and to the viewer at least, hinting that both he and JJ have labeled themselves as the Villains and are in love. The new thing is to keep the viewer waiting for the Rose Ceremony so this week's show ended with out takes of the diaper-wearing daters making fun of Kentucky's testicle hanging out of his diaper.

The show that we watch because of the romance factor, the dates, the potential love in action has now become not only a farce of gay love but a horribly stupid show. If they don't lose viewers over all this sex talk and potty humor, I'll be surprised.
What happened?

If The Bachelor doesn't step up their game, I won't be taping next week. Purposely.

Kim Hornsby is the author of THE HUSBAND HUNT, a romance novella series based on The Bachelor, for sale on Amazon. First one free to get you interested.

Head Punching and Comedy on The Bachelorette

This week's The Bachelorette continues where last week left off. It's dawn and everyone moves into their respective houses after last week's revelation that Kaitlyn is the Bachelorette.

C.H. visits Kaitlyn to talk with her about the upcoming weeks and then we see Britt crying on the phone to her Mom to tell her she isn't the chosen one. Who didn't feel badly for her? I did. She was blindsided. Never did she entertain the idea she might not make it. Then there is a knock on the door and Cody walks in to give her a hug. You might remember he left the show to go find Britt. Talk about timing. Well done, Cody, well done.

The first date this week is a group date with Daniel the fashion designer, Justin the blonde, Jarred the bearded one, Tanner the handsome guy, Kupah the DJ, Ben the muscle man, and Corey the other blonde guy. Off they go to a warehouse set up with boxing equipment and Laila Ali, women's boxing champ and Dancing with the Stars alumni. They learn the art of boxing while I cringe at home, knowing soon they will be pounding the sh*t out of each other in the ring. And my prediction comes true. I have to look away. Watching people fight is painful for me, especially when they are hitting each other in the head, where the brain is located, you might remember from health class. Brains are super important.

 Jarred is taken to the hospital to be checked out after a big punch to the side of his head and I am disgusted they always seem to do this on The Bachelorette. Note to future Bachelorettes: When they pitch this really fun idea, see it for what it is--a fight to the death for the girl, not a good-sported activity where everyone will laugh and bond. Ben Z. wins because he has 30 extra pounds of muscle on the guys. The cocktail party that night is without Jarred although on his way back from the hospital they allow him to send a note upstairs to get Kaitlyn to come down to say hi. Apparently the bearded restaurant manager is a good kisser. Jarred kind of looks like he could turn into a werewolf, doesn't he?
Back on the rooftop, Kaitlyn gives a rose to Ben, who admits that he likes to cook and his mom died when he was 14. He's not just a bunch of muscles after all.
The next date is a one on one and the artist who drew C.H. on a triceratops, Clint, gets the date. He and Kaitlyn drive to a poolside photo shoot, but wait, it's not poolside. It's an underwater photo shoot. This happens to be one of my favorite forms of photography. I happen to collect weird photos of women underwater. But enough about me. Kaitlyn and Clint have fun but the date seems kind of boring. Not her style. No sparks flying. However, at the rooftop dinner later, Kaitlyn declares he is a really good kisser too. Give that boy a rose for his kissing abilities. She does.
Back at the house, Gentle Tony, the plant talker guy is talking about love and coexisting after they get the final date card for a group of guys that includes him. He asks Justin advice on how to treat Kaitlyn.

With the help of funny lady Amy Schumer, Kaitlyn has the group date guys work on their standup routines at The Improv, one of L.A.'s famous comedy clubs. Ok, standup comedy is extremely difficult even if some of the country's best female funny ladies are helping the guys. Guess who is the least funny with absolutely no sense of humor at all. Tony. Yep. He has about as much funny as a rock and is two seconds from being boo'ed off the stage even though he tells the audience he's not a drinker and is now tipsy. JJ is obnoxious in his confidence and Amy says so to the camera, the dentist is funny, Ian is still pretty cute and after they pretty much fail as comics, they have a party where Kaitlyn wears another sparkly dress (?) and Kentucky boy gets some serious kissing in. JJ pulls the I have a preschool age daughter card to get the rose.

He's not a house favorite.
Meanwhile, Britt and Brady are on a date with ice cream cones and hand holding and he asks her to be his girl. Of course she says yes. Now she has saved face AND has a boyfriend she barely knows.

At the Rose Ceremony, the guys agree to let the men who didn't go on a date this week go first in talking to Kaitlyn alone. That is so incredibly nice of them! Wow! But wait. JJ ruins that by grabbing Kaitlyn after she slips into the room. The men do not like this at all. Tony the love guru even gets nasty about it, which is always fun to watch when someone who preaches love and calmness goes all ballistic. Ian the Princeton runner tells Kaitlyn his backstory, earning him some sympathy and then Kupah makes the worst mistake in Bachelor history. He pulls her aside to tell her that he thinks she doesn't even notice him. He won't leave it alone, can't stop talking, digs himself in deeper, until finally Kaitlyn calls a truce and they part. Kupah immediately heads off to a bunch of guys to loudly recount every word spoken and Kaitlyn hears all this from just around the corner. She pulls him aside and asks him to go home.

Then it gets interesting. He doesn't want to go and argues. "I don't want to go home. I think you're hot," he says like that is a good thing to say to a woman!
She sticks to her decision and he finally gets the message and heads to the driveway to film his contractually obliging exit interview. BUT, he doesn't want to talk to the camera and through the window, Kaitlyn sees him getting almost pushy with Elan Gale the hairy producer who sometimes sneaks on camera by accident. Kupah is pissed off!
To Be Continued flashes on the screen and we aren't even surprised because now these cliffhangers are a bonafide thing at The Bachelor.


Tune in next week to see if Kupah flattens Elan or if they have to call the big bruiser security guy who helped count roses last week.

While waiting, check out this fantastic set of 10 Romantic Suspense books for only .99 on Amazon. Is it a dream? No. They are only 99 cents. All ten. We are practically giving them away for the next few weeks.

Drunk Guy Dated Bach Alumni! What?

Tonight began with Chris Harrison telling us this is the most controversial Bachelorette show in history. Oh my! Two ladies. Only one will realize her dream of being an American Reality Show 6- month celebrity. The other will be humiliated and sent home. America knows that this is smarmy. And Bachelor Nation has been very vocal about having to take sides. Thus the controversy.

I'm going to make this as short as I can and still use words like creepy drunk guy and popularity contest.
First up on the first night of a two part season opener, we see a few clips of contestants, which the Bachelor people call cast mates like Disney does. We watched a guy welding a rose, a Princeton grad Division 1 runner who had to teach himself to walk again, a guy with a very overweight dog, a singer/songwriter, a divorced dad (let's not mix up single dad this year, shall we? A single dad is an only parent, raising a child all alone, isn't it?) We got to take a look at a fitness instructor, a hippy who talks to plants like babies and a law student who strips for law school money.
Twenty-five guys, two women, and one host who looked like he'd rather be somewhere else. Did anyone else think Chris Harrison looked bored? Or mad? Or maybe his tie was too tight.
In the oiled-down driveway the men arrived in limos as Kaitlyn and Britt stood fifteen feet apart, waiting, like two cows going to slaughter. Kaitlyn voiced how scared she was, Britt voiced how confident she was (of her first impression capabilities, we think), and Chris Harrison went off camera for a nap or a game of HALO.
Can I just say the fact that Kaitlyn was a bit worried was real and Britt's calm happiness was a bit strange. Both of them wanted this opportunity, had a hotel room full of gowns, makeup, shoes, and the hope of being The Bachelorette. Why was Britt so devoid of nerves? I have a theory about confidence.
What was cringe-worthy at this point was that the men had two women to greet and were able to show favoritism in front of the other girl. Britt got all the attention at first and Kaitlyn stood there like an ugly potato, near tears. Britt greeted them with warm smiles and then finally Kaitlyn got the hang of playing the game and even took a quick break to run in the house to tell the men they were almost finished. Britt's claws showed when she told the camera that was unfair. See Bachelor producers? You wanted to pit them against each other and get some dirt going and there you go. These women held out as long as they could but sweet Britt started realizing she might not end up the Bachelorette and her true colors came out.
Meanwhile, there was a guy getting absolutely blotto in the mansion. Actually, he got out of the limo drunk. At first he was funny to watch, telling everyone he was "horned up" and waving at the ladies from the windows. What we now know about Ryan is that he used to be Nikki's boyfriend, the woman who ended up with Juan Pablo at the end of their season. Wow, she sure knows how to pick 'em! Her mother must be wondering about what she did wrong.
Watching Drunk Guy, I couldn't imagine him every redeeming himself after he called both girls Ho's. Tony the Plant Talker Guy giggled and mentioned he shouldn't say that. In the movie version Drunk Guy will be played by Seth Rogen and Kaitlyn will play herself.
Finally, Chris Harrison stepped in after several self-professed knights in armor tried to confront Drunk Guy and a fight looked imminent. The sloshed cast member was asked to go. C.H. actually looked scared as Drunk Guy heard the news, leaned in as though he might get violent, but then walked to the limo disappointedly. On twitter, Jordan, Drunk Girl from last season, was crying from happiness and tweeting that she wasn't nearly this drunk on her season.

We watched cast members arrive in motorized cupcakes, a hot tub convertible car, swallowing helium, dancing and hugging both girls well into the night until all twenty-five were inside the mansion and both girls competitively speed dated all twenty-five men.
Kaitlyn was overwhelmed, Britt smiled and agreed with everything the men said, establishing a common bond immediately. Kaitlyn said "frickin" a lot, Britt oozed sweetness and both campaigned like politicians on election night.
The men were told to vote when they were ready and before a sour-faced Chris Harrison could finish his sentence, Namaste Plant talker had voted for Britt. It was anyone's guess how it would go. The dude from Ontario Canada, the sex advisor, was just plain STUPID. Let's pretend he was from another country, can we?



And then we heard we had to wait for the following night to find out who would be The Bachelorette. I was actually happy to take a little break from the sliminess of the situation--making two seemingly lovely young women compete against each other in this silly popularity contest under the pretense of finding a husband.


  Tune in tomorrow for the second night assessment of the most controversial bachelorette ever in the history of the world, no, the universe.