Theatrical Grandstanding on Men Tell All

Last night was the strangest Men Tell All in the history of The Bachelorette. It actually was!

The show featured someone getting down on one knee, someone digging himself deeper into the Villain Hole, someone peeing in the bushes and another man hogging the camera only to be outdone by a man in a pigeon mask and a heated discussion about whether Kaitlyn was a good Bachelorette.
The show began with a plug for Bachelor in Paradise, premiering August 2. Looks CRA CRA but then, did we expect anything different?
Next, Chris introduced the 20 guys and pointed out the BIP crew in the first row, leaving Carly, another woman (whose name escapes me but she was a widow on Chris Soules' season and it wasn't the narcissistic one) and Tenley. Jade, Ashley, Ashley and Claire manned the front row seats.
 Looks like some of the guys went straight to BIP from this Bachelorette. Joe, JJ, Justin, Jared and even though Tanner's name does not begin with a "J", he got to go too!

Right after the commercial break we got started on two separate topics, Ian's smack talking and J.J. and Clint's Bromance. Those two guys took the teasing well and they are clearly very good friends, even now. The Bachelorette Show made a mockery of their silliness and the two men played into it. I don't actually believe anyone popped anyone's pimples in the shower but, it turns out they didn't give the other guys a chance at friendship, they were so exclusive to each other.

Clint (who announced that he's a straight man, leaving me mistakenly thinking he meant his brand of comedy left him being the straight man) replied that he was there for Kaitlyn but didn't feel he was exclusionary. J.J. apologized for the moment he threw Clint under the bus before the rose ceremony and was really sorry he did that. Also J.J. said he slapped his own face because someone had to do it. Okay then...We get to see more of J. J. on BIP. Clint, the non-homosexual, seemed like a smart guy with a big chip on his shoulder and too much product in his hair.
As for the Princeton grad, Ian, Tanner said during the taping of the show Ian was in his room reading, didn't join in with the other men and kept himself separate. Sure they told some fart jokes but they also had meaningful conversations. To insult the other men and Kaitlyn like he did, and say he was above them all was just mean and wrong. Corey from NYC (who got very little screen time on the show but hogged the camera last night) said Ian was kind of right about Kaitlyn, though. She did some things that were in bad taste.
Ben H jumped in to defend Kaitlyn as a wonderful girl who had a depth to her if you stayed around long enough. Zing to Corey, who we don't even remember.
In response to the guys telling Ian he was wrong to not get to know them, the Princeton grad took off his suit jacket, rolled up his sleeves and got down on one knee before the men to apologize--a stupid gesture to repair one's reputation. Some one asked if he was proposing because that's what it looked like.

Ian was grandstanding theatrically, and it looked about as bad as him saying he really needed sex in his exit interview. I did not accept the apology.
Then Kupah threw out the question about letting Nick join the show late. Note: Kupah was also a management problem if you remember his exit. But now he's trying to start a new fashion trend by wearing his skinny tie INSIDE his shirt collar. Good try Kupah!
The men seemed to be split 50/50 about Nick, with some defending Kaitlyn's ability to do anything she wanted on the show and others saying it was disrespectful and wrong to let Nick stay.

Hot Seat Interview Time!
J.J. took the hot seat and we watched his montage recap and ended up just as confused as we were about this divorced dad, before the evening. C.H. asked if getting so close to Clint ruined his relationship with Kaitlyn but we didn't get an answer.
Ben Z was next in the hot seat, the mountain of a man with a tender heart, Chris called him. They played his montage that showed how sweet this guy actually is and to top it all off Ben said that this experience was amazing because it taught him to open up to the possibility of a relationship. Awwww.

Jared took the hot seat next and we were thrilled to see that he shaved. Apparently C.H. called him out on his spotty beard. Although Jared went on BIP immediately after he got voted out, he said he's still trying to get over Kaitlyn. I think he left the love door open there.
Ben H. joined Chris on stage to explain the night that Kaitlyn snuck in to Shawn's room. At that time he was Shawn's roommate, sleeping on a cot, while Shawn had the King bed, Kaitlyn had snuck away escaping the cameras and jumped in to bed with Shawn. The 3 talked for 6 hours, Ben went for a shower and when he came back, Kaitlyn and Shawn were in love. The vibe in the room was different, he said.

Then Kaitlyn herself came out on stage in yet another sparkly dress. Yawn. I like Kaitlyn. Alot! I think she's spunky, funny in a smell your own feet way, and super cute. But I'm sick of sparkly dresses.
C.H. read some vicious tweets and emails addressed to Kaitlyn calling her a whore so many times I wondered if the authors of the tweets were the same person. Some body out there doesn't believe in premarital sex, I guess. Apparently there were even death threats. Nobody, not even a reality TV star deserves death threats. Or being called names that viciously. CH said it best when he said he'd trust his kids with a so-called whore before he'd trust them with this mean cyber bully.
The men had a chance to talk to Kaitlyn a bit and here's what transpired:
Jared declared he wished he had more time with her before his final cocktail party. He hadn't foreseen the end or would have fought harder for her. Done things differently. I'm not sure it mattered to Kaitlyn.

Ben H. wondered why Shawn was told about having sex with Nick but not him, or anyone else. (She said she thought having that information was crucial to Shawn staying or not.)
They talked about Nick and if he and Kaitlyn had a relationship before she was chosen for the show. She said they'd formed something and remember, she wasn't sure she'd even end up as the next Bachelorette. "Try and date this many people and have it all televised," she said.
Ryan apologized for being all "horned up" that first night, without actually saying he got really drunk and ruined his chances.
Kaitlyn mentioned that after watching the show, she wondered why Clint didn't treat her like J. J. Good point.
Then Ian got back on his knees to apologize in front of Kaitlyn and America, just in case no one saw the first time. Get the hook.

Joe wore a pigeon mask to scare Kaitlyn (she's afraid of birds) and then we saw the blooper real, which is one of the best parts of this Men Tell All show. Joe had to pee in the gorgeous gardens in Ireland, a bug flies into Kaitlyn's lip gloss and numerous shots were ruined when birds got too close to the Bachelorette. Funny stuff.
The evening ended with a trailer about the final two men and the drama that is yet to unfold. It looks good but I have to say that having the men HATE each other has taken away from the show. It's added a negativity to the experience of watching The Bachelorette that is equivalent to knowing that the Bachelorette doesn't get engaged in the end.
Let's hope there is a happy ending in sight for Kaitlyn Bristowe. If not, I'd say give Jared another go, now that his spotty beard is off the table.
Oh and Bachelor in Paradise, the stupidest show on T.V. is on Sundays and Mondays in August, thereby changing my family's schedule drastically so the Mama can be home watching T.V. those two nights with a glass of wine in hand. How about you?

The Bachelorette Kicks One Out and Lets One In!

This evening's installment of The Bachelorette opened with Clint's vocal and menacing departure from the show. He plays the villain almost too well, almost like he is Heath Ledger playing a bad guy!

In the first scene Kaitlyn listened to him try to dig himself out of the hole he was standing in but she was too smart to fall for his mind-wrangling. She did, however, let him walk through the group of gathered bachelors (mistake!) and when he stopped to give them the evil eye and choice words, JJ threw him under the bus by telling him to apologize for taking valuable time from them. Not sure what the strategy was there from Clint's BFF. My hubster was convinced this was part of the diabolical plan to take over the world but to what end, I asked?
There was a lot of bleeping and posturing and snake eyes from Clint as he said his final words to JJ. I think he might have even threatened him. JJ had some tears, regrets, face slaps (by himself!) and Tanner said it was like Brokeback Volcano erupting.

Kaitlyn decided against having a rose ceremony and they all took off to New York City! (Imagine that cowboy from the salsa commercial saying that last part!) JJ vowed to turn over a new leaf, one that includes romancing women.
Holed up at the Knickerbocker Hotel, the men received a date card that mentioned the word 'fresh' and Shawn, JJ, Ryan B, Jonathan, Corey and Ben Z went on the first New York date.

Rapping Wars: Apparently Kaitlyn loves to rap (but can't really do it?) and with the help of Doug E. Fresh, the men wrote and performed raps insulting each other all in the name of good fun. Another stupid date.
Why fight, insult, pit these men against each other in this season? Tony the plant talker is looking better every date. And to make this show even worse, Nick Viall was in the audience waiting to ask Kaitlyn if he could join the show. If you remember Nick from Andy's season, he behaved like a teenager and was secretly filmed on his exit flight insulting Josh, the winner. Andi ended up saying he was bad news. He looks like a young, handsome John Lithgow.
Apparently Nick's been very vocal on social media and Tanner told the men all about this Bach alumni's history. Tanner's vast inside knowledge made me wonder if he is actually Reality Steven secretly infiltrating the show.
When Kaitlyn got all flustered that Nick showed up, she mentioned to the men he may join the ranks. They were overjoyed to have another competitor. NOT! The Bachelorette said she'd decide Nick's fate in the morning.
Note: If Kaitlyn likes this Nick guy, I officially am done rooting for her. Not only does she have much better prospects in her group of existing men, but it is downright disrespectful and immature to consider Nick's inclusion all because of some flirtatious messages on twitter, for crying out loud. Kaitlyn talks about husband material but is this player husband material? I don't believe so.
I was upset in my comfortable chair at home and had to go get another glass of wine!
Ending up in the "hairdresser" chair at Ashley S.'s beauty salon, Kaitlyn asked for advice and actually got a good tip. She's just in lust.
Two things about Ashley S. the onion peeling wacko contestant from Chris Soules' season. She is not a hairdresser, she's a business woman, and I believe she's going to be on Bachelor in Paradise. That'll be great!
Kaitlyn ignored the good advice and told Nick to move in.

The evening's date was a black tie affair at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in the after hours. Must've been midnightish because the street was deserted as Jared, the hawk-eyed man from Maine entered the Met to see Kaitlyn descending a grand staircase. This was the type of Bachelor date we actually enjoy, but her thoughts were with Nick. Uggh! Oh, then they kissed a bit, talked, and she was back on track. You know when the romantic Bachelor guitar music comes on, this is a special moment to get us thinking that Jared might be the ONE. Little did Jared know until watching last night's show that Kaitlyn's mind was somewhere else. Wonder how he feels this morning. They left the Met and had a romantic helicopter tour of the night lights of NYC. So why Nick?



The next date had the limo taking Joe, Ian, Chris, Joshua, and Ben H to Broadway to rehearse a dance number in Aladdin, the Disney musical.
The man who passed the dancing and singing audition got a tiny walk on part in the show's performance that night with Kaitlyn. Most of the guys couldn't sing except Ian the runner, who is way too accomplished and mature for Kaitlyn. The dentist got the job due to his broad gesturing and theater-like posturing. Apparently he sings the song "A Whole New World" in the car. Red Flag!!! First he arrives in a cupcake, then knows Disney songs. We must watch this man.
Kaitlyn and the dentist dressed in elaborate Aladdin costumes walked on for twenty seconds and off again. Once out of makeup and costumes for their big Broadway debut, they walked around the theater district and visited the New Year's Eve ball that drops in Time Square, stored in a building. Cupcake looked a lot more manly in his jeans than the harem pants, bolero, rope hat and makeup so they kissed.
Back at the hotel room where the budget apparently didn't allow for a couch big enough to fit ten men, they awaited Nick's arrival like a pack of jackals ready to pounce on an unsuspecting gazelle. And this is where we left it.
To be continued. The previews show that Nick sees conflict from the men, Ian finds his dignity and the mood is tense. I'll probably watch next week even though this season is kind of stupid, but I know people who've dropped off this season due to the immature tone of the show this time around. Just sayin'.

Oh, and former Bachelor Bob Guiney has moved into my neighborhood and I'm wondering why this Playboy channel DJ/ Country singing celeb is living in suburban Seattle amongst Microsoft executives. Life is strange sometimes. I'll try to get an exclusive interview if I see him walking his dog!





Kim Hornsby is the author of The Husband Hunt, a series of short books based on The Bachelor.

Stupid Dates, Pranking and Popping Pimples on THE BACHELORETTE

If you've been waiting for my take on Monday's The Bachelorette, I apologize for not writing a blog until now.  On Monday night, we were at a soccer banquet and got home to find that we didn't tape the show! Catching the last 45 minutes and then trying to loop in the final hour the next day on On Demand, the show lost that momentum and excitement of watching on the night of. But what I saw made me kinda glad I missed the first half.

I watched the last hour, and saw in the final out takes that the men wore sumo diapers, and can assume that the violent Kupah left the show in a puff of rose dust. Here's where I came in:

It looked like the muscular Ben Z. got a one on one date where they headed off to some type of horror house to experience their worst fears before deadly gas would leak into the place presumably to kill them. Kaitlyn is afraid of birds and the first thing they encountered were three scared pigeons who flew out of the dark room at Kaitlyn and Ben. She screamed and clung to her date, just before the ASPCA moved in to take the pigeons for therapy. Then Ben and Kaitlyn moved on to the next room with bloody knives and dismembered bodies and gore. I hate this type of thing, do not go to horror movies and looked away for almost the whole remainder of the "Date". They collected clues along the way to enter into a computer in the last room to open the door and get out of this horror house. Were they trying to initiate feelings of dependence with birds and snakes-- the wildlife fears of the two daters? After developing this interconnected dependence, the two daters cleaned up and had a lovely time with drinks and appetizers and kissing and talking, deciding that they liked each other. Ben Z seems like a good choice even though he screams like a girl over snakes. (My husband does too) He got a rose.

Meanwhile back at the mansion, JJ and Clint were either developing a preposterous plan to prank The Bachelor producers or falling in love. If you watch their interaction, it looks like love, but if you read Clint's twitter account, you can almost see the tongue in his cheek. JJ is definitely his friend on twitter these days. They banter back and forth including each other in tweets. JJ wants his daughter kept out of all this, he says on twitter where his profile picture is him and his 4 year old daughter. Their tweets are flirty, fun, secretive. They definitely are two peas in a pod and Clint's shot at wooing Kaitlyn has gone out the door with both men's credibility.
We all know The Bachelor producers spin loads of weird stuff and edit for ratings. The contestants sign away their privacy and right to yea or nay their comments on national TV and the producers cajole them into saying things. Get them drunk and get them to talk on camera.

Here's what I believe from reading both JJ and Clint's twitter accounts. I think they made a plan to be silly because they didn't get dates that week, and wanted to have some fun. Enter alcohol, boredom, ostrecization from the others and you have two guys saying they pop each others' pimples in the shower, love turtles, (only Clint says these things) and have the strangest Bromance ever seen on the Bachelor. They look like two boys in the first grade who are having the best play date EVER! I'm pretty sure, the producers were involved in all this. Time will tell but Clint doesn't seem too worried, or silent, on twitter. He appears to be amused by the whole thing. JJ too. They are still close, it appears.

On the next group date, Kaitlyn takes a group of unsuspecting men to teach a sex education class to talk about menstruation, sex and wet dreams to 10 year olds. The only good thing about this date is that the kids are actually actors (duh!) and the joke is on the very embarrassed men, Kaitlyn-style.
This schtick wasn't funny, wasn't amusing, wasn't entertainment at all. It was squirm-worthy. Bachelor Producers -- Shame on You! What a stupid idea. It was like the producers sat down with Kaitlyn to develop the plan for the show drunk. They pulled out all the stops and suggested the most asinine dates ever. I happen to know that most of the producers are over 30, the audience is over 30, so why have such immature ideas for dates? Kaitlyn seems amused but come on people!

The show ended at the Rose Ceremony cocktail party with Kaitlyn hearing about Clint's craziness and to the viewer at least, hinting that both he and JJ have labeled themselves as the Villains and are in love. The new thing is to keep the viewer waiting for the Rose Ceremony so this week's show ended with out takes of the diaper-wearing daters making fun of Kentucky's testicle hanging out of his diaper.

The show that we watch because of the romance factor, the dates, the potential love in action has now become not only a farce of gay love but a horribly stupid show. If they don't lose viewers over all this sex talk and potty humor, I'll be surprised.
What happened?

If The Bachelor doesn't step up their game, I won't be taping next week. Purposely.

Kim Hornsby is the author of THE HUSBAND HUNT, a romance novella series based on The Bachelor, for sale on Amazon. First one free to get you interested.