Bachelor in Paradise- The "Player" Quits the Show!

Tonight on Bachelor in Paradise we picked up where the rose ceremony of last week left off. Minutes later. Remember that this 6 week series was actually filmed in three weeks so every single day is represented. If you count bonfires or breakfasts, it comes out to three weeks.
While Elise and bad boy Chris Bukowski get cozy just minutes after she was thinking of having babies with Dylan, the others are aghast at Elise's ability to switch camps so fast.

Couples walked back to the palapa mansion and Michelle Money teased Marquel as they approached the house about being unique. Little did she know.
Inside the mansion waited Danielle, a stunning woman from Juan Pablo's season and before she can ask who is paired off with who, she chose Marquel for her date, set to leave early the next morning. He's game! Sure! Let's go!
But what about Michelle, who just gave him the rose so he could stay another week? I'm confused.
The next morning Marquel and Danielle left on a small plane to cross the Yucatan Peninsula for Campeche, a touristy town, where they walked around, swam in a pool, flirted and almost got hit by lightning.

Did anyone else think that Marquel's reaction to the lightning didn't allow for good ole fashioned gentlemanly concern for his date? He started running for safety and didn't look back. Dude, it wasn't just you who almost got hit.
Back at the beach, Elise got a date card which made AshLee pissed that it wasn't for her and Graham. No good sportsmanship lost on that girl. Elise asked her new boyfriend of 12 hours, Chris B. While Elise had Michelle crack out the curling iron, Chris went swimming and proceeded to tear his ACL. Ouch. (The amount of hair blowers and curling irons in the bathroom made me wonder if all seven girls used the same mirror. Yikes. Or if Michelle had brought the salon with her.)

Meanwhile, the doctor came by to see the vein in Chris's leg popping out of his skin and after wrapping the knee with ice, advised the bachelor to stay off his leg. Yea, right. He's got an overnight date coming up with Elise. He'll try to get prone fast but there's only so much a man can do.
The small plane bound for Campeche takes off with Chris in so much pain that the only thing that stops him from screaming and writhing is that he may not get the fantasy suite card if he quits the show. Spurred on by the sight of Elise in a green bandage dress, Chris perseveres. At dinner they are presented with two room keys and Elise says Let's just "go to the pool and feel it out." Okaaaaay. Chris is more to the point and tells the camera, "She's super hot and I just want us to spend the night together." Seeing her in an emerald green bikini, Chris is determined to not scream from pain as Elise tries out a new twist on her name, "Elise Bukowski," and likes the sound. These two are a match made in heaven.
At the beach, Robert has become a hot commodity now that Michelle has no one to love, so she sets her sights on the tall, boyish Robert Graham. Clare and Michelle set up a double date with Zack and Robert and although Michelle tries her darndest, Robert doesn't go in for the kiss. She calls him sexy and he still doesn't take her hand. We hope he's thinking of Sarah who is crying back at the hut, saying she's always struggled to be more outgoing and wondering what Robert is doing.

When Marquel and Danielle arrive home from their date, they sit very separately at the campfire on the beach. The second sign that it didn't go as well as Danielle thought is when a new girl walks up like she's god's gift to men and Marquel's eyes pop out of his head.
Hey wait. It's just Jackie, the red-haired girl next door type. With her date card, she snags Marquel to fly out in the morning and although he just got off the plane, he's game! Michelle Money rolls her eyes and the lizards in the bushes are heard to say "What's up with the guy in the nerdy glasses? He just got back from a date."




Michelle decides to put all her time and effort into Robert now, like he's a business plan and the next day tells her BFF Graham, just that. They walk on the beach a lot, those two former lovers, bouncing romantic plans off each other.


Marquel and Jackie board that same plane to...You guessed it --Campeche!
Then AshLee finally gets a date card that was just dropped on her bed like the producers are afraid of her chewing them out for waiting so long. We know from trailers that AshLee is way down that road to claiming Graham and she's already planning to introduce to her daddy but Graham's only at the head of the road wondering whether to follow her.

In this episode did anyone else notice how we jumped around so much from date to date-- couples swimming and girls talking, at the ruins now back to the beach-- that it was hard to keep things straight. Marcus and Lacey go swimming in a pool while a Raven lifeguards. Clare and Michelle talk about how much Robert likes her. Lizards watch all this from the foliage. This type of thing.
 Marquel and Jackie hit it off at the ruins and Marquel breaks his no kissing on the first date rule and dives in for the kiss. He's very conversationally charming but what about Michelle? And Danielle? Maybe he needs a girl whose name doesn't rhyme with his.
 Elise and Chris head for the hospital after their overnight date leaving us to wonder what happened in that fantasy suite until we remember his knee problem. Aside from the fact that the date went great, "she was extremely excited," Chris is in terrible pain. Yup, he's torn stuff and sprained some other stuff and has to go to bed back at the hut. Elise welcomes the chance to wait on him because, after all, she's going to be Elise Bukowski! "Chris is my man now forever," she says. Good luck with that one. She's a delusional clinger and he's a player. This will be fun to watch.

That night, Clare's sad about the anniversary of her father's death and Zack comforts her until she sees a turtle lay eggs on the beach and takes it as a sign from her dad that new life is all around. Essentially he's telling her to live her life. Don't grieve. Okay, I believe in signs but the way they filmed this, it was actually funny. Someone at The Bachelor loves to make fun of Clare.




Back in Campeche, AshLee admits she follows Graham on Instagram and he looks royally creeped out. How much do these two actually know each other after two weeks if she hasn't admitted this yet? They are presented with two room keys and Graham decides they should sleep apart, even though AshLee tries to seduce him in her little tight dress, while dancing in the street. Best line of the night is from AshLee who states after a parting kiss that she and Graham would "have hot babies." What does that mean? Promiscuous, sexy babies?

At the rose ceremony the next night, Chris B has to be carried down the beach in the dark to the ceremonial couch, Chris H appears in a white three-piece-suit like something out of Miami Vice, and the girls worry about who will go home seeing there are eight of them to six guys. Robert has interviews, I mean conversations, with both Michelle and Sarah who both hope for his rose and Marquel talks to both his dates in his too-short black tie and flowered shirt.
The predictable roses go from Zack to Clare, Graham to AshLee, Marcus to Lacey and then Marquel gives his rose to newcomer Jackie, kicking both Michelle and Danielle to the curb. Robert gives his rose to sweet Sarah, kicking Michelle back to the curb in her severely made up face and when Chris calls Elise for her rose, he makes a grand romantic gesture that no one saw coming. He says he's leaving the show to seek medical help for his knee and asks Elise to go with him. She says yes and Chris turns to Michelle who "deserves love more than anyone here," to give her the rose. Saved at the eleventh hour by a man that everyone thought was a philandering player. Maybe Chris is a nice guy after all. Oh wait. He met Elise just two days earlier, shared a hotel room with her the previous night and is probably hoping for some hanky panky.

Elise is delighted to leave with him and off they go.
In the limo, Danielle, who genuinely liked Marquel, coined the phrase Marq Hell and I tended to agree she'd had a bad experience with the once sweet contestant. He was flaky this week with little regard for two other women. Not nice.
What's in store next week? The raccoon makes another appearance with his mangy tail, Clare chews out AshLee, collects knives from the kitchen, and at the rose ceremony AshLee runs off into the jungle, something weird happens and an ambulance arrives. Doesn't someone get handcuffed soon? Don't forget that next week's installment is over two nights --Monday and Tuesday-- so check your calendars and cancel all evening appointments. It looks very juicy!


Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling Novelist of suspense. The Dream Jumper's Promise has 221 Reviews on Amazon, mostly 5 stars and was the winner of Chanticleer Paranormal Mystery/Thriller contest. When not writing suspense, she drowns herself in mindless entertainment like The Bachelor and eats bon bons from a red velvet box.

Bachelor in Paradise- Racoon Steals the Show!

Bachelor in Paradise premiered last night with the arrival of fourteen contestants to a beachy remote resort in Tulum, Mexico. As the women stepped gingerly down the uneven rock stairs in platform sandals, Chris Harrison greeted (but did not help) each one and sent them down the beach to a huge open air cabana/mansion. In true man form, the guys greeted Chris, hot-footed it to the cabana and then checked out each girl walking along the beach.
Six men and eight women made up the first wave of BIP, with more arriving each week to surprise and disappoint others hoping for a rose. There is no game here, no money, and little structure. Just hang out, get to know each other and hook up.

The contestants live sequestered at the house, date cards show up for one on one dates, and everyone tries their darnedest to find someone to kiss in the surf. Or hang out in Bromance groups to drink and laugh.

Lacey Faddoul, an early reject from Juan Pablo's season, arrived determined to stay on the show longer than one night and secured herself two men in the first twenty four hours by taking each one into the surf to wrap her legs around and kiss. Her push-up, padded swim suit bra should have been counted as the ninth girl because it did most of the work to get Marcus Grodd and Robert interested.

AshLee Frazier, who we liked on Sean's season, set her crosshairs on Graham Bunn, telling him she was there for him which strangely did not scare the Bachelor alumni away. Neither did her severely false eyelashes. He kind of liked her declaration of love but when Clare Crawley (who is on BIP to clear her villain name) asked Graham on a date, AshLee freaked out, stalker-style, calling Clare names, crying, pretending to pack her messy suitcase. Clare took the high road and asked another guy in an effort to not cause trouble and still AshLee wouldn't talk to Graham. "Let's talk tomorrow." she said. What a _itch (it rhymes with ditch).
And speaking of dumb, Lacey said she likes her two swimming partners 80-40, which last time I checked does not add up to 100.

Robert went to the ruins with Clare who didn't know what a vista was, they had a fun time, Clare tried her hardest to be happy, fun, sexy, needy but Robert returned to the beach and went straight for Lacey to see if she was mad at him. When the sun set Clare had to talk to someone about this and the only pair of available ears were on a raccoon peeking through the beachside foliage. In all fairness to Clare, she was talking to a Bachelor producer and the camera but they edited the segment to look like she'd gone outside her species to find someone to listen to her. Very funny.
Sarah Herron got a date card and asked Marcus to go swimming at an underground cave-like pool. It was a super cool date but Sarah wore a one-piece swim suit and acted sweet and that does not get you a rose on this show.

At my house we shouted at her to find Marquel. Marcus kissed her tenderly and then when the date finished, he went looking for Lacey, who looked totally different in a high neck dress and less makeup. Didn't matter, she'd already mesmerized two men.
Michelle Money walked in as a surprise guest, with a date card, apologizing for crashing the party which was nice of her especially because she was the villain on her season, telling her Bachelor (Brad, I think) to send the other girls home, in a dominatrix sort of way. She chose Marquel to go horseback riding. He'd never even touched a horse before and handled the whole thing like a champion in his highly accessorized way. They smashed a coconut on the beach after and drank the milk but I did not see any chemistry between them even though they walked arm in arm on the beach for the cameras.
Back at the cabana, Elise was canoodling with Dylan which physically looked like a perfect match, AshLee was doing damage control with Graham, especially seeing he and Michelle Money were a thing last year, and both Michelle Kujawa and Ben Scott were doing nothing to find true love. Or were they? You might remember Michelle from 4 years ago when she awkwardly obsessed over Jake, cried about wanting to leave the show and begged him to kiss her even though her face was covered in snot.
Yea, that's her. More on what was keeping Michelle busy next week but first let's remember Ben. He brought his son on the show when he arrived to greet Desiree. Turned out he was kind of smarmy so he's probably on the show to do damage control on his image too.
Like musical chairs, people were pairing up but no one was desperate enough to pretend to like Ben. Chris Harrison had informed the group that the men would give out roses and anyone without a rose would go home. With the arrival of Michelle M. that meant two girls were catching the next flight back to the border.

The rose ceremony was tense with Sarah pretty sure Marcus would pick her seeing Robert was going to ask Lacey and she appeared to be favoring him. The wildcard was Ben's rose. But first, Michelle K had an announcement. She hadn't found anyone to hook up with and was leaving the show. In a ridiculous moment Chris Harrison said "but it's only the first week," like she had plenty more time to find a partner. No. She was done and probably realized her acerbic ways and pale skin just did not fit in. Off she went.

Roses were handed out, some randomly and Daniella was the one to leave this week which was just as well. Unless they stood side by side I kept getting her mixed up with Elise.
Next week is high drama as Chris Harrison goes to Michelle K's hotel room and someone hairy ends up with broken feet. Can't wait!

Kim Hornsby is the author of THE DREAM JUMPER'S PROMISE, a bestselling suspense novel on Amazon, as well as the tongue-in-cheek Bachelor takeoff THE HUSBAND HUNT. She lives in Seattle with her hubby, kids and dogs where she avoids housework by pretending she's a serious blogger.

Bachelor In Paradise - Drama Unleashed!

Bachelor In Paradise is only 58 hours away (Monday August 4th, 8pm, ABC) and I couldn't care less about this stupid looking show. NOT!

I, for one, will be glued to the TV on Monday watching The Bachelor Franchise's newest summer spin off that replaced Bachelor Pad--a show that ended up being more game show that a true opportunity to find love in this crazy mixed up world.
Apparently Bachelor producers believe their own PR because that's what Chris B. Harrison is saying. Or roughly.

Bachelor in Paradise is a show about finding love. The fact that they put an uneven amount of men to women on a Mexican Beach, (where laws are loose and men are looser) supply unlimited amounts of alcohol and bikinis and tell the group that if they don't find "love" they go home, doesn't suggest pimping to me. How about you?

Again, producers do not supply enough seating for contestants, and everyone must sit uncomfortably close on one couch! Two men even have to stand. Look at them crammed in here.


From what I've read, the men give roses out to the women they want to stay on the all-expense-paid vacation so that encourages the women to get busy and secure a lasting relationship PDQ. Quick, everyone find a soul mate and sit down criss cross applesauce. Or head to the beach in a bikini and feed each other.
There are date cards, new people arrive every week as others leave for various reasons, not the least of which were the roaches and scorpions.

Chris Bukowski, who shows up for everything that says Bachelor hookups, is one of the surprise guests, as is the dude who called Emily Maynard's daughter "excess baggage" and hooked up last summer with Lyndsey from Seattle on Bachelor Pad. Where the heck is Lyndsey? Cody the muscular trainer is a guest, as is Michelle Money.






Have you seen the trailers? There will be lots of crying, (remember alcohol is a depressant,) and switching partners, (alcohol is an anti-inhibitor,) and someone even gets handcuffed!
How can we not watch at this point? True, the ambulance's appearance usually turns out to be for nothing but they said there was blood all over the floor. Did I say that someone ends up in handcuffs? Now, they could be just playing some S&M game at the Cabana but probably not. The close up on the handcuffs revealed what I thought looked like Claire Crawley's wrists. Not Claire!

I predict that she is really mad at Sarah Herron for stealing her boy/man, Robert, and threatens Sarah. Sarah is so stressed out she has a nosebleed that drips all over the floor before those drama-lovin' producers can find some paper towels.

What's in store for us on the soon to be hit show? Lacy and Marcus get cozy, Marquel gets to beach walk with someone who appreciates his sweetness (and abs,) and the original Michelle (K.) slams the door on Chris Harrison.
I'll see you all right here on Tuesday for my unbiased take on what promises to be one of the most dramatic seasons ever on Bachelor in Paradise.

Kim Hornsby is the Amazon Bestselling author of several suspense novels as well as a romance series modeled after The Bachelor called The Husband Hunt. The first book is free on Amazon. And once you get hooked, the second book costs money. This is how she makes enough money to pay for her children's nanny, her husband's mistress/housekeeper, and her dog walker.