Who's Off the Wedding List on The Bachelor Finale?

Ben is Engaged! To Lauren B. but it was touch and go there for an hour as Ben Higgins declared his love for two women! Yes two!!! Jo Jo and Lauren were both equally in love and guardedly sure that they might end up as Ben's fiancee because for the first time in Bachelor history, The Bachelor told women that he loved them. And that he was in love with them!

If you watched this finale you might have agreed with me at this point that saying those words is not a great idea if you are going to utter it to both remaining women. It's just plain unfair to that one lady who will be going home in tears after planning what to name the first baby.
Note to future Bachelors: Do not say the love word before the proposal. Do not. Bad idea. Even if you do love everyone. It's going to be taken the wrong way as a major hint that that girl is the ONE.

Last night's show revealed two nervous ladies, Ben in a state of turmoil over who to choose, and Neil Lane with a big confused smile. It seemed like our Bachelor was still wondering who to spend the rest of his life with until C.H. gave him a helpful hint. "Who can't you live without?"

Both ladies met Ben's parents, made great impressions, and went back to their Jamaican hotel rooms hoping to call Amy Higgins Mom, and Dave Higgins Dad in another few months.
I have to mention here that I knew without a doubt who Ben picked and having that secret info ruined the whole season for me. It's not fun to know the "winner." At all. There is no tension, game, interest in the other girls when you have the final answer.
That said, we watched both ladies dress in their finest for proposal day and then get helicoptered over to Ben and the proposal station set up by those amazing set decorators on another part of the island. At this point in the show I was shouting at Ben that he shouldn't have let Jo Jo get all dressed up. He should have done one of those hotel room let down things, especially considering all he and Jo Jo had been through and the fact that they were self-professed best friends and all. Sheesh!
But no, he let her get into her proposal outfit and nervously shake her way down a slippery stream path to find out that she wasn't the love of his life. Harsh!
Moving on...Lauren looked darling and was overjoyed to hear that she is the love of his life. Lauren B. is his person and he is hers. I wouldn't say it was the sweetest proposal in Bach history but it was nice. They looked very happy and that made me happy, even though I did not have any wine last night to help my happiness along.
After the Final Rose came next with Ben wearing a checkered suit, print tie and checked shirt. Is this the new style because he looked like a traveling roadshow barker to me? He spoke eloquently but was flustered when Jo Jo came out to say hello and tell him she's moved on. Which is good because Ben has too. With his fiancee.

It probably helped Jo Jo move on this week when The Bachelor producers switched gears and dropped Caila as the new Bachelorette in favor of Jo Jo. According to spies, they'd even shot some test footage of Caila only to decide the public wasn't thrilled with her. So, Jo Jo and her hair fiddling will be back in another four months to find herself a true love on TV. I like Jo Jo but really, really hope that hair fixing thing she does constantly gets toned down ALOT! It's annoying.
And to that critic who wrote that Caila is as interesting as a drawer full of sand, remember that The Bachelor director and editor only show us what they want us to see and she might be a real bitch or have a wild personality. Regardless, Caila was gracious on social media this morning wishing the happy couple congratulations and wishing Jo Jo a great run at the Bachelorette. Come to think of it, she might not have made great TV if she's polite and sweet. And gracious.
C.H. tried half-heartedly, to get Ben and Lauren to get hitched on camera last night, having flown in Ben's friend and pastor but no, they want friends at their wedding, Ben said. Anyone else feel like we aren't his idea of wedding guest material? I was a little insulted as a faithful standing member of Bachelor Nation who hadn't even had any wine. Looks like we are off the wedding list People.

The closing credits rolled while the Higgins family and the Bushnell family hugged it out and blended and smiled while the happy couple mingled amongst them.
I give this Bach couple a 98% chance of making it to the alter and only hold back 2% for crazy uncalled for happenings like flood or famine.
A happy ending is always great on The Bachelor, don't you agree?

Pigs and Rats on The Bachelor!

Last night on The Bachelor things got off to a great start with Ben stupidly asking Olivia if she is the villain in the house. Of course she said no and tears followed. Apparently she likes to talk about "smart things" and she likes "thinking" and the other girls just do not. Oh an don't forget, Olivia, to add "the other girls aren't extremely competitive backstabbers."

Ben did not snatch Olivia's rose away, much to the chagrin of the other ladies, and when the camera cut to a shot of Olivia saying "Come at me, Bro," I almost did one of those surprise wine spits across the room.
Jennifer, someone we didn't get to hear from much, did not get a rose, went home, and also missed a great opportunity to warn Ben of Olivia.
The happy group toasted to going next to the Bahamas like it was an all-expense paid vacation to a tropical island (which it was!) and off they went. We cut to a commercial of Ben selling Disneyland and a special honoring 60 years of fun over there. At least is wasn't Mickey D's again. Talk about the Hawking Higgins!
At the Grand Isle Villas (product placement again) the gals cracked open the champs and settled in to the couch to hear Chris H wish them a wonderful week and hand out a date card for Caila, a girl who has already had a one on one with Ben if you don't count plugging Ice Cube and his sidekick's movie a few weeks ago. This made Leah, a seldom heard from girl in the harem, mad/disappointed. She's hardly ever even talked to the Bachelor so why is he keeping her around? It's called filler,

Leah and just be glad you got to hang around. The Chicken Enthusiast had to go home after 3 days in Los Angeles!!!!
Ben and Caila take off on a big boat to go deep sea fishing, every woman's dream date. Ahem. While Caila was reeling in a tuna, Leah was crying her eyes out back at the villa about how she hasn't had time with Ben. Then the happy couple took a leap off the tuna tower! Weeeee.

 It was funny editing, comparing the fun fish-killing date to drama back in the girls' villa. Once they washed the fishy smell off, Ben and Caila try to talk heart-to-heart but Caila is one confusing gal! She loves Ben but worries she'll break his heart, but she has real feelings for him but she doesn't. And why is it when we cut to Lauren B, her eyes are always red? Is she allergic to salt air?
The next day was a date that every woman has dreamed about all her life--sharing your boyfriend with 6 other women to go swim with ravenous pigs off a rocky island. Yes, you read that right. The women were given a plastic pail filled with hot dogs and apparently the resident pigs don't care who they trample to get the tasty confection.

Forget sharks. Did we know pigs swam that well? I didn't. Or had such bad manners? Well, I did know that because I often tell my children at the dinner table to stop eating like pigs.
Lauren H holds a piglet that looks like it would've latched on if given the chance. Ben thought it was all great fun but not only were the women upset about how much time he devoted to Lauren B. but the pigs have ruined the fun by showing their dangerous side. Leah had a perfect chance to grab Ben to talk but instead, complained about never getting time to talk with him while a pig squeals in the background.

Luckily, when they cleaned up for cocktails, they'd left Pig Island and were back at the Villa. Leah tried another tactic and threw Lauren B under the Ben bus by saying Lauren B is two-faced (excuse me, do you mean Olivia?) and then denied it with the girls. Lauren cried and was really upset when Ben told her, understandably so, but Amanda gets the rose.
Later, Leah saw an opportunity and put on her shortest shorts, teased her hair and went to Ben's bachelor pad to essentially rat out Lauren some more. He sent her packing and out she goes, on the next flight home. Geez, Leah. Rule #47 - Don't use your precious time to talk trash about the other girls to the Bachelor.
The next date was a two on one, the worst type of date in the history of The Bachelor, not just because 50% of the girls on the date go home at the end but it's just plain stupid. Does anyone else think that the Bachelor is asked "Okay, who do you want to cut loose and we'll put them on a two on one with someone you want to stay?"

The thing with this date with Emily and Olivia is that the producers made a big deal about Emily hating Olivia, then got The Mouth to trash talk Emily on camera and off they went on a terrible date in a hurricane-force wind. The speed boat deposited them on a sandy island (no pigs?) and wine was poured while Emily's hair hid her whole face in the raging wind and Olivia had the sense to scrunchie hers. Ben took Olivia on a walk with the rose and she thought she had this in the bag but when he broke the news that he couldn't reciprocate her feelings, it was the sweetest revenge!!! I'm sorry but if you talk stink about everyone else on national TV, you have to accept the fact that they are going to let you stand on a tiny island by yourself crying
while your boyfriend takes off for home with your enemy and then have the helicopter circle your lonely body on the beach for effect. My sources tell me that Olivia is really upset at how the show is portraying her but come on! No one put those words in her mouth when she said that Emily was immature and the date would be more like she and Ben were taking a child along.
Bye Bye, Olivia.
A commercial came on for Stella Artois (a fine beer!) that apparently gives money to a clean water project with every sale. Well done, beer company. #BuyaLadyaDrink
At the rose ceremony, we have JoJo, Becca, Emily, the Laurens, Amanda and Caila. They didn't leave us hanging and we said goodbye to Lauren H, the kindergarten teacher who modeled last week in Mexico.
Next week, it looks like everyone has buckets of tears, including Ben, so if you like watching people who are miserable, you'll love the show! Oh and The Bachelor has a big party on Sunday night celebrating 20 years of manipulating a dating situation to sell products on TV. Can't wait.

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling, Award-Winning Suspense Author who can be found on Amazon here. She uses this blog to exercise her funny muscle and because she loves to hear herself talk.

Bachelor Producers Give Olivia her Own Show!

This week on the Bachelor the star of the show was Olivia, the News Anchor from Austin Texas who likes to hold her mouth open for long periods of time to show surprise. We saw Olivia in blue, Olivia in red, also plaid, Olivia with curled hair, straight hair, no makeup, fully made up, etc. You get the idea. It was like The Olivia Show. Sixteen times, we cut to a private interview to hear what Olivia thought. SIXTEEN TIMES!

The episode began with the flight to Mexico City! "Viva La Mexico" Ben yells for the camera. It's interesting to note that the Bachelor person always flies separately from the girls. I believe this is purposefully done to keep these women chomping at the bit to see their "boyfriend"... reminds me of the Stockholm Syndrome.
The ladies check in to the opulent Four Seasons Hotel in Mexico City and we begin the Olivia Show with a cut to her head and neck telling us that she and Ben have a special love, unlike all the others. She feels it. She's special.

Amanda, the petite mom with the small voice gets the one on one date and then we cut to Olivia to hear her comments on this. Not happy.

At 4 a.m. the next morning, Ben is let into their suite and with a flashlight, wakes them up, calling their names, looking for Amanda who amazingly sleeps in full makeup, hair done, and wearing a cute outfit.

Don't tell me she didn't know this was happening. The others had their weaves on the nightstand, were wearing retainers, had teddy bears in their arms and had "dragon breath" - Olivia
The date takes Ben and Amanda to board a hot air balloon where they cruise over the pyramids and cuddle and talk and kiss. I thought Amanda looked frightened, either of Ben or the balloon experience but that could just be me. At the picnic spot, they looked perfectly in sync and talked about Amanda's ex husband who is now probably trying to do damage control for being outed as a bad dad on national TV. That night, after suiting up in fancy duds, they sat at a table for two, sipping drinks, talking about how it's hard for Amanda to switch from Mom mode to sexy siren mode. Fair enough.

The group date included everyone but Lauren H who almost spilled red wine on a white couch when she heard her name not being called. It meant that she'd get the last one on one. Again we cut to Olivia for her opinion on this and she made some faces and did some minor trash talk.
The date began with a Spanish Lesson by a teacher who held one of those old fashioned pointers. Ben learns how to say "I love you, will you marry me and will you accept this rose." How about "back off Olivia"? (that's what I was kind of hoping for) Olivia gets more camera time, Emily drops in for her comments on Olivia and we see that the producers are creating a cat fight moment in the works. Jubilee is not happy with Ben having 10 other girlfriends. Not at all.
They walked to a restaurant & market where a scary-looing woman in tight braids and her brother divided them into teams of two and gave them each a shopping list. Olivia and Jubilee grabbed Ben and wouldn't let go. Finally Olivia "claimed him" and they all went downstairs to shop for ingredients. It's a cooking competition and no one in the group but Ben likes to cook, apparently. Olivia got more air time, hung off Ben, fed him food and they drank tequila as they shopped.
Strangely, we cut to a commercial that features Sean and Catherine, Desiree and Chris and Ben, touting McDonald's food. What???? How much did they get paid to do this? I have to think Catherine is thinking "this will buy all the baby nursery furniture" as she pretends to eat Mickey D food.

Back at the restaurant, the girls pretty much failed at cooking. Olivia put dried crickets on her and Ben's food and didn't get the laugh she hoped for. Lauren B and Jubilee won the competition with an edible fish dish but they got absolutely nothing for their effort.
That night at the cocktail party, Olivia grabbed Ben mid-sentence and claimed him once more, making her the most hated girl in the house. Maybe not most hated girl ever because she hasn't faked a panic attack yet. Oh, wait. She did that last week.

Emily got more riled and talked about telling Ben that Olivia is a bully. "I'm not afraid to say that," she says. Jubilee is not good in a group date setting and her insecurities made her bitch material when Ben tried to take her aside for a talk. She's pissed to be sharing Ben and the writing on the wall had Ben asking her to leave the show. She exited tearfully and we are sad to see her go. We liked her but she just couldn't separate her relationship from the other girls' relationships. Crash and burn.

JoJo takes Ben aside for a talk and is real and sweet and truthful and of course, Olivia doesn't like that someone else in talking to her man. I'm kind of sick of hearing from Olivia at this point. I wouldn't mind hearing from Leah or Jennifer please. But Olivia got the rose, flaunted it and we dislike her.

The next one on one date is Lauren H, the blonde kindergarten teacher with the funny faces. It happened to be Fashion Week in Mexico City and they ended up modeling for a designer in his fashion show. Both Ben and Lauren did a stand up job with their soft elbows on the runway. They looked bored as hell (as models do!) while they walked the walk and did a fine job. "Holy Shoot!" Lauren says (in case parents of students are watching) Ben does the sexiest little wink at her as they pass on the runway and it's worth finding that moment on your TV to see. Here's the last 1/4 second of the wink below...

Their twosome dinner/drinks went well and Lauren H got the rose. Because they both sleep with a retainer, they found common ground that bonds them beyond a physical attraction, you see.

At the rose ceremony on a rooftop patio, Olivia is still getting oodles of camera time and when she said hearing Amanda's story of her kids reminds her of an episode of Teen Mom, Olivia buries herself, socially. Ben isn't there to hear but the girls decided that is the final straw. Emily went off to tell Ben about Olivia who is still acting all haughty after her inappropriate comment. Mid-cry Emily saw Olivia coming down the stairs to crash Ben and Emily's moment and Emily runs off like the place is on fire instead of confronting her. This is totally expected from a girl who sleeps with a teddy bear.
Amanda also tells Ben that Olivia is a bully (when he specifically asks her) and he's shocked. Well done, Amanda. That gets the Bachelor thinking maybe Olivia isn't all she pretends to be. He should just ask her outright because of course she will tell him the truth.
Okay, this is the moment on every show where the girls hate one girl, the Bachelor can't see it and he keeps her on in spite of what he's been told. RED FLAG! I have to think the producers insist that the hated girl has to stay for another week and give some excuse that satisfies the Bachelor because this happens every time!!!!
When Ben asks to speak to Olivia privately, we see To Be Continued on the screen but we know. She'll fake ignorance, he'll feel badly for her and she'll stay. After all, she has that rose in her clutches. Next week we'll see this all go down but I don't need to wait on pins and needles. I know.
They didn't give Olivia 16 cut to camera shots this week to let her walk away. And I counted how many times we had to hear from the mouth from the south about her overly competitive attitude.

Note to Olivia: This is what good sportsmanship looks like...

I do not watch the after party live show anymore as it makes me lose all respect for myself by wasting a perfectly good hour.

This is Ben's Charity and probably one of the reasons he did THE BACHELOR -- to raise awareness.
Humanity and Hope


Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling, Award-Winning Suspense Author who can be found on Amazon here. She uses this blog to exercise her funny muscle and because she loves to hear herself talk.

Chicken Enthusiast Booted Back to the Barnyard!

OH NO! We really wanted that chicken lover, Tiara, to stay and talk more about her passion for chickens and now that darned Ben has gone and ruined our chances of getting to know the only person on this season of THE BACHELOR who had enough of a sense of humor to list her profession as a Chicken Enthusiast. The only gal who playfully had a photo of Ben in her house along with photos of her chickens and interestingly enough, the only person on the show not drinking. Yep, you heard me. The Chicken Enthusiast does not need to drink to stay happy or relaxed or fun. She only has to think of her chickens and happiness floods over her like a veil of that mesh fencing stuff we all use in our backyards to keep bunnies out of our veg garden. I think it's called chicken wire.
Anyone sick of the chicken jokes yet?
I really thought after her little introductory movie in Redmond WA with the chickens, we'd see more of Tiara but I know on The Bachelor they edit out a ton. On the first night, the girls line up to speak to Ben and only a few of the conversations get aired. He said "Beautiful" three times looking at her. I wished they'd shown their conversation. I saw photos online of Tiara and Ben talking by the fireplace, engaged in a conversation. Go to her Instagram account. He has his hand on her leg! (Her name is Mizz_Minxy)
Maybe it takes a special person to understand a woman who has bonded with barnyard animals but as a viewer I felt like we got a promise of some really good fun with this gal and then never really saw her again (aside from those nervous looks and facial ticks during the rose ceremony.) Bummer!
The Bachelor producers missed the fun boat with this kooky twenty-seven-year-old, this woman who decided after she made all the cuts and auditions it takes to get on The Bachelor, that she'd list her profession as something that is her passion, instead of listing "dental assistant."
And Lace over Tiara?  What the heck? I can see where Lace makes good TV but what about a Chicken Enthusiast????

I'd like to take two or three sentences to tell you that Chicken Enthusiast is not a job, it's like saying Dog Lover. The Bachelor producers encourage this type of thing to make the show more interesting. One girl listed her profession as unemployed and you have to know that they are ALL essentially unemployed when they go on the show because they have to leave jobs for a maximum of 3 months.
Tiara chose to not list dental assistant but write chicken enthusiast. There are lots of people around the planet who think keeping chickens in cages where they can't stand up or move is unethical. That's what a chicken enthusiast is. I looked it up. And I'm now one. Kind of.
I don't blame Tiara for championing for chicken rights on The Bachelor. Girls go on for selfish reasons. The Chicken Enthusiast from Redmond seems to have chosen her cause and guess what? It's a worthy one if you think about it.
Anyways, Tiara is gone, off the show now, never to know Ben in the romantic sense and never to return, but wouldn't it be fun if she was on the After Show with Chris Harrison live? We could get to see her again and she might even bring one of her chickens (like Sheila!) as long as she could fit Sheila under the seat in front of her long legs on the flight from Seattle to Los Angeles. Tiara already has all the camera ready clothes for several weeks worth of appearances seeing she packed duds and dresses for months and came home several days after she left. Wouldn't you like to see the Chicken Enthusiast in the low cut gold mini dress with the killer stilettos? Imagine Blake Lively in that movie where she was younger than her elderly daughter and looked drop dead gorgeous in a cocktail dress. Ya, you got it

How about it America and Beyond. Do you want to see Tiara, the Chicken Enthusiast next week and have her explain what happened with Ben?
Let's start a twitter campaign to get her on the live show!! I'm making this up as I go along but I have to agree with myself here about the potential of what I just suggested!
I'll know if you all feel the same way if suddenly the internet lights up with this hashtag #BringBackTiara
I thought about using the ChickenEnthusiast hashtag, like Tiara has been doing, but I have to say that the propensity to spell enthusiast improperly is great. I had to sound it out, and I'm a professional writer. It's too much work for tweeters and Instagram fans.
Just go to Twitter, write your tweet, include the hashtag and send it to #BachelorNation and #TheBachelor
Here's an example you can copy and paste, then add you own message.

 Loved the #ChickenEnthusiast! How 'bout the live show next week? #BachelorNation #BringBackTiara
#TheBachelor @chrisbharrison RT pls

Looks like a great season ahead of us. I for one look forward to seeing what happens in the next weeks and how it all unfolds even though we'll be doing it without ever getting to know that Chicken Enthusiast. How 'bout you?

Kim Hornsby is the author of The Husband Hunt, a short novel series based on The Bachelor. The first book is free on Amazon right now. Go straight to the free romance book or find Kim and her bestselling books on her Amazon site.

I Went to the Casting Call for THE BACHELOR!

Yesterday I braved heavy bumper to bumper traffic into Seattle to get to The Bachelor Casting Call Auditions at Pacific Place. It took 90 minutes to make the 20 minute drive but thanks to Cortana, we made it, valet parked, and were greeted by a KOMO 4 representative at the door to welcome us to THE BACHELOR CASTING CALL.
She was giving out long-stemmed thornless roses to girls who were there for the chance to get on the Reality TV show.
My friend and I took the escalator up to the next level where the atrium was open to the next four levels and filled with pretty girls. At first glance the competition looked fierce. Curled, long blonde hair was everywhere, as were pretty smiles, figure-hugging outfits and lipsticked mouths.

KOMO, the NBC affiliate in Seattle was in charge of the event and greeters with KOMO name tags were everywhere. We were told to get in line to register if we were there for the casting call. The line was fifty deep populated by coiffed young women wearing whatever they thought would make them look like reality show material. The line snaked around the atrium's center café and bar that was doing a great business in the alcoholic department from what I could see. The bar was filled with girls filling out the application, talking, flicking their hair and checking out the competition. Ringing this group were representatives from the hairstyling place upstairs helping girls with their Bachelor-ready hairdo's and makeup.
The line moved slowly and when asked by people what everyone was in line for I said The Bachelor Casting call the first four times. Honestly I did. Then I began to tell people it was for a free iPhone. I needed a laugh amongst all the desperate worry and nervous energy in the mall.
I have to say, there were some lovely looking girls there. The casting directors were looking for pretty girls and if you think otherwise, you haven't watched the show. They pretty much only take the beautiful people crowd. And for a good reason. Would you be so excited for Magic Mike XXL to debut if the guys were old, pot-bellied men? Beautiful sells tickets. It's called escapism.
While sizing up the line that never seemed to get shorter as more women arrived, I picked out maybe five women who I thought were possible contenders. And I had to put on my extremely superficial glasses and look with the eyes of a Bachelor producer. Certain looks just have that thing that translates well to camera. When most of the women got to the head of the line where the photographer had them hold up their name card for a photo, most looked scared, or too normal to translate to a reality show about beauty. Star 101.5 radio station was in charge of this portion of the process and I took it upon my 58 year old self to point out to the desk of college-aged interns that they had these girls facing the atrium and the four floors above showing their names and phone numbers to the world. I kept turning around to see if single men lined the railings across from the girls and hoped that no one was taking phone numbers. Safety first and all that. I guess that's the mother in me. The interns said thank you for pointing that out and they'd take that into consideration next time, probably whispering "crazy old lady" under their breath.

Once your photo was taken, like in prison (holding up your number and name,) you could sit down and wait for the Star 101.5 rep to call your name over the microphone. The wait seemed to be about 20 to 30 minutes. At one point he called Sassy Farty and I laughed out loud. While waiting, the girls had a glass of wine, lots banded together to talk, some had a quick touchup on their makeup. I eavesdropped on the next table to hear this gal with red hair (and I don't mean naturally red hair) telling someone she just met that she's an extremely sexual person, like Kaitlyn. At one point she told the gal that she's a "little, short, sexual person!" And she did not have a drink in front of her, either.
I talked with a gal named Cindy who was adorable in a little navy blue outfit who reminded me of a 1930's film star with her red lipstick and bobbed hair. I kept telling her she should try tap dancing. Her friend Anna, who doesn't even own a TV, came to support her effort to be on the show and we sat in the café talking about life in general.
There was one woman in line who was my age, and she was very stylishly coiffed with spiky highlit hair and wearing a black leather jacket. Very pretty. And very brave. Or very cuckoo. Her friend watched from the café, wringing her hands. Most gals were under thirty.
When they called your name, you went into a circular lobby, like at a Grecian spa and waited again for your name to be called. Black out curtains ringed this room to prevent Snoopy McSnooperson (me) seeing in unless you snuck around to the side and found that one of the wall panels moved and a 58 year old woman could sneak in behind a panel and listen. And take a picture! This is the photo above. The counter in front held Aveda gift bags for all the girls, filled with two tiny products and a coupon for a haircut. My friend was horrified I was behind the wall panel so I popped out and just peaked through the clear glass area. When a candidate's name was called they went into one of three rooms labeled A, B and D (to the right) to meet with two casting directors.
According to girls I asked, they were filmed and asked questions from their applications about hobbies and relationships etc. If you made the cut, and I'd have to think that only twenty out of 400 did, from what I saw, you advanced to another curtained off area (on the left) to get a package labeled LFQ filled with legal papers to fill out and FED EX by Monday to Bachelor Headquarters. One gal I met who had the cherished manila envelope called them "Lady Fuckin' Questions." Get the bleeper ready for her! Once they had the packet, the chosen candidates went on to room D get more photos taken.
I got a chance to see the papers inside the folder and they asked for information about police records, driving records, asked if there were any nude photos anywhere, if the candidate modeled, acted, worked in any way in the entertainment industry, had any type of a record that might surface later. They also asked the candidate to be available early August to fly down to LA on ABC's dime and not tell anyone about this. They asked for more photos and had examples like when you get your passport photo taken--This ...  Not This ... style.
As the guy with the microphone began to pack up his sound system and the last few girls were processed, things wound down at Pacific Place. It was 9 pm and the call was officially 4-8. One of the casting directors emerged from the curtained area and stood surveying the room in her grey cardigan sweater and her weary eyes. She looked like any shopkeeper in the mall closing up for the night, ready to go home. It was impossible to see what she looked for in the thinning crowd or if her trip to Seattle was worth the effort but with more Bachelor married couples than any other city in America, I'd have to say that Seattle turns out some good prospects.
Best of luck to the girls. One never knows what they are looking for in this crazy dating show.

Kim Hornsby writes a romance novella series called The Husband Hunt, based on The Bachelor. The first book is free and available for download on Amazon.

Popping out Babies on THE BACHELOR

THREE HOURS OF THE BACHELOR!
And that would be a wonderful dream come true if the first hour wasn't filled with interviews and there wasn't at least another hour of commercials inside the last two hours. Once we caught up with skipping through the commercials, and caught up, it was frustrating.
Must tape the show. Must tape the show. Honestly, it's not worth it to watch 'live'.

Last night's first installment of the Bachelor Event had Chris H interviewing Kelsey, one of the most controversial contestants ever on The Bachelor. She's in awe that she was so misunderstood, and used words like "emotional and tumultuous day," "too many emotions amassing," and "as a mental health professional". The brilliant editing spliced in her most catty, weird moments to counter what she was saying in defense of herself and if you haven't seen it, those thirty seconds are worth all the commercials.

Chris Soules' interview was boring.

Andy Dorfman's interview was filled with tears and sniffing about how she and Josh just couldn't make it work. They are too similar, it seems. Chris H was hoping to hear they might reconcile but he knows about breakups as well as anyone, his own eighteen year marriage imploded 2 years ago.

That was the first hour.

The second hour began with the Deadwood Rose Ceremony. Taking Megan aside to talk, Chris looked nervous. Both parties realized that they just aren't very far down that love path and Megan left almost voluntarily, with dignity in tact, (unlike Ashley I. last week.)

The rules said another girl must go but hadn't Chris H announced there were no rules?
Yes!
Pack up everyone because we are all going to... wait for it...going to...Now you could tell the girls were waiting to hear Tahiti but instead got Iowa.
Carly, the cutie, said it best when she pointed at the camera and squealed "We're goin' to Iowa!"

The Bachelor crew set up the girls at a funky old hotel in Des Moines, Iowa, 3 hours from Arlington, where Chris's farm is located. Good idea because there is no hotel in Arlington.There is no movie theater, no restaurant, no people, and no nothing except a church and a few abandoned stores and a bank. But we will see this ourselves in another twenty minutes.

 Much to Britt's jealous chagrin, Jade got the date to Arlington, "where hills and prairie meet."

Overdressed in jeans, a jacket and boots for her wander around Chris's farm and town she meets Chris at his bachelor pad. If you didn't watch, imagine a ghost town with a feed store and a locked up church. There is charm and potential in the hamlet of what used to be Arlington and I bet real estate is super cheap seeing there isn't even a Starbucks, just a coffee pot in an abandoned office that gets turned on by whoever gets there first in the morning.
Turned out everyone had gone to the high school football game so off the two lovebirds went. Jade met the parents, kissed Chris on the football field after the game, toured the high school and tried to decide if being from this town was as bad as posing for Playboy. She held off telling him seeing there were stars in his lovelorn eyes. Why burst his bubble?
The next date was with Whitney, the chipmunk-voiced nurse who is looking like the most mature of all the girls. She really, truly likes Chris, I think. Who ever knows? And she got on well with his 3 best friends who joined them for drinks after a day of taking photos of each other around Des Moines.
Meanwhile, back in the hotel room, Carly is jonesing for a road trip to Arlington. Everyone goes but Jade who's already traumatized by yesterday's outing. She stays behind to practice saying "I posed for Playboy."
Off in the truck to Arlington, Iowa! Carly is a firecracker! She is definitely not there for the right reasons but I like that girl's spunk. #Carlyforbachelorette

After a shocking day of seeing nothing in Arlington except locked doors and the town preacher who wears a COD T-shirt (thereby telling everyone what there is to do in Arlington,) the girls turn around and head back to Des Moines wondering how gratifying it would be to just pop out babies in Arlington. Wait until you actually give birth ladies. You will never use that pop out phrase again to describe the most painful moment in a woman's life.
 Back in the purple carpeted 'suite' Jade unloads her Playboy story onto Carly's shoulders and Carly delivers the best line of the night, "Oh Mom, don't bother googling my wife."
The group date leaves out Becca for some reason and off Chris goes the next day with Kaitlyn, Britt and Carly to ice skate in the big hockey arena but no one can skate! Not even Chris, for some reason!

Britt lies that she LOVED Arlington and slides in to the GF spot, Carly inserts herself into the moral conscience zone saying she must tell Chris how fake Britt is, and Kaitlyn sneaks into the forgotten zone and expresses her concern that she hasn't had alone time since the first two weeks. She gets the rose and that makes smoke come out of Britt's ears who thinks she's the front runner and doesn't want to take just anyone home to meet her Dad next week.

Thunderbolts fly from Britt's eyes and a very squirm-worthy conversation ensues about Britt not wanting to be 2nd choice or 3rd choice for Chris. After recognizing how hard this love process is, he leaves, a gesture that is quickly becoming his signature move on this show.

And that's where we leave it for tonight.

Kelsey Goes to Paris, Immeasurably Blessed, on The Bachelor!

The Bachelor began with last week's panic attack on the floor outside the ladies' room in Red Sage, Santa Fe, New Mexico (not to be confused with the actual country of Mexico). Kelsey eventually got an oxygen mask secured to her face, only to...wait for it... ask to speak with Chris, the Bachelor! Of course she did. The whole faked episode was for his benefit. As Jade stepped over Kelsey's skinny bod on the floor, Chris was sent for. Kelsey made a recovery in record time, with his help, laughed off the episode with embarrassment, and the rose ceremony began. There. She got more time with Chris. Mission accomplished.

Samantha (Who?) and MacKenzie (Single mom, afraid of aliens) went home, which was a blessing to let them go before those two actually kissed Chris and got hooked on Prince Farming. As Kelsey said before she knew she'd get the shame-filled last rose, "they wasted their time here." Nice attitude, Girl.

The group flew to Deadwood, South Dakota, which is particularly interesting to me because I'm a big fan of the Nearly Departed in Deadwood novel series by Ann Charles and have read A LOT about the town in the last year!!
Deadwood is apparently home of the Wild West in the Black Hills. A town where stripping down to get in a washtub is something you pay for.

Looks like a ton of fun and the girls checked in to a Holiday Inn that looked like an old tin mine in the side of the hill, and started drinking. Giddy Up.
The one on one date card came for Becca who is sweet, but after the theatrics of almost everyone else, she seems a tad bit boring.

But then Chris is a laid back kind of guy from a town of 200, so my hubby and I thought they might be well suited as they horse back rode their way through the brush and giggled a lot about nothing. Their campfire shish kebobs went uncooked while Chris taught Becca the art of kissing on the 4th date.
Back at the house, Whitney and Carly couldn't keep quiet about Kelsey's fake ways any more and kinda sorta told Kelsey that she's pretty much not being herself around them. Or she's not being herself around Chris. They approached the subject very carefully because, well, you know...it's Kelsey and who knows what she'll do?
Kelsey, who is a wonderful thespian, turned on the waterworks and told the girls she'll be mindful from now on. Kaitlyn squirmed on the couch like all the stink she talks on camera about Kelsey might only be fueled by alcohol and she hadn't had enough tequila to enter the conversation with her usual amount of swear words.

Kelsey's on camera interview, as always, was extremely entertaining in that she thinks very highly of herself and says she's "blessed with eloquence" and uses a lot of "big words." She believes the girls are beneath her. Besides, she came here to WIN! Ah, now we get it. She's just competitive, not crazy. Her wicked witch of the west laugh echoed off the Black Hills walls and into the night.

The group date for the next day arrived for Whitney, Jade, Britt, Kaitlyn, Carly, and Megan who had had too much to drink to hold up her head.

Chris took them to the downtown area of Deadwood to slip in to a fun western style restaurant and write songs with Big and Rich, a popular country music duo. Rich, or is it Big? who looks like a cross between Woody Harrelson and Ted Dansen with curly hair and a bowler hat, took Jade jogging down the main drag to summon her song-writing powers. Yup, that's how I write this blog--go running down the middle of the road yelling "I can do it!"
When Chris and the girls got on the tiny stage to sing their songs, each song was cute and highly passable except Whitney's who's struggling with a chipmunk voice anyhow.

Carly's song could go straight to itunes, no surprise, and when they ended up in the bar and everyone got one on one time, Chris hijacked Britt and they ran off to a Big and Rich concert to dance, and get up on stage to sing to Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy, a country hoe down anthem. Britt returns with the rose, hours later, looking super guilty with her new boyfriend, and the girls are pissed and humiliated, not because of the rose but for being kept waiting and wondering where the kissing twosome went. Chris high tailed it out of there, leaving Britt in the middle of the snarling pack.
The next day is the two on one date, a death sentence for one girl, customarily. It's Kardashley and Kelsey facing off. It's a game of eyelashes against cardigans, spoiled girl against sneaky girl, and we can't wait to see who survives the day. The producers have a queen-sized bed set up in the stark desert of the Badlands. Tension was high as the helicopter swooped in from Mount Rushmore and landed by the bed, the only place to sit within miles.

Chris asked first to speak to Ashley and off they went to try to find some privacy in the desert. Once she sat down, Kardashley could not wait to throw shade at Kelsey on behalf of all the girls and then skipped back to the bed. Chris then talked to Kelsey and tattletold on Ashley. Threw her way under the bus. Way way under. Does this man know nothing with 3 sisters? After hearing that the girls don't like her, I actually thought Kelsey looked surprisingly normal with Chris, but he saw through her nonsense and sent both ladies home after a lot of Kardashley tears and a dry face from Kelsey.
Note: Both these girls have Masters Degrees which is kind of making me question sending my children to college now. Anyone else doubting the advantage of education?
Chris left the Badlands bed, got in the helicopter and flew away, which is kind of how he left things in Deadwood the night before. I'm outta here. Bye bye girls. Apparently it took the girls 3 hours in two separate vans to return to Deadwood. I bet they had to help break down the bed with the Bachelor Interns too.
Meanwhile, back at the condo, the remaining girls watched the suitcases leave and poured magnums of champagne, chanting "We are immeasurably blessed," to see Kelsey's suitcase head out the door.
Next week, the rose ceremony is in Deadwood and then they jet off to another fancy location--Chris's hometown where the girls check out the mascara supplier in town and discover they might not survive in Arlington Iowa. Turns out Ashely got out just in time! Note: I think they are staying in the U.S. for this season because the culture shock from Paris to Arlington would insure that everyone goes running for the hills. Just a thought.
And now we hear that Kelsey is moving to Paris to be a writer and embrace her immeasurably blessed gift of eloquence. Oh, oh. I better move over to make room for Kelsey.

While you're waiting for next Monday, check out my book The Husband Hunt, on Amazon books, a 2-3 hour read that resembles a Bachelor season. Hey, it's free and you just might laugh out loud.

Kim Hornsby is an award-winning author who lives in the Seattle area and writes in the rainy months to stay sane for her family. If you enjoy reading her blog, feel free to click join this site on the sidebar and get notified when she posts again. No meetings, no donations, no obligation. Just words.

The Bachelorette- What's with the Scarves?

The most complicated part of writing this blog today is that I did not blog the last two episodes and feel like I've let someone down.
I've been busy. I wanted to catch up by writing about the last two shows but now think it's easier to just move on. So I'll simply say that the men remaining on the show after Venice, Italy are Marcus, Nick, Josh, Brian, Chris and Dylan. Only four will go to hometowns. Let's see who.

The group jetted to Belgium next where it looked like you could see your breath. Remember this was April.
First thing I noticed when the men sat around in a group in their Brussels hotel room was that a door to door scarf salesman must've made a killing with this group. Four of the six had trendy scarves knotted fashionably around their necks. I laughed out loud.

The date card singled out Marcus for some wandering around Brussels and eating mussels in a café while Marcus's accent scarf went slightly askew. At dinner, they talked of Marcus's difficult relationship with his mother while eating once again in an ornately gorgeous, historical room. Marcus opened up about his family, admitted he's falling in love and the date ended on a nice note.











The next date card comes and the first name read is Josh. And the last name read is Josh. It's the next one on one. Josh adjusts his scarf and heads off to explore chocolate shops.

Andi snuggled in under the arm of the big hunk who talks too fast to understand. When she asked him questions, words poured from his mouth too quickly for us to hear but that's ok. He says the same thing four different ways in a stream of run on sentences so if you miss the first two sentences, you'll get the gist on the last one. This, along with his declaration that he hasn't dated anyone in years and won't say "I love you" until he's ready to propose makes Josh seem unbelievable.
When she got home and had just let her hair down, Nick knocked at her door, having lied at the hotel front desk to get her room number. After changing into jeans they went for a rule-breaking walk/kissfest outside. Hmmmm.

The group date was weird. They walked onto the property of a monastery and the only rule was no kissing on the grounds. That was weird #1. On the lawn, the four men sat at a coffee table laden with cheese and wine and Andi took them off for some alone time individually. Chris got his time with Andi showing her, a la the movie Ghost, how to throw a pot in a potter's studio. Nick got his alone time but wasn't allowed to kiss, Brian was able to desperately tell her how much she means to him
and Dylan barely got air time even though he'd taken out his hair from the hotel room top knot that some stylist must've told him looked good (or the scarf salesman). Weird date. All they did was sit around that coffee table. As it got dark out there on the lawn, Andi had a rose to give out and handed it to smarmy Nick who none of the men like. He remained to take Andi for dinner, now the only man assured of having a hometown date.

At the rose ceremony Andi arrived in a mirror dress perhaps to remind the men to look back at themselves and their motives for being on the show. Only Chris seems to really want a wife out of this and took her aside at the last minute before the roses were given out to either blow the whistle on Nick or kiss her. He kissed her, she broke it off PDQ and they headed back to eliminate Dylan and Brian, the obvious. Brian moped outside and when he heard laughter in the house, he assumed it was about him. Poor guy.

Next week Andi goes to meet parents and will hopefully find out why Nick is so analytical about this game, I mean this opportunity to meet his wife, why Chris is even on this show if he lives in a town of 758 people and never wants to leave Iowa, why Josh talks so fast, and why Marcus's mother ruled with an iron fist.

These days we don't have to wait to find out who wins, what happens, sometimes even what they eat on dates. Sources report back to a dude who calls himself Reality Steve and he has been divulging what happens in subsequent weeks on his blog since 2009.
 But now the internet is full of reports via this blog. Steve is right 99% of the time. People at restaurants, hotels, even flights, send Steve photos, reports and videos of the men.

Don't continue to read if you want to be surprised in the weeks to come. I give hints.
SPOILER ALERT ahead.

From reading these reports I've learned who wins. I'm not that invested in this season and don't care that much about Andi's happiness, like in the past. So I read ahead to see who she ends up with. I have my favorite for her and it looks like she ends up with him.
I also learned something that really makes me sad that the media can dredge up this information. The man who wins (?) sends more Snapchat photos to his ex-girlfriend (who also dated this man's brother) than Andi in June, a month that they are supposed to be in love, waiting to reveal to the world how happy they are. I hope he has a good reason for his snapchat numbers because there's no way Andi doesn't know this now.
Also, I learned that one man in the last four has dated so many gals around town that when Reality Steve showed up to do a radio program, it turned out the host once dated the contestant. And the internet has a video of the eliminated contestant in the last two phoning someone from his plane ride home after he got booted. He was understandably upset but this call is so revealing that I'm glad Andi didn't end up with him.
And now I feel badly for Andi, even though I'm fully aware that she can take care of herself. It seems like the man she chose has some 'splaining to do about the snapchats.

With life conducted on the internet, phones and through photos that can be shared around the world in a second, nothing is private anymore. Not as long as you have a smartphone and use it.

Kim Hornsby is the author of The Husband Hunt, a free novella on Amazon books that resembles a season of The Bachelor.
She is also the Best Selling author of THE DREAM JUMPER'S PROMISE a love story on Amazon.