The Farmer Picks a Wife, The Farmer Picks a Wife, Hi Ho the Derry O

The season finale of The Bachelor (Prince Farming) opened on Monday with Chris Soules visiting his family at his parent's very flat, snowy farm in Iowa. My eyeballs froze just looking at the frosty breaths of Chris and Whitney as she ran across the icy driveway to his waiting arms. Once inside the warmth, Whitney charmed everyone to the nth degree, even making Chris's dad cry during her dinner toast. Whitney is the perfect choice for this Bachelor. Forget the squeaky voice, Whitney is in love with him, will move to Iowa, is beautiful, accomplished and all in.
Chris's Mom, Linda, is a lovely, warm, interesting person with a face that says the Good Life in Iowa and tells Whitney that she "could take her and love her, just like that but it's Christopher's choice." Everyone loves everyone else and Whitney heads off in the black SUV in her plaid shirt dress, sure that she's going to be giving Linda grandchildren soon.

The Soules boys gather in the tool shop for a beer and a romance talk and nothing gets decided.
The next day, the sisters take Chris aside to ask him about Becca. Soon it becomes clear that Chris really likes Becca but she might not like him quite as much.

Skip forward ten hours and we know that Becca likes Chris but isn't all in. The family likes her and laughs a lot with her but doubts that she's ready for a proposal. And they don't even know about the BIG V situation! I wonder what they thought when they realized that Becca had never been in love or had a lover. The talk that Becca has with Chris's mother Linda, is golden. Every young girl out there should take heed. Linda says it all, so beautifully.




Here's my theory on how Becca got this far when her relationship with Chris was so tentative. I believe that weeks ago, he really liked her as much as Whitney. Then he met Becca's family, loved them, LOVED THEM! and wanted to be a part of that. Then, all of a sudden, it was the fantasy suite, she was truthful about her lack of experience, and that was not an obstacle for them. Had Becca's personality merged with Whitney's attitude, Chris wouldn't have needed to make a choice. Chris had a real connection with Becca and kudos to Whitney for breaking through that because, you know what? A long marriage is based on mutual commitment. Not doubts and distance, or initial chemistry. Chris goes to Becca's hotel room for a down and dirty talk and the next day shows Whitney his house, his farm, his combine, and it's at that moment that Chris Soules falls completely in love with Whitney.

 

With Becca gone from his heart now, you can almost see the green light in front of Chris and Whitney. It's a beautiful thing.
The proposal the next day is as nice as the release of Becca from the obligation of trying to feel love. Of course Becca is sad. Her boyfriend broke up with her. But I think she understands that Whitney is ready, in love, and the best choice for Chris. She's not being asked to leave a SoCal lifestyle, give up her guarded virginity and hurry up the process when she's not sure. Whitney is sure.
After the Final Rose with Chris Harrison and the studio audience we see Chris, three months later, talking to CH in Los Angeles about his engagement to Whitney.
Why, in God's name, does CH keep harping on Chris about Becca? "What if ..." The audience clearly feels that CH is harping because when Chris answers, they clap in relief. Chris is a gentleman. Chris Soules that is, and  as such, he is hesitant to say anything to diminish any relationship he had with any girl. Becca comes out to the stage and politely admits she wasn't ready and that's that.
After the commercial break, Becca leaves, Whitney comes out to the stage, the couple looks predictably happy, and Whitney verifies her maturity by saying she didn't watch the show. Not anyone else's dates but hers. Well done, Whitney! Then CH verifies his immaturity as a TV host and harps on the fact that Whitney should watch to see how conflicted Chris was at the end. SHUT UP Chris B. Harrison!!!
Whitney is funny, sweet, in love and Chris is lucky. The parents are "over the top" while the rest of America wishes they had in laws like these two.
Making babies-- "They will be cute," she says. "Bleep, Ya," Chris says.
Ashley S. -- Bachelor in Paradise? Still not sure. "I suppose I might be there," she says, but Chris H takes that as a yes.

Okay now, what do we think about Britt and Kaitlyn as co-Bachelorettes?  STUPID IDEA! When they say Bachelor Nation was divided, they meant that Chris H likes Britt and Mike Fleiss, the creator, likes Kaitlyn. Bachelor Nation was not split down the middle by any stretch of the imagination. Go on Twitter to see. Team Kaitlyn was WAY ahead! Britt was barely in the running. Bachelor Producer propaganda.

I feel badly for both girls. They are both very uncomfortable with this totally stupid idea, and Chris H puts them on the spot asking them how the show will go down. How are they going to do it? Hey Chris, if you don't know what's going to happen, who does? CH's interview with the sparkly twins is as stupid and redundant as I've ever seen on this show. WTF. It made me mad. The whole thing looks like mud wrestling but without the mud.

Shame on you Bachelor producers, shame on you. Bad ending to a fun season.


Kim Hornsby is a bestselling author of romantic suspense and the romantic series The Husband Hunt, modeled after The Bachelor.

Arlington Isn't THAT bad & Hurried Hometowns on The Bachelor

Tonight's installment of The Bachelor Event picked up where it left off the night before.

We assumed Becca was left out of all the wacky the fun in Des Moines, not having a date, but no. She gets one on one time with Chris, in a fantasy-style date--talking at his loft. Okay. I thought, wow! this man keeps a cool loft in the big city for when he takes play time from the farm but no. It was just his hotel room for the show. Silly me. Anyways, Becca and Chris talk, watch the sunset on the roof and that's just about it.

The next day, as girls wake in the purple-carpeted hotel room, Carly is still feeling nasty and when Britt sits down in full makeup (and then some), Carly vibes out the non-showering contestant with bad ju-ju.

That night at the Rollins Mansion, the girls find out there won't be a rose ceremony and instead of having a fake panic attack, Britt asks to speak to Chris. This gives Chris enough time to call Britt's bluff and explain that he didn't appreciate her reaction to him giving Kaitlyn the rose last night. "I'll walk you out," he says before Britt even has time to bat her eyelashes in response. What? She's going? Wham Bam! The limo hasn't even arrived yet and he leaves her in the driveway, crying. She sobs about Carly ratting her out. Later she'll realize that she really wouldn't do well in Arlington.
In defense of Arlington, I want to mention that yes, there is very little going on in that town but if you head north to Fayette, there's a pub, or south to Strawberry Point, you'll find Casey's General Store and a coffee shop. They don't show you all this, but Arlington is not exactly the boonies. Cedar Rapids is only an hour away and that's a BIG city (for Iowa). Someone could be a dance instructor, fertility nurse or maybe even a chiropractic assistant in that town and commute home every night to a husband in Arlington. Moving on.
Chris heads back to the rose ceremony where another girl has to go home. No more reprieves. Carly is that girl, which seems fitting because she's been a little mean.
I wonder if Britt and Carly will meet at the airport and have a cat fight at the gate?

Hometowns!

Shreveport Louisiana is the home of Becca where one can go canoeing in the bayou for gators while banjo music plays in the background. This is the fun part of the day because when Chris gets to Becca's family home, he is bombarded by the news that Becca is a bit of a cold fish. Even holding hands is weird for her. You'd think her sis and mom would be thrilled to see Becca interested in a man but no. They're afraid for her and warn Chris, almost revealing the big secret.

Apparently Becca's brother-in-law is a former NFL star and they are in his house where he shows Chris the trophies and man cave NFL shrine, so Chris man crushes on the guy but that part of the visit is never shown.
It's Becca's birthday, another fact that is never revealed, and Chris takes her on the Ferris wheel at the State Fair, while Becca refrains from telling Chris about her inexperience in the boudoir.

On to Chicago next and it's go to work day with Whitney who tells him they are going to make a baby. Pregnancy scare! Chris is given a porn mag and a cup and told to do his manly thing. Not sure if he did, but he got to experience how much Whitney loves making babies for people. And if this is a test, Chris is pretty sure that his soldiers are marching.
Then on to meeting Uncle Johnny, Grandmama, and sister Kimberley. The latter tries to ruin everything for her little sis by giving The Bachelor the once over, the cold shoulder and then the evil eye. Whitney tearfully asks Kimberley to not ruin this for her. Not all Kimberley's are extremely friendly and overflowingly nice, I guess. Whitney's doggie, on the other hand, loves loves loves and proves it on the floor when she humps her toy monkey in front of Chris.

Kaitlyn's family winters in Arizona from Alberta, Canada so off Chris goes to Phoenix to meet the big Canuck clan. First he has to visit a recording studio to rap with Kaitlyn--her way of getting back at Chris for drinking warm goat milk maybe. After embarrassing himself with a terrible rap, he meets the parents and stepparents and everyone loves him, in true Canadian style, talking around a fire pit on the patio.

Note: If Kaitlyn is from Alberta, she is probably the most well suited gal to live in Arlington. Trust me, I am married to an Albertan. One who is from six hours north of Leduc, Alberta, (Kaitlyn's hometown.) They know about driving long distances for a cup of coffee. She surprises him with a billboard that says Kaitlyn <3 Chris outside, which is super sweet.

Gering, Nebraska is rainy when Chris reunites with Jade and heads immediately to her family home. At this point, Chris hasn't guessed Jade's secret and she's afraid that one of her family members will tell him about her naked spread in Playboy but apparently not afraid enough to tell him herself. The family includes the father, his wife, Jade's mom and two brothers. I'm so impressed that The Bachelor can convince all these divorced parents to be amicable in the same room on these hometowns. Only thing is that the family eludes to Jade's wild side and her taller brother calls her a "wild mustang" which is a red flag for Chris, the farm boy, not an aphrodisiac.

What Jade's shown him is shy and meek. They head to someone's ugly motel room for the truth talk. I'm sure the internet lit up after the great reveal with searches for Jade Elizabeth nude photos. After she said the words Playboy and photos, Jade almost seemed proud, asking Chris if he wanted to see them. Another red flag. Although Chris insists that he has a past (and I happen to know it includes speeding through downtown Arlington and driving on that straight road near the farm with an open container of alcohol- all normal prairie activities), and that he didn't judge Jade on these photos, she did not receive the rose the next night back in Iowa. Off she went, a wild mustang, running along the mountain ridge, her mane flying, her hooves beating out the rhythm of rejection as she galloped away from the opportunity to be an Arlington wife. And then there were three.

Next week, they all head to Bali where Becca reveals she's a virgin, Kaitlyn must let down her guard. and Whitney tries to convince Chris she can have a career in Chicago and still manage to pop out babies in Arlington.


Kim Hornsby is an Amazon Bestselling Novelist and has a romance series of short stories, similar to watching a season of The Bachelor called The Husband Hunt. In one, the host of the show even gets the girl!

Kelsey Goes to Paris, Immeasurably Blessed, on The Bachelor!

The Bachelor began with last week's panic attack on the floor outside the ladies' room in Red Sage, Santa Fe, New Mexico (not to be confused with the actual country of Mexico). Kelsey eventually got an oxygen mask secured to her face, only to...wait for it... ask to speak with Chris, the Bachelor! Of course she did. The whole faked episode was for his benefit. As Jade stepped over Kelsey's skinny bod on the floor, Chris was sent for. Kelsey made a recovery in record time, with his help, laughed off the episode with embarrassment, and the rose ceremony began. There. She got more time with Chris. Mission accomplished.

Samantha (Who?) and MacKenzie (Single mom, afraid of aliens) went home, which was a blessing to let them go before those two actually kissed Chris and got hooked on Prince Farming. As Kelsey said before she knew she'd get the shame-filled last rose, "they wasted their time here." Nice attitude, Girl.

The group flew to Deadwood, South Dakota, which is particularly interesting to me because I'm a big fan of the Nearly Departed in Deadwood novel series by Ann Charles and have read A LOT about the town in the last year!!
Deadwood is apparently home of the Wild West in the Black Hills. A town where stripping down to get in a washtub is something you pay for.

Looks like a ton of fun and the girls checked in to a Holiday Inn that looked like an old tin mine in the side of the hill, and started drinking. Giddy Up.
The one on one date card came for Becca who is sweet, but after the theatrics of almost everyone else, she seems a tad bit boring.

But then Chris is a laid back kind of guy from a town of 200, so my hubby and I thought they might be well suited as they horse back rode their way through the brush and giggled a lot about nothing. Their campfire shish kebobs went uncooked while Chris taught Becca the art of kissing on the 4th date.
Back at the house, Whitney and Carly couldn't keep quiet about Kelsey's fake ways any more and kinda sorta told Kelsey that she's pretty much not being herself around them. Or she's not being herself around Chris. They approached the subject very carefully because, well, you know...it's Kelsey and who knows what she'll do?
Kelsey, who is a wonderful thespian, turned on the waterworks and told the girls she'll be mindful from now on. Kaitlyn squirmed on the couch like all the stink she talks on camera about Kelsey might only be fueled by alcohol and she hadn't had enough tequila to enter the conversation with her usual amount of swear words.

Kelsey's on camera interview, as always, was extremely entertaining in that she thinks very highly of herself and says she's "blessed with eloquence" and uses a lot of "big words." She believes the girls are beneath her. Besides, she came here to WIN! Ah, now we get it. She's just competitive, not crazy. Her wicked witch of the west laugh echoed off the Black Hills walls and into the night.

The group date for the next day arrived for Whitney, Jade, Britt, Kaitlyn, Carly, and Megan who had had too much to drink to hold up her head.

Chris took them to the downtown area of Deadwood to slip in to a fun western style restaurant and write songs with Big and Rich, a popular country music duo. Rich, or is it Big? who looks like a cross between Woody Harrelson and Ted Dansen with curly hair and a bowler hat, took Jade jogging down the main drag to summon her song-writing powers. Yup, that's how I write this blog--go running down the middle of the road yelling "I can do it!"
When Chris and the girls got on the tiny stage to sing their songs, each song was cute and highly passable except Whitney's who's struggling with a chipmunk voice anyhow.

Carly's song could go straight to itunes, no surprise, and when they ended up in the bar and everyone got one on one time, Chris hijacked Britt and they ran off to a Big and Rich concert to dance, and get up on stage to sing to Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy, a country hoe down anthem. Britt returns with the rose, hours later, looking super guilty with her new boyfriend, and the girls are pissed and humiliated, not because of the rose but for being kept waiting and wondering where the kissing twosome went. Chris high tailed it out of there, leaving Britt in the middle of the snarling pack.
The next day is the two on one date, a death sentence for one girl, customarily. It's Kardashley and Kelsey facing off. It's a game of eyelashes against cardigans, spoiled girl against sneaky girl, and we can't wait to see who survives the day. The producers have a queen-sized bed set up in the stark desert of the Badlands. Tension was high as the helicopter swooped in from Mount Rushmore and landed by the bed, the only place to sit within miles.

Chris asked first to speak to Ashley and off they went to try to find some privacy in the desert. Once she sat down, Kardashley could not wait to throw shade at Kelsey on behalf of all the girls and then skipped back to the bed. Chris then talked to Kelsey and tattletold on Ashley. Threw her way under the bus. Way way under. Does this man know nothing with 3 sisters? After hearing that the girls don't like her, I actually thought Kelsey looked surprisingly normal with Chris, but he saw through her nonsense and sent both ladies home after a lot of Kardashley tears and a dry face from Kelsey.
Note: Both these girls have Masters Degrees which is kind of making me question sending my children to college now. Anyone else doubting the advantage of education?
Chris left the Badlands bed, got in the helicopter and flew away, which is kind of how he left things in Deadwood the night before. I'm outta here. Bye bye girls. Apparently it took the girls 3 hours in two separate vans to return to Deadwood. I bet they had to help break down the bed with the Bachelor Interns too.
Meanwhile, back at the condo, the remaining girls watched the suitcases leave and poured magnums of champagne, chanting "We are immeasurably blessed," to see Kelsey's suitcase head out the door.
Next week, the rose ceremony is in Deadwood and then they jet off to another fancy location--Chris's hometown where the girls check out the mascara supplier in town and discover they might not survive in Arlington Iowa. Turns out Ashely got out just in time! Note: I think they are staying in the U.S. for this season because the culture shock from Paris to Arlington would insure that everyone goes running for the hills. Just a thought.
And now we hear that Kelsey is moving to Paris to be a writer and embrace her immeasurably blessed gift of eloquence. Oh, oh. I better move over to make room for Kelsey.

While you're waiting for next Monday, check out my book The Husband Hunt, on Amazon books, a 2-3 hour read that resembles a Bachelor season. Hey, it's free and you just might laugh out loud.

Kim Hornsby is an award-winning author who lives in the Seattle area and writes in the rainy months to stay sane for her family. If you enjoy reading her blog, feel free to click join this site on the sidebar and get notified when she posts again. No meetings, no donations, no obligation. Just words.

Ashley S is nuts and Chris's Sisters Arrive on The Bachelor!

Last night on The Bachelor we watched a date card arrive for a bevvy of ladies that said "Let's do what feels natural" that had most of the bevvy freaking in case they had to go without makeup. The ladies checked each other's hair extensions, applied false eyelashes and lipstick and headed out on the date in two vintage Pontiac convertibles to a lake. Or what Kelsey, the guidance counselor called a "hell hole" and "dingy pond" as she frowned her way through the group date's swimming portion.
I admit anyone on a group date with the Virgin Ashley has cause to complain but Kelsey was a downright downer. They swam, played with beach balls, posed on blow up air mattresses and suddenly Ashley got topless. Not to be outdone, Kaitlyn from Canada went bottomless. Such free spirits, those silly girls. While Kelsey listed her complaints, a bee had finally had enough whining and stung her. Elan, the producer with the wild hair, ran over to help but apparently Kelsey did not want Elan Gale examining her inner thigh. Nice try.

While all this was going on, Chris's three sisters had flown in (one from as far away as Ireland) to interview the remaining gals to see which one was best suited for the 'Cinderella' date that was planned with Chris the next night. After waking a snoring Jillian at the pool, the sisters took each candidate to another room and grilled them, job interview style.

Speaking of grilling, back at the lake Chris informed the women that they'd all be staying overnight, camping! This was not great news for the heavily made up girls who needed to get back to the mansion to their supply of eyelashes and face powder. I was laughing hysterically inside because this was a wonderful idea to weed out the gals who won't survive in Iowa. Ha ha ha. Still laughing.
The Canadian was wearing combat boots and had just flashed the camera her tushie and she loves to camp. (most of us do, or at least we like the campfire part-- and beer.) But Ashley I. went into panic mode.
Tents went up, (eventually MacKenzie and Ashley I. got theirs erected and the grilling began. See? This is my tie in from two paragraphs ago. Chris grilled steaks and the booze was brought out. The funniest scene of the night was with Ashley S. who got wired fast or was still wired, or is just that way naturally, and she wanted music around the campfire. Grabbing Juelia to help, she sang everyone's favorite campfire song -- "hold it, thumbs together, ta tee ta tee ta tee ta ta." What? The scene made me think that Kristen Wiig should play Ashley S. in the movie. Then Chris tried to talk privately to Ashley S. up on a hill. It went like this:

Chris: Hi
Ash: What are you? What?
Chris: What am I?
Ash: Well I know you're Scorpio. Look the moon. I love you.

And then it went downhill. Literally. More gibberish and then they went down a steep hill while the campfire girls watched like ambulance chasers. As I've told you before, Ashley S. has amazing balance and stayed upright even though she couldn't muster up a conversation.
After drinks and jokes, the party wound down and everyone went to their tents, Ashley I. decided to go to Chris's tent to yammer away at him, mercilessly, about her lack of experience. Funniest line of the night was her telling the camera that she's wife material as she snuck off to Chris's tent. Or her talking about her virginity, saying "He'll have to probe that area later on." You choose which one.

Back at the mansion, Jade got the Cinderella date, and next day when the campers returned Jade got to visit the transformation room. She was given a gorgeous blue dress, diamond earrings, Christian Louboutin shoes, and her own stylist, pink-haired Noni, who always looks the most desperate of anyone on property for the transformation room.
This date was a plug for the movie Cinderella and we were subjected to film clips after Jade was transformed and again on the date. Yawn. The funniest thing was that Ashley I. was beyond the beyond with jealousy over this date. She wanted the diamonds, the dress, the Rolls Royce that picked up Jade! Not a gracious bone in that virgin's body.
The next group date card came with 6 wedding dresses. The girls were to wear these pristine outfits through a muddy obstacle course in San Francisco called Muck Fest. Notice Buffed Jillian was the only one who had a short dress? I did. The others had to hike them up, or get pulled down by weighty mud.

Of course Jillian was destined to win anyhow and got the one on one date for dinner where she couldn't shut up about herself. In triple time, she told Chris the story of her life, her job, her dad, her everything, while Chris composed his shopping list in his head. At a break in the conversation he dove on the rose desperately and told her she was done before he had to sit through more. No rose. Bye bye.

The next day at the rose ceremony, Megan blindfolded the Bachelor to feed him fruit. Huh? We now know that Chris can tell the difference in taste between a raspberry and a banana. ? Ashley I. decided she must clarify that she's a virgin and dragged the poor guy outside to spell it out for him.

Afterwards, she spent at least an hour crying that his reaction wasn't absolutely perfect and she might be done for. Shut up, already! This drama is a good hint as to exactly why she's a virgin.
Chris kissed Carly the singer then gets grilled by Britt about how all the other girls think he's playing favorites with Kaitlyn, someone she doesn't seem fond of. Fastest way to the door, Britt, but then you don't look like an Iowa contender anyhow. Chris is absolutely tongue-tied by her ambush, then has an epiphany and leaves the conversation abruptly.
An interesting note here is that all the mansion's bathrooms have numerous bottles of hairspray and not the pump kind that saves the ozone layer. Hmmmm.

At the ceremony, Britt got her rose last in a not-so-subtle message to lay off the jealousy or else. The girls who went home this week, sadly were Juelia, Nikki and Ashley S. who had some more strange strings of unintelligible thoughts to say to the camera. I'll miss that gal!
Note to producers: You must include Ashley S in the girls tell all. Maybe even make her the next Bachelorette!

Next week is Santa Fe, balloon rides and Kelsey ends up on the floor somewhere with a medic either laughing her fake laugh or writhing in pain. (Fine line).
See you then!


Kim Hornsby is the Best Selling Author of THE DREAM JUMPER'S PROMISE, an award-winning novel set in Hawaii that asks the question, what happened the day he never returned home?
She also writes a whimsical series The Husband Hunt, much like The Bachelor. Free on Amazon.

The Bachelor Chris Soules is a Giggler!

Note: Due to a recent threat to sue me over a photo used on my blog last year which was purchased by the suing party months after I used it, I'm only using photos that I own now.

Chris Soules, the farmer from Iowa who captured our hearts on The Bachelorette began his journey to love weeks ago, giggling and smiling his way through the first rose ceremony. Since I last blogged there have been two more episodes. Oops! I've been on Maui where I chose to eat Mahi Mahi at beachside restaurants instead of watching Monday TV, but I'm caught up now and WOW!

Here is Week 2:

The second episode of the season picked up at the end of the first rose ceremony, Kimberly (love the name) was eliminated but went back in to grab Chris and begged him to keep her, saying she felt she was meant to stay. Of course his soft heart pooled on the mansion's flagstone to hear this. As the girls shot daggers at Kimberly with their eyes, he told everyone that she'd get another chance. Oh goody, they thought, more competition.

The following morning (or later that morning) Chris Harrison (CH) told the girls that Bachelor Chris is living just down the driveway and all but pushed them out the door to go borrow butter and sugar and whatever other mischief they could get in to.

The first date that day was a group effort asking the girls to show their country. Dressed in cowboy boots, cut offs and bikini's six of them took off in the limos to a downtown L.A. rooftop pool party.  REal country would have had them swimmin' in the crick, don't you agree?After getting wet, they walked along the Los Angeles streets and high rises in their bikinis to a tractor race in a blocked off/deserted concrete jungle area. The Kim Kardashian look alike, Ashley I, who has never had a boyfriend and is a virgin, ( wink  ) won the snail-pace tractor race and got to sit awkwardly on the tractor for an hour-long conversation with Chris. Yee Haw! This date so far was an epic fail, stupid (walking in bikini's) and boring.

Not just that but sitting on hay bales in a bathing suit must've been prickly awful, but Chris got to business and quickly picked McKenzie, the curly-haired single mom, for one on one drinks at a local pub and to talk about aliens and parenting. The others returned home.
Meanwhile, Megan and buffed Jillian snuck into Chris's house to rummage around, prompted by producers I'm sure. Megan banged her head against the wall a few times to test Chris's motorcycle helmet but not much tom foolery was captured on camera.

For the next day's one on one date, Chris chose Megan, the makeup artist, to fly to Las Vegas on a private jet, board a helicopter, and tour the Grand Canyon. They landed at a picturesque river bed to eat, drink and kiss. I spent most of the date wondering if Megan had extensions and how a makeup artist could not know that dark lipstick wasn't flattering on her. Chris ended up in the lipstick soon enough and strangely enough, it was quite flattering on him.

Group Date #2 was a creepy paintball course in the dark with zombies lumbering towards the terrified girls. The only girl who wasn't absolutely freaked out was Ashley S who was too drunk or something to be afraid. She moved about the set like a zombie herself and how she couldn't get a real sentence out of her mouth yet managed to stalk and shoot zombies, was beyond me. By now it's obvious that she's either mentally WAAYY out there or on something hallucinogenic and I'd vote for the latter. Some people have amazing balance when wired. Here's an example of Ashley S's ability to make sense:
Chris: How are you holding up?
Ashley: I don't even know what that means.
Chris: Just how are you?
Ashley: Are we in a dome?

As the Canadian girl, Kaitlyn said, she shouldn't have had a weapon in her hands. "She shouldn't even be holding a wet noodle." Meanwhile Jordan back at the house had been drinking since she arrived and in a drunken stupor tried to twerk on the wall. The liquor supply this year must be quite something.

The rose ceremony, which I like to call "Go Packup!" had the ladies lining up, desperately trying to catch Farmer Chris's eyes and hear their names. Buffed Jillian slipped when she only thought she heard her name and tried to retreat in embarrassment. Cue the nervous giggling. Thankfully she ended with a rose and saved face. Kimberly did not. Nor did the tall cowgirl, or Tandra, or a brunette that didn't get much airtime. Surprisingly enough, Ashley S got a rose. Chris must see something in the wigged out talker. I keep thinking it's a joke and we'll hear that she's Chris's cousin and was planted for inside info. Why else would he keep her with all the wackadoodle talk?

Tomorrow I will post my take on Week 3 which was January 19th's show. In the meantime, if you're having problems remembering who's who on the show, this might help:

Britt - First Impression, Often seen with arms around Jillian
Jillian - Excerciser, Often seen with arms around Britt
Kaitlyn- Canadian, Sailor mouth
Whitney - Blonde with Disney princess voice
Tara- Tall Cowgirl
Juelia - Has daughter, husband dead
Jordan - Drunk Blonde
Ashley S - Wide-eyed blonde spouting gibberish
Ashley I - Kim Kardashian with belly ring
Jade - Quiet Brunette with freckles
Becca - Blonde with white teeth
Nikki - One of the brunettes ?
Samantha - Brunette with striking blue eyes
Kelsey - short hair, cardigans
Carly- Cruise ship singer
Tandra - Tall Blonde?

Hope this explains a few things. It'll get easier every week.

Kim Hornsby is a novelist with bestselling The Dream Jumper's Promise, having over 60,000 downloads on Amazon and 235 reviews. She writes a series based on The Bachelor called The Husband Hunt, novellas that are available on Amazon, the first one free!