The Juan Pablo Witch Hunt

I think we can all agree that Juan Pablo Galavis, this year's BACHELOR, is sexy, charming, and a great first date if you are a single twenty-something woman.
But, as seen on The Bachelor's The Women Tell All last night, I think we can also agree that the women were collectively upset that J.P. did not get to know most of them, nor did he care to. He was congenial, polite and fun to look at. They wanted more.
As Chris Harrison said, Juan Pablo had his favorites and did not pursue the others. Was he on the show to meet and marry the love of his life? Who knows? We only get to see what the director of the show wants us to see.

Regardless of his intentions, Juan Pablo has proven to be a controversial Bachelor if only for his inability to filter his thoughts in front of the camera. He's been misinterpreted in his views of gay relationships, has played favorites on the show and even told the outspoken attorney, Andi Dorfman, that she barely made the cut to the final three women. To add to that he also mentioned to her his overnight date with Clare, something that makes Andi steaming mad. Juan Pablo may be immature in some ways, insensitive in others, and an opportunist, but he's also easy going, a good sport and sympathetic. He's done well for The Bachelor franchise with his pecs and six pack, his Latin accent, and undeniably attractive athleticism. All physical attributes, yes, but remember, this is not the History Channel. There's a reason we watched every week and it wasn't for the amazing conversations.

Juan Pablo's first language is Spanish. He has trouble with English, whether the women on the show want to admit it or not. He's unfamiliar with our thousands of expressions and English/Americanisms we take for granted. If you think he knows exactly what he's saying all the time, you are wrong, like calling his daughter "my little package" on camera several times until a producer told him it sounded like he was referring to his "small penis".




Judging from the witch hunt last night, here's some bones of contention with the ladies:

He had a strange sense of fair. When it came to kissing, he tried to resist kissing them all and those who he was able to resist, he told them he was abstaining because of his daughter. That didn't sit well.
My take: He kissed who he wanted. Renee waited for that first kiss because she's a mother, which J.P. explained last night is something he holds in a very high regard. If he really liked you, he kissed you, ladies. Move on.

He took Clare off to the hot tub during a group date, thereby showing disrespect to the ones left behind. If you know how this show works, there are huge clumps of time where the technicians set up for certain shots and the girls have to sit around amusing themselves. Filming a show like this takes a lot of time, logistics, and has the 'Talent' waiting for hours each day. This is why actors have fancy trailers where they can knit and keep busy while the show works on camera angles, lighting and arranges the set. To have two people gone for an hour might have been disrespectful to the other girls but this is the nature of The Bachelor. He's going to like some girls more than others. If that hurts your feelings, what are you doing on a reality show competing for the attention of one man amongst 25 women?
My take: Yes, he was disrespectful and zeroed in on Clare a lot.

He went 'swimming' with Clare and no one knew she'd snuck out, not even her roommates.
 Surprisingly, the ladies did not talk much about Clare being sneaky. As a matter of fact, they mostly stood up for her saying if J.P. had zeroed in on them like that, they would have done the same thing. Taking it back the next morning left Clare feeling cheap but if she hadn't started crying (something that always makes J.P. go into Daddy-mode), the incident might have blown over without a lot of fuss.
My take: What the Bachelor was trying to say to Clare was that he has no willpower where she's concerned and he needs her to be mindful of Camila because he can't do it.

Kelli was upset last night. She brought up J.P.'s comments on having a Gay Bachelor someday. Apparently she has a gay parent and took offense at the use of the word "perverted." For anyone who doesn't have a dictionary, perverse means to "deviate from conventional behavior". Society has changed it's meaning to include sexual deviants but in a broad definition anything that isn't conventional can be called perverted. Talk about lost in the translation! This comment and those tears coming from the girl who said she bet Clare had swallowed lots bigger stuff than a little piece of octopus, on national T.V. And now she's all over social media making fun of Juan Pablo's accent. She and Andi Dorfman.
My take: Girls can be mean. Unless he intentionally hurt you, be quiet. And shut up Victoria who was so drunk on her last night on the show, she should never have come back for Women Tell All. Don't try to tell the viewing public that J.P. has no problem with the language. That's called diverting attention from yourself to gain allies. Watch House of Cards.

Juan Pablo bragged in private with Andi on their fantasy suite date. Men brag. J.P. is doing M&M commercials, Muppet Movie commercials, has the media's attention. So he's braggy and likes to name drop. Stand up and walk out, Andi, say he's not the man for you. Don't make faces about how awful he is. The media goes nuts with every little thing while THE BACHELOR is running on T.V. The perverted incident and Andi's character assassination were both blown out of proportion. To the left is a picture of Juan Pablo and his ex girlfriend, the mother of his daughter, reading what US magazine has concocted about their relationship. I'm sure it was not good.
My take: The media can ruin a career, make or break a person and I don't think anything should be said lightly on national T.V.

He didn't ask the women about themselves. Basically, he wasn't interested and doesn't have enough Bachelor smarts to know he should've pretended to be interested or he'd be raked over the coals in women tell all.

He said "It's Okay" a lot. If I spoke Spanish I might say "Mucho Bueno" a lot too.
My take: Andi, you do a thing with your mouth a lot and you don't see me telling you to stop it or I'm going to strangle you. Chill pill in order. And stop teasing him on social media. It's mean.

Once again, Sharleen tried to assume her superiority over the whole show by not taking back her comment about wishing she was dumber, thereby insulting all the other ladies on the show, as well as Juan Pablo. Oh, Sharleen, I bet you were a real nerd in school.

What's going to happen next week? If Juan Pablo went into this unique, coveted, and difficult situation of being the  next Bachelor on the premise that it would further his career and he might get a girlfriend out of it, that sounds about right. The girls have ulterior motives too, believe it or not. Here's Nurse Nikki not looking like a nurse.

When you really think about it, is this T.V. reality show the best way to meet women and find someone who loves you for who you really are? If you answered yes, read on. Look back at past Bachelors and tell me that no one else has gone on the show with ulterior motives--the prince who had a home shopping business empire, the British Guy who wanted a green card, the comedian who ended up marrying and divorcing the soap opera star, the vintners, the Texan who was on twice, and on and on.


Sean Lowe and Jason Meznick are unique examples of Bachelors who were actually looking to meet the love of their life, but remember how Jason ended up with Molly after initially choosing Melissa?

Next week The Bachelor airs from St. Lucia, where Juan Pablo, Clare and Nikki have time to get to know each other better. After fantasy dates  and meeting his family, both girls end up crying in their respective hotel rooms as their boyfriend walks solitarily up a jungly hill in a tuxedo.

My take: I'm thinking we might not have our happy ending with this one. Judging by the tears next week, maybe true love is not found. If Juan Pablo doesn't ask one of them their favorite color, their religion, and where they went to school, the whole thing might signal he's just not that into either, and The Bachelor will blow up in everyone's face.

Regardless of Juan Pablo's agenda and the final outcome, let's give him a break, shall we? Just because we have a taste of Bachelor Love ending in a wedding (Sean and Catherine) remember that most people go on the show for adventure, free trips, free booze, and exposure on TV for a career, not to mention the alumni cruises and parties afterwards.
Not everyone is innocently looking for love.

Kim Hornsby is the bestselling author of The Dream Jumper's Promise, a romantic suspense novel, set in Hawaii that has almost 200 reviews on Amazon. A download is 0.99 and includes a recipe for teriyaki chicken with mango salsa.
Kim also publishes short novellas based on The Bachelor, called THE HUSBAND HUNT, free for download on Amazon Books.

Juan Pablo and Clare Get Sexy in Vietnam

The latest installment of THE BACHELOR had Renee finally getting that kiss, Clare finally getting that swim in the ocean, and three girls who got very little air time, finally going home.

In my family room, we were overjoyed when Renee got the one on one date with Juan Pablo. My daughter even looked up from her tablet and maybe even took one ear bud out to listen!

The single mom from Florida, who's been consoling and drying tears all over the bachelorette mansion was over- the- Vietnamese- moon happy about the prospect of spending the day with J.P. So much so that I think she said her palms curled? And tingled. I cringed, waiting for another date where Juany does not kiss the cute mom with the ultra straight hair and ankle tattoo. Wandering around Hoi An, the two parents bought gifts for the kiddo's back home, and once again, I was worried that Renee was slipping off in to the friend zone with too much talk of children. At dinner, they were at it again. Ben this, Camila that. But, Juan did explain that he didn't feel right about kissing her on national TV seeing her son was 8 years old, and probably stayed up to watch his mommy on The Bachelor. What?

The group date had lots of Andi bitching and moaning about never getting one on one time with the guy she is dating. Although she's a favorite, I got a little tired of hearing the same thing in four different outfits and hairstyles. I know the producers do this on purpose, tell the girls to say it again and again, just in case they didn't get it first time in the other dress and ponytail. Shame.
But, once Andi heard that one word from J.P. she settled down. "Patient" or was it "Trust"? Didn't matter, she just needed to hear him speak a word to her.
Earlier, the group paddled giant coconuts around some brown water, went farming and had a true Vietnamese experience in Tra Que Village while Clare and J.P. tried to have alone time. Again. What we didn't see until the ending credits, was the funny ox-riding, showing a tail repeatedly swatting Ally's backside, like it wasn't bad enough that she never got a one on one date. But the ox scene didn't have the drama of Clare stealing off with J.P. in the coconut. At the evening party, Andi was upset again when her boyfriend stole the blonde hairstylist for a quick swim in his hotel suite's frigid pool, right after he made a group toast to a wonderful evening with 9 ladies. Shame J.P.

All he wanted was to ravage Clare, so was it any wonder that later, when she snuck off after filming ended for the night (or did it?) and found herself at Juan's door to ask him for a swim in the ocean, he'd accept? She'd never had an ocean swim before. Or was it a warm ocean swim, or was it a swim wrapped around a Venezuelan soccer player? Once out in the warm waves, the two lustbirds went at it. How long did the cameras have to stand there on the beach with lights on the locked-together couple? And what went on? We'll never know. Or will we? Apparently it went too far but they didn't do anything inappropriate, in Clare's mind.
One of the best lines of the night came from Opera Diva, Sharleen, who said her goal was for J.P. to see her as a panda in a room of brown bears. Nice Chinese analogy that I hope to use on my daughter now instead of that army one - be all that you can be.


The next one on one date was with Nurse Nikki. Heading off to Marble Mountain, Juan Pablo found the beginning a little rough seeing he'd been swimming/snuggling until the sun came up with the hairdresser. All he said to Nikki was that he wasn't a morning person. Little did she know why he was so incredibly tired. Her ignorance worked to her advantage as she fearfully rappelled into the belly of the mountain, with J.P. guiding her butt to safety. And his waiting arms.

Dinner at the Full Moon Town Restaurant had Juany interviewing Nikki for the role of stepmother, and Nikki giving the interview her all. She got the rose and kisses followed, leaving us to wonder if the Bachelor compares the girls' kissing abilities. I think even though he can't say pediatrics, Juany sees the value in having a nurse in the house with Camila. Don't you?
The Rose ceremony had the girls gathering in an overly lit, pagoda on the water, all crammed in to an L-shaped couch where once again, Juan Pablo took Clare for alone time. Turned out he regretted something they did in the ocean, or after the ocean, the night before. This had us wondering about logistics of waves, water, bathing suits, cameras, protection. Whatever went on, Clare thought it was the most beautiful thing ever, blissful, and J.P. was backtracking big time, having finally come to his senses to realize. Maybe knowing that they filmed what went on in the warm ocean and his daughter might one day see that, he rethought his lusty behavior. That, and having a real, but nice date with a pretty nurse who's a bit shy.
Oh, and the 'Swim' wasn't fair to the other girls. Duh! The sneaky girl who goes to the bachelor's room on every show often makes it to the hometown date level, but rarely lasts much past that unless your name is Courtney and the guy's name is Ben Flajnik. Poor Clare. "We didn't do anything inappropriate", was said (by her) leaving us wondering again if the fantasy suite came early or what??
Juan got all upset about eliminations but the most shocking part of the evening was leaving the last rose to hand out to our beloved Andi. That'll teach a girl to tell the Bachelor she's having a hard time sharing. Andi appears next week in her one piece bathing suit kissing J.P. under a waterfall so it looks like she finally gets her one on one date, unless Clare was being held back by the producers, just off camera.

Eliminated: Funny Kelly, the dog lover, but so stuck in the friend zone, Danielle with curly hair who we rarely got to see, and Ally, the nanny from Chicago who was probably very funny and cute and lovely and interesting but looked too much like Andi.
Next week, New Zealand, mate!

Kim Hornsby is the Bestselling Author of Suspense. Her novel THE DREAM JUMPER'S PROMISE is FREE Feb 3-5th 2014 at Amazon books. With 174 Reviews, most 5 Star, this book is her #1 BESTSELLER. click on the link to "buy" a copy.
 She also writes short stories in The Husband Hunt series, modeled after The Bachelor. The first in the series is free on Amazon books for download on Kindle, computer, or phone. Click here.

Juan Pablo is Sucked Into the Vortex!

Spoiler Alert!

Juan Pablo cannot be that stupid. He just can't. Everything we've seen so far tells us he puts Camila's interests first, before his own, going so far as to fix her wedgie on national TV. (I won't tell you what my GF said to me about J.P. fixing her wedgie anytime).
Last night on The Bachelor, the Pabs fell for womanly tricks, twice! And we saw him sinking deep into that hole of "I'm thinking with my libido, not my head".

At the beginning of last night's episode, everyone flew to South Korea but of course, the Bachelor does not get to do this 14 hour flight with the women. He flies separately and although you may think this is because it takes the group of women a full day to pack up their seventeen suitcases each  and he can't be bothered waiting,I believe it's because he goes early to scout out date locations. Ever wonder how he knows where to go and what to do in foreign countries?
There were two group dates this week so if I jumble the dates, it's because it was confusing.

With Gangum Style being so incredibly popular in the U.S. (even pistachio commercials?), Juan Pablo had the first group date head on over to a TV station to learn a dance with K-Pop's biggest Korean stars -2NE1. This is actually pronounced 21. Apparently these four ladies who sing and dance are huge stars in Korea, enough to fill an enormous mall to about 47 people. What? The girls danced in K-Pop outfits, arrived in a limo and got their K-Pop Star on. Personalities were revealed as Nurse Nikky became the most whiney contestant in the history of The Bachelor and Kat became the most dancey person in the history of The Bachelor.
Yes, Kat can dance but then so can Cassandra (she was a cheerleader!).
 And Nikky, just shut up. It was too much, hearing how traumatic it would be to go on the stage to dance.
At the end of the party, though, Nikky got the rose probably for pretending to be shy, and in need of floral approval. After listening to her whine all day about not wanting to dance in front of a crowd and how she doesn't fit in with the group of girls because she doesn't have sisters, this made us mad. And made Kat fake a happy smile.

The one on one date saw Pabby with Sharleen, who pretending to not want to sing for him because-- WHY? She doesn't usually sing for her men this early in the relationship. WHAT? Maybe she was afraid that if he heard her amazing voice he'd fall in love with that, not her wonderful personality? News alert: Her personality is a bit lacking. And I'm being polite here because she's Canadian. And so am I.
My hubby pointed out it isn't like she's a rock star or stripper, men don't usually go for opera singers. And then she says she doesn't like kids! Or something like that. She doesn't want kids. What we know for sure (by her strangeness) is that Sharleen is terrified of looking like the other girls. She went on to tell the Latin Daddy that she dated a man with a four year old daughter and couldn't get past the fact he'd already had his first child with someone else. Excuse me J.P.! YOU HAVE A FIVE YEAR OLD DAUGHTER! Hello? Does this sound familiar?
Pabby gave her a rose for being so honest, which is the same as saying "I'm like a moth to your raging bonfire."

In order to justify this rose, I had to tell myself that she must've said something off camera like "I am ready for motherhood now, even though I wasn't back then," or "You make me want to have those three kids you are planning on." Otherwise how didn't J.P. see that she is all wrong for him? Maybe men do like Opera Singers. AND, Sharleen is the most awkward flirter I've ever seen. She just plain can't flirt properly. (Watch Andi for some great flirting!) Juan Pablo, listen to me. She is not on THE BACHELOR because she feels she's ready for a commitment and kids. She's promoting her business, http://sharleenjoynt.com/
The next group date involved Renee, Andi, Clare, and others who faded into the background. Oh, and Lauren the pianist. They sang karaoke, drove Swan boats, and had fish eat their dead-skinned feet. Finally Renee got some airtime!
 Clare has now claimed the Pabs for herself and looked silly with all her hanging off him and squeezing herself into other girls' spaces to guard her man. When they got all dressed up for a fun evening, Juan gave the rose to Andi, who is a front runner in my opinion. As a lawyer, she knows enough to not talk stink in front of the camera. Unlike Nikki, Clare and Elyse. Oh and Lauren drank too much, went in for the kiss and he refused her. Apparently now Juan is only going to kiss girls he's absolutely unable to avoid kissing (because of his terrible willpower), like Clare.
And what's up with Kelly, the dog lover? We never get to see if she has any sort of relationship with Juany. I have a theory that she's his friend in the real world, planted to help him see what's going on backstage. Why else would they allow a girl to bring her dog on The Bachelor? Ever seen them hug? Like siblings. And he gave her the rose when they dressed like dogs, that day. Hmmmm? Best line of the night was a diss on Clare who squabbled about the tiny piece of octopus she put in her mouth. Kelly said to the camera: "I know you've swallowed bigger things than that."
The cocktail party and rose ceremony was strange and not just because it was outside where the temps made everyone shiver but because even though the girls with roses made a pact to not hog J.P. so others could get time with him, Nicky still took him from Clare and the fight began. Meow! Nikki might be able to diaper a baby like a champ but she's not able to look Juan in the eyes.

Lauren went home for various reasons, one being the crying at the group date, begging to be kissed and not having a good enough rapport with JP, Elise also was sent packing and I'm sure if she's watching the show, she knows enough now to never trash talk the baby (Chelsea) again.

What did we learn from tonight's episode? Men are easily led down that slippery slope to lust by the girls who best know how to work it.
Next week looks good with J.P. and Clare taking something too far and regretting it. Muuuhaaaaa.

Kim Hornsby is an Amazon Bestselling Author. THE HUSBAND HUNT series on Amazon books, is modeled after THE BACHELOR.

The Bachelor Makes Horrible Mistake

Last night on The Bachelor, Juan Pablo chose to have a pool party instead of a formal cocktail party with the girls, thereby establishing the Latin Daddy as one of the most unique Bachelors in Bachelor history.

Horrible Mistake: I expected a quick on-air apology or disclaimer would be inserted into last night's airing after J.P. called Gay Love "perverted" in public last weekend. There was no mention of it on The Bachelor last night, only media back peddling. When he realized what he'd said and how un P.C. it was, J.P. quickly apologized, saying the language barrier was the problem and ABC's lawyers publicly disowned his comments in legal fashion.  But calling same sex relationships perverted was a word choice that will tarnish his name. I'm not sure he'll ever get back to America's Latin sweetheart after this.
FACT: The dictionary's definition of Perverse is to deviate from conventional behavior, so it could be a case of Lost in Translation.

Last night's installment of the Bachelor started with a one on one date with Cassandra, the shy, leggy, single mom. J.P. has said that if he isn't feeling it from the two mommies, he'll let them go ASAP because they have children waiting at home. That's fair.
Obviously he felt something for Cassandra, although it was hard to see from my spot on the couch. They laughed, danced, ate, kissed, but I did not see anything romantic happening between the two. Mostly they gazed at pictures of their kids at J.P.'s house. Her son's Daddy, by the way, is a Basketball player for the Detroit Pistons, the team she cheerled for.
(Is that a verb? Sorry)  If we had to hear that she hadn't had a first date in 3 years one more time, I think I was going to throw my bag of Double Stuff Oreos at the TV. She got a rose.
Then the smiley, little Science Educator got a one on one date, thereby setting some name-calling in motion from the gal who thought she'd get the date, Elyse. "Baby" "Immature" "Too young" "Baby". Calling another girl names on air and then with other girls is the kiss of death. Expect to see her exit soon.
Yes, the gal is fun, funny, fun-loving, but boy, did we ever see a serious side of her when they stood on the bridge getting ready to bungee jump. J.P. told her it was her choice and after fifteen minutes of her crying, shaking, hugging, she jumped with him. Dinner that night looked fun. I didn't see much kissing. Just sayin'.
The group date included a bevy of others including Sharleen who is getting on my nerves fast, even though I am Canadian by birth and have a child from Taiwan and should like this candidate. BUT, she's sneakier than she looks, seems. With her flimsy, revealing dresses, her upsweep hairdo's and her elegant ways, she's enticing Juan Pablo. Anyone notice her back away and tuck her chin when he leaned in to kiss her last night?

He likes her. She's playing the game well. I predict the girls will be scratching her eyes out in another episode or two. Next week she sings which will probably make J.P. giddy with excitement.
I like Andi. She wears a one piece swim suit for crying out loud! What's not to like. Andi is well-spoken and fun.

Clare is getting needy and got one of the last roses in the cluster last night, a blatant message to cheer up and get back in the game. She did not get her own picture this week as punishment for being clingy.

Once again Renee, the Florida Mama, is the go-to girl when tears flow. She's definitely mother material but I haven't seen her with J.P. yet. Have you? I'm fantasizing that she gets a new, improved hairstyle and a bit of a makeover, rises to the top of the heap, and we get to see how fantastic she and Juan Pablo are for each other.
Hippy Girl, Lucy, was eliminated for being naked too much along with another gal who we never heard from and didn't memorize her name. Lucy cried, which surprised me. I think she might get her own reality show now, called Naked Hippy Chick.
Looks like next week they take off for China or another country that is under Chinese rule, Clare hogs The Bachelor, Sharleen continues to elegantly weave a spell around Juan Pablo and the drama continues. Did you expect any less?

Rumor Alert: Chris Harrison, who is single, has been seen with former contestant Selma who wouldn't kiss Sean Lowe on national TV. Apparently, last weekend he called her "my girlfriend'. As long as you don't take her on TV and kiss her Chris, you should be good.

Kim Hornsby is the author of THE HUSBAND HUNT, a contemporary romance FREE on Amazon Books modeled after The Bachelor.

The Bachelor Boots the Drunk Girl

Last night on Juanuary's Bachelor, we got to watch the episode where one girl drinks too much, this time waaaaaaaaay too much. She could still walk, could still talk (unfortunately) and could definitely straddle someone and twerk. Victoria probably shamed her Brazilian family in last night's episode by getting shoot-faced and causing such high drama that the cameramen and producers were actually seen on TV. I love it when that happens. The other girls on the group date were horrified, never having seen someone like that before. Oh sure!
All but Rene, the mom from Florida who followed a hysterical Victoria to the bathroom cubicle to try to reason with her. Personally, I was yelling "you can't reason with a drunk!"
Juan Pablo saw the situation for what it was-bad news central- and left to go home after saying goodbye to everyone. The next day he arrived at the hotel where they stashed her to sober up, (probably just two floors down from the hot tub date), and he told her very nicely that he just came to see how she was and tell her goodbye. He can't have that type of behavior around a child. Of course he can't. Well done, Juan.  Did anyone else notice Victoria didn't apologize profusely and say that's never happened before? She didn't even try to say she thought one of the other girls roofied her.
Let's back up. The first date last night was given to Clare, the gal who is as pretty as a scenic painting of a snowfall in a coniferous forest. And where did they go? A Tessla took the daters to a snowfall in a coniferous forest somewhere in Los Angeles. Go figure.
They sledded in jeans, fell all over an ice skating rink and then in their swim suits, hot tubbed and groped each others' perfect bodies. eye y'eye y'eye! After some guy sang, whose name made me have a dream last night about dating John Krasinski, they declared the date the best time ever and Clare ended up back at the Girls' Dormitory in bed.
The next date was another one on one, this time for the perky dancer, Kat. Good choice Juan. Turned out they grand marshaled Utah's nighttime glow stick run of 5K, dancing to Electric Dance Music along the way. Brother, can those two ever dance! I would've watched the whole two hours of them dancing. J.P. was pretty turned on and I bet the dancing magic spell worked both ways. Think the trip home on the private jet was fun? Oh wait, they go everywhere with cameras and bearded men with glasses and ponytails. Never mind.
The group date included most everyone else but Opera Girl and two others. On that date the girls were matched with stray dogs, costumed to look like the dogs and humiliated, if your name is Andi. Two girls were told to wear only their birthday suit and a small sign for the scheduled photo shoot to support Best Friends Animal Society. The signs read "Adopt" and "Me".
CHEAP TRICK. UNCALLED FOR. Squirm-Worthy. And judging by the fact ABC's Bachelor site changed the photo on their site from the nude one (with parts hidden) to another, only an hour ago, I'd say they got the message they went too far this time. This date with Andi, reminded me of the one-armed girl who was socially forced to go roller skating two seasons ago. Nasty trick.
Andy took it on the chin, telling Juan Pablo that she was doing fine, but when questioned just before she had to take off her clothes, she admitted she was shy and the only one of the girls who brought one piece bathing suits to be on The Bachelor. I felt so badly for her until J.P. told her he'd do it and he was nervous too. If they did get nude together, they'd be helping the dogs. I don't know about you but at home, when I heard those words from his lips, I proceeded to strip, and then remembered he wasn't talking to me. (I must love dogs!).The photo shoot went well, the rose went to the gal who dressed in a goofy bald costume (?) but I can't imagine that Juan Pablo has forgotten what a good sport Andi was. Oh yea, Hippy Chick, Lucy, who loves to show her body at any given moment, was as happy as a hog in mud on the other side of J.P. in her birthday suit. weeeeeee!
At the cocktail party/rose ceremony we finally got to see Opera Girl, Sharleen, who apologized for being flippant and poorly spoken when she got the first impression rose the week before.
If she didn't have her Juan Pablo on before, she is definitely suiting up now. I see stars in her eyes for the charming Bachelor. We knew this would happen. I'm still mad at her for being so flippant, eh? The thaw will be fun to watch.

Who went home? Oh the gal who did her own on-air audition to be a TV interviewer. She and her enormous perfect teeth showed America that she has what it takes to do small town news, powder puff pieces and probably blew her chance at Juan Pablo by using her time alone with him to audition. Also, Chantel, a stunning beauty who got lots of air time to show the world that The Bachelor is an equal opportunity show for African Americans. And of course, Victoria the drunken vixen was long gone now too. Aside: Victoria did offer my favorite quote of the night when she called the Heimlich manoeuver the Hymen manoeuver. Or remover. Not sure. Hopefully she's re-evaluating whether drinking so much caused her demise on the show. I'm sure the media is camped outside her house, waiting for comments, and she's wishing a girl could just go to the women's bathroom without big burly men with cameras following to record every word. But no. Remember, this is The Bachelor!
Oh and P.S.: Juan Pablo favorited one of my tweets this week which makes us super close now. See you next week!

Kim Hornsby is a Bestselling author on Amazon. Her series The Husband Hunt is modeled after The Bachelor. She lives in Jason and Molly, Des and Chris Town. Seattle.

Juan Pablo Rejected!

Juanuary is off to a great start with the 2 night premier now under our sparkly belts. Fashion was at a premium, tears were flowing, girls were drinking, and Juan Pablo, the newest Bachelor, was as charming and real as we expected. This is not your ordinary bachelor. Oh no!

He's Latin, for one thing, (speaks with an accent), he has a child, Camila (who looks like a normal little girl) and this Bachelor looks more like a deer caught in the headlights than anyone who has gone before him, including Ben Flajnik, or whatever the Napa vintner's name was. How could you reject such a sweetheart? More on that in a bit.
 Juan Pablo Galavis apparently has trouble finding women who would be good wife/mommy material, something I'm still scratching my head over months after hearing this. Moving on.
I tweeted and voted and shared and posted for the Venezuelan soccer player to be the next Bachelor so you can imagine that I'm happy to sit and watch Juan Pablo for two hours as he soaps his newly-toned body in the shower and laughs with Sean Lowe over going shirtless (they did) and how many girls to kiss. I loved the conversation those two had, full of teasing and good-natured fun -- like watching bloopers but not.

After a touching segment with Juan Pablo and Camilla and then his parents, it was on to the girls. Dirty Trick #1- The director made us root for the poor gal who opened her first Old Folks Home at the age of twenty. (Spoiler alert - She left in the first boat off the island). Boo.
Some girls the producers chose to compete for Juan's affection looked a little full of themselves, some looked overly excited about a reality show that might see them hitting the curb after the first night, and one looked downright strange in hippy garb with no makeup. The night before, she leaped into Chris Harrison's arms (her legs wrapped around his hips) to genuflect on her excitement to be on the show.
Hippy Girl, we'll call her, seeing she wore a flowery hairband and bare feet to the formal cocktail party and proceeded to put her dirty, big feet on JP's lap later and tell him she's a free spirit and hippy. Sound like a good mom for Camilla? Well, JP saw something in her and she will be going on to the next round. Maybe he read online that she's best friends with Kate Upton or that she wants to be a Mommy. Or that she dances naked in Mexico.

Twenty-seven girls got out of various limos, one bicycling a piano up the uneven driveway as she played-can you say awkward!?- one pretending she was pregnant - not awkward at all! - and one trying a science experiment about chemistry and then not even kissing his pursed lips - super awkward and missed opportunity!
I have to admit, aside from Hippy Girl, they all looked relatively sane. Then the alcohol took effect and things took a first night bachelor party too much champagne, turn. Cry Girl found it all just too close to the phone call where her fiance broke up with her months before and became, well, Cry Girl.
Not something you want to aspire to on the first night. Then she proceeded to tell JP about her heartache while he squirmed on the couch beside her. I'm surprised she didn't wear her ring. Poor Cry Girl who spent precious on-air time telling us she's not usually like this. Hopefully she'll laugh at After the Final Rose. Or even get invited, because she was eliminated faster than you can say "Don't cry, beg, or confess on the first night Cry girl!"
The Prosecutor from Florida stood out last night as normal,  flirty, cute, able to not seem desperate like some. See her picture to the right...
BUT, the most awkward moment of the whole night, besides Hippy Girl's feet and Massage Girl's horribly embarrassing attempt to win JP over with a clothes on, weird idea massage on a table set up in the garden, was the First Impression Rose. This, to me, is a kiss of death because many recipients go on to later make a horrible impression or get so full of themselves that they ruin their chances by developing needy behavior. Opera Girl, however, played it so cool when JP took off to get the rose that we felt horribly sorry for our TV Latin boyfriend. She admitted to the camera that she did not feel any attraction to the bachelor and when Juan Pablo handed her the rose, expecting some excitement, she paused so long I had time to yell at the TV "Take it back, Juan, she won't love you like I will. Oh, I mean like the other girls will." She took it, however, thereby taking up space in the final group of worthy gals when we know she won't return his affections. Or will she? In later episodes we see her embracing him, crying and even not calling him "Sir". What was up with that? I know us Canadians are polite but SHEESH!
The fact she's part Taiwanese gives her a 1/2 vote from me though. (My daughter is Taiwanese). Maybe she had a Tiger Mom who made her call everyone Sir. Canadians, however,don't call people sir and especially not a man who's singling you out of 27 gorgeous, accomplished women to say you are special. Translation: "I love your dress" really means 'I'm attracted to you.' Said twice, it means,"throw me a bone here, woman."

Front runners thus far, for me, are Nurse Nikki, Ali the Nanny and Piano Girl. Oh and The Prosecutor, Andi.
That's just my opinion and I'm not a man, not Latin, not actually there in the Mansion, not off camera watching these women in their unnatural habitat of evening gowns and champagne.
But that's what this show is all about, isn't it? Sitting on our couches at home, forming opinions, talking to the TV and watching this dating process unfurl before us. Can't wait for next week!



Kim Hornsby is the author of THE HUSBAND HUNT, a series of novellas on AMAZON books that take place in a fictitious Reality TV show. The first in the series is a free download, called Jaxie's Mistake. "like watching a season of The Bachelor!"
Check it out! http://amzn.com/B00BN1YNS0

Juan Pablo, the next Bachelor!

Update: August 6
Juan Pablo IS the next Bachelor!!! It's official. Women were screaming in delight at the announcement last night on After the Final Rose. Now we just have to wait until January to see what happens in September, October, November with J.P.

blog- from July 26th...

I didn't post Monday night with my take on Men Tell All but that doesn't mean I didn't see Ben look like a cornered Baboon on Monday night on THE BACHELORETTE- The Men Tell All, or watch James dig himself deeper into the "I don't understand commitment" hole. Michael got to prosecute a little more, Zak W got to sing another original song about his feelings, Hashtag Kasey got more airtime than he got on the actual show, the Fantasy Suite guy got to apologize for his misuse of what he thought would be funny,

Anyone else out there believe that Juan Pablo would make a terrific Bachelor? I do. Forget Zack W. or James (bad joke), I lurv Juan Pablo. His name, by the way, is said this way--WhoWawn Pawblow.  Blow a little on the "who" part.

This is my early prediction:
After the Men Tell All episode aired on Monday, I bet the producers of this franchise were considering the possibility of Zack W. as a Bachelor. However, once J.P. took the hot seat, it became apparent that the soccer player from Miami who happens to be a Daddy, is the biggest fan favorite in the history of The Bachelor. It might be the Latin lover thing but he is also a well spoken lovely person, something we did not get to see on Des's Bachelorette season because the producers wrote him off early. Until the tweets started to fly about J.P., I'm pretty sure the Bach powers-that-be had no idea he'd be taken into the bosom of American women everywhere and coddled like the sexy, tight jean-wearing hottie he is. Now we find out he's an interesting person on camera. The blatant omission of airtime for such a unique contender was almost as terrible as Des's impression that he's a Latin hottie. Even on Monday's show, all she could say was "Muy Caliente". It was very inappropriately timed when Des said this after the nation got to see the soft, lovely side of Juan Pablo. The men love him too. He's a definite favorite in the house and I believe he's the full meal deal with Daddyhood being the most important part of his life. Just sayin'. If he didn't go to the Ben school of Fathering, speaks English beautifully and women are intrigued, what are you waiting for Bachelor producers? Have you even looked at him through female eyes?

Here are my thoughts on Monday night, in a nutshell:

Kasey was well spoken but got too much time.
Ben was buried as a daddy on national TV by someone we didn't even know. Boy they sure hated Ben!
James just didn't get it. You don't plan future dates when you 'have a girlfriend'. You weren't in it for Des.
Zack is a sweetheart, a real man. And he can actually sing! (But please stop)
Michael is a prosecutioning player/jerk. He'll ride the Bachelor party train until he has to get off.
Bryden said nothing
Kasey said too much
Juan Pablo for president, I mean the next Bachelor. I believe that one of the reasons they taped early and aired early for Men Tell All, was not only because of what is going down on Monday with Brooks (or Drew) but because they wanted to gauge the public's opinion of both Zack and Juan Pablo to see who to offer the Golden Rose of Bachelorhood to. Filming for that will begin in a few weeks, don't cha know?
Can't wait to see who breaks Des's heart. It won't be pretty but I'm hoping it's Brooks, kinda. He doesn't deserve her love at this point.