Is it better to say 'box set' or 'boxed set' ? because these are the things that keep me up at night while I worry about my boxy set that's for sale on Amazon.
Last week we hit 269 in Paid Amazon Books, which our group thought was GREAT and we're still at #1 for Mystery Anthologies even though we are pushing 2,000 ten days later in Amazon books.
Here's the story of a bunch of authors who came together to rival the big romance names for a few days.
Passion & Danger
Originally posted in May 2015
The only thing that the Tant Ten authors had in common back in March was me. I emailed a bunch of authors I like who might want to give me their first in a series book to practically give away to gain readers and possibly hit the USA Today List. All of the authors wrote suspenseful stories with romance. Some were straight Romantic Suspense, some were police procedural with elements of romance. Miraculously, nine of them did give me their books and I got busy making a box set with the theme Passion & Danger in common.
We're still waiting to see the USA TODAY Bestselling list this week but I'm not holding my breath. We didn't even come close to the success of a Contemporary Romance box set or the Erotic box sets that released the same week. (Only the Contemporary one listed, as it turned out.)
Here's a list of some things I believe I did wrong, followed by what I did right, keeping in mind that I'm not a well-known romance author, don't have a huge following in Romance, and am a confused publisher at best.
* I assembled writers who turn out quality work-- first requirement. Most of us are not necessarily the most prolific romance authors but writers with great storylines, characters and something to offer. I'm kidding about doing this wrong.
* I didn't know as much about publishing on sites other than Amazon as I should have
* My enthusiasm and confidence superseded my knowledge of this game
* I didn't ask each author for $100 for promo, I was just amazed that 9 authors said yes!
* I did not employ a promo company to do all the ads and marketing
* I should have set up more marketing during the 5 weeks of presales
* I used Smashwords for those sites that Draft 2 Digital didn't have (but I had to)
* I fumbled around on Google Play, trying to understand how to publish
* We went for 'James Bond' classy and used a 1/4 naked man on the cover, not 1/2 naked
* Major promo stopped after the first week of release
* I didn't play up the Sizzling, Sexy, Hotness angle -- that seems to sell books like crazy these days
* I assumed we'd hit the USA TODAY Bestseller List
* Not sure if this hurt us or not but we have books from Sweet to Sizzling, Humorous to Thriller
* I Should have approached other box set authors about Cross Promo earlier
* Many of us don't have newsletters or large email lists and that would have been helpful
* With more money, we could have gone to RT in Dallas to promote (The conference was on opening weekend for us--built in hundreds of sales!)
* We did not have a Facebook Release Party with prizes, and that might have been a mistake
* I should have included the cost of the cover in with the initial group funds, not taken it out of our first paycheck.
* I should have tried to publish to Smashwords Premium Catalogue 3 months before release to allow for all the problems and hold up.
* We should have published two weeks earlier and missed competing with 2 other blockbuster box sets.
*We offered books in the set that had been out for years, not new material
* We did not focus on Nook, Apple, Google, Kobo etc and might have lost sales there.
* We could have done blog tours to get the word out but didn't tap that as much as we could've
We might have used a photo like this instead, eliminating the woman, showing a full chest and suggesting more heat in the set.
What I believe we did right
* I chose authors who would really care if they hit the USA Today list, not those already on it. Hunger is a big motivator.
* We attached not one, but two worthy charities to the sale of books
* I got a USA TODAY Bestselling author Alexa Grace to do this with us
* I scored Toby Neal, not a romance author per say, with a huge following!
* I assembled a group of wonderful, diverse novels all with the common theme of Passion & Danger
* We used a wonderful cover artist The Killion Group to do the cover
* The cover turned out beautifully. Hairy vs Slick, Shiny Chest? Not sure
* With our limited budget of $300 we chose our ads carefully according to most bang for buck (list of sites next week's blog)
* We chose categories and key words strategically on publishing sites
* I got Amazon to price match because we had a large file with photos and wanted .99
* I used Draft 2 Digital for everything I could, not Smashwords
* On Author Central I played with description and Editorial Reviews sections to get larger print and I listed book descriptions here
* We printed postcards and chocolate coins to give out at RT (they arrived too late)
* We eventually set our sights on having fun with this, not worrying about listing
* We created a Google document for texts, FB posts, ad information etc
* We made a private FB page where we could talk, rather than emails
* We gave ourselves a cute name :)
* Everyone contributed in different ways-- some with marketing, some with editing, some with formatting, some with making ads, a book trailer, teasers!
* Everyone pitched in $43 for ads
* As the publisher/marketer I dropped everything for 2 weeks and sat at the computer obsessively watching sales and tweeting. I stopped writing and promo'ing my singles and sales suffered there but I believed in the long-term effects of this set for all of us.
* We eventually got a few reviews up there. Phew!
* I tried to model our page after one that was preselling like CRAZY! Even though it had all NY Times Bestselling Authors.
* After release, we contacted authors from the other box sets with crossover readership and tweeted for them.
* We launched on a Sunday, which I l believed was the USA Today List first day to count sales (it's a bit of a mystery)
* I made a trailer, which probably helped sales
Passion & Danger
I'm still not sure why our readers bought the other box sets and very few of their readers bought ours. Maybe because we weren't represented at RT, maybe because we aren't NY Times Bestselling Authors, maybe we missed some list or something, but that still baffles me. The first week we did not get their readers, but they got ours. Hmmm???
We went in to Launch Day with 600 presales on Amazon to dump on the first day. After the first week, we'd hit #1 on Mystery Anthologies, which looks good to have that badge at the bottom, and had 2,000 sales from all sites. The set reached 269 on Amazon books and held below 500 for most of that first week. At 2,000 sales we fell short of our 7,000 sale goal to hit the USA Today list, but we felt like with all the box sets out there this week, that was pretty dang good. There were some VERY heavy hitters in our genre! And some single titles/ single authors in Anthologies which is unfair.
For a bunch of non New York Times bestselling authors offering books that had been around the block more than once, I realized that we did GREAT!
Put some PASSION&DANGER into ur Life! http://amzn.com/B00VZ8XL48 10 books for #99cents Bestselling authors! #indieauthors RT pls
Using what I learned, I'm thinking of doing a box set of new novellas if someone doesn't ask me to be in their set before then.
Hey, if no one invites you to the party, have your own party, right?
Update: December 2015
We did not list, made some money and were able to donate over $1,000 to the Foundation for Thymic Cancer and the Breast Cancer Research Foundation. For us, that made everything worth it. I put in about 200 hours on this project and don't regret a minute of it.
No one asked me to join a box set, so I published another one late November. This time, I assembled Suspense Holiday-themed novellas, which isn't an easy thing to sell. Suspense doesn't thrive at Christmas BUT Criminal Christmas is doing really well in sales. We keep just inside the top 100 Holiday Kindle category and figure we're gaining new readers. As the publisher, I did not go full out for hitting a list. If I ever do a box set again (and I'm really too burned out to do that as the publisher!) I will definitely take a cut of the profits as the publisher or ask for scads of money up front. It's sooo time consuming.
Criminal Christmas is a set of 8 stories, 6 Novellas (4 BRAND NEW!) 1 Short Story, and 1 Full Novel. Only .99 and the set features Alexa Grace, Ann Charles, Misty Evans, Adrienne Giordano, Jacki Delecki, Lori Leger, Alicia Dean, Amara Draska and me, Kim Hornsby.
Criminal Christmas Available at Amazon Kindle
Kim Hornsby is the Bestselling Author of THE DREAM JUMPER'S PROMISE and NECESSARY DETOUR. Her books are mostly available at Amazon because she believes in shopping local.
www.kimhornsbyauthor.net
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A Blog of Presumptuous Spewing by Bestselling Author of THE DREAM JUMPER'S PROMISE Kim Hornsby --Find Kim at www.KimHornsby.info
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Box Sets - Hitting the USA TODAY Bestseller List!
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Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Head Punching and Comedy on The Bachelorette
This week's The Bachelorette continues where last week left off. It's dawn and everyone moves into their respective houses after last week's revelation that Kaitlyn is the Bachelorette.
C.H. visits Kaitlyn to talk with her about the upcoming weeks and then we see Britt crying on the phone to her Mom to tell her she isn't the chosen one. Who didn't feel badly for her? I did. She was blindsided. Never did she entertain the idea she might not make it. Then there is a knock on the door and Cody walks in to give her a hug. You might remember he left the show to go find Britt. Talk about timing. Well done, Cody, well done.
The first date this week is a group date with Daniel the fashion designer, Justin the blonde, Jarred the bearded one, Tanner the handsome guy, Kupah the DJ, Ben the muscle man, and Corey the other blonde guy. Off they go to a warehouse set up with boxing equipment and Laila Ali, women's boxing champ and Dancing with the Stars alumni. They learn the art of boxing while I cringe at home, knowing soon they will be pounding the sh*t out of each other in the ring. And my prediction comes true. I have to look away. Watching people fight is painful for me, especially when they are hitting each other in the head, where the brain is located, you might remember from health class. Brains are super important.
Jarred is taken to the hospital to be checked out after a big punch to the side of his head and I am disgusted they always seem to do this on The Bachelorette. Note to future Bachelorettes: When they pitch this really fun idea, see it for what it is--a fight to the death for the girl, not a good-sported activity where everyone will laugh and bond. Ben Z. wins because he has 30 extra pounds of muscle on the guys. The cocktail party that night is without Jarred although on his way back from the hospital they allow him to send a note upstairs to get Kaitlyn to come down to say hi. Apparently the bearded restaurant manager is a good kisser. Jarred kind of looks like he could turn into a werewolf, doesn't he?
Back on the rooftop, Kaitlyn gives a rose to Ben, who admits that he likes to cook and his mom died when he was 14. He's not just a bunch of muscles after all.
The next date is a one on one and the artist who drew C.H. on a triceratops, Clint, gets the date. He and Kaitlyn drive to a poolside photo shoot, but wait, it's not poolside. It's an underwater photo shoot. This happens to be one of my favorite forms of photography. I happen to collect weird photos of women underwater. But enough about me. Kaitlyn and Clint have fun but the date seems kind of boring. Not her style. No sparks flying. However, at the rooftop dinner later, Kaitlyn declares he is a really good kisser too. Give that boy a rose for his kissing abilities. She does.
Back at the house, Gentle Tony, the plant talker guy is talking about love and coexisting after they get the final date card for a group of guys that includes him. He asks Justin advice on how to treat Kaitlyn.
With the help of funny lady Amy Schumer, Kaitlyn has the group date guys work on their standup routines at The Improv, one of L.A.'s famous comedy clubs. Ok, standup comedy is extremely difficult even if some of the country's best female funny ladies are helping the guys. Guess who is the least funny with absolutely no sense of humor at all. Tony. Yep. He has about as much funny as a rock and is two seconds from being boo'ed off the stage even though he tells the audience he's not a drinker and is now tipsy. JJ is obnoxious in his confidence and Amy says so to the camera, the dentist is funny, Ian is still pretty cute and after they pretty much fail as comics, they have a party where Kaitlyn wears another sparkly dress (?) and Kentucky boy gets some serious kissing in. JJ pulls the I have a preschool age daughter card to get the rose.
He's not a house favorite.
Meanwhile, Britt and Brady are on a date with ice cream cones and hand holding and he asks her to be his girl. Of course she says yes. Now she has saved face AND has a boyfriend she barely knows.
At the Rose Ceremony, the guys agree to let the men who didn't go on a date this week go first in talking to Kaitlyn alone. That is so incredibly nice of them! Wow! But wait. JJ ruins that by grabbing Kaitlyn after she slips into the room. The men do not like this at all. Tony the love guru even gets nasty about it, which is always fun to watch when someone who preaches love and calmness goes all ballistic. Ian the Princeton runner tells Kaitlyn his backstory, earning him some sympathy and then Kupah makes the worst mistake in Bachelor history. He pulls her aside to tell her that he thinks she doesn't even notice him. He won't leave it alone, can't stop talking, digs himself in deeper, until finally Kaitlyn calls a truce and they part. Kupah immediately heads off to a bunch of guys to loudly recount every word spoken and Kaitlyn hears all this from just around the corner. She pulls him aside and asks him to go home.
Then it gets interesting. He doesn't want to go and argues. "I don't want to go home. I think you're hot," he says like that is a good thing to say to a woman!
She sticks to her decision and he finally gets the message and heads to the driveway to film his contractually obliging exit interview. BUT, he doesn't want to talk to the camera and through the window, Kaitlyn sees him getting almost pushy with Elan Gale the hairy producer who sometimes sneaks on camera by accident. Kupah is pissed off!
To Be Continued flashes on the screen and we aren't even surprised because now these cliffhangers are a bonafide thing at The Bachelor.
Tune in next week to see if Kupah flattens Elan or if they have to call the big bruiser security guy who helped count roses last week.
While waiting, check out this fantastic set of 10 Romantic Suspense books for only .99 on Amazon. Is it a dream? No. They are only 99 cents. All ten. We are practically giving them away for the next few weeks.
C.H. visits Kaitlyn to talk with her about the upcoming weeks and then we see Britt crying on the phone to her Mom to tell her she isn't the chosen one. Who didn't feel badly for her? I did. She was blindsided. Never did she entertain the idea she might not make it. Then there is a knock on the door and Cody walks in to give her a hug. You might remember he left the show to go find Britt. Talk about timing. Well done, Cody, well done.
The first date this week is a group date with Daniel the fashion designer, Justin the blonde, Jarred the bearded one, Tanner the handsome guy, Kupah the DJ, Ben the muscle man, and Corey the other blonde guy. Off they go to a warehouse set up with boxing equipment and Laila Ali, women's boxing champ and Dancing with the Stars alumni. They learn the art of boxing while I cringe at home, knowing soon they will be pounding the sh*t out of each other in the ring. And my prediction comes true. I have to look away. Watching people fight is painful for me, especially when they are hitting each other in the head, where the brain is located, you might remember from health class. Brains are super important.
Jarred is taken to the hospital to be checked out after a big punch to the side of his head and I am disgusted they always seem to do this on The Bachelorette. Note to future Bachelorettes: When they pitch this really fun idea, see it for what it is--a fight to the death for the girl, not a good-sported activity where everyone will laugh and bond. Ben Z. wins because he has 30 extra pounds of muscle on the guys. The cocktail party that night is without Jarred although on his way back from the hospital they allow him to send a note upstairs to get Kaitlyn to come down to say hi. Apparently the bearded restaurant manager is a good kisser. Jarred kind of looks like he could turn into a werewolf, doesn't he?
Back on the rooftop, Kaitlyn gives a rose to Ben, who admits that he likes to cook and his mom died when he was 14. He's not just a bunch of muscles after all.
The next date is a one on one and the artist who drew C.H. on a triceratops, Clint, gets the date. He and Kaitlyn drive to a poolside photo shoot, but wait, it's not poolside. It's an underwater photo shoot. This happens to be one of my favorite forms of photography. I happen to collect weird photos of women underwater. But enough about me. Kaitlyn and Clint have fun but the date seems kind of boring. Not her style. No sparks flying. However, at the rooftop dinner later, Kaitlyn declares he is a really good kisser too. Give that boy a rose for his kissing abilities. She does.
Back at the house, Gentle Tony, the plant talker guy is talking about love and coexisting after they get the final date card for a group of guys that includes him. He asks Justin advice on how to treat Kaitlyn.
With the help of funny lady Amy Schumer, Kaitlyn has the group date guys work on their standup routines at The Improv, one of L.A.'s famous comedy clubs. Ok, standup comedy is extremely difficult even if some of the country's best female funny ladies are helping the guys. Guess who is the least funny with absolutely no sense of humor at all. Tony. Yep. He has about as much funny as a rock and is two seconds from being boo'ed off the stage even though he tells the audience he's not a drinker and is now tipsy. JJ is obnoxious in his confidence and Amy says so to the camera, the dentist is funny, Ian is still pretty cute and after they pretty much fail as comics, they have a party where Kaitlyn wears another sparkly dress (?) and Kentucky boy gets some serious kissing in. JJ pulls the I have a preschool age daughter card to get the rose.
He's not a house favorite.
Meanwhile, Britt and Brady are on a date with ice cream cones and hand holding and he asks her to be his girl. Of course she says yes. Now she has saved face AND has a boyfriend she barely knows.
At the Rose Ceremony, the guys agree to let the men who didn't go on a date this week go first in talking to Kaitlyn alone. That is so incredibly nice of them! Wow! But wait. JJ ruins that by grabbing Kaitlyn after she slips into the room. The men do not like this at all. Tony the love guru even gets nasty about it, which is always fun to watch when someone who preaches love and calmness goes all ballistic. Ian the Princeton runner tells Kaitlyn his backstory, earning him some sympathy and then Kupah makes the worst mistake in Bachelor history. He pulls her aside to tell her that he thinks she doesn't even notice him. He won't leave it alone, can't stop talking, digs himself in deeper, until finally Kaitlyn calls a truce and they part. Kupah immediately heads off to a bunch of guys to loudly recount every word spoken and Kaitlyn hears all this from just around the corner. She pulls him aside and asks him to go home.
Then it gets interesting. He doesn't want to go and argues. "I don't want to go home. I think you're hot," he says like that is a good thing to say to a woman!
She sticks to her decision and he finally gets the message and heads to the driveway to film his contractually obliging exit interview. BUT, he doesn't want to talk to the camera and through the window, Kaitlyn sees him getting almost pushy with Elan Gale the hairy producer who sometimes sneaks on camera by accident. Kupah is pissed off!
To Be Continued flashes on the screen and we aren't even surprised because now these cliffhangers are a bonafide thing at The Bachelor.
Tune in next week to see if Kupah flattens Elan or if they have to call the big bruiser security guy who helped count roses last week.
While waiting, check out this fantastic set of 10 Romantic Suspense books for only .99 on Amazon. Is it a dream? No. They are only 99 cents. All ten. We are practically giving them away for the next few weeks.
Labels:writer,blog, author, novelist,
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Thursday, May 21, 2015
Kissing & Crying on The Bachelorette!
Night two of the most controversial Bachelorette in history began with where we left off the night before.
The votes were in, a big bruiser/bouncer guy you wouldn't want to meet down a dark alley helped count the thornless roses in each box and the winner was...
Chris looked traumatized. He likes Britt. I personally think he was #TeamBritt and when he told her that she didn't win the chance to continue on with the show, she took it like a trooper, very few tears, was shocked and left without a fight. Chris walked her to the car, probably chanting "stupid idea to begin with" under his breath and off she went to the very understated condo complex where the ladies stayed for a week or two before only one of them would move in to the mansion.
Side note: The contestants/cast buy all their own clothes, do their own makeup and hair but the Bachelorette has a budget for clothes and goes shopping with the show stylist. During the show her hair and makeup are done by professionals. C.H. too but not Elan Gale, the producer with masses of hair that gets on camera if it tips over.
Then Kaitlyn was told the fabulous news by a straight-faced C.H. and after her exclamation of shocking joy she asked how Britt was doing. She cared about Britt. So Canadian. She called her Mom.
Back in the room, Kaitlyn hoped to convince anyone who didn't vote for her that she was worthy. Shawn the blonde cutie who she really liked in the driveway looked about as pleased as Kaitlyn that she was the Bachelorette.
My notes for the show were eaten by my dog (true story) and somehow we didn't tape the show so here's my recollection of what happened next.
Britt supporters were scared, sad, and wondered why they voiced who they'd vote for to the other guys. Namaste Guy who talks to plants went off alone to meditate on what the universe thought he should do now because he originally liked Kaitlyn, but voted for Britt because of the energy coming off her box. (Voting box)
I wrote on my cryptic notes that the dentist has moves. Anyone know what I meant? Did he dance or kiss her or what? Oh yes, he kissed her first. At least we can assume his breath is probably fresh, even at 4 a. m. after a night of drinking. He's pictured at the right.
But then she took Blonde Shawn aside and he REALLY kissed her. This girl loves to kiss (most Canadians do!) and he got the first impression rose from the girl with the orange spray tan and sparkly dress.
Then it was time for the rose ceremony and Brady asked to speak to Kaitlyn alone. This was the most shocking event in Bachelor history, I thought. The singer/songwriter, who was there for Britt (and probably to further his non-existent career) took himself out of the running in a brilliant move of strategy. Not having any emotional connection with Kaitlyn and probably seeing the writing on the wall that said "YOU'RE GOING HOME, DUDE" Brady made a last ditch effort to be a celebrity and left the show to go look for Britt. Nice move!
Of course he'd have a good chance to date her because she was at an all time low, no self-esteem, and would probably be touched that someone left the show for her. On Monday we get to see what happens there too.
Kaitlyn gave out roses, eliminating the stripper in a shocking move and they all toasted each other with their 7 a. m. glasses of wine. Filming had gone all night.
The previews looked like Nick (the slimeball who was filmed phoning on the plane home from Andi's season) Vial comes back and Kaitlyn sleeps with someone and cries about it profusely. Why??? Why Nick and why cry?
The early sex partner isn't the rose-strewn bed guy to the right because that's the fantasy suite bed so don't go blowing up this photo and analyzing his hair.
Then it looks like Kaitlyn confesses to the other men and they are pissed! My first impression was Do you think the Bachelors ever thought to cry about having sex too early on the show? cough Ben Flajnik, Bob Guiney. I don't think so.
This will be interesting to watch in the coming weeks. Isn't it always?
Kim Hornsby is a blogger and Bestselling author of Suspense as well as Romantic Short Stories on Amazon. One novella series takes after The Bachelor and is called The Husband Hunt.
The votes were in, a big bruiser/bouncer guy you wouldn't want to meet down a dark alley helped count the thornless roses in each box and the winner was...
Chris looked traumatized. He likes Britt. I personally think he was #TeamBritt and when he told her that she didn't win the chance to continue on with the show, she took it like a trooper, very few tears, was shocked and left without a fight. Chris walked her to the car, probably chanting "stupid idea to begin with" under his breath and off she went to the very understated condo complex where the ladies stayed for a week or two before only one of them would move in to the mansion.
Side note: The contestants/cast buy all their own clothes, do their own makeup and hair but the Bachelorette has a budget for clothes and goes shopping with the show stylist. During the show her hair and makeup are done by professionals. C.H. too but not Elan Gale, the producer with masses of hair that gets on camera if it tips over.
Then Kaitlyn was told the fabulous news by a straight-faced C.H. and after her exclamation of shocking joy she asked how Britt was doing. She cared about Britt. So Canadian. She called her Mom.
Back in the room, Kaitlyn hoped to convince anyone who didn't vote for her that she was worthy. Shawn the blonde cutie who she really liked in the driveway looked about as pleased as Kaitlyn that she was the Bachelorette.
My notes for the show were eaten by my dog (true story) and somehow we didn't tape the show so here's my recollection of what happened next.
Britt supporters were scared, sad, and wondered why they voiced who they'd vote for to the other guys. Namaste Guy who talks to plants went off alone to meditate on what the universe thought he should do now because he originally liked Kaitlyn, but voted for Britt because of the energy coming off her box. (Voting box)
I wrote on my cryptic notes that the dentist has moves. Anyone know what I meant? Did he dance or kiss her or what? Oh yes, he kissed her first. At least we can assume his breath is probably fresh, even at 4 a. m. after a night of drinking. He's pictured at the right.
But then she took Blonde Shawn aside and he REALLY kissed her. This girl loves to kiss (most Canadians do!) and he got the first impression rose from the girl with the orange spray tan and sparkly dress.
Then it was time for the rose ceremony and Brady asked to speak to Kaitlyn alone. This was the most shocking event in Bachelor history, I thought. The singer/songwriter, who was there for Britt (and probably to further his non-existent career) took himself out of the running in a brilliant move of strategy. Not having any emotional connection with Kaitlyn and probably seeing the writing on the wall that said "YOU'RE GOING HOME, DUDE" Brady made a last ditch effort to be a celebrity and left the show to go look for Britt. Nice move!
Of course he'd have a good chance to date her because she was at an all time low, no self-esteem, and would probably be touched that someone left the show for her. On Monday we get to see what happens there too.
Kaitlyn gave out roses, eliminating the stripper in a shocking move and they all toasted each other with their 7 a. m. glasses of wine. Filming had gone all night.
The previews looked like Nick (the slimeball who was filmed phoning on the plane home from Andi's season) Vial comes back and Kaitlyn sleeps with someone and cries about it profusely. Why??? Why Nick and why cry?
The early sex partner isn't the rose-strewn bed guy to the right because that's the fantasy suite bed so don't go blowing up this photo and analyzing his hair.
Then it looks like Kaitlyn confesses to the other men and they are pissed! My first impression was Do you think the Bachelors ever thought to cry about having sex too early on the show? cough Ben Flajnik, Bob Guiney. I don't think so.
This will be interesting to watch in the coming weeks. Isn't it always?
Kim Hornsby is a blogger and Bestselling author of Suspense as well as Romantic Short Stories on Amazon. One novella series takes after The Bachelor and is called The Husband Hunt.
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Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Drunk Guy Dated Bach Alumni! What?
Tonight began with Chris Harrison telling us this is the most controversial Bachelorette show in history. Oh my! Two ladies. Only one will realize her dream of being an American Reality Show 6- month celebrity. The other will be humiliated and sent home. America knows that this is smarmy. And Bachelor Nation has been very vocal about having to take sides. Thus the controversy.
I'm going to make this as short as I can and still use words like creepy drunk guy and popularity contest.
First up on the first night of a two part season opener, we see a few clips of contestants, which the Bachelor people call cast mates like Disney does. We watched a guy welding a rose, a Princeton grad Division 1 runner who had to teach himself to walk again, a guy with a very overweight dog, a singer/songwriter, a divorced dad (let's not mix up single dad this year, shall we? A single dad is an only parent, raising a child all alone, isn't it?) We got to take a look at a fitness instructor, a hippy who talks to plants like babies and a law student who strips for law school money.
Twenty-five guys, two women, and one host who looked like he'd rather be somewhere else. Did anyone else think Chris Harrison looked bored? Or mad? Or maybe his tie was too tight.
In the oiled-down driveway the men arrived in limos as Kaitlyn and Britt stood fifteen feet apart, waiting, like two cows going to slaughter. Kaitlyn voiced how scared she was, Britt voiced how confident she was (of her first impression capabilities, we think), and Chris Harrison went off camera for a nap or a game of HALO.
Can I just say the fact that Kaitlyn was a bit worried was real and Britt's calm happiness was a bit strange. Both of them wanted this opportunity, had a hotel room full of gowns, makeup, shoes, and the hope of being The Bachelorette. Why was Britt so devoid of nerves? I have a theory about confidence.
What was cringe-worthy at this point was that the men had two women to greet and were able to show favoritism in front of the other girl. Britt got all the attention at first and Kaitlyn stood there like an ugly potato, near tears. Britt greeted them with warm smiles and then finally Kaitlyn got the hang of playing the game and even took a quick break to run in the house to tell the men they were almost finished. Britt's claws showed when she told the camera that was unfair. See Bachelor producers? You wanted to pit them against each other and get some dirt going and there you go. These women held out as long as they could but sweet Britt started realizing she might not end up the Bachelorette and her true colors came out.
Meanwhile, there was a guy getting absolutely blotto in the mansion. Actually, he got out of the limo drunk. At first he was funny to watch, telling everyone he was "horned up" and waving at the ladies from the windows. What we now know about Ryan is that he used to be Nikki's boyfriend, the woman who ended up with Juan Pablo at the end of their season. Wow, she sure knows how to pick 'em! Her mother must be wondering about what she did wrong.
Watching Drunk Guy, I couldn't imagine him every redeeming himself after he called both girls Ho's. Tony the Plant Talker Guy giggled and mentioned he shouldn't say that. In the movie version Drunk Guy will be played by Seth Rogen and Kaitlyn will play herself.
Finally, Chris Harrison stepped in after several self-professed knights in armor tried to confront Drunk Guy and a fight looked imminent. The sloshed cast member was asked to go. C.H. actually looked scared as Drunk Guy heard the news, leaned in as though he might get violent, but then walked to the limo disappointedly. On twitter, Jordan, Drunk Girl from last season, was crying from happiness and tweeting that she wasn't nearly this drunk on her season.
We watched cast members arrive in motorized cupcakes, a hot tub convertible car, swallowing helium, dancing and hugging both girls well into the night until all twenty-five were inside the mansion and both girls competitively speed dated all twenty-five men.
Kaitlyn was overwhelmed, Britt smiled and agreed with everything the men said, establishing a common bond immediately. Kaitlyn said "frickin" a lot, Britt oozed sweetness and both campaigned like politicians on election night.
The men were told to vote when they were ready and before a sour-faced Chris Harrison could finish his sentence, Namaste Plant talker had voted for Britt. It was anyone's guess how it would go. The dude from Ontario Canada, the sex advisor, was just plain STUPID. Let's pretend he was from another country, can we?
And then we heard we had to wait for the following night to find out who would be The Bachelorette. I was actually happy to take a little break from the sliminess of the situation--making two seemingly lovely young women compete against each other in this silly popularity contest under the pretense of finding a husband.
Tune in tomorrow for the second night assessment of the most controversial bachelorette ever in the history of the world, no, the universe.
I'm going to make this as short as I can and still use words like creepy drunk guy and popularity contest.
First up on the first night of a two part season opener, we see a few clips of contestants, which the Bachelor people call cast mates like Disney does. We watched a guy welding a rose, a Princeton grad Division 1 runner who had to teach himself to walk again, a guy with a very overweight dog, a singer/songwriter, a divorced dad (let's not mix up single dad this year, shall we? A single dad is an only parent, raising a child all alone, isn't it?) We got to take a look at a fitness instructor, a hippy who talks to plants like babies and a law student who strips for law school money.
Twenty-five guys, two women, and one host who looked like he'd rather be somewhere else. Did anyone else think Chris Harrison looked bored? Or mad? Or maybe his tie was too tight.
In the oiled-down driveway the men arrived in limos as Kaitlyn and Britt stood fifteen feet apart, waiting, like two cows going to slaughter. Kaitlyn voiced how scared she was, Britt voiced how confident she was (of her first impression capabilities, we think), and Chris Harrison went off camera for a nap or a game of HALO.
Can I just say the fact that Kaitlyn was a bit worried was real and Britt's calm happiness was a bit strange. Both of them wanted this opportunity, had a hotel room full of gowns, makeup, shoes, and the hope of being The Bachelorette. Why was Britt so devoid of nerves? I have a theory about confidence.
What was cringe-worthy at this point was that the men had two women to greet and were able to show favoritism in front of the other girl. Britt got all the attention at first and Kaitlyn stood there like an ugly potato, near tears. Britt greeted them with warm smiles and then finally Kaitlyn got the hang of playing the game and even took a quick break to run in the house to tell the men they were almost finished. Britt's claws showed when she told the camera that was unfair. See Bachelor producers? You wanted to pit them against each other and get some dirt going and there you go. These women held out as long as they could but sweet Britt started realizing she might not end up the Bachelorette and her true colors came out.
Meanwhile, there was a guy getting absolutely blotto in the mansion. Actually, he got out of the limo drunk. At first he was funny to watch, telling everyone he was "horned up" and waving at the ladies from the windows. What we now know about Ryan is that he used to be Nikki's boyfriend, the woman who ended up with Juan Pablo at the end of their season. Wow, she sure knows how to pick 'em! Her mother must be wondering about what she did wrong.
Watching Drunk Guy, I couldn't imagine him every redeeming himself after he called both girls Ho's. Tony the Plant Talker Guy giggled and mentioned he shouldn't say that. In the movie version Drunk Guy will be played by Seth Rogen and Kaitlyn will play herself.
Finally, Chris Harrison stepped in after several self-professed knights in armor tried to confront Drunk Guy and a fight looked imminent. The sloshed cast member was asked to go. C.H. actually looked scared as Drunk Guy heard the news, leaned in as though he might get violent, but then walked to the limo disappointedly. On twitter, Jordan, Drunk Girl from last season, was crying from happiness and tweeting that she wasn't nearly this drunk on her season.
We watched cast members arrive in motorized cupcakes, a hot tub convertible car, swallowing helium, dancing and hugging both girls well into the night until all twenty-five were inside the mansion and both girls competitively speed dated all twenty-five men.
Kaitlyn was overwhelmed, Britt smiled and agreed with everything the men said, establishing a common bond immediately. Kaitlyn said "frickin" a lot, Britt oozed sweetness and both campaigned like politicians on election night.
The men were told to vote when they were ready and before a sour-faced Chris Harrison could finish his sentence, Namaste Plant talker had voted for Britt. It was anyone's guess how it would go. The dude from Ontario Canada, the sex advisor, was just plain STUPID. Let's pretend he was from another country, can we?
And then we heard we had to wait for the following night to find out who would be The Bachelorette. I was actually happy to take a little break from the sliminess of the situation--making two seemingly lovely young women compete against each other in this silly popularity contest under the pretense of finding a husband.
Tune in tomorrow for the second night assessment of the most controversial bachelorette ever in the history of the world, no, the universe.
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Monday, May 18, 2015
The Bachelorettes Airs Today!
Although I'm cringing inside to think that these two gorgeous, worthy women are pitted against each other on The Bachelorette tonight, Chris Harrison and both Kaitlyn Bristowe and Britt Nilsson tell us not to worry. It isn't anything like that. The two contestants like each other, think this is a great idea and the whole thing is loads of fun.
Okay, so they drank the Bachelorette Koolaid the producers offered and were convinced that this new twist to an already demeaning to women show was just good ole fashioned fun, not a smarmy attempt to get better ratings. Britt and Kaitlyn don't know how this looks to the American public because they are not part of the American public anymore. The moment the Bachelor producers pitched the idea of putting two girls on the show for the first night and having the men actually vote for the one they like the best, the contestants lost their ability to see the situation clearly.
"This is an amazing opportunity to form a platform and do good in the world," "After this promo, you'll be able to write your own ticket of what you want to do in entertainment," "Not many people get an opportunity like this to gain fame so quickly and then use it to further your career." These are all possible pitches that producers use to lure unsuspecting contestants into the web known as The Bachelor franchise.
I'm not saying I won't watch tonight, because you know I'll be parked in front of my huge TV, with a glass of wine in hand, hanging on every word. But I have a pre-conceived idea of how nasty it was to use two girls for this, discard one and pretend it was all in good fun. If my mind is changed after watching, I'll apologize publicly tomorrow on my blog but for now, let the record show that the Bachelor producers have hit a new low by appealing to people's need to achieve fame on a reality show.
See you here tomorrow for my take on the evening's event.
Kim Hornsby is a Best Selling Author and devout Bachelor fan who is ashamed at how much enjoyment she gets from this show.
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Okay, so they drank the Bachelorette Koolaid the producers offered and were convinced that this new twist to an already demeaning to women show was just good ole fashioned fun, not a smarmy attempt to get better ratings. Britt and Kaitlyn don't know how this looks to the American public because they are not part of the American public anymore. The moment the Bachelor producers pitched the idea of putting two girls on the show for the first night and having the men actually vote for the one they like the best, the contestants lost their ability to see the situation clearly.
"This is an amazing opportunity to form a platform and do good in the world," "After this promo, you'll be able to write your own ticket of what you want to do in entertainment," "Not many people get an opportunity like this to gain fame so quickly and then use it to further your career." These are all possible pitches that producers use to lure unsuspecting contestants into the web known as The Bachelor franchise.
I'm not saying I won't watch tonight, because you know I'll be parked in front of my huge TV, with a glass of wine in hand, hanging on every word. But I have a pre-conceived idea of how nasty it was to use two girls for this, discard one and pretend it was all in good fun. If my mind is changed after watching, I'll apologize publicly tomorrow on my blog but for now, let the record show that the Bachelor producers have hit a new low by appealing to people's need to achieve fame on a reality show.
See you here tomorrow for my take on the evening's event.
Kim Hornsby is a Best Selling Author and devout Bachelor fan who is ashamed at how much enjoyment she gets from this show.
10 Romantic Suspense Novels for Only 99 Cents!
Loaded with award-winning and best-selling full-length novels, Passion & Danger brings you the ultimate handpicked collection of sexy, dangerous romance. From humorous mysteries to deadly thrillers, from sweet romance to sizzling, the stories in this boxed set all have one thing in common--Passion & Danger.
Love alpha males? We've got 'em! Fall hard for a Mafia don, an Oscar-winning action-movie star, a Special Forces soldier, a rogue FBI agent, a DEA agent turned undercover wrestler, a county prosecutor, a surveyor, a Honolulu cop, even the Grim Reaper! Step into the shoes of our kick-ass heroines--a Mafia princess, an FBI agent, a scuba instructor, a road designer, a nurse, a farmer, and a war photographer. Travel around the globe, fighting bad guys and swooning for the good ones, from Hawaii to New York City, from the Midwest to Louisiana, from Hollywood to Italy!
If you only have one dollar to spend on books this summer, this is it!
Available on Amazon Books for download http://amzn.com/VZ8XL48
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Friday, May 15, 2015
Help Save Koko's Life!
The owners of service dog Koko, Bobby and Bessie Bourbeau, live in assisted housing on Maui. Bobby has been bedridden for twenty years, is suffering from many ailments and lives a small life compared to what he used to have. He can't leave the bed, hasn't got the use of his hands and has horrible daily seizures.
Once he was the comptroller for a well-known dairy on Maui, (the makers of POG). As a talented musician, he accompanied many of Maui's finest singers in the mega hotels during convention shows, in lounges, dining rooms and played the keyboards for countless theatrical productions at Maui Community Theater, Maui Children's Theater, MAPA and many more.
Bobby is shown here in his healthy days, wearing the black suit, beside Eric Gilliom (movie star and singer/actor) and song and dance man Bill Hensley in the white suit. Also, vocalist, Joyce Mitchell.
He's well-known on Maui as the piano player who always answered the call, whether there was money involved or it was a fundraiser. He did MANY fundraisers! A talented musician, Bobby did much of the musical arranging at the Iao Theater productions and worked with Amy Gilliom and her brother Eric, for years.
Koko is his service dog, a King Charles Cavalier Spaniel, who answered Bobby's call to action 4 years ago when the dog displayed a special talent to predict seizures. Not only is Koko invaluable as a working service dog but he's been Bobby and Bessie's child, comfort, constant source of unconditional love and enjoyment.
In the last year Koko has developed severe Gastritis and has a difficult time eating. Bessie now has two invalids she cares for. Koko has a pinched nerve on his spinal chord and has trouble walking. Surgery is essential if Koko wants to regain any semblance of the life he once had. These days he lies in his bed, in pain, wasting away. He needs expensive medication.
Bobby and Bessie aren't asking for themselves. They are asking for money to help save Koko's life. Help save their child.
Even f you can give $10, it would help.
Either pay Bobby and Bessie directly BandBMaui1@aol.com on Paypal
Or send a check to the Reverend Suzi Osborn
Rev. Susan Osborn
346 Ku'ualoha Street
Kahului, HI 96732
Or contact Koko's vet directly. Contact me at kimhornsby@yahoo.com and I will give you the vet information.
Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.
Bobby, Bessie, Koko and their friends.
This from Maui's Reverend Susan Osborn
"BOBBY BOURBEAU NEEDS OUR HELP!
Bobby and his wife Bessie are desperately needing some financial help for their sweet little service dog, Koko, who is currently suffering from a debilitating malady. Koko, who is adored and cherished by them, needs meds and eventual surgery which the Bourbeau's simply cannot afford.
We all remember when Bobby used to entertain us with his talented piano-playing. Since a catastrophic medical injury, he's lost the use of his hands resulting in a permanent loss of income, plus he has brain damage caused by his daily seizures.
Bessie also has her own degenerative disc disease and an arthritis-riddled body to contend with, while she's caring for both Bobby and Koko. Bobby and Bessie are subsisting on disability income, sometimes eating food-bank expired canned foods in order to give Koko his much needed medicine and some nourishing food."
I'm Kim Hornsby. Bobby once played keyboards for shows I did on Maui. He was the sweetest accompanist ever! And talented. Boy, could that man play piano. And arrange music. Although I haven't seen Bobby face to face for decades (he doesn't take visitors), we've been in touch over the years and life has been very sad for this once vibrant pillar of Maui Entertainment Life. His dear wife, Bessie, childhood sweetheart is as loyal as they come. Her life isn't easy either. Some days she lines up for hours to be the recipient of wilted vegetables at the food bank. Their lives are very sad indeed but Koko gives them a reason to keep going. They love their dog.
If you wonder about the legitimacy of this, I encourage you to contact me and I'll give you the vet number. I am a bestselling author of Suspense now, living in Seattle and will vouch for Bobby, Bessie and Koko's sad story.
Please help.
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