Public Speaking - Fun or Torture?

Rock Star Confidence...

No one is born a rock star, complete with over-the-top confidence and leather pants. An individual has to work for that. (And grow into the pants.) Ever heard that Nickelback song “We all just want to be big rock stars, live in hilltop mansions driving fancy cars”?

These days we use the term Rock Star to mean someone who’s achieved success in their field. Eg) Wow, kids, you finished homework. You are a Rock Star.

We tend to look at those who’ve achieved enormous success performing in a rock band as beyond ordinary. But remember, even Pat Benatar and Tommy Lee have baby pictures. They put their pants on one leg at a time and catch colds, just like you and me.

My Point: One must work at developing an image to fool the public into believing that you are special. It’s referred to as Smoke and Mirrors. And it’s human nature to want to believe it true, to see someone as super-talented, uber-wonderful. That’s not to say if you follow the advice I’m going to give you, you need to be so conceited your head won’t fit through the book store door. Believing in your own PR (public relations) is a slippery slope. A true Rock Star can take out the garbage when not in black leather and chains.

            Under the costumes, tattoos, makeup, piercings and hair gel, a Rock Star is simply another person in the world who has insecurities-- a human being who probably feels more comfortable in a larger-than-life personality when greeting the public. I bet Pat Benatar made lots of PB and J’s for neighborhood kids between tours and Tommy Lee played Little League before he joined Metallica.

            In my life I have known a few rock stars, celebrities, and movie actors of enormous proportions and I’m here to tell you that off stage and out of makeup, most are a bit shy--Steven Tyler, for example. I took him snorkeling in Hawaii once and he is a quiet man. Jamie Foxx, whose name is actually Eric was raised by his Grandma and is extremely humble. These people created a stage persona and you must too. If shyness is holding you back, you must dig deep to find that inner celebrity that we all have hiding somewhere behind the spleen. Once you find her she will help get through public events that would’ve otherwise leave you shaking in your boots, quivering in your Victoria’s Secrets, sweating through your sweat suits. (Note: Unless you are a sports star, I highly recommend you refrain from wearing sweat suits when trying to be a Rock Star.)

            On that note, the first step to Rock Stardom is physical presentation. Go into your closet and find yourself an outfit that says “__________”. You must insert your celebrity or pen name here and if you don’t have one I suggest you find one because this is how you will refer to yourself when it’s ‘ShowTime!’ My stage name used to be Kimberley Horn because there were too many syllables in my real name for my former talent agent. Now my pen name is Kim Hornsby. I did not deviate too far from the truth but you see where I’m going with this. Once you have a few killer outfits that make you feel special, check that the rest of you is ready for the spotlight -- hairstyle, shoes, jewelry. What makes you feel successful enough to have a Lear jet to fly to San Fran for breakfast on the pier. This is the side of you does not scrub toilets, make school lunches, clip coupons. She takes her pool boy (or husband) to South Beach on Saturday night to dance and sleeps until three the next day.

After your have the look, you must make yourself believe how wonderful you are. If you skip this step you’re in trouble. Affirmations, self talk, call it what you want, but do it just before called upon to speak in public.

            I want to introduce to you a character I love to laugh at on SNL, called Shy Ronnie. He is played by Andy Samberg and the one of the reasons he is so drop-dead funny is that we know Andy is not shy. Were Shy Ronnie a real person, it would be excruciatingly painful to watch him try to rap alongside Rhianna. When asked to speak up, his voice is so minuscule it’s painful to watch. But when his beautiful co-singer leaves the room in frustration, Shy Ronnie takes off. His shyness in front of Rhianna makes him not only unable to do his job but makes him look silly, due to lack of confidence. Remember this when you are in front of an audience – the people who have paid money or taken time out of their busy lives want to like you. When you open a book, you are hoping that the protagonist is someone to relate to. Likewise, an audience member wants to like you and will give you every possible chance to be worth their time. If they don’t like you (and you will probably never know this), it might be their own problem. Maybe they’re distracted, closed-minded, too focused on their own lives or not ready to listen.

            As you look out on the sea of faces, just remember, do not read your audience too closely. It’s the kiss of death. Just plough through, if you’re giving a key note speech, talking to a group at a book signing, whatever. Don’t assume you know what they are thinking. The expressions on their faces may not reflect their thoughts. Probably won’t if they are listening intently. Take your glasses off, look over heads but don’t read their faces.

            In recap, you must create a celebrity side to yourself complete with a pen name and an outward appearance that says ‘Someone Special is in the House’, practice self talk and remember the audience wants to like you.

Now click on Shy Ronnie and tell me you aren’t this bad!

KIM HORNSBY is an Amazon Bestselling Author best known for The Dream Jumper Series, which is optioned for film, with over 400 reviews on Amazon at 4.5 stars.
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An Audience in Underwear!

Pretend everyone in front of you is wearing their underwear. That's what the public speaking experts say to help get over nervous jitters when addressing a group.
I've never found this helps me stay on topic because of my over active imagination working overtime to conjure up two hundred sets of different underwear, instead of focusing on my talk. One gal has lacy mauve lingerie but the one next to her prefers her white granny panties with an industrial strength bra...that type of thing.

What helps me when speaking in front of a large group is the knowledge that the people out there WANT me to succeed. Genuinely. They WANT to like me. Having invested an hour of their time in me, they are hoping their choice proves to be worthwhile and are prepared to give me the benefit of the doubt about how engaging I will be. This is fact. I have an extensive background in entertainment and reading audiences. Those faces in front of you might look passive but behind their blank expression is interest, agreement and engagement.
Sometimes, when I'm listening to a speaker, I stop and note that I'm wearing my resting bitch face but inside I'm thinking things like Oh, this is good stuff, Yes!, She's funny, I like that last statement.
Even though I'm not showing my support or interest on the outside, I can be nodding my head and smiling on the inside. I try to change my expression to let the speaker know I'm on board even though my previously frozen expression wasn't highly favorable.

As the speaker, you look out on the sea of faces, often observe a whole lot of nothing, and find it hard to carry on. That's why some people take off their glasses during a speech or try to look to the back of the room or directly at empty chairs. It's daunting to see glazed over eyes and surly expressions. Performers have been known to stop a show and call out someone in the front row who is on their phone, texting, but this is never a good thing. One must assume their inner expression is fascination and happiness and carry on as such. Assume the best.

I recently did a book signing/talk at Barnes & Noble Maui (I know, right!) and one particular woman looked bored to tears. I even sped up my talk to accommodate her expression, several times. But when the talk ended and she lined up to buy several books, I realized that she was a big fan, loved my work, and her expression wasn't indicative of what she was feeling. She wanted her photo with me for her social media pages. I was wrong to assume her passive facial expression was boredom. Don't fall in to this trap. It's rarely correct.
Audiences are completely in your corner, cheering for your success as a public speaker.

Here's some quick tips to help you get through a speech or talk:

1. Assume they like you and will find you interesting/funny/engaging. Use self talk.
2. Make eye contact with as many as you can during your talk
3. Smile when you say something amusing but don't guffaw at your own jokes
4. Feel free to pause to gather your thoughts. You can insert a nod or smile here
5. Stand up straight, speak clearly, don't fidget
6. Show your audience that you feel genuine fondness and appreciation for them
7. Imagine a rock star side of yourself who loves the stage
8. Do not giggle nervously or show you doubt your words
9. Thank your audience for listening
10. Pretend you're a big deal!

Good luck out there to anyone whose favorite pastime is not public speaking. Go Get 'Em!

Kim Hornsby is the Author of Award-Winning The Dream Jumper's Promise available on Amazon Books. She is a Bestselling Supernatural Suspense Author who lives in the Seattle area where she writes during the rainy months.

We Are Rockstars!

I teach a course on self-confidence in public speaking called Channeling Your Inner Rock Star. It’s a fun hour filled with tricks and tips on how to pretend to be cool and confident while you’re really shaking in your boots.

One Saturday, while teaching this course, I suddenly got very worried that the sea of faces looking at me, did not like me. Or have any interest in what I was saying. Does this sound a bit ironic? Read on…

As I gazed out on the audience of attendees who came to ‘Channeling Your Inner Rock Star’ and I cautioned my listeners how to avoid reading the audience too closely, I realized that the group in front of me looked more bored than a group of supermodels at a class about humility.

I almost broke a sweat as I worried about how the women in front of me were receiving what I said. Am I being too confident about self-confidence? Not confident enough? Can they tell I’m worried that I’m not helping them enough? Am I simply feeding my desire to be adored, by doing this class? Probably.

I stopped myself. Be confident. Assume they love you, Kim.

I followed my own advice and believed that they were praising the day they saw my name on the workshop lineup. It’s what you should do in a situation like this.

My audience was a small group, given that the AVON Romance Author live-stream online chat was five feet from our door (and they had cupcakes), but I was pleased at the turnout. I’d been prepared for one or two. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. I was ready for non attendance, having been in the Bellevue Hilton bar years before, when we’d added to our group of cocktailers a gal who didn't have anyone attend her workshop. “Oh dang,” we’d said with glasses of chardonnay, “join us and you can do your workshop right here, over wine.” It was the last slot of the conference and many had hit the road early.

Not my workshop though. I had attendees! After all, it was only 11 am. These pioneers had waded through a Cherry Adair chat and Salt Caramel Chocolate confections to get to the door of the workshop that would teach them how to channel the most confident, most engaging side of oneself for self- promotion. These gals had put off other incredibly helpful classes to see if I could offer some insight to confidence. All I needed was one person in the class to need me. To need the confidence to do their own PR work.

I raged on. We covered poise, body language, speaking to the back of the room, imagining everyone in their underwear (I assured them I wasn’t doing this to them!) And it was magic.

After the class, the person who I thought was most likely to run for the door in boredom the moment I said we were done, approached me with a story to break my heart--to make this reader want to champion for her, to read everything she’s written. She’s painfully shy, cripplingly shy and got so much out of my class. And, I wondered what, in an audience of writers who worry about self-confidence, was I expecting to see? In a class about confidence, did I think the group would be a gaggle of class clowns?

The writers who attended my class, gave me confidence that day. And they gave me the knowledge that smiles and nods aren’t comfortable reactions for people who don’t want to draw attention to themselves.

There are many ways to support, to love and to champion for the women who have left the safe path to write novels. We are brave behind the keyboard.

But for those moments when we need to step out and meet the public, just remember that we totally rock. You totally rock. Just the fact that we write books, hoping to entertain and enlighten... I love us.

Singing ‘We are the champions, my friend...” Everyone hum along…

And now, in an effort to Channel my inner rock star, here is my new signature to show I’m social-media savvy...

Kim Hornsby

Commercial Women's Fiction

You only journey if you dare to leave home

The Dream Jumper’s Promise

Necessary Detour

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Kim is the author of Amazon Best Sellers, Necessary Detour (about a retired female rock star) and The Dream Jumper's Promise