Self Confidence - Pretend You're a Rock Star!

Years ago, I taught my first workshop at the Emerald City Writers' Conference in Seattle on exuding self-confidence. 
Thing was, that day I didn't feel as confident as I wanted to and had to rely on my own tricks to appear confident.

Sent from a Front Row Attendee

Here's my story...

As I gazed out on the audience of attendees who came to ‘Channeling Your Inner Rock Star’ and I cautioned my listeners how to avoid reading the audience too closely, I realized that the group in front of me looked more bored than a group of supermodels at a class about humility.

I almost broke a sweat as I worried about how the women in front of me were receiving what I said. Am I being too confident about self-confidence? Not confident enough? Can they tell I’m worried that I’m not helping them enough? Am I simply feeding my desire to be watched, by doing this class? 

I stopped myself. Be confident. Assume they love you, Kim.

Podiums are hard to teach from!

I followed my own advice and believed that they were praising the day they saw my name on the workshop lineup. It’s what you should do in a situation like this.

My audience on that Saturday was a small group, given that the AVON live-stream online chat was five feet from our door (with cupcakes), but I was pleased at the turnout. I’d been prepared for one or two attendees. I had over twenty. 
Having been in the Bellevue Hilton bar years before, when we’d added to our group of cocktailers a gal who didn't have anyone attend her workshop. “Oh dang,” we’d said with glasses of chardonnay, “join us for a drink and you can do your workshop on us.”

That poor teacher was soon laughing about no attendees. Her workshop was scheduled in the final two hours of the conference and people had left early. Not us. We were celebrating with a final toast to our amazing-ness. 

The workshop on confidence seemed slightly doomed from the start with the competition and I fretted about attendance for two days leading up to it. Then, the time arrived and people trickled in to my room. I had attendees! 

Where's my Audience?

I was a newcomer, a no-name hoping to inspire shy writers with my words of wisdom. These pioneers had waded through a Cherry Adair chat and Avon Romance publishing-loving bodies to get to the door of the workshop that would teach them how to channel the most confident, most engaging side of oneself in these new days of self- promotion as Authors. These gals had put off other incredibly helpful classes to see if I could offer some insight to confidence. All I needed was one person in the class to need me. To need the confidence to do their own PR work.

I raged on. And it was magic. Turns out the room can look bored but inside they're saying "Yes! This is good stuff." The resting bitch face is not necessarily a reflection on their  inner thoughts. 

That day, I talked about Rock Stars and how they put on a costume and different persona to strut the stage with confidence and how to do that. Not necessarily in leather pants and chains but metaphorically in your "power suit."

After the class, the person who I thought was most likely to run for the door in boredom, approached me with a story to break my heart--to make this reader want to champion for her, to read everything she’s written. And, I wondered what, in an audience of writers who worry about self confidence, was I expecting to see? 

Now, I teach screenwriting!

The writers who attended my class, gave me confidence that there are many ways to support, to love and to champion for the women who have left the safe path to write novels. And that we totally rock. You totally rock. Just the fact that we write books, hoping to entertain and enlighten... 

I love us.

And now I'm singing ‘We are the champions, my friend...”

KIM HORNSBY writes Suspense novels and Romance Screenplays for Hallmark. She teaches screenwriting and publishing workshops at various conferences in the Pacific Northwest and considers herself highly approachable at these functions for anyone who is socially shy.

Public Speaking - Fun or Torture?

Rock Star Confidence...

No one is born a rock star, complete with over-the-top confidence and leather pants. An individual has to work for that. (And grow into the pants.) Ever heard that Nickelback song “We all just want to be big rock stars, live in hilltop mansions driving fancy cars”?

These days we use the term Rock Star to mean someone who’s achieved success in their field. Eg) Wow, kids, you finished homework. You are a Rock Star.

We tend to look at those who’ve achieved enormous success performing in a rock band as beyond ordinary. But remember, even Pat Benatar and Tommy Lee have baby pictures. They put their pants on one leg at a time and catch colds, just like you and me.

My Point: One must work at developing an image to fool the public into believing that you are special. It’s referred to as Smoke and Mirrors. And it’s human nature to want to believe it true, to see someone as super-talented, uber-wonderful. That’s not to say if you follow the advice I’m going to give you, you need to be so conceited your head won’t fit through the book store door. Believing in your own PR (public relations) is a slippery slope. A true Rock Star can take out the garbage when not in black leather and chains.

            Under the costumes, tattoos, makeup, piercings and hair gel, a Rock Star is simply another person in the world who has insecurities-- a human being who probably feels more comfortable in a larger-than-life personality when greeting the public. I bet Pat Benatar made lots of PB and J’s for neighborhood kids between tours and Tommy Lee played Little League before he joined Metallica.

            In my life I have known a few rock stars, celebrities, and movie actors of enormous proportions and I’m here to tell you that off stage and out of makeup, most are a bit shy--Steven Tyler, for example. I took him snorkeling in Hawaii once and he is a quiet man. Jamie Foxx, whose name is actually Eric was raised by his Grandma and is extremely humble. These people created a stage persona and you must too. If shyness is holding you back, you must dig deep to find that inner celebrity that we all have hiding somewhere behind the spleen. Once you find her she will help get through public events that would’ve otherwise leave you shaking in your boots, quivering in your Victoria’s Secrets, sweating through your sweat suits. (Note: Unless you are a sports star, I highly recommend you refrain from wearing sweat suits when trying to be a Rock Star.)

            On that note, the first step to Rock Stardom is physical presentation. Go into your closet and find yourself an outfit that says “__________”. You must insert your celebrity or pen name here and if you don’t have one I suggest you find one because this is how you will refer to yourself when it’s ‘ShowTime!’ My stage name used to be Kimberley Horn because there were too many syllables in my real name for my former talent agent. Now my pen name is Kim Hornsby. I did not deviate too far from the truth but you see where I’m going with this. Once you have a few killer outfits that make you feel special, check that the rest of you is ready for the spotlight -- hairstyle, shoes, jewelry. What makes you feel successful enough to have a Lear jet to fly to San Fran for breakfast on the pier. This is the side of you does not scrub toilets, make school lunches, clip coupons. She takes her pool boy (or husband) to South Beach on Saturday night to dance and sleeps until three the next day.

After your have the look, you must make yourself believe how wonderful you are. If you skip this step you’re in trouble. Affirmations, self talk, call it what you want, but do it just before called upon to speak in public.

            I want to introduce to you a character I love to laugh at on SNL, called Shy Ronnie. He is played by Andy Samberg and the one of the reasons he is so drop-dead funny is that we know Andy is not shy. Were Shy Ronnie a real person, it would be excruciatingly painful to watch him try to rap alongside Rhianna. When asked to speak up, his voice is so minuscule it’s painful to watch. But when his beautiful co-singer leaves the room in frustration, Shy Ronnie takes off. His shyness in front of Rhianna makes him not only unable to do his job but makes him look silly, due to lack of confidence. Remember this when you are in front of an audience – the people who have paid money or taken time out of their busy lives want to like you. When you open a book, you are hoping that the protagonist is someone to relate to. Likewise, an audience member wants to like you and will give you every possible chance to be worth their time. If they don’t like you (and you will probably never know this), it might be their own problem. Maybe they’re distracted, closed-minded, too focused on their own lives or not ready to listen.

            As you look out on the sea of faces, just remember, do not read your audience too closely. It’s the kiss of death. Just plough through, if you’re giving a key note speech, talking to a group at a book signing, whatever. Don’t assume you know what they are thinking. The expressions on their faces may not reflect their thoughts. Probably won’t if they are listening intently. Take your glasses off, look over heads but don’t read their faces.

            In recap, you must create a celebrity side to yourself complete with a pen name and an outward appearance that says ‘Someone Special is in the House’, practice self talk and remember the audience wants to like you.

Now click on Shy Ronnie and tell me you aren’t this bad!

KIM HORNSBY is an Amazon Bestselling Author best known for The Dream Jumper Series, which is optioned for film, with over 400 reviews on Amazon at 4.5 stars.
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We Are Rockstars!

I teach a course on self-confidence in public speaking called Channeling Your Inner Rock Star. It’s a fun hour filled with tricks and tips on how to pretend to be cool and confident while you’re really shaking in your boots.

One Saturday, while teaching this course, I suddenly got very worried that the sea of faces looking at me, did not like me. Or have any interest in what I was saying. Does this sound a bit ironic? Read on…

As I gazed out on the audience of attendees who came to ‘Channeling Your Inner Rock Star’ and I cautioned my listeners how to avoid reading the audience too closely, I realized that the group in front of me looked more bored than a group of supermodels at a class about humility.

I almost broke a sweat as I worried about how the women in front of me were receiving what I said. Am I being too confident about self-confidence? Not confident enough? Can they tell I’m worried that I’m not helping them enough? Am I simply feeding my desire to be adored, by doing this class? Probably.

I stopped myself. Be confident. Assume they love you, Kim.

I followed my own advice and believed that they were praising the day they saw my name on the workshop lineup. It’s what you should do in a situation like this.

My audience was a small group, given that the AVON Romance Author live-stream online chat was five feet from our door (and they had cupcakes), but I was pleased at the turnout. I’d been prepared for one or two. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. I was ready for non attendance, having been in the Bellevue Hilton bar years before, when we’d added to our group of cocktailers a gal who didn't have anyone attend her workshop. “Oh dang,” we’d said with glasses of chardonnay, “join us and you can do your workshop right here, over wine.” It was the last slot of the conference and many had hit the road early.

Not my workshop though. I had attendees! After all, it was only 11 am. These pioneers had waded through a Cherry Adair chat and Salt Caramel Chocolate confections to get to the door of the workshop that would teach them how to channel the most confident, most engaging side of oneself for self- promotion. These gals had put off other incredibly helpful classes to see if I could offer some insight to confidence. All I needed was one person in the class to need me. To need the confidence to do their own PR work.

I raged on. We covered poise, body language, speaking to the back of the room, imagining everyone in their underwear (I assured them I wasn’t doing this to them!) And it was magic.

After the class, the person who I thought was most likely to run for the door in boredom the moment I said we were done, approached me with a story to break my heart--to make this reader want to champion for her, to read everything she’s written. She’s painfully shy, cripplingly shy and got so much out of my class. And, I wondered what, in an audience of writers who worry about self-confidence, was I expecting to see? In a class about confidence, did I think the group would be a gaggle of class clowns?

The writers who attended my class, gave me confidence that day. And they gave me the knowledge that smiles and nods aren’t comfortable reactions for people who don’t want to draw attention to themselves.

There are many ways to support, to love and to champion for the women who have left the safe path to write novels. We are brave behind the keyboard.

But for those moments when we need to step out and meet the public, just remember that we totally rock. You totally rock. Just the fact that we write books, hoping to entertain and enlighten... I love us.

Singing ‘We are the champions, my friend...” Everyone hum along…

And now, in an effort to Channel my inner rock star, here is my new signature to show I’m social-media savvy...

Kim Hornsby

Commercial Women's Fiction

You only journey if you dare to leave home

The Dream Jumper’s Promise

Necessary Detour

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Kim is the author of Amazon Best Sellers, Necessary Detour (about a retired female rock star) and The Dream Jumper's Promise